I know a few paralegals. You may be paid less than a lawyer, but you can actually have a life. (Unlike many lawyers.)

Thank you Chup and gregaaron you are so right. I felt so sorry that it hurt him so much, but I knew it had to be done, and I do not reget my decision, but there is no really good way to do it. BH he got married to someone a lot more apropriate for him. I have a friend who went through a few intense break-ups, and she told me later that her husband is better for her than any of her previous almost husbands.

I have found my dreams to sometimes be just random thoughts, but at times its the closest link to my true self, and will tell me what I need to do for success. which is often the key to self growth. I don’t know if I can explain exactly what it is, but sometimes the greatest clarity comes from my dreams. I can see things in a different undisturbed perspective.

That leads me to another question that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. What if you are on the side that did the “breaking up”, is it appropriate to ask mechila years later? I still am unsure if it was done in the most sensitive way.

Gumball, a loss of innocent human life is a tragedy. Also, why does one sad event negate another?

Even though I was not in New York at the time, school ended early. They were afraid of a terrorist attack at a Jewish school. I didn’t know what truly happened until I saw the footage. It was terrifying.

Reuvein ben tova chaya still needs a refuah shleima. Does anyone know about chaya sara bas chava breindel?

How do you deal with burn out? It’s so hard to be optimistic.

There is nothing wrong with looking good, even for yourself. There is over the top and innapropriate. I’m laughing at this thread, because I cannot count how many well meaning people have told me to wear more make-up, dress nicer, etc, because I am single. It’s a bit of a double standard.

I cannot believe the insensitivity to someone asking for advice. I’m sure that it is a struggle. However, a rebbi/mentor may be a better person to ask than the coffee room, but don’t make fun of someone who wants to do the right thing. whether he was Trolling or not, someone else might have the struggle and will see how other’s react, and not ask. Grown men have nisyanos with what they see too, and guess what, some married men struggle too. I once went to a taharas hamishpacha lecture where it was discussed. It is a real issue. It was the biggest turn-on for me when someone I dated turned away when an extremely untzniosly dressed woman walked past us. I can see how the summer months can pose more problems than usual, but there must be answers. Hashem should help you with this nisayon.

A TAHARAS HAMISHPACHA CLASS OR RAV IS THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS QUESTION, THE CR IS NOT.

PBA, if your reasoning is correct, then those who are married to people who are ‘unattractive’ according to the standard where they live, their marriages lack feelings for each other in that way, and if they move somewhere where the standards of beauty are different, that might change, because according to your reasoning all humans are insecure and need to look like the next person. You must be a fan of Aldous Huxley. People who are insecure (which the more I see, the more people I find who are insecure- that I agree with you)and therefore cannot decide what is beautiful. Is this what you are saying?

Also, about eating disorders, that may be the root. or circumstances that can cause the possibilty of an eating disorder to surface, but eating disorders are almost encouraged when young women are in shidduchim.

happiest, you don’t have ‘nothing’, I’ve read quite a few of your posts, and you’re thoughtful and a great person with many fine qualities. One thought that helps me is what one of my friends told me, “Shidduchim are like clothes, sometimes one doesn’t fit you, but you’ll find one that does. There is a better one out there for you.” I also feel that way sometimes when I see girls that I knew from highschool with their multiple children and husbands, especially when I haven’t gone out in months, but I could never live their lives, and I’m happy with my life and the way Hashem is guiding me. Know that you have so much to offer whomever you marry, and you are no ‘less’ than them. You are just as precious to Hashem and have a tafkid that is just as important. Even though I don’t know your tehillim name, I will have you in mind.

Seahorse, you cannot pass up your bashert- no matter what anyone will tell you. (Some shadchanim have tried to scare me with that) Every stage that you are in life, Hashem has a zivug for you. I was listening to Rabbi Reisman who said that you can never mess up a shidduch. If it didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. For me, I think it’s a connecting boy with girl issue,sometimes I see boys, who are single, and I wonder, why don’t people set me up with any of them? Some people have said to me when I’ve given them names, “I don’t set up shidduchim, find someone else.” Or I’ve heard they charge so much money. I am so dependent on our community- can’t they help me? I understand it is a lot of work, but singles need help. That being said, there are so many people (more than not actually) who are willing to help, even out of town, and moving to NY/Brooklyn is not always an option. It is also important to live in the moment and enjoy being single (as hard as that may seem, there are so many things you can do to enjoy this time). You can make such a difference in your own life and klall Yisrael at this point in your life.

Brotherofurs- it is harder. You actually have to work to be ‘good’ and be an eved Hashem. It isn’t handed to you anymore, like in highschool or sem. That’s why marriage can help, you have a partner to help you, but that it sin’t always the path Hashem gives everyone, and sometimes people need to growth time before they get married.

No matter what you think in your heart, I hope you never said anything hurtful to a single of any age. It is so painful (even in your late teens/early 20s), and to deal with comments ‘blaming the victim’ and which are often false, and giving ‘tips’ can destroy a person. Would you tell someone suffering from an illness, “It’s because you did x, which made you sick.” Only Hashem knows why situations happen, and you should be caring rather than judging. There are many singles who would have loved to have gotten married at 19/23, but Hashem decided they needed another path. It is very judgemental to assume something so painful is a choice that every older single made. Just because someone is single does not mean you can generalize. I hope no-one feels like they’ve settled, or are happy that he/she only has a one hour a day spouse. Thank Hashem every day that you weren’t given that nisayon.

of course, I can’t say every situation was positive, and I can’t say there weren’t painful times too, but it really is what you chose to put your focus on. If one focuses on all the good in life, one could never count all of his or her brachos, and canine, it is not a reason to get married before you are 21. There are reasons to get married, and avoiding potential pain is not a valid reason. Marriage requires work too, and is not an escape.