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Point taken, thank you.
I’m unsure why my post was rejected. It seems to only further highlight my point.
Your post wasn’t rejected, it was addressed to the mods. You are also jumping to conclusions about the rest of it. The message is an excellent one but obviously not for all ears. You make a point about how to address a certain population, why would you want it posted where they will read it?
I think there was a city in California that was about to ban H2O (water) at one point because it ‘kills thousands and thousand of people every year’ but just before legislation was passed, the guy who drew it up told them it was a prank. This might be an urban legend tho.
lilmod ulelamaid: I’m not married, but I’ve been studying psychology on the side, and enjoy understanding people and life experiences.
On a technicality that statement isn’t true. Because people often take many years to marry, and can fall in love before that time. Marriage is a major help because it signifies a deep and undying commitment to one’s spouse, and vice versa. There are different types of love. This is one of those things that is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t felt it, and is harder for me to explain, as someone who hasn’t fully felt it myself. There’s a love between friends and people, where one person cares about the other and genuinely cares for them in every way possible, and there’s a love between genders that mixes in attraction and everything that comes along with it, and creates a much deeper relationship where each person fully understands, accepts, and cares for the other in both actions and words.
Avram in MD: Infatuation by definition fades away after a certain point. So it wouldn’t be smart to base the relationship on something that will all of a sudden disappear. (It may not disappear all of a sudden, but the realization that it is gone generally happens in a flash of intuition). The point of infatuation is to kindle a flame between the couple to allow them to use that time to build a much deeper relationship that will last beyond the time that the infatuation fades. So as you said, it is real ‘learning.’ But it’s not yet strong enough to base an entire relationship on (similar to that we don’t expect a 5th grader to understand a Maharsha.) So in your opinion, what then should a new couple base their relationship upon?
Basing a relationship on real love is a different question. When a marriage starts, love simply isn’t there, infatuation is, so when starting a relationship it’s impossible by definition to base a relationship on love. So it must be based on something else. Infatuation? “Teenager-Love?” They’re not permanent, it wouldn’t work. So it must be based on a shared future together, whatever happens.
Avram in MD: I think we can agree that, like you said, love is the fuel which makes the engine/marriage run. And without love, it is very to continue a relationship, let alone start one. But I think we have to make a differentiation in love. Infatuation is not love, and it is nearly impossible to attain a real feeling of love in the beginning stages of a marriage, because it is something that can only be reached with long-term effort, commitment, and a real knowledge and appreciation for one’s spouse. We can agree love is not an emotion, because emotions come and go but as you said “I’ve never woken up and decided ‘I’m just not feelin’ the love today.’ … Proper perspective on our emotions is vital.” So to start, I believe we can agree that basing a relationship on infatuation, and therefore on the feeling people think love is, will not work out, for the above reason that that comes and goes and isn’t yet substantial.
It’s hilarious that after all this controversy over electors changing votes and the whole liberal fuss, Trump lost but two votes, and Clinton lost FIVE–including one to Faith the Spotted Eagle!! I think the media is severely out of touch as to what is actually going on with the people.
A problem with internalizing all these tragedies is that there are so many of them, we can’t take them all to heart because it would kill us.
At the minimus, I think we can all agree that there is a necessity for the potential for a deep emotional connection. If two people are going out and they don’t feel any connection, potential, or anything, then there is no point in continuing the relationship.
KRISPY KREME DONUTS ARE AMAZING!!!
lightbrite: If your relationship is close enough that you feel you’re enabling the person, then chance are you may meet the three conditions. With people I know that I’m not close with at all that I see involved with self-destructive behavior, it may pain me to a degree that they are doing what they’re doing, but I recognize that giving tochacha simply won’t help the situation because it simply won’t be received.
You raise a good point with that, and I realize I have to clarify. If someone is bullying someone, humiliating someone, or hurting someone else, then it’s not a matter of the person hurting someone else, it’s a matter of someone being hurt. In such a case it would be a travesty for bullying or other such behavior (or even something as ‘minor’ as certain degrees of lashon hara) to be allowed to continue without interference, and a person standing by should stand up for what is right and protest such behavior, not in terms of tochacha, but as a means to protest interpersonal destructive behavior, not allow such a thing to continue, and to avoid hurting people.
There are things that are so horrible (speaking of other things) that someone has to, at a certain point, stand up and give an unequivocal no, not for the sake of tochacha, but to avoid, like you said, not standing up for justice (i.e. discussing inappropriate topics in a public setting). The problem with this is that it’s hard to draw the line about what should be protested and what shouldn’t, and it is often taken too far. One has to know, and if (s)he has a significant doubt if objections should be raised, they often shouldn’t.
I believe that there are three requirements for any situation to warrant tochacha:
1) The person giving tochacha has to genuinely care about the wellbeing and situation of the one he is giving it to, and the person receiving it has to both know that, and fully reciprocate that feeling. If he doesn’t then the person will not receive it properly, let alone at all, as he will feel the person has no business rebuking him and is a mere annoyance.
2) There has to be a safe environment when it is given. This is especially important when it is an authority figure giving the tochacha. If the receiver doesn’t feel safe, if he thinks he would get in some trouble or if he doesn’t listen the relationship he has will go down the drain, his primary focus will be ensuring that those things don’t happen, not the tochacha, and he will pay the message no attention.
3) The person giving tochacha has to know the full situation of the person and the general mindset that person has. Without this, it could lead to extremely embarrassing mistakes, could cause the person to take offense, and the person giving it simply won’t know if other factors are at play, thereby rendering his mussar irrelevant and therefore hurtful.
A marriage should never be based on love, especially conditional love, because love is a fickle thing and if one person isn’t feeling it one day, then the whole thing goes down the drain. Marriage must have a permanent foundation. Ideally, it should be based on Torah and the husband and wife should take advantage of their marriage and relationship to help bring each other to new levels of avodas Hashem. Practically, that’s mostly impossible to implement for ordinary people, let alone non-Jewish people, so a marriage should be based on a shared future together and for their children, which is something that doesn’t change and isn’t subject to the whims of emotion.
As a guy, I’m not really knowledgeable on the subject, but I’ve always thought tznius is more about the inside than the outside. Obviously, keeping to the halachic standards outlined in the Mishnah Berurah and other places is a necessity that cannot be bargained with, but I think people miss the other side of it. I believe it to be more about how the person (I say person because on a certain level it applies to men also, but that’s a different conversation) conducts themselves in general and acts with an internalization that she is a Bas Yisrael and behaves to such a standard, than whether the her nail polish is black, pink, or non-existent or whether her hair is in a braid, ponytail or let down, etc. and I think that’s a mindset that’s lost to today’s detail oriented, permissible/non-permissible world of tznius.
That’s another question that remains unanswered. Also, why isn’t Huma being charged with having classified info on that computer?
The whole situation with the email’s on Weiner’s computer was very shady. They found approximately 650,000 emails, according to the Wall Street Journal. It took approximately two weeks to look through them, as opposed to a year it took to look through the 55,000 emails previously discovered. They said most of them were duplicates, yet CBS reported that there were many new emails found. The 33,000 ‘missing’ emails were later discovered to be in the possession of the FBI, a finding that the AP took heat over for not putting out the story when they discovered the details. We know nothing of their contents. I wonder what Comey’s real motives were with all of this, if an investigation actually took place or if it was suppressed, how much was falsified, and what more evils are to be found in the 33,000 emails and the others on Weiner’s computer.
More specifically the Deputy SoS handles the day-to-day affairs within the State Department. Regardless, he has a major say in policy and practice, and will be a highly regarded advisor.
ubiquitin: Yes, they did an initial scan of the emails and found relative material.
Health: CNN has no more evidence than we do. Which is non-existent. Why should I believe Harry Reid over equally high officials who say it never happened, when all logic points against him, without conclusive proof?
Thank You 🙂
You raise very good points. In addition, the CIA themselves hasn’t said anything publicly, to my knowledge. Most information we have is based on The Washington Post’s unnamed sources that speak of a ‘secret CIA investigation,’ so it is subject to questions due to their blatant liberal bias throughout this election, and the trustworthiness of both them and their sources.
While it is true that it was a public service for Wikileaks to release the emails, in a theoretical possibility that Russia did hack to obtain the material, it should be a national crisis. That being said, I see no evidence that Russia did such a thing. Julian Assange, Editor of Wikileaks, denied again and again that Russia gave him the material (your choice whether to believe him or not). Until I see any actual evidence (not circumstantial, not speculation, not ‘their intentions were for Trump, therefore they did something,’ etc.) that Russia did anything, I find it very, very hard to believe.
It’s a noble cause, yet I don’t think the Coffee Room was intended as a fundraiser platform. It quickly becomes out of control, and people honestly don’t want to see that when they come on here.
For people who know the psychology of what issues regarding shmiras einayim does to a person, it certainly leads many, many people off the derech (by causing a lack of care of Judaism, among other things) and that leads to other things including intermarriage. Millions is an exaggeration certainly in terms of causing intermarriage and also in sending people off the derech, but the point is made. In terms of the secular world, all it takes is a quick google search to see the effects of the internet on marriages worldwide, I saw a statistic which I forgot the exact number, but Facebook is mentioned in (it was at least this) a third of all divorces. Yes, people got divorced beforehand, but this is now a major contributing factor, and I don’t believe that 200, 100, and even 50 years ago we had a divorce rate of 50%.
I think it depends what level people are on. No one in a MO community is going to adhere to a chumra of not driving in a car together. But someone in Meah Shearim might.
So it looks like it’s going to be Rex Tillerson, CEO of ExxonMobil, and the deputy SoS will be John Bolton, ambassador to the UN under George W. Bush. Rex appears to be an interesting pick, he is known for his deal-making prowess, which clearly fits with Trump’s vision and agenda in nominations. He also is close to Putin and Russia, which fits with Trump seemingly wanting closer relations with them (of which National Security Advisor General Mike Flynn is a major fan), but it could be risky.
There’s a general concept of trying to move away from gashmius and move towards ruchnius. Kosher food is not something that is inherently assur. But as we work to remove ourselves from the elements of this world, food is included in that category.
In addition saying there a taavah for food does not say it’s assur, it merely says that people have a desire to eat food, which we can clearly see is true day in and day out.
Hey everyone!! First post!
I have yet to see an actual piece of evidence showing that Russia hacked the elections. As I saw in the article, the conclusion was that Russia’s intentions in this election were pro-Trump, but what they actually did was inconclusive. The election results were gone over dozens of times by many news agencies including CNN, if they saw a single hint of an anomaly in the results, it would have been headline news.