golfer

Yid18, I never heard of French speaking people eating bananas.
Thanks for sharing.
Bonne annee!

Here’s my vote.
STOP.
You’re welcome.

Gadolha, the chiyuv to decorate my home in the style of Kelm, circa 1904, is right up there with the chiyuv to ride a horse and buggy to the family chassuna like my elter bubby did.
Maybe I’m the only one, but I don’t find the warmth of the home comes from plush carpets or artwork. Some of the warmest homes I’ve visited are very uncluttered, simply because my hosts like the spare modern look and don’t collect tchachkes. The warmth comes from them making me feel welcome and comfortable and I never find myself counting the minutes until I can get back to my own house.
The warmth in the home comes from the heart, not the hearth.

Syag, I think we can both agree that the middle road, as in most cases, is the best.
And the socks story does leave me puzzled. Socks? Maybe we just need to leave our kids alone. Sounds a bit excessive.
Shopping, I liked what you said but there’s one part of your post that I objected to. (Are you still riding a bus? Might’ve been a slip of the mouse.)-
Hashkafa and chumra are two very different things and there’s no equating the two. Hashkafa is your outlook on life, how you define various subjects such as you connection to HKBH, your connection to Torah, your identity as a member of klal Yisrael, the synthesis of ruchniyus and gashmiyus both of which are necessary parts of your life and impose different, sometimes opposing obligations and restrictions on your daily life. You get the idea.
Chumros are physical restrictions that go beyond the actual letter of the law (or Halacha) that are imposed for various reasons, most notably to keep us away from the point where we may come to transgress and commit an aveira. There are restrictions that some consider Halacha and other people classify as chumra, which is why it’s always good to have your own LOR to identify what’s what. A lot of practices that are part of the original subject at hand, namely tznius, fall into this category.
A practice is either Halacha le’Moshe mi’Sinai or it’s not. But Halacha is not a matter of hashkafa, or one’s own personal outlook on life. It’s a matter of studying the relevant sources, beginning with Torah Shebiksav and through the full body of Torah Shebe’alpeh, and coming to the correct conclusion, a daunting task best left to a Rav who has dedicated years of his life to the pursuit of this knowledge.
Chumros, or added stringencies, are a matter of minhag, family practices passed on through the generations, or minhag hamakom, those accepted in a particular location or community. A lot of the confusion today stems from the amazing advances in transportation and communication making the world a very small place and bringing together people from distant communities that in the past had very little to do with one another. We have unprecedented opportunities to come together in beautiful displays of achdus, and also unprecedented opportunities to become very confused as to how a G-d fearing, Torah observing Jew looks and acts.
Saying you reject a certain practice because it’s not in line with your personal haskafa is just plain wrong. Finding a Rav who will quantify and qualify observance of Torah and Mitzvos for you is a much better route.

Thanks Shopping.
Interesting.
Especially in light of the fact that, as you point out, there’s a lot of bashing of authority figures going on. The fact that parents may be whispering behind their children’s backs and trying to keep their kids off the internet might not be enough to curb the damage.
Hope you come join us again when you’re off the bus.
And may all our tefillos for our children and our children’s children be answered with boundless chessed even if we’re undeserving.

Of course not Joseph.
Instead, women should attend weddings wearing plastic shopping bags over their heads. (-the ones you get your groceries in, after you remove the groceries)
This will solve a host of problems.
First of all, the high cost of sheitels (IMHO the sheitel crisis doesn’t get enough attention) as it will now be unnecessary to buy nice ones.
Second, women will not go into the men by keitzad as they won’t be able to see anything anyway.
Third, nosy ladies (and the occasional man who for sure shouldn’t be doing this) won’t be able to ask, “who’s the blonde girl in the blue floral gown? she looks just right for my Shmerel” as nosy ladies won’t see the kalla maidel and will have no idea she’s blonde.
Fourth, people like the OP will enjoy weddings much more and being b’simcha will enhance their ability to be misameizch Chassan v’Kallah.
We will also have a fine environmentally friendly answer for the people who want to enact a plastic shopping bag ban.
A great idea all around, if I may say so myself.
Let’s see how many signatures we can get on the Kol Korei.

CTL, I don’t usually think you’re wrong (and I’m not usually foolish enough to argue with a lawyer) but this time I think you’re wrong.
The description “non-observant” is not pejorative. When we call someone a non-observant Jew, we are (obviously) not saying he’s not a Jew; we’re defining what type of Jew he is.
There are many types of Jews. There’s only one unchangeable Torah, the laws of which are immutable.
An observant Jew might not observe all 613 Mitzvos of the Torah perfectly. Today in galus we can’t can come close to performing 613, and even b’zman Bais Mamikdashl any one person couldn’t perform every Mitzvah. However, an observant Jews makes an attempt to perform, as perfectly as he is able, all the Mitzvos that apply to him. A Jew who abandons his heritage by disregarding the Torah’s laws is not observant. Whether circumstances make him a better or worse person than his neighbor who makes Kiddush Friday night, puts on tefillin every morning and learns with his children every evening is not for us to judge and we have no way of knowing. But non-observant he certainly is.

Hello again LilmodU.
So while we’re on the topic of insulting and getting insulted, I encountered a bit of a CR problem myself right here.
Our kind hardworking mods released Syag’s post for publication while still keeping yours under wraps for consideration. I responded to Syag, but after your wise words were disclosed later it looked as if I had ignored you and responded to Syag while overlooking your post.
I know you realize that was never my intention.
As for my being insulted, no, not at all.
Where may I join you for coffee?

I hear you Syag.
I’m absolutely not trying to absolve anyone of the obligation to keep their comments kind and considerate.
I was trying to suggest that on the receiving end it might be wise to keep our feathers smooth and unruffled.
But I do agree with you.
And thanks so much for the invite. I’m sure you’ve deduced by now that I’m nesting a fair bit east of your home, but you never know…

LilmodU,
What I meant was- if I was to meet you then obviously you would also meet me. And for your part, that’s most likely the impression you’d have.

IMHO people should try not to be insulted by comments of anonymous faceless entities on their computer screen that can be zapped into oblivion with the click of a mouse.
We have enough to keep us busy in Elul finding forgiveness in our hearts for the real live speaking breathing humans who insult us.

It’s clear to me I don’t know anywhere near as much about Hilchos Brachos as all the other posters here.
I got stuck scratching my head at the first post!
Yekke, you said, “After finishing my pastry, somebody asked me to be moitze him Al Hamichya.”
Why on earth would somebody ask you to be moitze him in making a bracha achrona?
I’m familiar with, let’s say, my husband making kiddush or havdala or Hamotzi on lechem mishna and being motzi me (and others).
In your case however, why doesn’t your friend just make his own al hamichya?
I’m sure the answer is not because he can’t be bothered.
Why would somebody do that?
And if you’re in middle of eating why wouldn’t you politely decline and say, “I’m not up to bracha achrona yet, I’m still eating”?
I’m sure I’m missing something here but seems to me that would solve all your problems.

mw13 it was nice of you to make us a quiz. I enjoyed reading eberyone’s answers.
Ultimately (to borrow a word from your quiz) HKB”H decides what level of Emunah we attained, or if ch”v someone has failed.
We live in the age of the quick fix and instant gratification so I can see where you’d want to take a quiz, tally the results and give yourself a score. IRL we face nisyonos every day and sometimes have to make tough choices regarding hishtadlus in different areas. Sometimes it’s easy. Don’t smoke, keep weight reasonable, exercise – no brainers. How many hours a day to work and how many hours a day to learn? Not as easy.
Your quiz also shows us how easy it is to judge everyone we see and label them apikorus or believer. In reality the whole point of spending time here as earthlings is to work on our own Emunah and leave the judgment to The Ultimate Judge.

Avi K, you can make an argument that there is room in our society for schools or yeshivos where students with superior intellect or who have demonstrated academic excellence can thrive. One can suggest that separate classes for intellectually gifted students are as necessary as specialized programs for students who struggle with learning disabilities. The argument goes all the way back to Bais Hillel and Bais Shammai.

There is no need or possible excuse for schools catering to elite families.

A few years ago there was a video making the rounds of a menahel of a yeshiva in E”Y (Bet Shemesh possibly) who went to consult with Rav Shteinman. The menahel did not want to accept children from a certain family into his yeshiva. Rav Shteinman can be heard clearly telling the menahel that there is no excuse not to accept the children, “Dos is Ga’avah!”

As for your comment regarding Talmidei Chachamim I will respond, though hesitantly, as I’m not acquainted with the gemara you refer to. The non-kollel member of today who’s wearing a blue shirt is hardly ever a true am ha’aretz. While no one will say he has the Torah knowledge of let’s say your local Rav and posseik, he most likely has gone through a decent amount of Shas and poskim himself. Excluding his children from the same opportunities as those of the elite is simply a crime, even if his only claim to fame is that he is Shomer Torah u’Mitzvos and wants to afford his children the best possible Torah education.
And the plural is Amei Ha’aretz. (Or in popular jargon, for those who are not straddling safsalei bais hamedrash 24/7, Ammirratzim.)

Lightbrite I’m sorry if you feel your thread was derailed.
A lot of people don’t realize that vitamins and supplements have side effects and taking them in large amounts can be harmful.
Just because the label says it’s a vitamin doesn’t mean you don’t have to be very careful what you’re putting into your body.

Syag, that was not a “rant”, as you so ineloquently called it.
That was one of the best posts I ever read here.
Breathlessly awaiting encore….

Charliehall hasn’t visited the coffee room in years.
Like so many other posters….

(Maybe to celebrate their recent refurbishment of this site, the mods should invite the oldtimers to stop in and say hello.)

That does sound complicated Joseph.
We once noticed a problem Erev Shabbos and I spent a lot of Shabbos thinking about what you asked.
I guess I should have asked a “just in case what if” shayla.
Watching here to see if anyone has anything to say to you.

Thanks AviK.
That was a quote we all needed to hear (or read).
Wherever we find ourselves today- NY, OOT, or even Yerushalayim, we do well to remember that the Geulah hasn’t come yet and we have to wait and daven for it every day , no matter how pleasant or unpleasant the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Our homeland is not just a geographic location, but a life on a different plane of existence that we first experienced as a nation in no land at all, in middle of a desert.

So there was an asifa at Barclays center.
Some people in the coffee room have taken note of that.
What I’d like to know is-
Why is there no mention of this gathering of a few thousand Jews in the heart of our biggest population center on the yeshivaworld main news page?
Did I miss it?
Are they ignoring it?
Is there a reason?

AvramMD,
LOL

And,
Are you perhaps familiar with the term, “koshi ha’shibud”?

AviK, if the Torah tells us to throw the tereifot to the dogs it obviously presumes that we live in proximity to dogs, not that we have pet dogs in our homes.
People kept dogs to help them hunt, manage their herds, guard their homes, long ago. I don’t know if these dogs were necessarily kept in Jewish homes. My neighbor’s dog used to appreciate a good leftover meat bone from our kosher kitchen.
And lightb, if we do by chance meet IRL, you can visit with your dog anytime.

“Life is not fair” is not a Jewish concept.
It’s one of many mistaken ideas that has crept into our minds from the society we live in, but it;s not true. As G-d fearing Torah observant Jews we know it’s wrong.
Every bit of pleasure and every bit of pain that we experience is measured with an exactness that we can’t imagine. When pain or suffering comes our way through the actions of other people then they may be acting inappropriately, they may be sinning, they may be evil, but our pain was meant to be.
That is the meaning of, “HaTzur tamim pa’alo.”
While we can understand this, like AvramMD said, easy to write, much harder to actually internalize and accept. Moshe Rabbeinu himself asked “zu Torah v’zu s’chara?” when he was shown the horrible death of Rabbi Akiva.
We all have moments of intense pain, and only an idiot will minimize his friend’s suffering by telling him, “well, this is how it’s meant to be, don’t worry, be happy.”
I’m just saying that when things are going relatively well in our lives and we have a moment to sit and think, we need to cross out “life is not fair” in our minds and replace it with “life is beautiful.”

Thank you, yitzchokm!

What’s your problem with the scent RebY?
You can’t perfume your clothing, but what’s your issue with putting the scented soap on your hands?

Greetings, Lightb!
Yes you have come up with an actual ask your LOR question!
While everyone will tell you bar soap is no good, at issue is smearing and rubbing thick liquids or lotions. Many people will water down their regular liquid hand soap or dishwashing liquid (if your LOR thinks you should do that let him advise you as to the proportion) for use on Shabbos. Like ChadG already said, you can make more watered down soap on Shabbos if you run out. I just thought I’d mention that while you’re talking to LOR about this, you might want to include other similar things in the discussion, like moisturizing lotions, cosmetics, suntan lotion, diaper rash ointments, and other things people tend to “shmeer”, as all can be problematic on Shabbos. Someday in the not so distant future when you have a baby boy and have to take care of him after his Bris on Shabbos, the Mohel will advise you exactly how to deal with using the antibiotic ointment!