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A couple of issues here:
1) there are people who do shake hands. If you say your religion does not allow it, then the person may think either your are a faker, or the one who does shanke hands is a faker.
2) whatever you say, it could reasonably be interperted that you or your religion has something against females, and if the person is not jewish, and even worse, if she is black, could be interpreted as being against people in one or both of the above 2 categories.
3) “my wife doesnt allow it” sounds that you are married to a nut-case
I feel the best approach :
1) realize that it is a very uncomfortable situation – for chizuk carry in your mind a “dimus de’yokno” of your rosh yeshiva, or maybe your chavrusah, or maybe even the best – your wife. Would you shake hands with the lady if they were present? (derech agav, the is a great shemirah against being nichshal in pe-ritzsus in the workplace – would you joke around with a lady colleague if your wife was present?
2)be mispallel that all should go well
3) try to avoid – carry stuff in your hands
4)if a hand is strecthed out, then say: “Among orthodox Jews there are various traditions, and by some, even men and women in the same family do not shake hands”. I beleive this statement quickly and effectively addresses the issues.
Hatzlacha ve’chol tuv
to eliezer: in your original posting you said “…if for one hour a week, on Shabbos, the men want to let loose and have a roaring good time, I see nothing wrong with it.” Slightly different than your current focus on “drinking a bit more than I usually do”. Anyway I am glad to see that you have charata from your original comments, although a total u-turn would have been more of the honest way out for you.
“everone has their own way to be mekadesh hashabbos” What issues do you have with chazal’s way?
“and unless all YOU do on Shabbos is learn and daven…then how are YOU being MeKadeish Shabbos? Do you nap? .. etc etc.” Rather than addressing things which i never said, i would have rather seen a more honest approach on your part, namely, to address the things which you did say.
Have a good weekend
P.S. _ I think you can be maikil like the TAZ and use a small amount of chamar medina to be yoitzeh kiddush by day, no need to be machmir as it seems you have been for a real brisker re’viis.
to eliezer: “I’m not one for all out uncontrolled Shikrus (everyone knows their limits – and if they don’t they shouldn’t even sip a drink), but if for one hour a week, on Shabbos, the men want to let loose and have a roaring good time, I see nothing wrong with it.”
There are many reasons why this day is “shabbos kodesh”. What’s yours?
Wake up and stop dreaming. A “nice yeshivish crowd” would not have an organized baseball team. The problem is you are being posaich al shnei ha’seifim. Adam nikar le’fi, kisu, koso, ve’kaaso. Hard beleive that there are not other issues in your colony (i.e, tznius, marbeh sicha im ha’isha, kvias itim le’torah)
Insofar as your being people that are mi haish hacheftz le’chaim, what would you want a Rav to do for you?
You sound sincere, but need to take care of this yourselves.
hatzlacha ve’chol tuv