hml

David, I am very sorry for your situation – it must be a living nightmare. Do you have children? Do you have custody? It seems that the vindictiveness is on your wife’s side (purely based on what you have said.) but please consider what is best for your children. I’m sure you are listening to your Rav…does he say go for HMR? If so, what happens then?

You seem to be an Agun, but you may have a way out. I hope she will wake up one day very soon & realize it’s in her best interests to accept the Get. Good luck.

HMR is a terrible thing for the children of the halachic “first” marriage. I had a student whose father refused to give his wife a Get but got 100 naive and well meaning Rabbis to sign a petach and he remarried. The child, and the siblings, were humiliated & devastated. It was bad enough their parents split, but this??? Mom came into school crying, begging us not to let her ex in. We agreed, because she had legal custody, but I suspect the Hanhala would have agreed anyway. My student went from being outgoing and generally secure and happy to a shell. She just shriveled like an old etrog. Things didn’t go so well for her after she left my class.

It didn’t matter the entire community, including the influential Rabbonim, were horrified and on the side of the mother. I don’t know what the eventual outcome was, whether he ever gave her the Get, but I can never forget that sweet little girl and the pain she endured. Think before you sign such a paper… get every scrap of information before you do.

Joseph – all my kids are married. Second child? No idea what you are talking about (as usual.) But you asked a question & got an honest answer, so what are you arguing about?

I hate to say this, but if your family as well as your friends are OTD, that might be the reason. Yes, I know you don’t marry the parents or siblings, but it is effectively a culture clash.

My suggestion is to look outside the box… outside your particular community, a girl who is a BT, perhaps from overseas where yichus isn’t such an issue.

Re-do your profile and re-think your priorities. Good luck!

45 comments. Some humorous, some nasty/sarcastic.
I only speak for myself. I’m so far to the right religiously, my arm hits the ground. As far as treatment of women in the frum world goes, I am definitely on the left of center. NOBODY will tell me to move or get up from a seat on the bus because I’m female. And NOBODY has the right to tell women what they should wear (but they should use some common sense for their own safety.)

As for the worst offenders: charliehall is top of my list for being a Marxist. Gadolhadorah actually speaks some sense. Joseph…. well, what can I say except medicine has made great strides lately.

Chodesh Tov, Chanukah Sameach!

I ain’t escaping to nowhere; I am definitely safer here than I ever was in UK or US. I pity Joseph, Spreadthetruth & others for their lack of bitochon.

@Litvisherchossid:

I am the mother of shluchim in remote places. You explained the fighting over control in 770 very well – but I will add, a huge part of the problem is the “rules” of the game. Imagine playing football against a team who moves the goalposts, ignores the referee and makes up its own rules as it goes along, so they change almost daily. The one constant is, there ARE no rules. Anything the team does, including violence, is perfectly respectable & even encouraged.

This sums up the Moshichisten AKA Talibanisten. They are in the minority but they are funded by a couple of very wealthy men (one who offers every bachur a new hat & suit for Pesach IF he says Yechi!!) and some wacked out Rabbonim here & there. So they continue. The other team follows the Rebbe’s directives, which are very clear, which the Moshichisten don’t do. Don’t confuse these thugs with the facts. Oh & one other thing… most, if not all, never saw the Rebbe or listened to a sicha or maamer. Or even learned anything. They have no idea how it felt to see the Rebbe b’guf and the impact even just a look has on your neshama. I have had my own personal nissim from the Rebbe .

Wow! I can’t believe this has started up again, but then again, Joseph does like to stir the pot, doesn’t he?

According to OUR mesorah, it is better to wear a sheitel than a hat, tichel, or anything else, and a woman should look pretty and put together. Human hair is so much nicer than horsehair, which is what my Bubba wore. So Joey, since YOUR poskim ain’t mine I’ll ignore everything you said. Which YOU no doubt do if YOUR Rav disagrees with another.

Lastly… since you and your poskim have banned human hair sheitlach, I won’t let you try mine on. So there.

If some of you had to put up with this craziness on a frequent basis, while trying to just go about your business, you would be as livid as I & thousands of others are. In Ramat Beit Shemesh Bet (as usual, a hotbed of hooligan rioters), children were sent home from school early. But not every child’s mommy was home at 1:30. Some of my neighbors were at least 2 hours late home… that’s 2 hours where they weren’t learning, or being with their children, or feeding their children, or helping their wives.

This “day of Rage” called that by the protesters, just proves what we have suspected. They are no better than the PA. They hate Israel, they hate the protection they are given, they hate frum Jews who aren’t like them (don’t even get me started on how they treat Ethiopian Jews!)

Our closest friends are also Chareidi and all 3 of their sons are currently in the IDF (one is a career soldier). They refuse to go anywhere near Bet in uniform., even with their guns. But I am certain that if these Peleg thugs needed rescuing, they would expect to be saved by men like my friend’s sons.

We are sick of these morons.

I felt YWN was sometimes anti-Chabad in the past, but I find coverage is fair. It isn’t the website that is anti, it’s the commentators & sometimes, some really inciteful & hateful things get through. I don’t understand how that happens.

The problem doesn’t originate with men making rules – it begins AT HOME. If mothers set standards by example,their daughters will follow (unless something makes them rebel, a whole different topic.) I set standards in my home and to this day, my daughters (married with their own families) always dress and act appropriately. B”H, I see my teenage granddaughters following in their mothers’ footsteps.

These young mothers with their hotsie-totsie sheitels & clothing got it from somewhere. Their mothers little hypocrisies (wearing lurid colors or ostentatious jewelry but not letting their daughters) and “do as I say not as I do” attitudes festered in their children. I can’t imagine what girls will look like in 2 generations.