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I think the answer is what Haleivi said in a similar thread. If the student wants to stay in the class, the student must abide by the rules. If the student would rather keep his possessions, he has the option of leaving the class and his grade will reflect that he was not in attendance.
“If a person cannot handle something responsibly, then they should not be allowed to have it.”
Sounds like the belief system of the democratic party in our country.
“most young people who go off the derech were never on the derech to begin with. they just dropped the externalities and stopped pretending.”
Wasn’t my case. I tried it, really gave it my all, and I loved it. It was the people (not chas veshalom the religion) who made me feel disgusting keeping the same religion as them
farrocks: If we are zoche
Derech Hamelech: Exactly right.
Yeshivish is how close to God you want others to think you are. Chareidi is how close you actually are.
The good thing about Obama is that he’s a politician. If Romney would have won we would have forgotten that “lev melachim beyad Hashem” and we would have felt calmer because we would have trusted in him instead. Hashem just threw us a hurricane, perhaps to show us that it is not a politician that is in charge, but Him. Obama will only be as good as Hashem allows him to be.
daniela: “It is my opinion that moderators should have closed the discussion a long time ago.”
Why is that?
“Does anyone agree with funnybone that a person who can afford a 10-day vacation, cleaning help and eating in restaurants will usually be a happier person than someone who cannot afford those things?”
I agree that the ability to go on some level of vacation, to have cleaning help and to have the potential to eat out are pretty necessary. I don’t think those are luxuries.
HaLeiVi: haha +1
funnybone: How does money justify overall greater happiness? I understand how it would create more options for more enjoyable vacations, but does it guarantee more enjoyable vacations? And is it the vacation itself that causes happiness or is it our attitude that creates happiness?
Does it really make suffering easier? If a person is in so much pain that each and every position only offers more pain, does it matter how much the chair or mattress cost?
Money makes one problem easier, and that is the worry of not having money. It does not help solve any other problem in the world, especially not emotional difficulties.
About his being pro abortion, for me it falls into the same category as the government being involved with MBP. If halacha would allow someone to get an abortion I wouldn’t want a federal law to refuse them that right.
If you plan to marry a guy who places a great deal of emphasis on your seminary choice, then it will make a big impact.
Your zivug is the best one FOR YOU! If you try to be everyone else, he’ll never find you.
“Personally I would rather have the nisayon of emunah over the nisayon of being disappointed.”
Having Emunah makes everything tolerable. I understand that when a person is in pain it is easier to blame it on the environment than to accept that it is a decree from G-d.
The worst feeling in the world is the feeling that G-d is not in control of the world. But even if things work out the way we want them to, that even good can happen coincidentally without G-d’s decree? I think that thought is terrifying.
Stay strong and daven that this process build your emunah instead of chas veshalom cause you to resent believing.
Beezrat Hashem both you and your zivug should be ready for each other very, very soon and Hashem should help you find each other and you should understand why you had to go through this struggle. And you should see Hashem’s expertise in every step of the process.
I would never have sent a picture. I would have preferred celibacy to giving a picture of myself to a guy. My husband was actually a guy who did always insist on seeing pictures first yet by me he didn’t ask…go figure.
And I apologize if what I said before came out offensive. I meant to clarify the question but I have read it again and I realize it came out sounding supremely negative and judgmental. Sorry.
All these threads are highly offensive. I actually believe the moderator summed it up well.
Happiness is a choice.
It’s on the bucket list.
“Did you ever hear ‘Gang em Style’ ?”
Have you heard the latest Jewish cds? Some could be played in a club…
No, dumb hotshots shouldn’t get involved with politics. This is not determined by gender, only by intelligence.
The korbonot and all that they had in those times were the means, not the ends. Everything had a purpose and that was to connect us to our creator. People forget nowadays that Judaism is more than a culture. Judaism isn’t just a list of dos and don’ts and traditions; everything has a purpose and meaning. We cannot bring korbonot but the Jewish heart is still the same. The korbonot were an objective correlative through which we were meant to connect to Hashem, and if we can do that through tefillah then our tefillos can hold us through until we are privileged to bring korbonot again.
Also someone gave me powerful chizzuk today that I am still trying to internalize and that I think could be mechazek you, and if you could get the message to your son, to him too.
There are some people who have only good. Everything works out for them and they don’t have to think. It’s only when God puts challenges in our life that we actually have to think.
When we go through a nisayon, it’s the Ribono Shel Olam coming in and holding our hand. If He would let go for a second, the nisayon would dissipate. If He let things go according to nature, everything would work out smoothly and we wouldn’t have any reason to think. It’s only because God is here holding our hand that the nisayon can exist. The Ribono Shel Olam wants us to call out to him and tell him, “I am your child and I am in pain, help me with my pain,” and He always does help.
And always remember that Hashem is as much a parent to your child as you are. He is with you and He is with your son.
Parents tend to forget that as much as they give their everything to their children, a parent can only offer direction. A parent does all he can to plant within his child feel-good feelings for doing right, but the parent needs to remember that a child is not a puppet. All people, our children included(!), were created with their own minds and free will and sometimes a child expresses his own free-will by making choices that are extremely painful for the parent. The parents have to realize that if they are doing all they can to give positive messages to their children, it is not their fault when the child misinterprets it according to his own mind. Teenagers’ minds are immature and they cannot think past the immediate future. He will make mistakes thinking they won’t hurt him in the long run, but it will take until his mind further develops that he realizes that he needs to take responsibility for his own life.
“the speaker said the reason boys say “shelo asani isha” is to thank Hashem that He has given him the ability to do more mitzvohs than girls have.”
That answer never settled well with me. You were probably also told that women are given the bracha of sheasani kirtzono meaning that G-d considers women to be ideal.
But that’s hypocritical. If women are ideal then why are men making a bracha that they are not ideal?
I’m always open to criticism and if what I have to say is not in sync with Torah hashkafa someone please correct me but I’ve come up with the following:
The primary need for males is the need to be respected and admired and the primary need for women is to be loved and wanted.
The man’s bracha addresses the need by saying ‘shelo asani isha’ thereby stating that women are inferior, and motivating the man by telling him that he has prestige if not for anything else than at least because he is a man and NOT a woman, he is already given superiority.
The woman’s bracha also adresses her need by telling her that G-d wants her. G-d, the Master of the Universe, our King and Father of all beings and creation, He wants her!
That knowledge should be sufficient motivation for each person to start off his or her day with positivity.
“the speaker said the reason boys say “shelo asani isha” is to thank Hashem that He has given him the ability to do more mitzvohs than girls have.”
That answer never settled well with me. You were probably also told that women are given the bracha of sheasani kirtzono meaning that G-d considers women to be ideal.
But that’s hypocritical. If women are ideal then why are men making a bracha that they are not ideal?
I’m always open to criticism and if what I have to say is not in sync with Torah hashkafa someone please correct me but I’ve come up with the following:
The primary need for males is the need to be respected and admired and the primary need for women is to be loved and wanted.
The man’s bracha addresses the need by saying ‘shelo asani isha’ thereby stating that women are inferior, and motivating the man by telling him that he has prestige if not for anything else than at least because he is a man and NOT a woman, he is already given superiority.
The woman’s bracha also adresses her need by telling her that G-d wants her. G-d, the Master of the Universe, our King and Father of all beings and creation, He wants her!
That knowledge should be sufficient motivation for each person to start off his or her day with positivity.
“he speaker said the reason boys say “shelo asani isha” is to thank Hashem that He has given him the ability to do more mitzvohs than girls have. “
You fall for that?
“Since when is the wife or her parents responsible to support HIM?”
That’s probably why men say shelo asani isha and we say sheasani kirtzono. because women get both chava’s curse and now adam’s too and society allows (encourages!) them to deny their responsibility.
All married couples should read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus.
What’s the question? How to find the one or how to facilitate enough interest from the other gender as earn an ego trip?
“I hope the mods allow this, but this might be important, you dont have to answer publically. But does you son like girls”
zahavasdad: I don’t think that’s a concern here. They live in Israel. It’s very common for heterosexuals to wear jewelry in Israel. Piercings don’t make the same statement in Israel as they do in America.
write or wrong: I remember being the child in that situation and I agreed not to expose it in front of my siblings because my parents gave me a similar speech to what aries suggested. All they said was that it was my prerogative to make the choices I want in my own space and when I would have my own home, I could structure the entire home however I would choose. Had they mentioned how impressionable the others are, I would have been further incited. If anything I wanted to ‘show them the light’ that was secularism. Parents cannot be enablers, so something needs to be said. You want him to think it is in his best interest to keep your rules, perhaps by telling him that the owners of a home can choose what gets exposed in the home. He can do whatever he can do a good job of hiding, but it is what goes on in public that the homeowners have jurisdiction over.
150 for the salon. If you want a happy wife let her get her nails done.
your job should be to build people’s sholom bayis, not disrupt it
It’s all about the presentation for a woman. If a guy has a dull personality, frequently his looks won’t buy her no matter how beautiful. But if the girl finds the guy awesome to be around, chances are she’ll convince herself to fall for his looks too.
“if the relationship doesn’t get to the point where each of them feels comfortable to talk freely with the other you never really get to know him/her.”
How well do you think people have to know each other before they get married? Besides the talking shouldn’t be too flowy when you’re dating.
Dating is for making sure your values are in sync with each other and that you have similar enough backgrounds that you will respect the other. Engagements are there for the exclusive purpose of having enough time to pull together a wedding. I don’t believe engagements nor dating are a time to build relationships. That should only be worked on once married.
Yes we all have to care, it means you’re healthy and straight. It was the winking that got to me…like you’re all in on some guilty scheme.
PM: “maybe this is the understanding of why women arent allowed to learn gemora? hmmm”
Huh?????????
wow: Every time I read your posts I feel like I should tell you that you are a really good mother and he knows it too. Keep strong! He doesn’t seem like a bad kid. He will straighten out!
aries: Everything you have to say is brilliant but especially with the above…
hocked: I’ve always been thinker, always overanalyzing into everything, usually outsmarting my teachers. What turned me off to Judaism was pretty much as aries said. (I come from a really yeshivish background and was not shomer mitzvot for a couple years as a teenager) NOT to say anything bad about the yeshivish community as they definitely do a lot of good and there is definitely a lot of truth in it, but where I came from everyone seemed to out frum each other. There were definite situations that would turn me off when I saw a clear disregard of the halacha because the person was so midakdek in their mishugas chumra. They were so afraid of anyone breaking halacha that they would pile chumras everywhere to protect the halacha til they forgot what halacha they were trying to protect. They say the MO pick and choose halacha, but I saw them (still do see them) picking and choosing also, but the halachot the MO keep look more secular and the halachot the yeshivish community appear more yeshivish. Neither have God especially at the forefront. They also taught with so many mefurshim they forgot the pshat and everything could be challenged and disproved.
There’s a lot more to it but suffice it to say that I left the system with obscene anger for having been duped my whole life to believe all the hypocrisy. I hated everything Jewish until I went to Israel and for whatever reason I decided to try to have people teach me Torah from its source. I recognized the Torah for what it is, brilliant and perfect. There is nothing that makes me happier than when I know I am fulfilling the Torah properly. There is no freedom in the world greater than being a proper Torah Jew. Instead, the system is so afraid of losing people that they make the Torah lose its appeal; they make Torah not livable. I feel such a thrill when I daven, it’s better than any drug, I promise. If you had actually been taught Torah for what it is, you would actually know (not just ‘believe’) that Torah is absolute truth. Torah is perfect! Torah doesn’t need any of our human enhancements. Torah is inherently awesome the way it is.
Please delete the locker room talk at the top of this page:
“popa
;-)”
“Lol…can’t say WIY is wrong…”
The original post (that they are referring to) was fine, but the above is gross and unnecessary.
If you’re so nervous that your cousin may be screwed over, call her rav with your concerns. DON’T take it into your own hands. When I was engaged I didn’t want to hear from anyone other than the shadchan or a rav.
The satan gives his all to destroy everything, especially when something is true. If you heard something and are so concerned for her benefit, ask his Rosh. All you can do on your own is cause damage.
It’s illegal in some states.
Often enough, it’s the ones who had a harder time when they were younger, who end up making the most of their lives. For all you know, maybe she’s not good enough for him…
“Unfortunately there have been Takanos and other things where the Gedolim spoke up and very few people listened or took it seriously.”
When were all our gedolim united without any politics?
“In my opinion the status of a “good boy” or “good girl” in any person looking for a shidduch is someone who works on themselves and generally fights rather than gives into their yetzer hara. For a shidduch good is only as good as you are.”
Beautifully stated.
It’s what people say when they know they’re not working hard enough to beat their yetzer hara.
Neither gender has it harder. Neither gender has it easier.
“why don’t YOU work on yourself to be a better person. I’m sure that would influence the people around you and the would grow.”
“I don’t understand – why do the ????? ???? need to make a ??? of ????? ????? ????? if God did already?”
Your advice is commonsense and in an ideal world it would be practical. Instead, we are all busy with our lives and unless our Gedolim (whom we tend to listen to as if they have nevuah direct from God) tell us how serious the situation is, we will believe someone else’s merits will save all our necks.
This severity of a threat has been on our people time and time again in our history, and the above suggestions didn’t save the day. It took until the Gedolim explained how grave the situation was and set aside time for fasting/mourning/repentance that our people took it seriously and merited a yeshuah.
“The thought of putting something in my mouth that was once walking around and had a brain, eyes, ears and bones, makes me totally sick.”
Thats the reason most everyone I know who are vegetarians choose to not eat meat.
I’ve been thinking back to my teenage years and from what I remember from those years, the more I felt my parents trying to convince me to see the beauty, the more I saw the discrepancies in Judaism and the more I thought their love of me was dependent on how I reflected their lifestyle to their friends.
We all go through life and make mistakes and ultimately determine how we want to build our future. We find a spouse and it comes as a tremendous delight that this man or woman has come up with the same views on life and happiness. Then we have children and we take it for granted that of the billions of people in the world, we only found one spouse with such similar principles. We expect our children to be reflections of ourselves. After all, with all the mistakes we made, we KNOW the life we’ve chosen makes us happier than any other path and we think our children will choose the same. Our ultimate goal is that our children be happy and successful. We know what works for us, because we made the mistakes, and it becomes painful for parents to watch their children do things that the child may later consider to be mistakes.
Children need independence and respect. They need to know that they were not deceived into their life. Some children are more trusting and just do because they are told. Others feel they are duped into their lives, and the more others try to stuff them into a mold or cover their eyes, the more they wonder what it is they are being shielded from. Just as we needed to try everything, and were given that chance, these kids need this chance.
He will absolutely regret many of the choices he is now making, but the more he feels your expectations, the more he will feel compelled to go out of his way to defy your expectations in the more blatant way possible. He needs space to find himself. You need to be the adult strictly in the area of safety (it would help you to know which drugs are dangerous) but he also needs to feel you respect him as a human being to make his own life choices (no matter how dumb his choices end up being).
“Spend an entire day with her”
Bad, bad, bad idea. What did my dad say when I was engaged? ‘Overexposure with limited opportunity leads to frustration.’ Yep.
And I’m not only saying what you think I’m saying. Guys will feel claustrophobic if they feel spend too much time with a woman. They feel they are losing their own sense of self. Leave the full-day dates for after the wedding.
Two things: Kids are extremely perceptive to inconsistencies and get jealous when they realize they have a different set of rules then their parents. Second, kids want to be like the grown-ups. If the big boys (even more so the tatty) do something, the kid will want to be like them. If the tatty doesn’t do something, the kids will resent being forced to do it.
A Sheep: maybe the husbands and fathers were motzei their women