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talmud-
Thank you.
ASCII art with HTML was a phase here a few years ago. If it interests you, by all means try it out – the thread is still open.
Free Answers*
Is Mr. Monopoly Mr. Pringles?
No. Mr. Monopoly is a.k.a. Rich Uncle Pennybags. Julius Pringles is a.k.a. an egg with a moustache.
Is Mr. Quaker also on the $20 Bill?
Only if Mr. counterfeiter is also Ray Charles.
If people from Poland are called ‘Poles’, are people from Holland called ‘Holes’?
That, and worse, by rude New Yorkers.
Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
Of course. The really OTDers also eat jelly fish and gummy bears.
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Atlantis.
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it is called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it is called cargo?
And just how do you think your Toyotas, Hondas, etc. get to the U.S?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Because then it would be ketchup.
When sign makers go on strike, what do their signs say?
Why do they call a building a building when it is already built?
For consistency. An architect designs it with a drawing. An artist may immortalize it with a painting.
Do Lipton Tea employees get a coffee break?
Only if they want it to be permanent.
If nothing sticks to Teflon, what makes Teflon stick to the pan?
Loshon hora. It sticks to anything.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
Synchronized drowning is a separate event.
Why do feet smell and noses run?
There seems to be much confusion between these two. If your nose is 12 inches long, is it a foot?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
Actually, Poppa parks in front of your driveway.
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, why is there a lock on the door?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If everything when it occupies a certain space is at rest, and if that which is moving is always occupying only one space at any moment, shouldn’t a flying arrow be considered motionless?
Questions like this give people headaches. People with headaches want to rest. Close enough.
If the opposite of pro is con, is the opposite of progress, congress?
If Aliens are so smart, why do they abduct the dumbest people?
They taste better.
If you buy a package of cotton balls, are you supposed to discard the first one?
No, you eat them all.
Do Roman Doctors refer to an IV as just 4?
They nIXed that idea.
If someone told you he was a chronic liar, would you believe him?
Only if it was a she.
If ghosts can walk through walls, why don’t they fall through the floor?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is he treated as a hostage situation?
Hmmm, I wonder which poster can we ask?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Carrots used to be purple (really!)
Why does the Secret Service hold press conferences?
Loshon sagi nahor?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Not a NASCAR fan, are you?
why is pink for girls and blue for boys?
This, too, used to be the other way around (really!)
why cant women put on mascara without opening their mouths?
why do banks leave the doors wide open but their pens chained to the counter?
*worth exactly what you paid for them.
**”borrowed” from Laffy Taffy.
Bump: Word supposedly invented by Shakespeare.
Bump Wills: MLB infielder in the late 70’s and early 80’s
Bump Bailey: Fictional outfielder who dies colliding with an outfield fence in Bernard Malamud’s novel “The Natural”.
Bump Key: A specially cut or filed key used to “bump” a lock’s pins into place, thereby picking the lock.
next….
OneOfMany-
FWIW, I think “squeak” is cheppering you, not being condescending.
You’re both way over my my head with the math terminology.
Oh, and I don’t get the -_- emoticon either.
Torah613Torah–
The arc many posters have followed is:
1) Lurk for a while.
2) Register and and type a few tentative posts, hoping not to sound foolish or get told off.
3) Get more comfortable, make “friends”, and be more yourself with your posts.
4) Get really comfortable, post often on a variety of topics and threads, feel as if you “know” many of the other posters.
5) Wonder if perhaps you are spending too much time thinking about topics and posters here. Wonder if maybe you’ve posted too much revealing or personal information.
6) Post less often and on a smaller variety of topics.
7) Take a break from posting. Consider stopping.
8) At this point, a) some people actually leave, b) some try to leave but return, and c) some remain but post far less prolifically than they have in the past.
Of course, there are other categories as well.
– Some just keep going and going like the energizer bunny.
– Some (unfortunately) are hurt or take offense and leave for that reason.
– Some are concerned about being influenced in ways they don’t think are proper.
There are several posters who are no longer active whose writing I miss, but that’s the way it goes.
You’ll have to make your own decision about what “too much” is and what’s best for you.
Syag Lchochma–
Sorry you’re having a tough time.
Unfortunately, people can let us down when we least expect it in extremely hurtful and disappointing ways.
On the other hand, we can always be pleasantly surprised by unexpected kindness and thoughtfulness when we least expect it from people we don’t expect it from.
In life, there are always unexpected ups and downs.
All right – I’ve used up my share of trite chiches for the day. ?
Hope things improve for you.
Rabbi Perfect-
Per the NY Post, four to twelve years.
It’s good to have a friend / relative / rebbi / wise person / confidant to discuss these questions with and help you decide if your concern(s) are legitimate.
You also need to have confidence in your own judgement. If you’re always not able to decide yes or no about the person you’re dating, you’re defeating the purpose of dating. That doesn’t mean people don’t have uncertainties – almost all of us do – but to be unsure about everyone is a problem.
A good start might be discussing this with your rebbi / shadchan.
Hatzlocha.
“Torah613Torah”: This is kind of creepy coming from a male screenname.
“smartcookie”: But since this is a weird discussion here on a board with men included, I don’t think it’s very appropo to discuss at length, especially if OP is just asking for conversation purposes.
…or prurient ones.
Look who the OP is. This is a far cry from the “tznius” threads that he used to frequent.
It’s always possible the OP was a legit nogeiah le’maseh question – but use your own judgement.
What sentencing did the guy who killed Moshe Berkowitz Z’L get?
four to 12 years
(source: NY Post)
Several years ago my Rosh Yeshiva addressed this in a shiur. To the best of my recollection, here are some of the things he said:
1) Some pizza dough is made with water, some with may pairos.
2) Two or more slices require a hamotzi, even may pairos pizza.
Rav Belsky’s teshuva on a capella is very detailed and can easily be found on several online sites.
Google “Rav Belsky music sefira”.
squeak-
I look forward to reading your post, but since my Cracker Jacks Decrypto Ring (or whatever it is someone sent me) is at home, I’ll need to wait until then.
Torah613Torah-
Touche ?
writersoul-
As a New York State resident, you qualify for a free library card from both the NYPL and Brookly Public Library systems.
Use Google for specific information and requirements for getting one.
popa_bar_abba–
If you found a genie that only offered one wish, but he only answers wishes on odd numbers, and if its even he kills you, and you found him on a zero, would you ask?
Trick question.
Answering wishes is useless. Granting wishes makes the risk worth considering.
Torah613Torah–
My feelings are somewhat conflicted
By your rules should I be restricted?
To obey your wishes, to the letter
Or post answers that I know are better?
😛
(If you were being serious, I’ll stop)
squeak-
My pleasure.
Since I already confessed elsewhere to having one of the characteristics of “golemhood”, I figured I’d covering another, by answering before a wiser person.
squeak-
Are there more numbers between negative infinity and positive infinity, or between 0 and 1?
Since there is no numeric range containing a larger amount of numbers than .9999999998 thru .9999999999, the answer to your question is “Neither”.
What is the combined weight of all the trees cut down to produce all the US money in circulation?
U.S. paper currency is cloth based, not wood pulp based. Zero pounds.
(Unless you count trees cut to produce power for the Mint and Bureau of Printing and Engraving, clearing land for the buildings, etc.)
My “Islander fan” muscle has long since atrophied due to the passage of decades with nothing to cheer for.
Since their last playoff series win (the thrilling game 7 OT elimination of the two-time defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins), their history has been one of mismanagement, bad choices, bad contracts, bad drafts and bad trades – and criminal fraud by would-be-owner John Spano.
Even sad-sack franchises such as the New York Jets, Los Angeles Clippers and Chicago Cubs have won playoff series more recently than they have.
Well, at least they took Captain Fish Sticks off their jersys.
Boruch dayan emes.
His opinions and humor, often combined, were appreciated and enjoyed.
The Golem Speaks..-
No studying necessary – for us talented folk, they come naturally.
(I actually caught myself doing the “off topic” one over Pesach.)
The Golem Speaks..-
Congratulations – for one of the very few times since signing up, I’m not sure how to answer someone 😛
The Golem Speaks..-
JMO, but I think if someone cares enough to take the time and post responses to the original question, the “refua shelaima” wish is implicit.
Oh, and lol on the book list ?
Read.
Do you have books in your house? Can a family member pick up some reading material (newspaper, magazine, book)?
[really!]
You can also “buy” books that are in the public domain for free from Amazon.
Do puzzles.
Word find, sudoku, kakuro, logic puzzles, mazes, etc.
Youtube.
All types of videos are available, including several interesting ones from National Geographic and the History Chanel.
Refua shelaima.
Wonderful???
My Yugo drives me just fine to the bar
No dough plunked down on some fancy house
A fridge box fits me just right, with my mouse
Dumpster diving leaves me satiated
All I know is I pinch every cent
If all other folks were cheap like me
What a wonderful world it would be
??La la la la la la; la la la ??
(apologies to Sam Cooke)
The sun never sets on the British Empire.
Nor, it seems, does it set on the moderating staff.
Thanks for the 3:30 AM quick approvals.
squeak-
I’m not sure you figured it out – but I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.
BTW, the Polish crackers broke the “easy” Enigma. The Bletchley Park crackers broke the later and far more difficult one.
Glad you’re smiling again ?
There are so many good ones, it’s tough to rate the top posters.
After much careful thought, here are the top five, from my admittedly subjective viewpoint:
1) Uncle Sam Wants You. A simple, direct and effective recruiting poster.
2) Keep Calm and Carry On. Now far more famous than it was when originally printed. A classic.
3) Rosie the Riveter. Women are just as determined and capable as men to help in the war effort. The face of determination and can-do.
4) Che Guevara. Sure, he was a commie killer, but that stare! that hair! that beret!
5) Loose Lips Sink Ships. Ever so much more catchy than “don’t blab ’cause important info may get back to the enemy and be used against us in ways that hurt us”.
akuperma–
I have to disagree with two of your statements:
SaysMe-
Thank you for the kind words.
This year on the freezing-cold 8th day of Pesach it occurred to me during yizkor just how fortunate those who leave shul are and how much we should appreciate it if we’re among those exiting.
A bit of writer’s block prevented me from putting the thought to words and posting this earlier.
Dr. Pepper–
<<chomp>>
squeak–
Don’t be insulted.
A skilled fisherman baits his hook appropriately for his intended catch. In some cases, a shiny hook is the best bait ?
(Did you decipher it yourself? I would never have been able to.)
The Lucky Ones
It was early April, a blustery day
Some stray flakes of snow drifted by
The low-hanging clouds were a wet-cement gray
Motionless under the rock-hard sky
Chodesh ha-aviv, the month of the spring
In early mid-March is almost never found
We wanted warm weather, birchas Tal we’d all sing
Yet, each morning showed us new frost on the ground
The small group outside shivered in the cold
Some alone with their thoughts, some speaking face to face
A mix of all ages, more young there than old
Compelled to stand outdoors, for that was their place
Those praying inside all shared a common feature
A time of remembrance, by daughters and sons
The cold ones outdoors knew they’re the lucky ones
OK, ok I’ll put it in question form.
Is it Kishke?
Syag Lchochma-
lesschumras-
haifagirl-
May the memories of your parents be a comfort.
This article is not real, but there was a true story about a year ago about a young couple who were murdered by the father of a woman they unfriended.
Sounds like kishke (wrapped in plastic, pareve or fleishig, chometz), except that kishke has a smell.
cherrybim–
Interesting point re: stuffed cabbage.
moderator–
Syag Lchochma–
Sounds like an interesting Jack and Jill interpretation; a murder-suicide, perhaps?
just my hapence–