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“Yes, I have learned that, but that does not include R”H , where the Torah says that one should be with his family.”
Where does the Torah say that? R”H is not one of the 3 regalim, and halachically there is a huge difference. According to the Ari I believe one should not “be” with their spouse on R”H as it is a Yom HaDin.
Chassidim have always left their families to travel to Rebbe’s on RH. If one has the zchus to have a Rebbe he understands that his entire inspiration and hadracha for Yidishkeit comes from that source and the minhag was always to spend R”H with that Rebbe. It is silly to start asking why don’t they go to XY & Z. Those people are their direct influence right now the same way a Satmar or Skver chassid goes to their direct influence for R”H today as well. Yeshivisheh people even go to their Yeshivos many times and I know several who felt as if they need to leave their families to travel abroad to their Yeshiva where they learnt so many years ago.
Going to Kevarim on Eruv Rosh HaShanah is not a new minhag. I wish I knew Shulchan Aruch and the Nosei Keilim by heart but I don’t however I have seen it the Minhag written about there see Pri Megadim I believe. Interestingly, the Breslover Chassidim who were in Poland and could not gather in Uman at the time would gather in Chochmei Lublin with Reb Meir Shapiro who was the Baal Tokeah in the Breslov Minyan. He also used to lead them Erev Rosh HaShanah to the grave of the Chozeh because they couldn’t go to Uman.
As far as leaving Eretz Yisrael for kevavrim, the Poskim speak about it:
Birkei Yosef (OC 568:1): If one lives in Eretz Yisrael and desires to prostrate on graves of Tzadikim in Chutz la’Aretz, or he lives in Yerushalayim and desires to go to graves of Tzadikim (elsewhere) in Eretz Yisrael, he may go on condition to return (Pri ha’Aretz 3:6:14, in some editions 3:10:7).
Sedei Chemed (1, Ma’areches Aleph): One may leave Eretz Yisrael to prostrate on the graves of Tzadikim, for it is a great Mitzvah.