IrFlatbush

Thanks so much for the advice guys. I did not end up getting the flowers as discussed. We planned to meet up for coffee Wednesday morning, and on my way towards her office, I stopped off and bought a small box of choclates, and wrote a nice card. It was wonderful! She loved it…and texted me later on how it was so sweet of me.

Gefen,

That is a beautiful story, and I must say I have never been shy about doing such things, and in the past it always worked out. I dated someone very seriously, and after about a month she started studying for a professional exam which took much of her time and interfered with our dating schedule heavily. About a week after, she started, I sent her a package I put together of study aids and coffees and other items that would help her during the tough time. For other reasons, down the road, We didn’t have the happy ending you did, but things changed after that, and she always referred back to that gift as a turning point in our relationship, for the better of course.

I feel that these days, guys especially, think too much before doing nice gestures for girls, because they are stuck playing ” that dating game”, when essentially girls just want to see that you care for them and will go out of your way to do to something nice. These things really have a way of setting you apart in their minds. I thought I would seek this advice for perhaps at this point in our dating process, it might be a little too aggressive, although I’m about 95 percent sure, the flowers would go over very nicely.

Hey guys, sorry I have been traveling for work, and havent had so much time to logon. Firstly, regarding the good wishes from everyone. I appreciate them greatly, your kind words really mean a lot.

Adorable, to update you, my RAV recently returned from Israel, and I will be meeting him this week to catch up. I will mention this idea and see what he thinks. Ironically, last week a good friend of mine suggested her to me, and went on and on about how good of a girl this is, and felt that she wouldnt be opposed to us taking a stab at it. I will update you guys on how it goes.

Aries, thank you for your wise point.

The problems were pretty well known throughout her particular community (one that I am in outsider too), and the problems are more a result of her homelife growing up. All I will say is that a lot of information was kept from during the dating process. A lesson for me was that I should have done more digging at the time, but i trusted my fiancee, and thought I knew why type of person she was, and did not want to hold her accountable for her parents mistakes. That is why, after we broke it off, many in her community (including her Rabbi and closest friends) reached out to me knowing that there were indeed issues, and that they knew that I had done nothing to bring this about.

I know that my ex still respects me greatly, and at the time I tried to handle the situation with as much maturity as possible. We have not been in contact, but I do feel that, as you say, she would ultimately accept the idea of her friend and I dating.

With all this said, perhaps you are correct and I should take her emotional thoughts into account a little more, as that can someday come back and do damage.

Bein Hasdorim..I do like your advice and may put it into practice once my Rav returns from Israel. If he thinks it is worth a go ahead, I will discuss with him what the best approach is given the situation.

Well firstly, regarding the engagement, it was pretty clear to everyone involved that it was her fault, and that she lost something pretty good. Even this particular friend reached out to me at the time and said, im sorry you are going through this, and I know that it was out of your hands. We all know how well you treated her.

I do have a Rabbi that I am very close to, who knows her family well. My hesitancy with using a shadchan or a Rav is that I believe that her natural first reaction will be, I couldnt do such a thing! However, once thinking it through, she may really see the potential there.

Another thing that might be worth noting is that this girl herself went through a broken engagement several years ago.