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I was refering to the fact that they probably got confused between the two.
Feif Un, I like your piece much more than Getzel’s!
Emlf, I totally agree with you. When i got this “conversation” by e-mail my first thought was it was written by a goy and some frum person who got it changed the G-d into Hashem ?????? ????….
They probably got him mixed up with Ahud Goldwasser who was abducted a month later in Lebanon.. She is still around.
If you push the issue and the kid is not interested it will only backfire. try to keep the junk in the house to minimal and/or get the “healthier” kind of junk. incoursge fruit and vegtables but DON’T make it a major issue otherwise it will become an emotional issue as well and the kid not only wont lose weight but a now have to battle emotional issues as well.
I took this approach with my daughter and recently she started putting in an effort and lost 6 kilo!
ok so reverse the senirio.
My parents moved into a mostly DL apartment building in EY close to thirty years ago and it took a year for the first person to say shabbat shalom and another two years for some other neighbors to do the same.
I do not write this to say lason hara but to say that there are people who are menschen and people who are not in every society and the only ones we can change are ourselves. By changing ourselves PERHAPS we can cause others to change. If all we do is say disgusting then we have not even tried to change ourselves.!
I heard Rav Elyashiv said you cannot wear crocs on Tisha Bav or YK.
If the only problem is the warming up of food, you could go and not eat the “warm food” only challa and salads etc then go home and eat thesnitzil you warmed up for yourself.
Not easy but better than insulting someone.
Also IMHO someone who grow up conservative is harder to “retrain” vis a via HAlacha
Still looking – you said it all! Kol Hacavod.
Pac Man, the child suffers if only because he learns to abuse as well. Also YES many people are happy in their second marriges. Lonliness is better than abuse! the question is, is the abuse real or imaginary?
Sounds like he is the one who needs to change. IN fact sounds like some abuse is happening here.
However I will repeat what an abused wife (who divorced and remarried) said. “don’t get divorced unless being alone is better than your current life”. the reason she said that is because it is very hard to remarry especially if you have kids so chances are you will be alone.
Broker,
yes that is the Halacha.
Speak to your Rav/Mentor/parent (if you single) or spouse (if you are married) tell them why it is affecting you. Once you do that most likely they will agree with you then go back and say so and so said it was not healthy for me to hear your sorrows so I can’t. This should shut her up as she can’t really tell you not to listen to them. Keep in mind that it will probably hurt her but it might be a case of ???? ??????. OTOH if they disagree it will help give you the right prospective and that will, hopefully, give you a perspective.
Englishman,
If you are feeling that your wife is now immature and shallow I would suggest you think about the following points.
1. Do you bring up topics that she can see as a criticism of her? If so I would assume she just turns off rather than have a deep discussion in which she feels criticized. (Even if you do not mean it in that way)
2. Perhaps she needs to talk about her day which includes many “shallow” things like diapers and laundry etc. If that is the case try really listening to her before you have “deep” talk with her.
3. Perhaps at the end of the day she is just too tired to talk about those deep issues that you used to talk about when you were dating.
If the above does not help you remember that a spouse is not perfect and cannot fill all our needs. Most people need other people beside their spouse to fill ALL their needs. So if you have Shalom Bayis and nothing major is wrong, find your intellectual needs elsewhere.
Good luck!
What a great opportunity for KIDUSH HASHEM lost !!! And it would only cost $2.40. For a chilul Hashem, a person can only atone for the sin with sincere repentance & finally upon that person’s death, so you can imagine how valuable a kiddush HASHEM is worth. There was a story where a bus driver who thought about becoming frum, intentionally gave a frum looking person, extra change for their fare. The frum person reasoned taut akum ! In the end he returned the extra change & the bus driver replied, that he made the mistake intentionally & now that he can see how wonderful frum people are, he has decided to become frum.
Good one Josh!
Sorry for the pain you are going through. You should have a nechama.
Coffee addict
Could be you are right but you cant change the oylem!
Ever heard of the person who wanted to change the world? he came to the conclussion he could only change himself.
Allow yourself to grieve/mourn whatever it is you have lost. Be it a relationship, trust, a dream or loss of income. Once you allow yourself to grieve you can move forward with your life and your nisayon.
In short no they do not contridict each other.
A person cannot say he has bitachon and then go and spend money on whatever they want. in fact i would imagine that most people with REAL bitachon live very simple lives and calculate their money wisely.
The chovat halavavot in ??? ?????? ??? ? speaks about the differences between the person who has bitachon and works for his parnassa to the person who works and does not have bitachon. It is worth reading. It would apply to living by a budget as well.
writing about tznius issues on the CR is not going to convince anyone to be more tzanua. Someone who is sensitive will be sensitive in any case. And someone who is not will say “guys look the other way, I am not responsible for the whole world”.
Any women willing to get up here and say I changed the way I dressed (for the better) because of all the tznius threads on the CR?
We have more control over texting then we do when we “space out”. One is done consciously the other not.
And yes it most probably would be considered a hefsek of some sort (know the story of the Rav who said welcome home to the person who finished ????? ?????)
Someone who works in Tel Aviv asked his Rabbi about giving to drug addicts. These drug addicts collet at the traffic lights in Tel Aviv and are very oviously “addicts”. He was told to give them small amounts (like a shekel) as kol haposhet yad applies not only on Purim
I would venture to say that if you are not allowed to talk then you are not allowed to text. Oneis allowed to motion only when really necessary so if it is an emergancy then yes he could text but otherwise no.
mechutzaf = impertinent, impolite, insolent, cheeky.
And although it is not as bad as an Apikores it is meant to be derogatory.
Could not have said it better.
We would not discuss these issues face to face with the other gender so why on the CR?
I think you should approach the lifegaurd herself and if that does not work then speak to the manager. It is not over reacting! I myself saw an adult drown. And beleive me it is not nice! It is a real SAKANA!!!
chalilavachus- -I feel your pain. As someone who has a sibling OTD (also very intellectual) I can tell you one thing, It is NOT the parents fault. I saw some people write that they find it hard to believe that it is not a disfunctional family. I am telling you that it is not as uncommon as people think. Yes there are risk factors but many “normal” famlies have been hit with this maka.
In my siblings case, my parents did all they could for the child. As a sibling I can see nothing that my parents did wrong. This is from a time prospective (over ten years!)For a while some of the siblings managed to keep a realationship but today we rarly have anything to do with the sibling as everytime we spoke it came down to “prove there is a G-d”.
If the child needs $$$ perhaps come to an agreement about a weekly/monthly sum. This might give over the feeling that you care about them without your feeling that it is a bottomless pit.
We were very lucky that when the sibling was at home they did not try to influence other childer. If this OTD child is influencing the other children perhaps you need to offer to pay for rent for them. However take into account that this might backfire to “you are kicking me out of my home and dont care about me”
In fact I can imagine that most anything you do will end up being twisted to the OTD child’s liking. So keep in mind that you need to take YOURSELF and the rest of the family into account as well. Dont “ignore” your needs or other childrens needs because you are afraid of alienting the one child. Sometimes you can never get things right (especially with this kind of child)And no a therapist is not going to happen with this kind of person. I know that only to well.
I know it feels like the pain will never go away, Just keep reminding yourself that everyone has bechira and that although you gave this child the tools to make the right descions he/she has chosen otherwise and it is not reflective on you as a person or as a parent.
Not that I think it is fair but the source is probably from Rachel and Leah. When Laven switched them and Yackov asks why Laven answers “lo yaasa ken bmkominu” it is not done in our community to marry off the younger before the elder.
Is there someone your older daughter is close with that she can discuss this with? Someone who is objective? perhaps someone for her seminary in Isreal?
As to Emuna, If you have emuna perhaps this is not the shidduch for the younger one.
bumping it up
Why the need to explain? Most kids get it themselves. If the kid asks, why not say I don’t know (which is true as even if they have vitamin P they need chinuch!) and say I expect you not to behave that way.
Also if you are not cynical chances are they won’t be. Children are quick to pick up on the adults real feeling on the matter.