goldenkint

i’m afraid to ask for a subtitle cuz i might hate it. in high school some really sarcastic and sometimes caustic girls were on the yearbook committe in charge of writing up the blurbs near the pictures. having witnessed these sharp tongues in action, i preempted and offered blurbs for myself and some friends, and they were used. one of my firends who didn’t got something really unflattering albeit funny written about her. “but we were just kidding” was the explanation.

sorry for the ramble, just remembered high school and popularity. old ,old times.

btw , one of these “tongues” met me years later and couldn’t have been sweeter. she obviously had no idea how i ran in the other direction whenever i saw her to avoid her and her barbed wit.

“therapists, doctors and nurses, salesmen, office jobs etc. “

i certainly hope that all of the above use their brains! even after training it takes brains to interpret the facts and apply them to the job. people skills are not enough, i would hope that all professionals would try to keep up with the latest research in their fields which in today’s information age is a daunting challenge. nurse especially need to be informed as they are the ones the doctors and their patients rely on to spot potentially dangerous situations. no offense to anyone but the only jobs i would say which do not require intellectual input are those which are solely menial or repetitive. being a doctor or a therapist is much more than knowing the right answers as on a test. it takes discernment and the ability to access a wealth of material, even to know what questions to ask. if your question is thAT YOU WOULD ENJOY A JOB THAT IS SOLELY INTELLECTUAL, THEN LOOK INTO RESEARCH. sorry about the caps lock, it was accidental.

is it fair to ask the mods to give u ur stats . isn’t that imposing extra work on them when i imagine they have too much already. btw, how long does it take bteween the time i reply and it gets posted? just curious

i think if it was clear that what happened was not part of the way she normally dresses the best solution is to find a woman who can point it out discreetly. failing that , writing a note on a piece of paper that says your shirt needs to be adjusted or something similar, could be done. you could write the note, say excuse me , please read this. and walk away. she would be grateful.

I as a woman have several times alerted other women in this manner. i would never dream of telling aman that his zipper was open. but if this lady was clearly unaware how revealing her clothes were i’d say inform her as i said above.

how can anyone think that there is one reason for otd kids. as many people as there are there are different reasons for each. that beingsaid ,it is important for schools, parents and society to deal with children who have learning disabilities and help them feel that they are valued and valuable members of society. if society demands something of you that you are incapable of then you will leave that society and find another society where you don’t feel so bad about yourself.

Another issue is abuse. children who have been abused often leave the fold if the abuser was/is frum and wasn’t ostracised. who knows what these kids went through or still go through. sometimes it’s parents or close relatives who are the abusers.

May Hashem help all of these children return to the Derech, and may all of Klal Yisrael merit to see the Geula , b’karov.

Adorable;i dont have time to read all the posts so i hope i’m not being repetitive. but i’d like to say something. when you make a decision to go on the right path Hashem helps you and it does change you! this actually happens even if you don’t plaN IT OR DON’T EVEN KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN/ AN EXAMPLE. I USED TO LISTEN TO MUSIC WHICH was inappropriate. i loved the melodies but when i listened to the words. oy gevalt. so i made a decision to stop.i even discussed it with some poeple before rosh hashanna. i decided i just wouldn’t do it. i also stopped looking at certain pictures or videos. i had no idea that this would actually change me but it did. the change is very marked. before if i saw an immodest ad in a newspaper or magazine , it would register as , an ad. now it actually disturbs me with its immodesty. this just happened and i can only explain it as when i decided to behave in a more modest way, when i so to speak did teshuva for the previous behavior, Hashem actually changed soemthing in me so that what before seemed innoccuous to me , now as a result of my distancing myself from it became repugnant. this is one of the ways we are taught to do teshuva. if something has become a habit, first rid yourself of the habit. then the rest will follow. study Hilchot teshuva and you will see what they say. i was very pleasantly surprised and amased to see that this change had taken place. at first i felt i was giving something up that i really enjoed because it wasn’t “kosheR”. but as a result i not only lost the desire for it but feel i have reached a higher level. i am a woman if that makes any difference. so what i’m saying is , i don’t know about getting your innocence back, but you can attain a greater type of kedusha by turning to the right path. as far as your name. well rabbi akiva and resh lakish are examlples of that. what oyou truly aRE BELIEVE AND DESIRE WILL BECOME VISIBLE TO OTHERS. IT WILL SHINE THRoUGH. MUCH HATSLACHA.

all i can say is “yup”. it took a while. ij ust stayed home a few days and cried, took off from work etc. eventually i got over it, but it took time. if u aren’t getting over it , find a professional to talk to. you need to know that your feelings are normal, and figure out how to move on

the person who is with you points out that someone is staring at you? so its not just your imagination? do you look different so that would cause people to stare? are you especially good looking or dress in an eyecatching way? ask your friends and family if there is some reason why people would stare. i know a girl who was always being stared at becuz she was very beautiful. it finally stopped when she got to be around 50 and is now merely good looking. but people still sometimes stare especially on the bus when there’s nothing much else to look at. take it as a compliment unless your doing something to attract the wrong kind of attention. this is definitelty something to discuss with an adult you trust.

i often go back to a thread to see if anyone replied to my post or reacted at all .sometimes its yes, more often no. unless what you said requires a response its generally no. be glad your posts are not responded to. i think that the responses are needed when you are strongly disagreed with or when someone really needs advice, otherwise why respond specifically. its really late for me and i’m trying to be helpful. i hope its not too incoherent.

Tznius cannot be judged outside of the society’s norms and without relating to the individual wearing it. heavy make up is not tzanua if its eyecatching but certainly what is considered heavy makeup is relative from place to place. you can also have this discussion regarding inappropriate wigs and clothes. the bottom line is to follow your rav and try to go with the spirit as well as the letter of the law and recognise that the standards will differ from community to community and not try to impose your ideas on everyone.

On another note. i know of two girls who were reprimanded for wearing makeup in high school . The irony was that neither one was, they just were naturally blessed and looked really beautiful. the principal could not believe that it was natural. so sometimes all this talk may be a case of sour grapes. one girl was so pretty that short of wearing a burka to cover her from head to toe she was noticeable, and in nondescript clothes without makeup. people sometimes forget that Hashem created women and many times they are very beautiful because that’s how Hashem made them. It’s not an aveira to look good.tzinius is also how you comport yourself etc.

m?dern hebrew word for automobile is ???

rude boy was probably musing about the seltzer, as in “my zeidy used to drink seltzer, and i miss my zeidy, or maybe it was the pretzels, did he think you were having a party, thats how my mind works when i see other peoples shopping choices. i also always wonder where the planes are headed when they pass oveerhead, some vacation venue, hmmm. and start to daydream about where i would like to go. enjoy your pet peeve, its yours and your entitled to it.

can’t ask my resident talmid chacham because he’s not available now but there was a special conveyance used to carry the kallah to the chuppa in yerushalayim. not clear if it was a carriage or a sedan chair. there are some poeple who are trying to revive the custom now in yerushalayim. all those learned people out there, jump in with the source.

also the kallah used to wear a crown too. one of the takanos after the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash was that Kallahs should no longer wear crowns and that is our minhag

i always check out what other people buy becuz i never can think of something new or interesting to serve ,and so i wonder what they are going to make and would i like it too. i have very little imagination when it comes to shopping and cooking so i;m always looking for ideas. it really interests me. so sue me but i look in other people’s carts. not judging , just trying to work things out for myself. sometimes i get inspired and go buy something i’ve seen. it also helps when i ‘ve forgotten to make a shopping list. oh look, i need paper cups too

should anyone know who jackie gleason is/ was?

dear boro park girl. there are certain grooming tasks that while necesary and commendable are not necessarily pleasant to watch. i don’t enjoy watching people clean their noses or cut their toenails or even brush their teeth, its just not esthetic.. if your husband doesn’t mind seeing you with makeup, but just makes funny comments on watching the application, then don’t worry about it. put it on not in his presence. by the way, he may never have witnessed his mother or sisters do it so it may seem very weird to him. funnily enough after being married for over 30 years and wearing make up for almost every day , except yomkippur and tisha b’av. my husband one day asked what took me so long to get ready in the morning . i said i was putting on make up. he said “why do you need makeup” i laughed out loud. to me this meant that 1) he thought i looked good without it, and 2) he really thought i looked good cuz he didn’t realize that i was always wearing makeup.

my married son who is the sweetest, kindest yeshiva guy, and grew up in a family where the women wear makeup, and nail polish says whenever the topic comes up. don’t talk to me, i’m a guy and i just don’t understand why you need it or want it. suffice to say Hahem made women like makeup, and our guys just have to accept that. of course it should always be tasteful and refined and tsanua.

i also know a case where a couple were set up, through mutual acquaintances (family members etc.), and got engaged. when one of the ‘official shadchaniot” who had suggested shiduchim to one of the parties heard about the engagemnet, she said “oh , no ididn’t get a chance to check this shidduch out”. the families had done the checking and were satisfied. the shidduch Baruch Hashem went through without any difficulties, monetarily or otherwise, everything was agreed upon by the families themselves. sometimes the shadchanim pasel shiduchim for their own reasons. , so when Hashem makes it happen that they are bypassed its probably for a reason we are not aware of. We really know very little about the way the world really works, we just think we do. incidentally, after this couple got engaged everyone who heard about it and knew the couple said, It’s so matim, how come we did’t think of suggesting it!”

Eclipse. may you see the sun shine out in your life. just like in an eclipse when everything is black and it feels like it will stay that way forever, always the sun is revealed and continues to shine. May Hashem reveal beauty, goodness and joy to you in your life and may you truly feel blessed.

I’m sure you have suffered much, but try to remember that Hashem is with you and soon the tides will turn.

on another note. hopefully Mr. X’s remarriage will let you have peace and quiet from him.

enjoy your children as they are a great blessing WHICH NOT EVERYONE IS ZOCHEH TO HAVE. count your blessings and you will feel blessed.

also, for pampering i really go for ben and jerry’s , anything very chocolaty. maybe treat yourself to something new and beautiful that you’ve beeen thinking about for a while. but don’t go over budget too much as you’ll just feel bad later. chag kasher vesameach.

I am grateful that Hashem gave me a good attitude which will help me be cheerful even if I have to do seder in the hospital with my Mom who needs surgery. Iam grateful for my grown up kids who came over and worked really hard to help me get Pesach ready. I am grateful for my spouse who will miss me when i”m in hospital with Mom, but understands and supports me. I am grateful for having a mother and being able to be there for her. Also lets not forget the all important cleaning help, and ability to pay for it. That’s what I’m grateful for today. plus tons more every day. Baruch Hashem Hakol Tov

evryone has opinions but when people are suffering its best to be quiet . the Torah allows divorce for a reason. and while it is always sad sometimes it is very necessary. lets respect others and not discuss their personal business. whoever isn’t a party to their marriage shouldn’t have an opinion.

well someone who posts about a talkng horse dates him or herself and reveals that they were acquainted with that particular species so that says something about them if you get my drift.

For the information of people who may not know it CLINICAL DEPRESSION is an illness, like diabetes, or kidney disease. you wouldn’t tell a diabetic to focus on the bright side, you would tell him to keep his insulin levels steady . you would tell someone with kidney disease to take his meds and watch his liquid intake,etc. the point i’m trying to make is ,there is a very big difference between someone who is down in the dumps because of a hard life, being spoiled, unrealistic expectations or a bad attitude and someone who suffers from the illness of depression which needs competent medical care, and competent therapy. To those sufferers. listen IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, NO LESS THAN IT IS MY FAULT FOR HAVING BAD Teeth OR SOMEONE ELSES FAULT FOR HAVING A HEART CONDITION. certainly fresh air, a healthy diet, exercise and a support group are good things, but the main thing is good medical care and of course lots of tefillos. a Talmid Chochom once told me. Every time you feel like you have to cry or sigh make that into a tefilla by adding “please Hashem help me”.

There is light at the end of the tunnel!!!, I have seen seriously depressed people who got better, but it was a long difficult journey.With Hashem’s help it worked out.on the road to recovery there were lots of incompetent therapists, and medicines that didn’t work or made things worse..

One of the best doctors in the world for this is DR. Lebowitz in n.y. world famous, excellent in diagnosis and tops in prescribing the right medicine. Only drawback is that he is extremely expensive. on the other hand, within a few visits to him he can sort you out (3-6) and then your local doctor can take over and work with him. if you are not able to get to ny or can’t afford him , it is important to be in touch with one of the many RABBONIM/ASKANIM WHO REFER PEOPLE TO THE BEST DOCTORS, THERAPISTS IN THEIR FIELD. (i don’t know their names or numbers but if you put it out there you will get the info i’m sure.)like any other illness the difference in getting a good doctor is literally life and death.

Unfortunately an additional burden for the sufferer of depression and other so -called mental or emotional illnesses is the lack of knowledge and the stigma attached to these conditions which make it difficult to get proper treatment and or support from the community. The person who “lo oleinu” needs a transplant will have people working worldwide to help him , but the person suffering from these types of illnesses is afraid to tell anyone for fear of being stigmatised, shidduch, etc. i wish i had an idea of how to deal with that. May Hashem send everyone a complete Refuah. And send us all the Geula b’korov.

first of all,I’m so proud of all the girls and women who are working so hard on growing in this area , it really is a difficult nisayon for women. To mytake. maybe this will help you. i’m much older but when i was in sem in yerushalayim and short skirts were in back then too,i had one really long skirt (for the time) that i wore whenever i went to the kosel. after a while i started wearing it all the time becuz i never knew when i would want to go to the kosel and had my mother send me more . by the time i got home i wore only longer skirts becuz i got used to it and came to realize thar Hashem sees me everywhere not just at the kosel. (of course i knew that before but knowing and feeling are not the same) i remember getting comments about my long skirts from people in ny , but those are not the people who matter. years later after i was married and short skirts were no longer an issue, but i dressedd in a very stunning way. totally covered up but eyecatching in a beautiful way. i didn’t understand that this eye-catching loook wasn’t tzanua.until the following incident. My son was in grade 2 and was considered a very special student. his report cards were raves and of course i was very proud. one day i had to pick him up from yeshiva and i was all dressed up in the highly stylish wig (spiky and teased )and the leather jacket that was soo stylish etc. i was about to knock on the door of his classrooom when all of a sudden i realized that I didn’t look like the mother of that budding talmid chacham sitting in the classroom and i was embarrassed for his Rebbe to see me the way i looked. now remember , i looked beautiful and got no complaints from the society, i.e. my husband and family, but i realized there was something wrong with that look. it took moving to erets yisrael to get that style of dress out of my system. i actually gave away some of my gorgeous clothes becuz even though they weren’t too tight or short they were just too, too! i am proud to say that all these years later my son is a Baruch Hashem real Talmid Chacham and any time i’m tempted to dress a little too flamboyantly i say, but i don’t look like ________’s mother. (that’s why i still only have one earring in each ear.) So if you think about the kind of wife and mother you want to be maybe that will give you chizuk to dress the part!!!!. of course you can have beautiful things that you wear only for your husband without sharing them with the world

For “looking to grow”. I know a couple whose shidduch came about precisely becuz the girl decided to strengthen her tznius and take on something extra. one boy she went out with didn’t like the look, so he said no, but recommended the shidduch to someone else he knew and they are Baruch Hashem very happily married and working on their own family of budding talmidei chachamim and little tsniusdik girls. the right boy will davka want a girl who wears the skirts you want to wear. good luck to you all.

in reply to Hereswhatisay, Bli kesher to shidduchim, i met a woman after my wedding , who said, Oh, you look so nice now that you cover your hair! really! ( i have very curly hair and i love it). There’s no accounting for stupidity, however.

As far as the sheitels go,it is really best to buy the best wig you can afford. I have a custom that lasted 10 years with minimal maintenance. The better the wig the longer it lasts and the better it looks.Whoever is on the madrega to cover all their hair with a tichel, i say ‘gevaldig’. but for the rest of us , my Rav says a sheitel is permitted. Follow your Rav.