interjection

In response to both op as well as this comment,

“There definitely are chazals that say a women gets techiyas hameisim only through her supporting her husband’s and sons’ torah, because it can only be acquired through the mitzvah of talmud torah and that’s how women access that schar, but that is only one (albiet important) aspect of a woman’s avoda.”

It can’t be that the purpose of a woman is a vicarious existence depending on her husband and sons bec a) we are not required to get married and b) we are not required to have kids.

This used to bother me too until I realized that modern day Judaism is not what it was in the times of the bhmk. Women had more of a role and men didn’t use ‘kol kvuda bas melech pnima’ as an excuse to shove women into the shadows. Much of the feminist resentment comes from the fact that the general society (including non Jews) views women as tools and objects created for male entertainment and convenience.

Also op, the quote needs context. Who was he saying it to and why was he saying it? Perhaps he was trying to motivate a bochur to learn better.

If I had hand addressed all my invitations, they might think a ten year old boy addressed them.

This is what I always do but after reading this thread I started to doubt myself. However, according to the cRc, this is how to check strawberries. Turns out halacha is a lot more simple than many make it out to be.

God forbid I am so sorry it came across that way. I wasn’t saying plumbers are thieves. I was contesting the fact that people were comparing shadchanim to thieves, as well as to plumbers. I did NOT mean that plumbers are thieves. I really apologize because I didn’t realize it could be interpreted like that:(

No there is nothing wrong with Zumba. It’s probably the style dancing they did on tu bav in the times of the bhmk. If you don’t feel it is inappropriate then why are you asking. If you do think its inappropriate ask a mentor.

Being a shadchan is hard work, besides that there is risk involved. With every shidduch you run the risk that, at best it will be a huge waste of time, and at worst the shadchan will gain a bunch of enemies. It is something that not everyone could do. I personally, cannot be a shadchan. I have called mothers and shadchanim with suggestions but I have always told them to leave me out and pretend it didn’t come from me. I am too afraid if giving the wrong advice to the dating couple so they would end up getting engaged, realizing it’s not for them, and instead have a broken engagement (or divorce) on my account. So I tell them the name and leave it up to the professionals to decide if it makes sense.

I know oomis doesn’t approve of children learning in kollel but any parent who is going to figure out how to shell out $500+ a month, can figure out how to thank the shadchan with this one time fee of 1000. Also, at the least a wedding costs 10k per side so 11k is not that much more.

iBump: the hospice only gets paid for the days that the patient is there.

My husband is involved in hospice. My husband’s brother runs a hospice and when he started off he would get a text every time a patient died, until he got too depressed. He does his utmost to keep his patients as comfortable as possible and even created non-for-profit programs for the families of the patients and also has his version of the ‘last wish’ foundation. These programs continue even after the patient has died. Just recently my father-in-law volunteered at a (free) camp that my brother-in-law created for the young family members of a past loved one.

When the mother of my husband’s friend passed away, the son told my husband that he was so impressed with the hospice that he wanted to go into hospice himself.

There are good hospices and bad hospices. It breaks my heart that something that was created so people could pass on in comfort is being abused.

Any people don’t give until the wedding. When people say ‘give something’ frequently (obviously not always) they are satin they will give an unspecified amount of money.

I took my baby shopping yesterday. I put her car seat in the big part of the cart and placed all the things around her car seat. She was 100% safe. I made sure nothing could have fallen on her but I’m sure people thought like you did.

Rebyidd23, except if any guy ever says that, he will immediately oust himself from the shidduch pool as no woman will consider marrying him, thereby creating a bigger shidduch crisis.

The only way I enjoy eating gefilte fish is when it’s breaded and fried.

This is what I do:

one of each

loaf gefilte fish

green pepper

onion

heart of garlic

box mushrooms, sliced

can tomato sauce

let fish defrost about 10-15 minutes just so you can cut it.

crack egg in one bowl and whisk, bread crumbs in another.

slice the gefilte fish into however many slices you like (anywhere from 7-20, or more, or less)

dip in the egg, dip in the bread crumbs.

Heat oil in a skillet. add the slices of breaded gefilte fish. Fry on both sides and lay to rest on a paper towel.

For the sauce:

cut up onions and green pepper into whatever sized pieces you like.

heat a skillet with oil. Place in the onions with some sugar so it caramelizes. When it starts getting softer, add the green pepper and garlic and if you want add oil. When it starts getting soft, add the mushrooms and saute for another minute or two.

Turn off the heat.

Add the tomato sauce. Add about 1/4 cup of either vinegar (regular or apple cider or rice wine) or lemon or lime.

Add either a minced chili pepper (I use jalepeno’) or some chili seeds. add more reg sugar or brown sugar, if you think it needs. Add black pepper if you think it needs. Add salt if you think it needs.

Btw this recipe is the furthest thing from an exact science. I make it up as I go and it is a lot less complicated than it looks but it is delicious.

Whenever others wash my dishes I always wash them over. I do warn them before they start that it is not a favor and they are wasting their time because I will do it over myself. Anyway my husband tells me to buy disposable so it’s my fault that we have any dirty dishes to begin with.

If you believe that the ultimate is for the husband to be learning (which you obviously do if you’re looking in bmg) then you would want the boy to first be settled in his learning environment and only after he’s had a good schedule for a few weeks, he should start dating. If those are your priorities that’s what you should want. But if you want your sons/sons in law to learn for the sake of fitting in and you don’t believe in the actual value if their learning then you would make fun of the rule and say ‘when they have kids they’ll be too distracted to learn so why not destroy their learning now bec it’ll be destroyed later anyway’.

As for me, I think this whole hoopla over bmg is ridiculous so I make fun of it. Then again my husband is sitting and learning so it’s really the obsession with bmg that gets me rather than the kollel aspect. If you really need a boy in learning, take any of the boys who have expired the freezer (there are plenty to go around) or go to. Any other yeshiva (also of which there are plenty).

LAB: The halacha is that you are supposed to make him be mechallel shabbos as little as possible. If you know the way you’re supposed to give him the absolute shortest directions. If you know the way and you don’t tell him, you are forcing him to be mechallel shabbos for longer because he will keep asking people until he finds the way. Obviously if you don’t know, say you don’t but don’t stop to chat with the justification that you don’t want him to think you’re rude. Say ‘no idea’ and go on your way without apologies.

There’s a German bedtime story that goes something to the effect of, “there once was a boy who sucked his thumb. His mother told him to stop but he wouldn’t. So, she cut off his thumbs. Now he has no thumbs. The end.” It’s a little longer than that but that’s the exact story line. Also, remember another German bedtime story Hansel and Gretel? They get put in an oven because they liked candy (I think).

“Would you say those same things about alcohol? Alcohol is a far worse drug then marijauna”

When taken in excess, alcohol is far worse. However, a little bit of alcohol will only give you a slight buzzy warm feeling, similar to nicotine. With alcohol, the more you take, the more damage. Marijuana, on the other hand, will already alter your consciousness with the first hit.

As to the legal aspect, I think cannabis should be legalized, but not because I don’t think it is damaging. I think it will be safer if the government is regulating it than if it is being regulated by drug dealers from Harlem. I once had some that made me hallucinate and had my friend black out (two things that should never happen with raw marijuana) and our conclusion is that it was spiked and I’m scared to know what it was and I know people who died having their weed spiked with ground glass or with detergent. If the government regulates it, if a 14 year old (ie. someone who lacks good judgment) is looking to get his hands on weed, chances are it will be from a much safer source and will not have ‘fillers’ that some murderous drug dealer may use.

000646, we are not so concerned with a woman’s thoughts, al pi halacha. To be more clear, if a man wears shorts halfway up his thighs, although it’s not ‘bakavadik’ it’s not an issur. Now, if a woman wore a skirt halfway up her thigh, it’s totally assur. However, it’s the opposite with hirhurim. If a man thinks about a woman, it’s a big halachik no-no; if a woman thinks about him, although she should try to have purer thoughts, she won’t get an actual aveira. In other words, a man shouldn’t dress a certain way but he’s allowed to and a woman shouldn’t think a certain way but she’s allowed to. A woman is forbidden to dress a certain way and a man is forbidden to think a certain way.

Besalel: marriage is about sacrifice but its about me sacrificing. It isn’t about me telling my spouse that my spouse had to sacrifice. When the focus is not on what you’re giving up, but rather that this is something that’s necessary for the good of the marriage, it bd ones an act of love and is no longer a sacrifice.

Op your wife is pregnant and is meanwhile creating your baby. Pregnant women are a species all their own. They think, act and feel different than their non-pregnant selves. When a pregnant woman says something, it absolutely does not set a precedent for the rest of your lives. However if you don’t appreciate your wife enough when she’s pregnant it will set a precedent that she will always feel under appreciated. Her body is at work all day creating a new person from scratch. I think she’s working hard enough as it is. If you can afford it, definitely get her the cleaning help. No man can understand how hard pregnancy is but you will have better sholom bayis if you try:)

In every seminary the girls there are working on their tznius however is every seminary you will find girls who are just there for the Israel experience and want to come home the same. In every seminary there will be girls who listen to non jewish music but in the more right wing places they will be more tznius about it. Your daughter will find her group of friends based on what she is looking for, not what you are looking for but that goes for wherever she is. The good news is that most girls who go to seminary come home in a better place from how they were when they left.

“I don’t think the women here realize how mens eyes work. Leather brings many connotations that women wouldn’t understand. Its extremely Untznius, not for the clothing aspect but for the idea of it. V’hamayvin Yavin.”

Everything in the world makes men think of one thing. A man can see a tree and start thinking inappropriately. Woman have halachas so it shouldn’t be screaming a man in the face when he does mistakenly take a glance. Leather isn’t attention grabbing when you’re trying not to look.

All these men should grow up and take accountability. We try to the best of our ability and you claim to also. Stop looking out for it and there won’t be a problem.

For once a tznius thread that was actually started by a woman:)

I hear that it’s not Jewish looking but I don’t think it’s not tznius. I have a hard enough time with the basics but as long as I struggle with those I won’t even think about getting rid of my leather jacket. It’s just one more thing to add to the list of ‘forbiddens’, as if it wasn’t suffocating enough.

It proves that the stories would not have the same effect if they had a girl. Also I’m constantly getting Brochos from random Israelis to have a Ben zachar.

To all these guys who feel they must have the most unique/cute/funny etc proposal, it really needn’t be a stress. You can do it standing, sitting, in public or private and you can mess up the words but she will cherish the moment whatever you do.

I love my keurig. Love that its a fast, easy way to make coffee. I love that I can buy one if each flavor coffee without cluttering up my cabinets with a full bag of each. I love that it doesn’t need to be rinsed out every time. I also used it not only for coffee but for apple cider. For those who are worried about toveling, I brought it to my rav’s house and he told me it didn’t need to be toveled.

Typo. Otd is NOT keeping shabbos or kosher.