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To Boobie- Hi! Are you still out there, or have you left in disgust? I’m pretty new here, and just stumbled on parts of this thread. I was so shocked i had to send you a note. I didn’t know people were allowed to post such mean, heartless comments! I have no idea why anyone would have called you a lurker- no idea what they meant. It seems you’re not sure either. I was especially upset by the poster who tried to blame you, by implying that the problem is that your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you, and you should figure out why! I think we can all agree that you have a big problem on your hands. And that the likelihood that you have a part in causing your husband’s internet addiction is slim to none. The fact that your family does not have a Rav makes matters more complicated, but, again, that’s not in your hands. You can hardly force your husband to have a Rav. That, by the way, is a problem in many homes, and you are not alone there either. There are no easy solutions. I can only tell you that lurker, poster, blogger or human being, whichever of those you are, my heart goes out to you. I hope and pray that you & your husband find a way to restore the peace & serenity of your home.

My husband & I are from similar backgrounds & met in the most ordinary way. Shidduch, shadchan, some dates, nothing at all extraordinary. I will not bore all of you with details of our subsequent marriage & years together. My point being- we don’t need to see amazing instances of unbelievable circumstances involving split-second timing & phenomenal happenings, to recognize and be inspired by G-d’s intervention in our daily lives. Every successful shidduch & marriage is an inspiration, and could not have occurred without Hashgacha that we may or may not distinguish.

I loved csar’s post. Reminded me of the meshulach (tzedakah collector, if you prefer) who walked around with a sad story flashing a very official looking letter signed by a well-known posek. I could see he was a little uncomfortable when i asked to have a look, but he couldn’t refuse. It was a hazmana to din Torah!

Remember Nancy Reagan? (Or am i the oldest person here?) These were her immortal words: (not regarding shidduchim…) “Just say no!” It’s your life! Don’t be scared of the shadchan. Be courteous. Be considerate. Don’t be a pushover. You don’t need to waste your time and someone else’s going on a date for no reason.

Loyal Jew, “here everyone agrees that they should be matched with their own.” I see, thankfully, that others have responded to your comment, but I couldn’t let it pass. Who is this “everyone”??? Hopefully, the correct term would be N O B O D Y . In addition, I detest & object to your terminology- ” their own “!? Are BT’s some sort of sub-species? What exactly are you trying to say? Next you’re going to post on the “inaccurate things teachers tell us” thread, that we did NOT all stand together at Har Sinai!?

Hi oomis! My grandmother had a wooden chopping bowl and chopper just like yours!!! We never dreamed of using it for tuna (sounds like a great idea!). My grandmother used it every Friday afternoon to chop the eggs-and-onions, and sometimes also chopped liver, for the Shabbos seuda. I still remember the thrill of standing on a little stool and helping. It is impossible to replicate the perfection of the way both these foods tasted at my grandmother’s house, without these utensils. I have been trying for years to buy such, and have been unsuccessful. The best I can come up with are wooden salad bowls that would be pulverized by my Bubby’s expert chopping. Any ideas??

Please see Yehoshua, 2nd perek, where Rashi translates “zonah” as “mocheres minei mezonos” & Metzudas Zion says “mocheres mazon.” The teacher was correct.

I’m surprised at all the people suggesting adoption as a solution. Have any of those posters actually ever looked into it? Adopting a child born to a non-Jewish mother can be quite complicated ; I’m not interested in getting into a discussion on the topic as I am not an expert in Halacha- ask your LOR if you want more info. Adopting a Jewish child is very difficult and can take a very long, indefinite period of time. Those of us with limited sources of income (and I suppose that would include most of us?) have to carefully budget our expenses, including our Tzedaka expenses. If anyone is uncertain about how to allocate their funds, I’m sure they can find a Rav willing to help them out. Helping infertile couples with the vast expenses involved in conceiving a child is certainly an act of chessed; whether it takes precedence over other charitable enterprises, or not, is probably better discussed with your Rav than on a blog.

As a mother of a few sons, some having completed the “shidduch process” (and happily married), some still single and dating or soon to be, I have received and continue to receive a lot of resumes, or profiles, or bios, or whatever sounds less offensive to you. I have been busy with this since back in the day when shidduch resumes were not invented yet. I must say, the situation today being what it is, I think they are helpful and do not have to be hurtful or insulting to either young men or ladies. They just consolidate, in an organized the fashion, the info that I used to hastily scribble on whatever paper was handy; i.e. girl’s name, parents name, basic info on parents, siblings’ names and ages, machatonim (if applicable), shul and Rav, schools, camps, education etc of girl, grandparents (if applicable), and other relevant info. My sons & I never like the resumes with the often silly description of the young person in question, even when they try to pass it off as having been composed by a third party. Description of physical attributes (- slim, pretty, hair color etc) draw the most amusement & scorn from my boys, and the other superlatives & adjectives are most definitely NOT an attraction. Girls often come off sounding a bit foolish trying to describe their ideal mate as well. It is probably a good idea to describe what you envision in your future- a long-term Kollel life and te sacrifices it entails, a husband with an education/ profession, or whatever the case may be. If you describe the all inclusive idea of wanting a husband who may be a long or short term learner, in college or working etc etc, the reader will realize you have a brain full of fluff, no convictions, and juat want that diamond ring (!!) so try to be specific & clear. Keep it brief and to the point. We don’t want to hear about your good Middos. Yes it is true that good middos are a major (maybe THE major) component of a successful marriage & a happy home, but the person who dates you will ahve to figure it out for himself, or if he is lucky, through the candid comments of someone who gives info about you. For my part, I never ask anyone, “Does she have good middos?”; it’s like saying, “is she pretty?”- Nobody says, “No” even when the opposite is true. As for a photo, the majority of the resumes i receive do not include one. I’m not totally comfortable with the idea, but a small photo of you looking natural (not professionally prepped with gallons of make up & hair done) might not be a bad idea. One reason everyone ignores for the fact that boys get so many resumes and girls get so few names is the current system where shadchanim redt to the boy first, and pass on the info to the girl only after the boy has agreed to a date. This began by trying to protect the poor sensitive girls from receiving a “no” from a shidduch proposal (erroneously assuming that girls are so sensitive they can’t handle it, and boys don’t care- both totally incorrect!); however, we are not likely to change the status quo, and the mess that has evolved does it make it necessary for you to put yourself forward with a nice resume. Include pertinent info (a date of birth is helpful, and I find usually ommitted by persons of a certain age), type it up neatly & professionally, and leave out the long winded stories about how wonderful you are and what a mentsh you want. That’s where dating comes in! Daven for clarity and the clear understanding to make a good decision! Wishing you much hatzlacha!