Sorry Holala. You’re a good man/woman. Study some books about boosting your self confidence. It’s nothing to be embarrassed of these days. Everyone does it. Even the the most irreligious people whom you view as living a blissful life without any rebbes bothering them or having to wear these socks or those socks have the same problems. It’s just that your way of boosting your self confidence and to feelings of individuality are by leaving religion/minhagim. I know it’s hard to feel proud of yourself with all that pressure, but basically my point is that so you won’t necessarily solve your problem by wearing different socks. You would be better off exploring other ways to make yourself comfortable without having to change any minhagim or upsetting your parents. Good Luck!