P/C is a good community, but I don’t know how much cheaper it is!

What is Chicago like? I saw there are 2 Bais Yaakovs – how do they compare?

PLEASE!! Consider channeling all of this machlokes and loshon hora into learning for a refuah shleimah for Refoel Yoel Ozer ben Chaya Malka!! He is a 2 year old boy in desperate need of our tefillos!!

This is why some ‘mental health professionals’ diagnose their clients with Borderline Personality Disorder – so that if the client accuses the therapist of any type of ethics breach, the therapist can defend themselves by saying, ‘the client has a history of lying/instability/etc and is just saying this because they didn’t like what I said to them’.

In reality, many women diagnosed with BPD have been pushed so far in abuse situations that acting out is the only way they can cope with the abuse that happened prior to seeing the therapist. (I say women because men with BPD tend to end up in prison rather than in treatment.) Saying that the client has a certain past doesn’t prove that they couldn’t possibly be victimized again by someone in a position of trust.

I don’t think I exaggerated. P/C, does, however, lack the Brooklyn ‘tude, except from those who arrive with it.

3br houses can be found for under $400 but might need work. Housing might be cheaper than Brooklyn, but is insanely expensive compared to the non-tri-state-area (why live among millions of yidden when you only need ten anyhow?).

And voch, I trying to answer the OPs question, not compare P/C and Brooklyn.

Once I fell and whacked my head so hard on the shower wall I got a concussion. They said in the ER that the reason why the other side of my head also hurt is because my brain bounced off my skull. Ow.

Yeah, Pop Tarts!

I sent an email saying that the pictures were inappropriate (Gestetner’s included) and they responded with “there are other frum magazines available if you find ours inappropriate”.

OK, then. Poor business practice on more than one front, but OK.

TBT: Just because you haven’t witnessed this kind of abuse (and may you never) doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. What story don’t you believe? You’re naive if you think this would never happen in the frum community.

When my husband and I were dating, he also had a hard time believing that someone could be “THAT bad”. When he had finally spent enough time around my certain family member with raging BPD, her true colors came out, and it made his blood run cold. I said OK, now imagine being trapped growing up in the environment every day of your life.

It’s almost a good thing that we weren’t frum then, because I would have been blacklisted because of her. Fortunately, he married me despite her. It has been difficult, but we have worked together to protect our family from her toxicity. Our children have never been alone with her, and they know nothing about what I went through. It will stay that way unless/until I need to tell them in order to protect them and/or the next generation.

If you don’t believe my story either, that’s your problem. I’m not her victim anymore, and I certainly won’t protect her if others are at risk of becoming her prey. I strongly believe that’s how HASHEM wants me to handle it!

Eclipse, I also hope that you didn’t take anything I said as an insult chas v’shalom. I think it’s a terrible shame that therapy has such a stigma in many circles. I feel terrible for the situation you’re in, and because of the anonymity there’s only so much we in the CR can do. I have been in therapy for years, and while I certainly don’t advertise it, it has GREATLY helped my ability to deal with some really, really rough situations over the years. I’d like to hope that the stigma on therapy is changing – I think that is partly why so many people here are suggesting it. Take care and hatzlacha.

Eclipse, aries has some great advice. Document everything – write what he said, how you responded, what date and time the conversation was at. Responding “really, huh, oh my, is that so” is a good stalling technique when talking to someone who might be trying to gaslight you. If they’re good enough at it, it still may not help. I was gaslighted by a family member, “A”, in my teens (not in a frum environment). It was flat out verbal, mental, and emotional abuse, but I was made to think it was “all my fault” that I was stupid, worthless, couldn’t do anything right, etc. etc. I really thought I was crazy. It took years of therapy to cope with the constant manipulation, abuse, fear, horrible expletives… the family member who should have protected me, “B”, who I completely trusted and loved, was completely passive and let the abuse take place. Years later, after another family member, “C”, passed away, I found papers among their possessions that detailed “B”s abuse of other family members (physical assault against “C”, threatening physical harm and worse against other relatives). My trust was completely shattered and it was the beginning of the realization that there were other ways that “B” had failed me. Like, maybe I wasn’t crazy after all? For the sake of my own self-preservation, I have little contact with them anymore. It was a rough learning experience to say the least, but if I would have done anything differently, it would have been to speak up sooner, to risk reaching out for help sooner. I was terrified and felt trapped. But I also know that it happened just as Hashem would have it happen, and I understand a lot more now than I did then.

Eclipse, trust your intuition, and document everything. Be very careful what you put on a public forum (no, this is not my original screen name). And daven… hatzlacha…