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Joseph, the Rebbeim are not going against the Shulchan Aruch. They cannot do such a thing. What the Rebbeim can do, and what they are doing, is they’re alleviating the suffering amongst the eshet chayil (eishes chayil). The days of needing witnesses to prove a claim for spousal abuse are no longer valid. A husband can act one way in shul and in public and can turn around and be a total monster in the privacy of his home when no one is looking. As long as the woman is credible, her word alone is sufficient. Also, the man is not actually being punished for any allegations so there’s no need for witnesses. No one is being stoned to death. All the husband is required to do is provide a Get. And yes, this is all Orthodox. The point I’m making is today the evidence is halachically required as it’s always been required. That hasn’t changed. The ability to address the evidence requirement has merely been updatd to no longer require third-party eye-witness accounts. And this accomodation is needed because so much abuse can occur behind closed doors.
JJ2020, no one is being “forced” to do anything. That would create a Get Me’usa (invalid Get). The men are freely giving the Gittin (Gets) because they want to. Yes, if they don’t, there’s penalties. Yes, to escape the penalties, they’re giving the Gittin voluntarily. It’s halachic. Holding the man over of vat of boiling oil would be cruel and unusual and not halachic. But the sages have ruled financial incentives make the arrangement voluntary and willful. Women have more discretion to refuse the Get. At least in the cases I’ve been involved with, I can only speak from personal experience, it’s usually the women who want the divorce; not the men.
Joseph, the Shulchan Aruch is guidance. The Rebbeim consider this important guidance but it’s not the final word. I have experience and have advocated in this area. As long as the wife states the husband is controlling, verbally abusive, short-tempered, curses at her, prone to violence and/or cheap, the Rebbeim and butei dinim will not turn the wife’s request down. The husband will be ordered to provide a Get along with adequate financial support. The husband can deny any and all charges until he’s blue in the face. It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to change the outcome. I know what you’re saying. It’s not fair to the husband who isn’t all that bad and not doing any of these bad things. The goal is to alleviate the wife’s suffering. She’s suffering in a marriage she doesn’t want to be in. It’s not some man’s job to tell her it’s not the husband’s fault. These men can’t force a wife to stay in a relationship she feels is abusive.
In Israel and NY State, it doesn’t matter the reason for the wife wanting out of the marriage. The husband has to give a Get or else the consequences are quite severe. We’re no longer living in Biblical times. Nowadays, women have the right to demand a divorce. The Rebbeim and butei dinim will almost always back us up. It doesn’t matter if the husband is cruel or even at fault or if the wife just has no interest in the marriage continuing. What matters is the woman is not considered some man’s property anymore.