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Dear Intellegent: I notice on the community calendar of The Yeshiva World that the Houston Kollel is having its 10th Annual Dinner on Sept. 14. Maybe you should speak to families in the Houston Kollel? I also forgot to mention that Denver, Chicago and St. Louis and Atlanta are cities to look into for the Kollel and Yiddeshkeit.
Dear Intellegent: Forgive me, but I never learned in a kollel so I do not know the difference between various kollels. What do you mean by a Lakewood type crowd? Again, Baltimore and Cleveland come to mind. Both have tremendous yeshivot and the cost of living is less. Baltimore is 3-4 hours away by car from NJ/NY-Cleveland is 8 hours. You need to make a list of your priorities and see which community meet those requirements.If my wife was not so close with her parents, who live in NY, I would have left the NY Metro area a long time ago. Not to knock NJ life, but the quality of life outside of the Metro area is so much better to me. It sounds like you are looking for more than what Lakewood has to offer and you may find it if you look hard enough. I wish you hatzlacha in your decision.
Intellegent: From your post it sounds like earning potential and cost is two of the factors that you are considering. As others have said there is life outside of Brooklyn, and New Jersey. I live in NJ and grew up in Brooklyn. The taxes-real estate and income will eat you up. Then, the Yeshiva tuition will tax you like you have never been taxed. Housing prices in the Northeast are higher as well. Why not do pilot trips to Baltimore, Cleveland or Columbus Ohio, Houston or Dallas, Texas? Even North Miami Beach or Boca Raton have kollels that look up to the people learning there. I am not sure about Memphis, if it has a kollel or not but the cost of living in the South can’t compare to NY/NJ. The nice thing about these communities is that everyone counts. You and your husband can make a difference in these communities far easier than in NJ. Don’t be travel shy. There is Yiddeshkeit west of the Hudson River. People don’t kill themselves to pay for the standard of living that you expect or want. Yes, there isn’t twenty pizza stores and five bakeries but that is the sacrifice you have to make to live a calmer lifestyle.