havesomeseichel

GET A CAT!!

no seriously, if you dont want to see them running around your floor, get used to banging pots around to scare them back into hiding …or maybe get a pet that will scare them/alert you… A dog??? weird reason to get a dog but it might work.

Be careful that you dont seal up holes under your house or walls without getting an exterminator in there. Yes, they can crawl in your walls and under your house but if you trap them in there they will die eventually and then it will stink!!!

NY Mom- I agree that all families need to havesomeseichel, but I am a little biased cuz I know cases where info wasnt told… But, as I said before, if the person has it under control, is taking their medication regularly and is seeing a doctor/therapist regularly and they think the person is stable enough- fine and date them. I would like nothing less than to see everyone finding their beshert. I just want everyone to tell the truth and the whole truth. The boy has OCD? The girl is ADHD? Even worse scenarios I am ok with but it should be dealt with on a case by case basis. Be truthful and tell before the engagement. It doesnt have to be the first thing out of the mouth but it should be told and to the extent that it pertains to others.

Joseph- do you have any better idea than to just give money and hope they use it properly? What good would throwing money into a sinking pit do? If they dont correct the problem, money wont help. Its like welfare, in a sense- give them the money when they ask and without time limits and they will never look for a job. If you were offered money for free, would you ever look for a better job or fix the problems that are causing you to suffer?

NY Mom- No one should be judged based on disability but it still means that people need to say “it like it is”. If it is on the severe end, it should be told to the family as such. severity is hard to define so it can lead to problems. if they are working on their issues, like you say, then they should not be “on the shidduch market” until it is under control because it is unfair to the future family.

Joseph-Kosher food is more expensive in out of town areas. So are sefarim, tziyus clothing shops, frum items… many are shipped from NY. In some areas, housing is also more expensive.

Jothar- I am not saying homeschooling is right for everyone. I know people who were (only frum school closed down) and they turned out fine. It could be the best things for some students- personal attention, smaller classes, the subject matter is better molded for the kids ect. It can work best if you do it with small groups of children, not just a single family. That way there is still some interpersonal contact and skills can be learned. Many times in the larger classes, kids are left out and grow up feeling insecure because if they arent the best at something, (or someone special’s son or daughter) they are not noticed or picked for something. This goes for the class play, the song and dance,to be the speaker at the class presentation, to be head of something, to get called on in class. They dont learn skills that way either. They learn to sulk, be silent and to not volunteer for something because they wont be picked anyways.

There are exceptions to every rule. I feel bad about the kid who was brainwashed, as you say Jothar, that this had to happen. But many people who speak about their own experiences share positive thoughts. They end up smarter, more knowledgeable, more on top of their work (depending on the program they might get a certain amount of work per week and as soon as they finished they were done and were able to go out and play), more self-confident.

SJS- homeschooling should be seen as a viable option for families that cannot afford tuition or for areas in which there are no schools. All you need is a teacher and a few kids within the same grade-range and a syllabus. 3-4 grade can be together, 5-6th, and 7-8th as well. You set aside half the day for kodesh classes and half for chol. Its like a normal school but tuition is less- no overhead. If every family involved is teaching either kodesh or chol for a grade, then no money needs to be exchanged. If one parent is not, than you need to work out a system. Everyone needs to pay “X” amount, but if you teach a grade, it is deducted. The money that comes in from the non-teachers is split evenly amongst all teachers. You dont need a seperate teacher for math and english, rather the same teacher teaches all the chol classes. Same for kodesh.

Check with the government in your area and find out how to set up such a program. I know someone who did it (not from NY) and they found it rewarding- they taught their kids and knew how much they knew. There was less wasted time explaining the material over and over when it only is needed for one student. There was less busy work. There were smaller classes and the kids got more attention.

Did you really mean that? 😉

Wait a minute… lets try to do the math here. How many girls schools are in the NY area? You say there are 2000 kids in BYOBP…. The way it sounds is that there are 2000 kids in the whole school, not in every grade. There has to be at least 100 schools that are frum and are commuting distance from BP. so each school has to take in 20 students. That is 20 students from every grade… thats like 2 kids a grade!! And there are probably more than 100 schools, I am just not familiar with every school in the tri-state area. Yes, you can travel to New Jersey for school like some of you travel there for work. Logistically it can happen if need be.

Joseph- I dont agree with your comparison. Leukemia treatment is necessary to save a child’s life. You (along with others) may think that his or her spiritual life is also necessary and falls under the same category in halacha. But there are other schools that can satisfy this same spiritual survival. In New York, nonetheless. If you were talking about saving the only frum school (shomer shabbos) in Montana, I would have to agree that saving that school should be high on my priority list. If a school in Brooklyn has to close, there are many schools that could take in the girls. It might not be as close or as convenient but they would still get their Jewish education.

areivim- why must all good ideas come from lakewood?

1st off, all schools should be trimming back, even if they dont feel the crunch at this point. They probably will at some time and they should see the problem before it hits and prepare for it!!

What is wrong with some of these NY mentalities? What is wrong with going to a different school? If the kids are frum, its non-coed, and hashkafa is similar- what is in a name??? Why be selfish??? A community school is a community school. If it feeds to the same seminaries, programs ect then wouldnt the girls be coming out similar? I heard kids call other kids “not frum” because they went to the ‘wrong’ elementary school. I mean- both schools were shomer shabbos, torah and mitzvos. The girls were tzniyus to the same degree. The kids from each school went to similar high schools. they just were not THEIR school. What is wrong with us? You dont see this in smaller communities where there are fewer schools. There, people are friendlier even though they might not be exactly the same.

why do I even bother– I have listed some ways for the schools to be able to save themselves. Some of these may only work for schools that are feeling the crunch, rather than those who have failed. There are two ways to save a failing institution:

1. Increase revenue- hard to do in this economy. If a donor had the money to donate, wouldn’t he or she have already given it? Many people cannot take on a new institution to support during such a difficult financial time.

2. Cut costs- By cutting the costs, it allows the same amount of income to be spread so everyone gets paid. Can be done in a few ways:

a. Cut out wasteful spending. No need for major trips or activities. Minimize them- dont take as fancy as a trip this year, or take less of them.

b. Stop with the weekly booklets the schools send home. Make one for the month that has all the pictures and extras in it. Give each child one small packet of their class’s dvar torah, homework (Aleph Beis sheets) and “what we did in Morah Shprintzy’s class this week”. No need to give each kid one that is for the entire section (early childhood ect). Give the Pre-1a class theirs’, and the Gan their’s.

c. You dont need beautiful bulletin boards and to change them every month. Kids dont really notice them that much. I grew up without huge colored displays and so did many other people and we came out ok. laminate the signs and save them year to year!

d. cut excess staff. If they arent doing anything- dont hire them! I know there are a lot of people who need jobs, but if you have to split the pay among more staff, each one gets less. If you cant pay for 3 secretaries, only have 2. The last one will have to find a new job. It sounds callous but to save the school, if you dont need the costs- cut them!

volvie- there is a difference if the family that cannot pay for tuition is eating steak, brisket ect for shabbos every week and if they are eating small portions of chicken ect. I have no problem supporting people who are not eating luxuries… Yes, meat is a luxury. If I pay for my tuition costs and cannot pay for meat all the time, then there is a problem with someone I support having meat on a consistent basis.

Heat- I dont think anyone here is saying that they must freeze. But do they have to set the heat at 75/80 degrees when it is 20 outside? it is ok to put on a sweater inside your house.

Can you please explain why I should pay for someone to have a higher standard of living than I do (and i cannot afford to put them at this place)? Halacha I learned once: You should eat less than you are worth, dress what you are worth and provide for your wife and kids more than you are worth. No one sees what is at your table and you dont want people to think that you are living on a different status than you really are. Re: wife and kids, I think that this is up to a point where you do not need to be supported by others to do it.

ICOT- thanks for the info. I guess it was wrong of me to place my computer on my couch while it was on. If its working i guess it hasnt overheated. Paper or books underneath the computer- are they in danger of being a fire hazard? thanks again

ICOT- thanks… can you inform me about what is “excessive”? What kind of surface material is best to place your laptop on to prevent overheating?

IT IS NOT a conspiracy against the Jewish community! How come it seems that many people who live in certain cities in America seem to think that when something happens to a frum person, it must have an anti-Semitic background. Ever think that something could be a mistake? Ever think that it was a newbie who didnt know about hatzala’s status? Ever wonder how the goyim must think about us, reacting to non-issues like a war was about to start because of it????

volvie- I think that GAW was trying to say that they should not be buying New and fancy clothes, red meat ect. Heat, on the other hand, should depend on what the weather is outside. They should not feel frozen, especially if its snowing outside ect. I have a real problem when people who get community assistance are able to live better than my family. There is a store, like many others, who have a tab for the poorer customers and does not force them to pay up. But many of them eat better than my family, who pays their bills and tuition.

I have a heart and try to give money to those who need it. I can’t give much, but I try. So dont say that we dont have a heart and compassion.

Jose-

I dont think that if someone wears a wrinkled white shirt, their blue shirt will be neatly pressed. I am just saying that we shouldnt categorize people as being “less frum” or worse off because of their blue shirt. I am just saying that people who dress neater should be praised, rather than white shirt/blue shirt. I dont care what they wear as long as it is neat and presentable (up to a point. T-shirts and blue jeans can be neatly ironed but that, by no one’s standards, is professional dress.)

Wearing a blue shirt is not “dressing down” as many business people wear blue shirts, rather than white. Look at many professionals, or if you dont know any, look in at fancy stores. many times the blue shirts cost more than the white ones! Many suits are shown in stores with colored shirts, rather than white. White does not equal fancy, respectable ect. Dressing down means a sloppy look, a casual (non suit) attire, or vacation clothes.

It was all a mistake. But police are of a higher status than hatzala and hatzlala should listen to the police, once the patient was stabilized. Why cant you judge favorably? We would like them to judge us favorably… why be so angry at the police? mayeb the hatzala man was not officially parked correctly so the policeman didnt realize he was on “call”. The patient is ok and the two of them will sort it all out. Maybe the police will retract the ticket…

People didnt like it (as someone mentioned above) that the president took offense with the “beer conference” and called the police officer “stupid”… We shouldnt jump on the police officer either. It is not all about US VS. THEM. We are in galus and need to follow the rules.

Has anyone thought about how the boy whose shirt color was altered would feel? People look to see if they know anyone in the picture or if they are in it when it is sent from a familiar setting/yeshiva/organization. He is being told, by photoshopping the picture, that he is “not ok” and his style of dress is wrong for the school. If the yeshiva feels this way, an official dress code should be in place and/or he should not be accepted. I am not commenting on the blue shirt/white shirt debate, but rather the perspective of the yeshiva and their desire to photoshop pictures.

Since Gmail is from google, there is something that you might want to know. Google has been tracking what people type in (thats how you get the ads for items similar to what you wrote about in your emails!)

I think it is false advertising and geneivas daas to photo shop ANY advertisements or appeals for tzeddaka. To clarify on some of the points mentioned above:

1. If the yeshiva usually looks one way (completely full), but on that day that the picture was taken a large number of boys were out sick, then perhaps it would be ok.

2. Was the boy who’s shirt was changed color a student at the institution or a guest?

3. Adding nature and greenery to the surroundings is problematic. It can show that the money collected goes towards trees and flowers. On the other hand, many people like knowing that the institution has pride in themselves and their institution and might want to give more towards it than usual. But, if it isnt…..

4. At weddings, the photographs are many times enhanced, blemishes taken away ect. These pictures are not for public displays or announcements so there would be no genaivas daas involved, to the best of my knowledge.If it was a photographer trying to show how well he takes pictures, then that would be different. Computers arent the same as talents. For institutions to make the picture clearer or make it look a little sharper it might be different.

Basically, the institution should be very carefully walking the fine line between natural enhancements and gineivas daas. Why dont they just tell the photographer to come back another day?

anon- that is terrible for someone to expect someone to pay more than the cost? One never knows how wealthy someone is or how much extra beyond maaser they can give. Do you know exactly how much someone makes in profits? And they might have been pledged to give their maaser elsewhere.

Why can’t the schools plan a budget like you and I have to for our own expenses? Dont take the kids on large trips, have fancy bulletin boards (ever seen the price of colored paper?), or lots of projects. Dont tell me that a “rosh chodesh bulletin board” is vital for a child to grow up and be a frum Jew. I know lots of people who’s schools did not have these things and they grew up fine. Does your school give out newsletters every week? The ones with pictures and a fancy cover and all? How about cutting costs and doing a large one only once a month, and a small “parsha questions/what we did this week” and fit it on 2 pages at the most. You dont have to give the whole school the paper that states what “Morah Goldy did this week in Kindergarten A”. Just that class.

hiding- you need to realize that what we call nebs might be normal for some…