flatbusher

First I would suggest you identify whether you have the personality to start and run your own business. Some people are better suited to be an employee of a company that pays benefits. You may want to search out a professional job counselor to determine your aptitudes. But i will give you a hint: When you were a kid or older, did you find ways to make money? Some people are born businessmen, they have ideas, are industrious, hard-working etc. If up to now, you haven’t really engaged in anything of the sort you may not want to puruse that. Better get training in something like plumbing (they make a lot of money!), appliance repair or auto repair.

Lefty: How do you compare it? If someone wants to buy flowers or chocolate for his wife as an expression of love, how is that like couples getting very familiar with each other?

This is a ridiculous thread. There is no avoda zarah involved in this. Despite the name, it’s just a day to celebrate one’s love for another. I don’t celebrate it and don’t know any frum people that do, but even if they did, there is no religious observance connected to it

Donald Trump is a chameleon. He changes his position on things often and stands for something only to benefit himself. His definition of conservative at the last debate was ridiculous and he has already signaled that he would work with Dems, meaning he will make deals just to prove he is great dealmaker regardless of what it does for the country. I would rather not vote than vote for him or whoever the Dems put up this year.

Apushta: My point is that the environment we live in is much different from other times, especially the time of the gemara. Back then and even a hundred years ago, there were fewer lures and distractions that would have a negative impact on a wealthy person’s yiddishkeit. A famous person today, for example, is often called upon to make speeches and appearances, and that could affect davening with a minyan and learning because of travel. Same for wealthy. Is there evidence that wealthy people back then were faced with similar distractions?

apushta: times are different and the lure of external influence is great. I would imagine in talmudic times and even a century ago, it was easier to remain totally frum and wealthy/famous. Not saying this as an excuse, but offering an explanation. But as for the original post, one has to wonder about the people who seek the fame or certain types of parnassa that do challenge their yiddishkeit in the first place. And can we stop with citing a single, solitary example to disprove a point? There are always exceptions and I don’t think the original poster would disagree with that.

Small stores must feel a strong drive to make a buck and don’t always understand that good customer relations will drive new business. Years ago, I went into a small, crowded frum-owned store that I often frequented, so they knew me, and I knocked a lightbulb off the shelf and it shattered, and right away one of the owners said “You’re going to have to pay for that!” The retail price on the bulb was less than a dollar, but i never went back to that store, and they lost way more in my business than the cost of the bulb.

I feel that Hashem knows our kavana and rewards us for good intentions even if performance is not what may be expected.

He should have honored it anyway. At this point no one would blame you for not directing business in his direction. On the other hand, had he honored it, it would have been good for business. His loss.

jewboyu: you sound like someone who knows what he’s talking about. Are you a personal trainer or dietitian?

Masiachagent: Your comments conflict with what I have been hearing from several people who live down there. To say 99.5% of the community is Torah frum is probably a stretch, and even if it isn’t I am not arguing that it is not Torah frum, just not yeshivish. I have heard people who live there lament not of modern orthodox but just baala batish, giving it the feeling of feeling when you go shopping. And I can see for myself when I’ve been there that it is far from the total yeshivish community you want to portray.

This is all a sad commentary on Lakewood. The root of the problem, however, is that Lakewood has turned into something that was not envisioned by its founders: To be an exclusive, yeshivish community. Over the decades it has attracted frum people of all stripes, apparently to the dismay of those who want to maintain the original vision of BMG. I think there is a certain population that resents those who are not yeshivish because they dilute the community that drew them to Lakewood in the first place and it filters down to the children, who feel those non-yeshivish would have a negative impact on the yeshivish crowd. This dynamic may be unique to Lakewood because of its original intention. And it’s sad because indeed it sounds like an elitist attitude by the yeshivish community there, and the kids are the karbanos.

Read his original post. He said she is allergic

blubuh: good post

Uh, why not let them go out and discuss their hashkafos? Regardless of the standard lines of YU and Bais Yaakov they may actually be closer than it appears when other discuss the couple.

you mean the couple that eventually marries shouldn’t like each other that much as long as the due diligence pans out. I dated a lot before I was married and did not go through the due diligence. I don’t know if the fear that a couple on a first date could be infatuated and that there is some LEGITIMATE reason why they shouldn’t continue to date.

oy: Let me tell you, no one really knows what goes on in another person’s house. People thought my father was charming and must be fun at home, but really he was abusive and terrorized us. At one point my family lived near a well respected rabbonish family and the fighting we heard from that apartment was frightening. So sure, people can be envious but they are mmaking judgments from just a cursory observation

I’ve heard similar comments in connection with shidduchim I have tried to make, like “I have resumes with prettier girls in my son’s stack” I also heard of boys mothers who basically want to visit the girl’s workplace secretly to get a look at the girl in action.

There are newlyweds who seem to want company even in shana rishona. So should they be discouraged?

I also agree with LI mom. As I have mentioned in the past in a different thread, when I tried setting up a niece, the boy’s mother commented that the girl is not skinny and the family has no money and I quote, “I am looking for the best deal I can get for my son.” This is not an isolated incident

Just FYI, from my own block alone and around the corner, there are sons on law who are already in kollel more than 5 years, a couple more than 10

The question is why the kids can’t stand it, and what one can do to keep them on the derech. The sad truth is that for some it has nothing to do with pressure by parents. It’s just the frum life does not appeal to them for whatever reason, and it happens in every frum group, even in the cloistered Meah Shearim.