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As father of girls, I would say most of the time it’s the boy, which considering the numerous resumes their mothers collect, it would be no wonder they may not strongly consider a particular girl for another date.
I guess anything is possible but he would know the name Chofetz Chaim and almost nothing else about Yiddishkeit? Never had any curiosity about his family?
Frum: could you tell me exactly what you are referring to? I commented about what is a good seminary. I didn’t have to go to one to make that assessment just as a young woman who goes to a specific seminary has only that experience to know whether it’s good and can base any other assessment only on someone else’s experience. I didn’t respond because I saw where this is going, but I responded to you because if your comment. When Bubba makes a comment “i think she was questioning your ability bc we all are” when such person cannot possibly know what everyone is thinking, it’s time not to respond.
lol
Bubba: Not worth responding
I think it’s wrong to disqualify someone based on where he or she attended. Do your checking and then proceed. There are plenty of excellent bochurim from YU while other yeshivos have less quality (despite the crowing of the father of newly engaged daughter that the future son in law is the best bochur in yeshiva!)
I think Cruz is being misrepresented. I am sure he will make compromises as long as they don’t compromise his principles. In any dealmaking there is give and take but I respect someone who won’t crumble on his principles just to reach the deal. Let’s put this in the context of halachah. We can compromise on matters as long as they don’t force us to go against halachah.
Queen, I do hope you’re joking.
Not really, when people who make such claims about seminary, I would expect different tone. Bubba, she was questioning my ability to determine what is a good seminary, and for all your criticism of me, your response to me as an older person isn’t any better. And I am not sure a seminary graduate should be spending time on the Internet unless it’s related to school or business, and I don’t think this qualifies as either, so I stand by my comments.
wanna: I know what are considered the good seminaries. I went through this process with my daughters, so I have a basis for my comments, and for all your seminary, you are quite chutzpadik so I don’t think seminary improved your middos. I don’t know how old you are but a high school girl takes out a loan? from where?
It’s not the same thing, and you know it.
wannabegood: I get my information from daughters who went to seminary, good ones with excellent reputations.
As far as those who say “worth every penny,” well they aren’t your pennies that are being spent for you to make that comment; just your parents.
as far as seminaries brainwashing, well it all depends how you guide. If you send the girls to spend Shabbos with a kollel family and they just extol the virtues without the negatives, that is pretty much brainwashing, no matter what you call it.
Part of the problem is people rightfully are reluctant to ask direct questions, and the halachic requirements. If someone asks if a person is on medications, and the person asked knows, should they lie? In some of the responses above, there is a certain amount of misleading going on when you know the answer and say “I have to get back to you.” But quite honestly, especially when it comes to mental problems and/or character traits, I think people just are not that acutely aware of what they may be observing as being a problem. When I was dating I was ultrasensitive about bad temper, and even the slightest hint used to turn me off. If you like someone, you may rationalize that certain traits such as stinginess are not a big deal, but after marriage the may loom large.
Trump is a liar and between him and Hillary it would be hard to determine who was the bigger one. Trump says for whatever is good for Trump. I hope Barry (Barack?) you are not including in his “lot of good” the contributions he has given to politicians to gain influence. Tell me what you see as his “lot of good”?
I don’t think going to Seminary in Israel affects the number of shidduchim. There are girls who get married at 18 but a lot more, including those staying here, more likely will get married at 19 or later. I don’t think there is a need to do a study on this since our own anecdotal evidence based on people will know would reveal that outside of the chassidhe community, the number of girls who stay home instead of Israel for seminary who are getting engaged and/or married is relatively small. I for one think 18 is too young these days for anyone to marry.
If this were an issue, then the children of any Americans stationed outside the U.S. who were born outside U.S. soil would be excluded from being president. Does anyone believe that is the intention of the law, except Trump and his followers?
AviK, among chasidim it is traditional for the first year of marriage to alternate between sets of parents for Shabbos. I don’t think this is the point of this thread.
shuli: kudos to you for your mature decision. It seems over the years more girls are skipping seminary in Israel. When my first daughter went to seminary only three or four girls out of 70 didn’t go; now more are staying home. Maybe reality is setting in, finally.
Gales: I think that is a bit of exaggeration and quite dramatic, so maybe you are being facetious. Seminary doesn’t convince her to abandon her values, they just push one particular path, which a number of parents support anyway. They don’t all live in suffering and poverty, only those whose families can’t afford to follow what the wealthier can do but whose child doesn’t understand that.
The pressure is not from the girls but from society that expects young men to sit and learn, especially if they are looking for a “good” shidduch. I wish society gave equal respect to learners/earners, but it doesn’t.
Pomegranate has higher prices than say the Kollel store or Goldbergs but not by much. Where Pomegranate gets expensive are in specialty items, like cured meat at $50 a pound.
Yeah, I agree there aren’t that many guys that fit that bill. I would imagine there is a nice percentage of guys now in bais medrash who would like to be one of those guys, but are under pressure to learn instead.
Based on what it charges, I would say Gourmet Glatt appeals to people of above average means. I remember a couple of years ago, a quart of chicken soup sold for $8! Just soup!
I can tell you from personal experience that there is a shortage of such guys. I don’t know how you can conclude from anything in CR that ther are “an awful lot of girls looking for such a shidduch.” The shadchanim we have been dealing with have not produced a single prospect that fits that description.
popa: yes, seems that way.
Shopping girl: I know quite well that not everyone is not cut out to be a learner, and I am skeptical that many of the guys in kollel actually learn with their eyes in a sefer for 10 hours a day. I’m with you as far as the kind of guy I would like my daughters to marry, but there really aren’t that many at the moment. I suspect there are a number of guys who are in kollel only because that is what is expected of them, and that’s why places like Lakewood are bursting at the seams. And G-d for bid you should ask them what they plan to do to support their family in the future. Hatzlacha in your search.
Neville: Trump could easily run as Democrat. He’s switched his opinion on so many matters so often, there is no reason he wouldn’t change again to run as a Dem. You obviously have drunk the Trump Kool-Aid
Bored: I was going to write a similar post. Seminary seems to have as its mission to convince girls that they must marry a guy learning in kollel or risk not having a Torahdik home. My daughters’ seminary had one Shabbos away that they said seemed designed to highlight how wonderful kollel life is. Then the girls come back, some of them even wanting to live in Israel, but a good number of them marry guys who are sitting in learning, a lot in Lakewood it seems. From my observation, some of the girls who don’t marry right away for whatever reason become a little more realistic and realize that they would prefer to marry someone who will take care of her and the family, not visa versa. Sadly, there is a shortage of guys who do work and are serious about learning, and those who are, are of no interest to the kollel-minded girls.
Lovelyme: you can’t be serious that having a Jewish daughter is the reason to like him. Trump changes his opinions for the sake of getting the nomination. Nothing in his history that has been reported indicates that he is a true republican let alone a conservative. He thinks his radical liberal sister would be a great Supreme Court justice. He would be no better than a Dem in nominating a replacement for Scalia.
What do you mean deserves?
you know what i mean– single= only one
I never suggested a ban. The question whether it is advisable. Sure anything can happen, but family affairs are harder to avoid than casual Shabbos invitations with a single couple.
Zahavasdad: If a couple cannot coexist for a period for 24 hours without fighting, I think that couple need more than a guest to keep things in check.
Geared to anyone who can afford to pay!
I think you can use your imagination. But in something related, many many years ago, there were two men who were chavrusas, who learned at home, and the wife was always around and in the end she divorced her husband, the chavrusa divorced his wife and they married each other. If your imagination doesn’t suggest anything, would you want your wife to get too familiar with your friend?
DaasYachid: No comparison. Seminary courses are in limudei kodesh. I guess with the intention that future teachers would benefit from these courses and the education courses are intended to help them put their knowledge into practice. But even so, colleges offer all sorts of courses that are required outside of one’s major.
Bentzion: OK, so what if something inappropriate does happen? What would you say or do?
Well, my daughters went to seminary, and they had education courses and student-teaching, and theirs wasnt the only one
lolwut????? what does that mean?
apushatayid: I have no doubt that that is your experience, but please be aware that everyone is different and things can get out of hand. The original poster raised some issues of jealousy, etc, and I don’t think that can be discounted.
As far as i am concerned, Seminary is all about the Israel experience. Seminary is geared to young women who want to go into chinuch (they have courses to that effect), so yes, it is cheaper to go to Israel after seminary, and probably could stay for months for half of what seminary cost. But in our society, it seems not going to Seminary in Israel is a negative when it comes to shidduchim
If Hillary dropped out, I think a Trump unhappy with the way he is being treated by the Republican National COmmittee could run as a Democrat and he wouldn’t have to change a single thing
The joke in the entire shidduch process is that resumes contain references and no one is going to use a reference who will give anything but a glowing report. Sadly, the way the issue of negative information is dealt with has resulted in disastrous marriages or divorces.
aquestioningjew: regardless of the background, people should be aware that it may be an issue to consider. The fact that an MO doesnt see anything wrong with it, should at least be aware that it may be an issue, but without getting into what MO folks follow or not, they may be aware but just don’t consider it worth noting.
bentzion: I don’t think trying to minimize opportunities for lashon harah is nuts. But do ask yourself why inviting people who are your contemporaries (in contrast to elderly or lonely people) is so important to you. Do you consider it hachonasas orchim if they have a home and means of their own? Is it just to have a good time?
Lefty: You know any single frum people that observe Valentine’s Day in the traditional fashion? I don’t
Lefty: I think I am not alone with this opinion. I see you are trying to justify something that may be questionable. In an average seudah, how much time can you spend catching up on what your friends are doing? And you speak of yourself not being jealous of others, but what of others jealous of you? A therapist friend of mine told me years ago that some quite untoward behavior sometimes arise among couples that spend time together. A maivin yavin.
I didn’t mention anything about jealousy, I mentioned lashon harah and you just added “of course we will tell divrei Torah,” which wasn’t in your original post and would lead one to believe that wasn’t on the agenda. And yes, it still is a question. There are different ways of phrasing questions and it obviously touched a nerve with you.