Gadolhadorah

“divorce is USUALLY worse than a problematic marriage”

For a change, Joe has a valid point with the noted caveat. For many years, women in really bad and borderline abusive relationships “held on” for the sake of the kids or in prior generations, simply because of the lack of an economically viable alternative. B”h today, women have both the economic option of leaving an abusive relationship and support from their rabbonim and local mosdos if that is their choice. Clearly, tyring to work through a “problematic” relationship is preferable but if that is a code word for abuse, than leaving is without a doubt the right path.

The prescriptive “should” applies equally to adhering the advice of my rav when opining on matters of halacha and adhering to the advice of a respected physician on matters of medical care etc….the point is obvious. I don’t ask my doctor to paskan on arba minim nor do I ask my rav to paskin on my EKG. I “may” accept the Rav’s advice if he has good eitzah on meditation/relaxation techniques to lower my blood pressure or the name of one of the daveners who might get me in to see a cardiac specialist at Hopkins w/o a 3 month wait.

TO JJ2020…well said…a big part of the process of maturing in our emunah and hashkafah, we need to develop the ability to know when to rely on the advice of a rav and when that advice needs to be supplemented with advice from subject matter experts or to rely entirely on those experts. In some cases, your local rav may be able to refer you to such an outside expert from prior experience. While there may be some inmature yungerleit who consult with their rebbe about whether they need to make an “asher yatzar”, as they mature, there is hopefully a transition in knowing what questions truly warrant input from a rav and when outside expertise is needed and appropriate.

65 posts later, no one has provided any direct evidence that R’ Aurbach condones, or supports having these thugs go out and disrupt the lives of yidden or engage in violence. Today, there was a report whose accuracy cannot be verified that the police were going to demand he show up for questioning but decided not to for lack of direct evidence linking him to the violence…..the definition of “gadlus” doesn’t extend to someone openly and explicitly encouraging his talmidim to engage in this kind of mindless behavior. There is big difference between opposition to the draft and promoting this kind of chillul hashem.

Yes Joe….its a bunch of us mindless YWN posters v. a Rav who expressed an opinion where Yidden should choose to live decades ago based on the sociological, locational options and economic realities at that time. If you think it is apikorsus for a young couple not wanting to raise their family in a high density, congested, noisy and high pollution level neighborhood packed with “Josephs”, than I guess we have a whole generation of apikorosim spreading their “suburban hashkafah” throughout the country.

Yes, Joe. The same Rav Moshe Tendler shlita who apparently doesn’t seem to be among your favorite rabbonim but otherwise is one of the most highly respected talmedei chachamim of our generation along with being an expert in many areas of applied biological sciences and bioethics…but I guess you don’t hold by those who have respect for him either. As to his disagreement with his father-in-law, those stories are both legendary and frequently overstated.

To Yekke22
“Please do not compare a Kiyyum Mitzvah (probably d’oiraisah) [as in 2AM havdalah] to a lazy goy who cannot be bothered taking down his decorations…..

Perhaps consider a reference to a goy without the pejorative adjective….it will make you a happier person. The point being that we have as many “lazy” yidden who don’t take down their succah until tu
bshvat which I can assure you is NOT kiyyum mitzvah–either d’oiraisah or d’rabbonon….On late Shabbos, the large percentage of yidden make havdalah reasonably close to the z’man simply because they have lives and obligations for family, work etc. If you have the luxury of not having such obligations, then its a real luxury to be able to relish Shabbos kodesh for a few addtitional hours.

In reading through some of the prolific online literature on the issue (BTW this subject is a great argument as to the value of the internet for limudei kodesh), I learned that Rav Tendler,shlita, the son-in-law of Rav Moshe, Z’TL has actually researched the issue and was ultimately supportive of Radziner Techelet as the “real deal”. Of all those who opine on the subject, I would suggest he is among the few really having the technical expertise to make such a claim (although as is his practice, does not asset that it is a chiyuv that must be adopted by all yidden) .

Just as some chassidim don’t make Havdalah until 2AM to hold on to the feel and kedushah of Shabbos as long as possible some eat their meals in the succah until the second week of chevshan to get more mileage out of all the work they invested motzi yom kippur getting it built…sort of like your goyishe neighbor who leaves the X’mas lights up until mid-February

To argue we should follow some practice because it is not forbidden and MAY have some redeeming spiritual value and/or provide some segulah is borderline “new age” hashkafah along the lines of the “healing” properties of certain crystals worn around your neck etc. Given that most yidden struggle just keeping up with hundreds of mitzos asseh m’doraisah, coming up with new rules of general applicability seems to complicate our daily lives unnecessarily.

“There’s absolutely no heter whatsoever to throw food including apples. Its wrong on every level”….

I think chazal bring down that the issur is not on throwing food but rather on throwing rolls of paper towels at people suffering from hunger and thirst in the aftermath of a tropical storm.

Moral of the story is that even if it looks inappropriate it still may be OK if the person doing it has connections in the right places

The most incontrovertible evidence that chickens were not explicitly mentioned in the Torah is that you will not find a single chicken (or parts thereof) exhibited in the Living Torah Museum on 41st Street in Brooklyn curated by the noted expert Rav Shaul Shimon Deutsch, shlita. Rav Deutsch’s exhibit shows the 24 types of birds specifically mentioned in the Torah and not a single chicken is to be found. That should settle the matter.

“There are plenty of houses for sale in Brooklyn, As long as you have a spare million. If you only have about $10,000 or less, you are out of luck”

For $10,000 you cannot buy a house in Shlabodka or anywhere in the “suburbs”….but you don’t have to spend $1 million either. There are thousands of homes and apartments for sale in the range of $350K-$600K. Obvioualy, if you have chosen not to work and earn a good parnassah, didn’t marry for money and haven’t won the lottery, you may have an issue.

To Tango2
I would not be quibbling over the gadlus of R.’ Miller. He is highly respected across all segments of the tzibur and his books and tapes constitute one of the largest bodies of source material on “daas torah” or whatever you to call the subject matter.

Also, R’ Miller’s admonition to yidden of a prior generation with very different options has to be interpreted by each family based on their own needs. For some, simply being close to elderly parents alone is sufficient reason to stay close to home…for others, being at some distance from the machatunim is sufficient reason for relocating. At the end, this is clearly a shared decision of a husband and wife as to what is best for them and their children and not something that can be dictated by a Rav, family member or friends in a “one size fits all” decisional framework.

Insularity and parochialism can be viewed from many lenses…even Rav Miller provided many useful insights still applicable today with respect to how yidden should live in a pluralistic society such as the U.S. in a way that protected their yiddeshkeit while simultaneously avoiding behavior that would promote or perpetuate anti-Semitism. B’H we have today a greater role in the governance of the United States that, in turn, has provided opportunities to strengthen the opportunities of our children and grandchildren. One can travel across the country and find flourishing yiddeshe communities with yeshivos, mikvahs, etc. Frum observance is growing by leaps and bounds while Conservative and Reform shuls are consolidating and closing in a struggle for survival.

If the choice is between Brooklyn and Cleveland, than perhaps I’ll make a one time exception and side with Joe…..my point was there are at least 5-10 cities outside of the NYC metro area where one can easily raise a family consistent with daas torah and Halacha. Several of those cities run ads here on YWN trying to break though the parochial and insular view of many frum yidden who still follow R. Miller’s dated perspective

chutz la’aretz is not the same as chuz l’ BP and Willy. For a young frum couple just starting a family, being able to afford tutition at a good yeshiva, finding an affordable home in a nice neighborhood and not having to have both parents working to maintain a decent quality of life are just a few reasons to “escape” to the suburbs. At some point, the sheer concentration of the mosdos you reference is a contrarian indicator to quality of life,

B’H, there are many “Orthodox Ghettos” in the U.S. to escape TO….and they provide considerably higher quality and healthier “environments” than the congested, noisy and polluted environments of the older heimeshe neighborhoods R’ Miller was probably referring to. With frum shuls, yeshivos. mikvahs and kosher markets sprouting in multiple states from coast to coast, frum yidden now have many choices which are considerably more affordable for younger families and also have high quality environmental attributes as well.

Many yidden hire goyim to build their Succah for them and perhaps only drop a few branches of schach on the roof to be mekayem the mitzvah. Even then, I recall in masechet succos, we learn that as long as the schach was placed by the goy for the purpose of providing shade, the succah is kosher regardless of who placed it. While the Arizal and others argued that it is certainly preferable for one to personally involve himself in the building of the succah there were writings by Chacham Ovadia and other contemporary gedolim that affirmed the kashruth of a succah built 100 percent by goyim.

To Joseph:

“Till what age does Chazal expect parents to discipline or have any “reins” on one’s children??”

There are various holdings among the achronim but in general, there is concensus that its until the z’man they move out of the basement and are no longer eligible for a dependent deduction for federal income tax purposes.

To Yekke2…..yasher koach on a very enlightening and informative posting….short, clear and to the point of the thread. Thank you.

The best “parenting books” are written by millennial bochurim….they supposedly combine the best qualities of nevius and 20/20 hindsight into a new and more permissive parenting philosophy under which all of their actions as kids are both rational and consistent with a 21st century hashkafah

To BB….sorry for imputing an unwanted gender change procedure on your screen name….my imaginary chazal was satirically channeling some unnamed yungerleit providing his best schmooze as to why parents should “chill out” when he is back home bein hazamanin…

Still unclear…understand that there is always a minyan on Shabbos and yom tovim…is there a DAILY shachris minyan year-round or just in the summer months