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There are those that seem to think that getting engagement jewelry is some new meshugas. The imahos were laden with jewelry.
I’m going to bet that the girls who didn’t get a real ring felt less special because they felt like he and his family weren’t willing to sacrifice anything for her. Even if she convinced herself that she’s marrying the boy and not the ring, I’m sure it will always remain a huge disappointment. It’s a once in a lifetime present and should be done properly.
Her parents are going to be supporting him whether or not the have the money. They will find the money each month because they want to show how much they galue what the sil is doing for their daughter. Why the double standard?
Is the op planning to get a tattoo?
The video is a few rabanim asking about accepting a family to the school. Rav shteinman does say how far to take it. The rabanim say that these boys will influence the other boys and the rav responds that kids are going to go off with or without the influence. Everyone should watch the video. Look up rav shteinman and chinuch
Why get offensive? If a guy doesn’t want to marry you then he’s clearly not right for you. This thread makes girls seem desperate that they need to date every guy they can get their hands on. Not every guy will wan to date you just like you shouldn’t want to date every guy. Have some pride women!
The vilna gaon writes in a letter to his family (igeres hagra) that his wife and daughters shouldn’t go to shul because it can be a fashion show. These girls grew up with the vilna gaon as a father, he knew they were the last people you’d expect to talk in shul.
On the topic of abortions, many of those who are pro life believe that the baby’s right to life begins at the moment of conception and are extremely reluctant to concur that the mother’s life takes precedence, even in a situation that Halacha would say so.
I think I remember learning, and correct me if I’m wrong, that positive gezeiros to the klal can’t be changed but they can be changed if it was only declared for an individual. Also I think it was applies to actual nevuos, meaning if it wasn’t publicized then it doesn’t count.
Women got married for different reasons. The primary reason today why women get married is for emotional support whereas in the past it was for financial and safety reasons.
I suggested permission to believe by Lawrence kelleman. I had serious doubts and didn’t want to believe until I came across the book and out of curiosity (and because its small) I picked it up. Turned me into a baalat teshuva.
yeshivaguy45 it’s funny you chose that to pick on from Vogue’s post. Nothing she said about either of the two schools is accurate, except for maybe Hanna Sacks’ school hours.
you can talk about rochel and leah and the duda’im. or you could talk about rochel giving over the simanim and how Hashem said that it is in her zchus that we will return to the geula.
Why are people telling you to go? For some it’s a positive life changing experience (like for me and my older sister) but for others it’s just a year long slumber party.
Also I hope I didn’t come across as accusatory. You sound like an amazing mom but I was trying to explain it from the standpoint of teenagers who tend to exacerbate everything to the point where they feel they are the ultimate victim.
My mother always says that she heard a speech about raising children by the Torah Umesorah Convention a handful of years ago that was a tremendous eye opener for her. I wish I knew the name of the speaker who said, “We don’t raise children for our own gayva. Raising children is not about what they can do for our self-image.” About myself, I remember the arguments before then when I would yell at my parents telling them that I felt that they only cared about me if I was able to show the world what good mechanchim they were, and I remember feeling the difference when I felt my parents were no longer ashamed of me but were willing to accept me even though they might have felt judged by their friends.
Although I am no longer a teenager, I was one recently enough to understand the mindset. The more you view him as a major disappointment instead of a nisayon from Hashem, the more there will be fighting and the less he will care about your cause (i.e.-playing it smart in front of the neighbors). The more you yell at him, the more he feels he has to be rebellious; it’s possible he even feels hated. If he wouldn’t feel the tension coming from his parents, he wouldn’t feel the need to fight against it.
It is a primal instinct to want to feel pride from one’s parents but all he feels is rejection. Even buying him cigarettes won’t do anything if he feels that you hate who he is as a person. He is going through way too much pain right now to care about religion, and he for sure has negative interest in having the neighbors admire his level of observance. The longer he feels like you view him as an embarrassment, the longer he will reject anything you represent. Furthermore, the more he feels like you view him as a failure and are embarrassed of him, the more he will feel that he has to do actions that justify your feelings toward him. To explain, he knows that your feelings won’t change as long as he doesn’t xyz (things that are way beyond him right now), and he knows that even if he made limited strides in that direction you would still feel embarrassed. Therefore, it would be too painful for him to do that effort (which you would view as a little and for him would be mountains) and still be rejected, so it’s much easier for him to do things that will make him deserve your feelings rather than attempt the impossible.
Btw this is a really good video if the mods will allow it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tx-XpZDdyjw
Maybe it’s the real reason we say chatzi hallel most of pesach. Because As happy as we are that we left
We still lost most of our people.
So if your non-frum aunt and uncle died because they were secular you think it’s a reason to celebrate? There has to be a more satisfying answer than that.
Friday getting anywhere was a pain. Roads were closed across the entire city.
Considering the Kli Yakar in Vayikra 12:2 tells a calculation that one could use to determine the gender (and has since been proven by modern science), as long as the doctor doesn’t do anything dangerous internally, I find it hard to believe that it is anything other than fully acceptable to find out the gender.
The concept of Tzaar gidul banim is as old as time, not some modern magefa.
A large part of the cost is for room and board but it is unfair to compare with an Ivy League college. Seminaries have a much higher staff to student ratio and they try to make their trips and Shabbatonim as nice as they can with the funds available.
There has always been an age gap. It isn’t some new creation in this generation.
The ones going to hotels are already giving their fair share of maaser, and frequently more. If you would calculate all the money given on Purim through pesach, you’d probably see a similar number. Many seem to think sheli sheli veshelach sheli-aka communism-that if some rich guy earned the money then as long as anyone exists with any form of debt he’s not allowed to do anything nice for his family. The gevirim (at least in my home town) do way more than is required but people still complain as if all their money should belong to the klal.
strausses chocolate brownie mix with the walnuts. its gebrokts.
He knows that in theory but he doesn’t believe that it should be embarrassing because for him and his group it’s normal. He knows how the community views it but he clearly doesn’t agree or he wouldn’t be doing it. He’s 17 so he’s selfish and thinks he rules the world. He can’t imagine that anyone else’s opinion should come in the way of his own, especially if the community who holds that opinion is a community that threw him under the bus.
Also I meant to say that he doesn’t think that his partying SHOULD be embarrassing to you.
He’s a 17 year old boy, and like everyone his age wants to be treated like a man. He saw his father come out, and in his mind he thought his father Coming outside to ‘get fresh air’ was really coming outside to check up on him. He was embarrassed because he felt like he wasn’t trusted and he felt like your husband was babying him.
For him partying in the middle of the night is normal and accepted so he doesn’t think that it would be embarrassing for you.
What if the army truly did need the chareidim? Would they still refuse to serve?
Please don’t take advice from strangers off the Internet. I wasn’t all that excited about my wedding- more like i was terrified- and neither am i sure what anyone means when they say ‘chemistry’ but i spent my entire engagement asking married people if how foolish it was that i logically knew he was the One but i didnt feel what i imagined to be chemistry. I dont recommend you do the same but somehow I was blessed with the most incredible husband who is perfect for me in every way thank God, bli ayin hara(!!!). if I would’ve explained my fears on an anonymous forum it’s not a question that I would have been recommended to break it off chas veshalom.
My advice? Ask someone you actually trust who knows you. This is the single most crucial decision of your life and you don’t want to make the wrong choice because some well-meaning nobodies on a blog told you so.
If he used deceit to get a pay raise it doesn’t seem that any of his matzos were lishma.
I third what golfer said in his first post. Mods??
Or it could be boss or Astor and black or something similar. Not everything name brand needs to be an advertisement for the company. More expensive clothes generally are cut better abd look nicer. I think it depends whether he’s wearing it to prove a point or because its better quality. Either way who’s business is it to judge?
I didn’t ‘feel’ anything when I got engaged but I knew I wanted everything he wanted for his future and I knew that I respected him so much that attraction HAD to follow. Which it did. You can choose whether to focus on the good that you see in him or the nagging discomfort you have when you think of him but at the end of the day, whatever you decide, it’s a leap of faith.
If you send your kids to a school that tells them that the Internet is avoda zara and gilui arayos and your kids know that you use the Internet – even on a blackberry – how much respect do you think your kids are going to have for you
“However once they accepted her and brought her to Israel”
She said in a different thread that she was already here. She said she started off the year in a different seminary and for some reason it didn’t work out and this seminary accepted her.
I understand it’s extremely frustrating that you owe money for something you didn’t gain from but in general, schools expect that if a student earns scholarship money, that the earnings would go to the school. They probably assumed they were going to receive that money and it might’ve been a factor with them accepting you.
LJ that wasn’t his question. He was asking why everyone gets so hung up on finding a fairytale that they forget that they’re marrying a human being.
I personally didn’t ask any of these questions. When I spoke to the shadchan I told her who I was and I told her if she could find someone who has real plans toward achieving the same future as me, I’d be willing to date. And I refused to send a picture so I knew I wasn’t getting anyone more than 20 minutes away from my house.
But they also counted on getting your scholarship money.
“who’s above that level that doesn’t daven for anything?”
-Not possible. The higher level a person is on, the more they realize that everything is from Hashem and the more they realize that tefila is needed for every single tiny, minute, thing in life. So if someone isn’t davening for anything they are not ‘above’ a level. The thing that does change is that they will be davening for different things. For example, you may daven that your parents buy you the newest ipod while they will be davening to feel the shechina more on shabbos.
“i know so why doesnt He answer our tefillos sometimes?”
-We were taught that Moshe davened 550 tefillos (i think that was the number) to be allowed into eretz yisroel, and Hashem still said no. But we learned that Moshe knew that if he would’ve davened just one more tefilla, Hashem would’ve let. So apparently tefilla can convince Hashem to give us things, even if they are bad for us!
Hashem created you because he loves you and he wants to give good to you. If Hashem isn’t giving you what you want, it’s one of two things. Either it’s because Hashem wants you do daven harder or it’s because it’s bad for you. The last thing you want is for Hashem to give you something that’s bad for you, so when I daven for something that I really want I tell Hashem, ‘I really want this but if it’s bad for me, please help me understand why’. Sometimes it takes longer than I want for me to see a good reason why things didn’t work out how I asked, but if I continue davening, eventually I do understand. The most important thing is to know that whether or not you get it, it’s because Hashem decided, and make sure that you never stop davening for everything.
“not exactly keeping me away from english music.. im RLLY trying, trust me!! its a huge struggle that a lot of ppl cant understand..”
-Secular music artists spend years in school learning the science behind music, what gets people to move with catchy beats and lyrics, etc. Jewish musicians don’t (for the most part) follow these rules. It is completely understandable that it is a huge struggle because they create their music to be addictive.
“Purple, I don’t know if you can tell Hashem how to answer your tefillos.”
-Hashem created us as human beings, not as robots and not as melachim. He wants us to have a relationship with Him. We’re not here just to mindlessly prattle prayers while blindly following the letter of the law. He wants our heart. We can tell Hashem whatever we want.
It’s not your business. Let him deal with his own problems and I’m sure his parents are doing what they can to give him the tools he needs
WIY: there were many sources given in this thread
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/tznius-in-brooklyn/page/2
It depends on the woman. I had a very bad experience with a male gyno, in fact I could probably sue he was so unprofessional, and i now try to avoid male ob/gynos as much as i can.
You are right that many woman are okay having male obs but many aren’t. However, even for the ones who are okay with it, they would never be comfortable if they knew him from outside the office.
Don’t read rabbi falks book.
What exactly does it say in kesubos?
Edited.
As far as I know there is no source regarding why feet have to be covered but many men have a thing for feet so many hold closed toe shoes are better than sandals. If the legs from the knees down have to be covered depends on each person’s posek; it’s not assur to show the legs just depends how your rav interprets ???.
He was probably afraid people would worship it.
“Facebook is cited in 1 out of every 5 divorces in the United States, according to the Loyola University Health System. Furthermore, 81 percent of the country’s top divorce attorneys say they have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years, according to a recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML). Last but not least, Facebook is the unrivaled leader for online divorce evidence with 66 percent citing it as the primary source, the AAML said.”
That’s like saying that since 52% of accidents occur within a five-mile radius of home and 69% of accidents occur within a ten-mile radius of home, the conclusion being that people become more relaxed with their driving as they approach their home. In reality, however, a person spends more than 52% of their total driving within that 5 mile radius and still more than 69% of their total driving within their ten-mile radius.
You can blame the social networking sites but really if someone is looking for a tool to stray, they’ll find it and the social networking sites happen to be easiest to access.
DaasYochid: true say!!
Superme
You shouldn’t be so zealous with contacting with people on the Internet.
For one it says that having a beautiful wife is marchiv daas. Every man has a different interpretation of what’s beautiful so no girl will be left out with no man thinking she’s beautiful but every man needs to be attracted to his wife’s looks.
Even if you find a good study Statistics don’t prove anything. Although they show trends they are in no ways definitive. And no, it does not matter how far he went off.
“The real problem is that they correlate the laws of the mandatory draft and preventing non-enlisted citizens from being employed. They should completely seperate it and allow non-draftees to be legally employed. If that were the case then you would see a lot more Chareidim employed in the workforce.”
Any person who is motivated enough to get a job in Israel without serving can get a patur from the army which will allow them to get a job.