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This book, if you can get hold of it, is a must-read for every one. Besides his tremendous sense of humor, which he is b”H still displaying (ad 120+) to the readers of his column in Mishpacha and to those around him (lucky me including), the lessons he disperses in the book are so important for Jewish Life.
i don’t know either if this has been discussed elsewhere, but it is known that the Brisker Rav zl had some very strong words (out of kavod for the Lubavitch Chasidim I won’t quote him) against the rebbe because of this statement
LerntminTayrah that is a fascinating version. Thank you for that. What is its source?
My Rebbe, Rabbi Aronson from Manchester, once explained in a shiur that this is exactly the reason why Chad gadyo was placed at the end of the Hagodo. After talking and reliving a whole evening about Inyanei Emunah, we can finish off with a story where we don’t understand H’s Hanhogo without it bothering us and actually sing about it!
Yael is presently in jail and her money will most likely be confiscated by the judge who put her there
I greatly enjoyed reading these postings. Nearly even more than reading the Mrs Pearlman’s books themselves (or to be honest, reading them in the Ami magazine).
askifard: There couldn’t possibly be another Shulem Lemmer. There is only one and he is definitely no fake.
The Vilna Gaon (Mishle 11-2) says like Chochom in his comment above:
עיקר הכחמה היא ששותקים מלומר תורתם ודעתם, רק שומעים מרבותם. כי כאשר הוא יאמר דבריו, לא יוסיף לו כלום, אבל כאשר ישמע מרבו, יוסיף לו דברים. ולכן העינים הן שתים לראות בתורה שבכתב, והאזנים הן שתים לשמוע בתורה שבעל פה, אבל הפה הוא אחדI used to visit Frumteens often and was always very impressed with the very kosher hashkofos and openness expressed there. Yes he wan’t a Tzioni, and rightfully so, but I never had the impression he was a Neturei Karte.
I totally agree with the Rabbi. Although it is true that the news is still in a line down, but the whole page seems messy and disorderly. Somehow the old page was easier to look at.
It might depend on the country of origin but in the UK Blueberries, unless of superior quality, do need their crown cut off as that is an area of common infestation. They also need rinsing.
Strawberries can also be quite often infested, at least again in the UK.
If you buy any of these in order to make a smoothy from it, i.e. to liquidize it for a drink, you might not need bedika. However you may not liquidize it BECAUSE they are infected. Ask your local Posek
The ?”? actually brings that in an old Geniza they found a pair of Rabeinu Tam’s tefillin. There were those who wanted to bring a proof from there to the correctness of Rabeinu Tam’s opinion, but, says the ?”?, others brought a proof from there to the contrary. Why else should they have been put in the Geniza?!!!!!!!!
I remember when I joined Yeshiva and complained about the food, my brother told me jokingly “it’s an explicit Posuk near the beginning of Parshas Chukas (Bamidbar 19-14): Zos Hatorah, odom ki Yomus be”oil”!
The asnwer to question 3 is 4?3, as ?48 = ?3×16 = 4?3
Thank you Joseph for that great riddle. It took me some time to work it out, but I think I have it.
The correct date is 16 July.
Here is my thought process:
It couldn’t have been May, as then there would have been the possibility of Baruch knowing the birthday, namely if Chaim would have said 19, which is a date which only appeared in May.
For the same reason it couldn’t have been June, as then there would have been the possibility that Baruch was told 18, which only appeared in the June list.
This is as far as Avrumi could have known at this stage.
However by him saying so, Baruch now knew that May & June were out. But it could still have been July or August.
Now, if he would have been told 14, he still couldn’t know the correct month, as that appears in July & August. Therefore if he was told 16, he knew it was 16 July; if he was told 15 or 17 he knew it must be August. So he now knew the correct date.
Because of Baruch’s statement, Avrumi now also knew that 14 July was out.
If Avrumi would have been told “August”, he still wouldn’t have known which day in August. From the fact that he claimed to know, he must have been told “July” and the birthday must have been 16 July. Mazzel Tov!
On a chol hamoed day a Chinese boy in the park asked his mother: “Why are all Jewish kids called Kim Du”?
Shemos 15-9: Omar Oyev Erdof Asig Achalek
I found their behaviour after they made him laugh, a bit of a chilul haShem. Instead of walking away laughing in the way they did, they should have said something kind or nice to him, even just a “have a good day”
No, no. You are exaggerating my dear friend and colleague. I’m not so great as you think. And that’s why I can afford to be who I am. After all Imanonov. But you, by being humbled by my offer, have indeed become a close second. May the world be blessed by many more such humble people as you and of course me.
Tzaddiq: I was at first thinking of agreeing with you, lema’an hashalom of course, but I’m worried to do so lest you become a baal ga’aveh.
As such, let me suggest a compromise. Also lema’an hashalom of course. I allow you to believe that you are the most humble person, whilst I’ll continue knowing that I’m the biggest onov.
Hey tzaddiq, that’s my line!
Why was my post removed? If the moderator didn’t allow the link, he could have removed just that.
Anyway I’ll try it again without link.
Yeshivaguy: your Rebbe might have been referring to The Zomet Institute
????? ??????!
Sorry I didn’t answer earlier.
The Yeshiva I mentioned in Beth Shemesh is a Yeshiva Gedola and definitely not for beginners.
There is the Yeshiva Gedola of Bet Shemesh. Rosh Yeshiva is Rav Holland and Rabbi Roberg. They have American and English bachurim. Their American office is 151 St. Nicholas Avenue, Lakewood NJ 08701
The Israeli Yated (quoted on Kikar Hashabbat)tells the background to the story. It involved two people from Bne Brak who traveled to London shortly before Pesach to find support for their Kolel. The Thursday before Pesach they traveled back but their flight was diverted to Cyprus as the airspace over Israel was closed due to the departure of President Obama. They had to spend Shabbos in Cyprus and wanted to take the Motzoi shabbos flight back home. However that flight flies over a Jewish cemetery in Gush Dan and, as one of them is a Kohen, they contacted Rav Zilverstein shlitoh, son-in-law of Rav Eliashiv ztsl for advice.It was he who advised him to envelop himself in a plastic bag whilst the plane is over the cemetery, creating a “tzomid posil”.
As such this person is a Tzaddik for putting himself in such an embarrassing situation for the sake of Halocho. At the same time it is definitely not a Chilul HaShem, because following Halocho is never a Chilul, but rather a Kiddush, HaShem. If you feel uncomfortable with that, you are suffering from a Golus mentality and need to improve your hashkofos (and knowledge of Halocho).
The ???? already warned against this insanity: ??? ?? ??? ????? ?????
I don’t understand what is happening here. Until a person is found guilty IN A BEIS DIN AL PI EIDIM there is NO HETTER whatsoever to publicize his name and to presume that he is guilty, irrespective as to how many Goyshe courts have convicted him. Because of the publicity there might be a situation of “Lachshosh mibo’i” = to be on your guard in your dealings with him i.e. don’t go into a situation of yichud with him. Perhaps YWN should have given a warning to that effect some time ago But now that is not noge’a anymore and I fail to see how the CR can discuss it at all. It is also not relevant whether or not a Beis Din should have been involved; it’s too late for that.
Perhaps YWN should publish a daily Din in Hilchos Loshon Hora. It would be great if they could somehow organize that that halocho should be compulsory reading before being able to read any news or enter CR.
Get Prepared – Things are going to get ugly
This morning the Muslim Brotherhood warned the United States that if the United States continues meddling in Egypt, Libya , and other potential hot spots in the middle east, they intend to cut off America’s supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.
If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T and AOL customer service reps.
Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened not to send us any more presidents.
It’s gonna get ugly!
Herr Himmel. With a name as yours you should realize that “in Himmel” – in Shomayim -, He is waiting not for our worries but for our tfillos!
Two Chabad-niks were speaking about Moshiach and … suddenly Moshiach was there!
“What a pity” said one to the other “that we weren’t talking about The Rebbe”!
Sorry getzel1. I prefer to keep my bekius to more important matters. What about compiling an index of all the jokes to ensure that I, or anyone else, will never again commit such a crime?
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.
“Oh. ! Killing any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
“How can you tell them apart?”
He responded,
“3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
Question:
What are the first three letters of the new Greek alphabet?
Answer:
I O U
Yesterday I got my Tax Return “Returned”
I was trying to get a jump on doing my taxes this year, however, the IRS sent mine back.
I guess it was because of my response to the line, which said: “List All Dependents”
So, I replied:
12 million illegal immigrants
3 million crack heads
42 million unemployable people on food stamps
2 million people in over 243 prisons and
535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.
Apparently, this was NOT acceptable..
So I sent it back with a question:
“Did I forget someone?”
A few more:
I do not enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?
Amhere!
What do you call the second Afghan off the boat?
Amhere Azwel!
What do you call the third Afghan off the boat?
Amhere Azwel Azhim!
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
When a chemist dies, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro? what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
Oh My Gosh 7H4NK Y0U
Just today I saw a kid, who can’t have been older than 3 or 4, standing all by himself at the corner of a road. I watched him for two minutes or so and nobody came for him. I saw a goy with a big dog come down the road and was petrified that the child would run in the road. Luckily two girls came past who recognised the child and took him to his house. Another passerby shouted at the mother for leaving her kid like that, but she didn’t seem very perturbed. Irresponsible parents.
I’ve got the feeling that this one has already appeared once before, but there is no way I’m going to check all 1100+ entries:
Boy!!! Was I glad to receive this!!
Check your shampoo bottle label.
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning:
FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY!
NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!!
Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead. Their label reads:
DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.
Problem Solved!!!
If I don’t answer the phone I’ll be in the shower!!!
Paddy is standing on a ladder painting the ceiling.
Murphey asked him: “Paddy, are you holding tight onto the brush?”
Paddy: “Yes, why?”
Murphey: “Then I can take the ladder away for a few minutes”!
I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I live close so it’s a short drive
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not.
People keep telling me I’m in Denial but I’m positive I’ve never been there before!
The issue with the Mormons baptizing Holocaust victims is an ongoing saga. They have promised many times to stop it but keep on doing it.
Just today the following was published by Gary Mokotoff in his E-zine of Jewish Genealogy “Nu? What’s New?”:
Parents of Simon Wiesenthal Posthumously Baptized Last Month
Elie Wiesel, His Father and Grandfather Added to Mormon Rolls.
The records in the Mormon ordinance file can be seen at http://www.avotaynu.com/nu/Baptisms.htm.
Sad News for the baking community
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71..
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
Please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share a smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.
MANAGEMENT LESSON:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”.
The crow answered: Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson?
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
The International Vaad Ha Tznius has issued the following guidelines regarding laundry.
It has come to our attention that many families, including those who pride themselves on following all aspects of halacha, are regularly not conforming to proper Tznius guidelines.
Unbelievably, many, many families are washing men’s and women’s clothing together at the same time in the same washing machine. This is an unprecedented breach of Tznius.!!!
How could anyone think that one is allowed to wash men’s and women’s undergarments at the same time in the same washing load?!!!
What has our nation come to when people have fallen to such a low level? For shame!!! This practice must stop!!!!
Given this we are issuing the following guidelines regarding the doing of laundry.
1. Ideally each observant home should have two washing machines and two dryers – one washing machine and one dryer should be used exclusively for men’s clothing and the other washing machine and dryer should be used exclusively for women’s clothing.
2. In the event that a family cannot afford to have two washing machines and two dryers, the following rules should be adhered to.
a. Under no circumstances should men’s cloths be washed in the same machine as women’s clothing at the same time. They should, of course, also be dried separately.
b. After doing a load of men’s clothing, one should run the washing machine through a complete cycle without any cloths in it using hot water. Then one may wash women’s clothing in this machine. The same procedure should, of course, be followed after washing a load of women’s clothing, namely, run a complete cycle using hot water without any cloths in the machine. Then one may wash men’s clothing in the machine.
c. After drying a load of men’s clothing the dryer should be allowed to cool off completely. After this, one may use the dryer for drying women’s cloths. The same applies after drying a load of women’s clothing before using the dryer for men’s clothing. It is not enough to let the dryer cool below Yad So Ledas Bo. The dryer must be completely cooled off.
Our forefathers lived in a land that was between two rivers – the Tigris and the Euphrates. The reason is obvious to anyone who thinks into it a bit. One river was used to wash women’s clothing and the other to wash men’s clothing. Surely we can continue this tradition by observing the rules stated above.
We are confident that everyone who takes Yahadus seriously will abide by the guidelines stated above.
With Torah greetings,
Names withheld by request due to concern that our wives will stop doing our laundry.
Two men are walking together. After a bit of time one asked the other:
“I notice that your are limping. Have you got problems with your feet?”
“No” said the other, “the sole of one of my shoes has come loose, and I can’t afford to have it fixed, or buy new shoes”.
“Oy” said the first one, taking a thick wad of $20 notes out of his pocket “I can’t let you go further like that. Let me help you”.
“No” said the other “how could I accept that from you?”
“Come on” came the reply “isn’t that what good friends are for? Please let me help you”.
“Well, I’m very grateful” said the second one.
Without any further ado, the first one slipped the rubber band of the wad, gave it to his friend and said: “Here, put this around your shoe. It should keep the sole in place”!
The apology as such does not seem to appear anywhere.
The only reference to it that I could find is a sent-in letter where the writer compliments the editor for apologizing in the newspapers, followed by a comment from the editor that its only natural to apologise when a misjudgement was made!