HaMagnat

Sarah_613: Kudos for a great post. I am an ex-single B’H(just got married 6 months ago at 28, to my dear wife who’s 30) and although the challenges of singlehood are diferent for guys and girls, the feeling of estrangement and inferiority are the same. (I used to hate being called “a bocher” – it implies that you’re in a different category as “normal” people, like “a leper”). I can honestly say that what kept my faculties intact was the constant concern of a few married friends. You don’t realize how far an invitation for shabbos or to break a fast goes. Married people should make an effort to call singles rather than the other way around – singles don’t know when it’s a good time to call, whereas singles usually have a freer schedule.

The only advice I would give (take it or leave it, everyone’s different), is to maintain a sense of humour about the whole thing, especially with your married friends. When I was single, if the single status of someone would come up in a conversation with marrieds (especially if that person was young), I’d say something like “what, he’s not married, what’s his problem? – he must be picky”

Another thing to keep in mind (a friend told this to me after I comlained about an insensitive comment) was that there’s no manual on how to be a good friend – often people sincerely mean to encourage or make you feel comfortable, and it comes out wrong, or it just has the opposite effect. sometimes you just have to look for the intentions rather than the words said. Not always easy.

May you find a great husband soon, but until then, just keep being pro-active – if married friends don’t call you, call them (you’re allowed to complain about it to them too). The less you see yourself as handicapped, the less others will treat you that way. (hopefully).

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Correction: Crisis. Crises is the plural.

The worst is people that leave their shtenders right up against the bench in front of them and decapitate the next guy who sits down. Ouch. Or even worse, when someone’s already sitting there and they stand up to get a sefer or yell at their Chavrusa and SMASH the neck of the guy in front of them. – to be dan l’caf z’chus, it’s hard to notice what’s happening around you when involved in a G’shmakeh Rashba, K’tzos, R’ Akiva Eiger, etc. I think the KosherLamp Company should develop a neck protector to solve this terrible crises.

I thought frum/chareidi means keeping shabbos, kashrus, and taharas hamishpocha?

As long as you have good Jibbets (those cute little plastic things to accessorize your crocs with) I think it’s fine. Maybe they have BMG logo (the kesser) Jibbets.