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I’ve tried to avoid buying overtly german products when an alternative is available. Well, Hashem had other plans. I just noticed that a medecine I need to take for stomach issues is made in germany. I have no way out of it and no coice about it, now that BH, Hashem sent a refua through it.
Also, it helps to keep in mind who is REALLY controlling the world and world events. Was it really the germans, or were they shlichim? Though I may not understand why things happen the way they do, Hashem knows exactly what He’s doing. He gives power, takes power and runs the world. I try to keep my trust in Him, alone.
Feif Un: Thanks for the affirmation. Your’r right, the difference is in how its said.
I’ve come to realize that my job on a date is also to make the guy feel as comfortable as possible. He drove, had to endure meeting parents, probably chose the venue (or at least I let him feel that way), he’s paying etc. He has alot to ‘perform’, so my goals should really be to acknowledge his best efforts.
I once made a comment on a date after the guy opened the car door for me a few times. One time, there was a narrow space between parked cars, enough room for 1 person. I was closest to the passenger side. Now, I was unsure if i should step back which would be an obvious motion showing that i expected him to open the door, or as a ‘liberated’ and independent Bais Yaakov gradute, should i just do it myself. i made a somewhat sarcastic comment, “oh please, I can open it myself.” After repeating this to someone older and wiser, i got berated. Think about it this way she said, “the guy is doing his best, there is a certain amount that he is performing to put his best foot forward. Chivalry is good thing in this day and age, its a sign of respect.Dont mock his effort at trying to put his best foot forward.
What I could have offered gently and sensitively is, “I see there isn’t much space there, thank you for wanting to open it, maybe I’ll just squish through” or something along those lines.
Now, as an experienced dater, recently another guy got insulted. Yes, insulted and upset when I opened a door ahead of him. I think it had something to do with some idea of rigid male/female roles in his head. In conversation about it on another date, i deduced (intuited) that it had to do with his sense of kavod as well. Now, THAT was a real eye opener for me and really clarified things for me. My thoughts were, “Wrong move, buddy. It’s downhill from here. Have a nice life……NEEXXTT??”
I realize now. Taking a step back, walking slowlier (?) to the car and letting him have the chance to open the door if he wants, is the least i can do to make him feel good, chivalrous, protective, manly, respectful etc.
I’d be pleasantly surprised if my husband actually did that after marriage:)
Gavra_at_wrok – My thoughts exactly. To quote, “Please explain why #5 can not be assessed on a date, and if not, what is the purpose in dating?”
Mr. Nameless – not every girl is a 1, 2, 3 or 4.
The purpose of the date is to find ot how #5 she is and if thats compatible with your level and goals.
Mr. Wolf’s words are worth repeating, as he put it so eloquently, “you’re marrying her. You have to make sure that *she* is someone whom you can live with. You have to make sure that *she* has the middos that you want in a future spouse, that *she* shares the same hashkafah as you, that *she* is someone whom you can get along with and that *she* is someone with whom you want to spend every day of the rest of your life.”
B’haztlacha!