flatbusher

You can continue this if you want. This is a favorite topic of mine. I don’ recall any official suggestion to revitalize long-dormant threads. To me it seems like the work of someone who has not much else to do. I for one don’t care to be sent back to an old link on the same topic though it appears to be a favorite pastime of some here.

People assur things they don’t know about or don’t understand, or based it on what others tell them, and how they color it. I cannot imagine any rav telling a person that this is assur, unless the question was framed in a way that could involve halachic issues, like lifting weights on SHabbos, or in a mixed environment for someone who is sensitive to that.

Your personal choice. BUt I would be hesitant to date someone like this because there may come a time when he decides to stop taking his meds. I have heard cases where this has happened and resulted in divorce because off meds life became horror for the other spouse.

I live in NY and I looked at all the relevant candidates. I would like to vote but honestly, the selection of people…most I haven’t heard of. No one of any note is running against Schumer, and we lose no matter if it’s Trump or Clinton. I do agree that if we don’t vote, it will look as if we don’t care. But I don’t recall seeing or hearing about single candidate for any office coming to my neighborhood or evne surrounding ones. SO seems candidates don’t care.

I suspect there are fakers but from anecdotal evidence, it seems more common on web sites devoted to personals. Certainly anonymity allows one to convey different personality traits, but also for those who are authentic, often they are misunderstood or misconstrued because the words themselves are devoid of emotion, which can make a difference. I have been accused more than once of things that are not me but because what I wrote was misunderstood

Quite honestly, weddings are so loud I find it difficult to carry on a conversation anyway. So I don’t mind sitting there in silence. I think the OP is making too much of this at a wedding. I could see maybe in other settings it’s more fo a concern. Having said all that, I tend not to stay past chupah anyway.

One final word: Unsocial, you are assuming that no one else there has a similar issue? Maybe they are all waiting for someone to reach out first.

Avi–your comment is what is wrong in America today (among other things). Just because one person may have been offended by a the term non-Jew doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the term. Is there any sane person who thinks being called a non-Jew is offensive, in a world of rising anti-Semitism?

lilmod: We really are doing no more than speculating but if he really liked her enough I think a mensch would level with her. If you expect to spend the rest of your life with someone, then you have to be open on issues big and small. With dating, it’s often easy to just keep on going if it feels good. We have no idea how hard it was to break up but he had to know he would be causing great pain, so I know you are being dan l’chaf zchus, but a sudden breakup with no explanation sounds pretty cruel to me.

I believe the Vaad of Flatbush was responsible in the past. I never held by the eruv but am curious why this came up now.

My first reaction when I saw the title of this thread was, how many people reading it know what the word pejorative means without looking it up.

Having said that, I don’t believe it is ever appropriate to use offensive words and I taught my children to have respect for everyone, regardless of what they hear. I don’t like them at all, even Goy, preferring non-Jew. One should also strive for lashon nekiah.

I am so sorry to hear this. Everything is bashert so you must say gamzu l’tovah. I agree it is probably something with him. Maybe he has a fear of commitment, or some undisclosed medical issue. If he says he is confused, then take that as a red flag of what married life with him could be like. I do, however, wonder why he needs a rabbi to decide whether to continue dating. Maybe this guy is immature, and you would face a life of outsiders making decisions for him that would affect both you.

kup–you speak from experience?

Really depends on the boy and what you’re looking for. You shouldn’t turn down a shidduch just based on where he goes to yeshiva unless it’s a place that is not in your sphere of interest (such as YU). My daughters have dated Chofetz Chaim boys and in general don’t fit into the mold as one might expect. Hatzlacha.

I hear about communities siding with the husband and shunning the trapped wife. I wonder if someone reading these posts and is among them could shed light on why?

I never felt sad in my singlehood. I lived with the bitachon that Hashem is giving me what I need when I need it, and as shadchanim would say, each person you date brings you closer to your Bashert. Now you don’t want to hear about legitimacy about sadness, but understand that if you are sad, it is a negative feeling that do not attract people. One needs to find happiness in the current situation and not define one’s happiness based on getting married.

Simply put, things just clicked. I didn’t analyze it the way you are trying to do. I was 35 when I got married, and when I met my wife, we just shared things in common, has easy conversation and she had a beautiful smile (and still does). I didn’t ever have a checklist but I did want someone who was interesting to talk to and shared similar hashkafa views as well as secular views on things like money, etc. In the end, follow your heart if basics in hashkafa are in sync

Regarding gemach cakes. I was at a vort where the gemach cake was just a prop–it wasn’t real, likely styrofoam with icing. Wish I had a video of the people trying to cut it!