BSD

What do his parents say and do they carry any weight?

I haven’t posted for a long time, but this is so disturbing that I just had to post.

I have a few questions for you:

1) Besides for this rov (who told you to butt out) do you have anyone else to confide in and seek advice from? Like a parent or a sibling-someone who can both advise you and advocate for you if necessary. This is so important.

2) What made you choose this rov? Is it because it is his rov? From the sounds of your husband I don’t think he is a reliable judge on choosing a good rov There are many “brand name” well known rabbonim that are either not qualified for marriage counseling/ human relations and just don’t know or acknowledge their limitations- they may be respected and recommended because they are highly qualified in other areas but are over stepping their boundaries when it comes to something as complex as shalom bayis or unfortunately, they may be worthless in general.

There are a few disturbing things about this rov that perhaps you can shed light on.

What does he say about your husband’s obsession with your weight? Does he tell your husband to butt out or is that ok? What abourt the fact that he makes you feel inferior? What is this rov’s game plan for the marriage? Obviosly the status que is not sustainable!Where does he plan to go from here and how does he plan to do it? Do your research- maybe you should find out which rov has success with shalom bayis issues like r Moshe meir weiss etc and get a second opinion from him.He might not agree that you should butt out.

Is your husband depressed, or taking meds? If he is, that alone is not grounds for divorce, but it is something you should be aware of. Either way, he has an obligation to make you feel like a worthwhile human being, if nothing else.

Did you consider hiring an investigator to traack him? Make sure there is a good reason for him coming home late-otherwise it explains why he is no longer attaracted to you.

Does he have friends? What kind of people are they? Can they talk to him if necessary? What are his parents like? Does he have a rosh yeshiva that he feels close with?

My personal opinion is that if he can learn to be kind to you, the rest can be worked out with time. Otherwise, there is nothing to work with, and the more time you wait, the harder it is and the more complicated it gets to extricate yourself from this mess and move on with your life, and meanwhile the mess only gets bigger. You have to believe in yourself and your abilities to overcome all the odds. Even if you choose to stay, it needs to be from a position of strength and not out of desperation, Your husband will sense your strength and will respect it. He will also sense if you are weak and will take advantage of it. You must believe in yourself and feel confident. If you stay, it is because you choose to stay, not because you can’t make it on your own.

Please confide in your family and get a second opinion from another rov because something just doesn’t add up here. I feel for you and wish you lots of siyatta dishmaya.

“and therefore Eliyahu, a bas kol, or any other form of heavenly intervention should be able to resolve the issue.”

R’ Mattisyahu Salomon shlit”a spoke today about this exact topic. He said that s/o approached the Bais Haleivi and asked him since there is convincing and conclusive proof that the true tcheiles has been identified why should we not wear it. He answered that there are 2 types of mesores – 1 is in halachah. If a halachah has become forgotten/discontinued, and s/o can prove or establish the veracity of a halachah then we would continue it even though there was a lapse. 2 is in metzius. If there is a break in the chain of metzius it intrinsically lacks the mesores even if it’s authenticity can be established beyond the shadow of a doubt. This is because once there is a lapse, there is by definition no longer a mesorah-it has to be an unbroken chain directly to Moshe Rabbeinu. However, should Eliyahu Hanavi z”l identiofy techeiles for us, that would reestablish the mesorah, since he would be reconnecting the link to Moshe rabbainu. This line of reasoning would apply only to Eliyau Hanavi and not to a bas kol or any other form of heavenly intervention as this would not constitute a continuation of the mesorah of Moshe Rabbeinu but rather it would be considered an independent source. Incidentally, This inability to continue with tcheilus is the biggest testimony to the strength of mesorah. It is precisely because Korach va’aduso challenged tcheiles in such a public forum, that the message of the strength of mesorah is delivered through our inabilty to wear techeiles due to its lack of mesorah. Conversely any mitzvah we have today, sukkah, lulav etc. is backed by the strength of our mesorah I hope I understood R’ Mattisyahu correctly.

I once ran out of gas and got stuck in lakewood near a school. I put on my hazards and a kind crossing guard helped me push my car to the side of the rode. The 1st yid that passed by slowed down rolled down his window and offered to help. I gave him $10 to buy gasoline and a funnel for me and he drove off. The crossing guard looked at me and said, I wouldn’t have done that if I were you. You ain’t gonna see that guy again. I told him don’t you worry, he’ll be back. Unfortunately, his shift was just ending and he left shortly before the yid returned. But the point is the goyim cannot fathom such chessed we do one for another. Mi ki’amcha yisroel.

I was recommended to buy LG. I just bought one from Home Depot. It’s relatively quiet and works great.

Mod-LOL!!!

Moderator-80-“but No you are not permitted to.”

It depends if it’s a small mom and pop store cutting up a small quantity of fruit or a bigger department store such as shop rite which cuts large quantities. The issue is that it can be assumed that after the first several cuts, any bi’en that may be on the knife will have been wiped off and those pieces onto which they were transferred to are batul chad bitrei with the non treif pieces. If I am not mistaken, I believe it is muttar lichatchilah-especially since it is unlikely that in a prominent store they would use the same knife and if they did they most likely cleaned it. In a small store you would be correct because there may not be enough “kosher” pieces to be mivatel the treif ones and there is a much bigger likelihood that the same knife is used for the meats as for the fruit.

“take upon themselves an unreal and non-existent “kula”

-sounds like an oxymoron-you ever hear s/o take upon himself to eat more pastrami or sleep an extra hour? But I get your point.

There is absolutely no excuse for inviting a goy to a bris. I can understand inviting a goy to a chasunah, but a bris? Why do they even have to know about it? There are ways of explaining it metaphorically, but that should be reserved for a yid, frum or frei, not for a goy. It serves no purpose to explain these things to them. Will your friend also invite them over for shabbos and then wonder how to explain why you don’t do melachah? How about invite them for kapparos? Will they also get a kibbud? How about kvattah? I mean, please!!! Let your friend make a separate “celebration” before or after the bris and invite whoever her heart desires, but do not profane the bris shel eliyahu.

shrine of the scroll-showcases the dead sea scrolls, a letter from bar kochba, 2000 yr old teffilin etc.

Happiest- I admire your courage in fighting the good fight. There was a movie starring Russel Crow based on the true story of a nobel prize winner who suffered from a severe mental disorder. It’s called “A Beautiful Mind” (great movie btw)I am so happy to hear that you’re doing well. We are all routing for you. I hope to come on to the cr some time in the near future and see your name on the mazal tov thread.

“But what’s important by e/o nowadays -how long a woman’s skirt is!”

It is precisely that-Rus’ tznius-that impressed Boaz.

“I’m, not! claiming? mine: is “always” perfect!!! (but) it’s gotten; to/a point. where? one= has to re-read+ a, post! #three xtimes to make!!! sense? of it. Or maybe??? I’m up too late…”

Agreed!!!!

Da’as,

At least they will shukkel better!

brotherofurs- with a sn like brother and a blue room, I’m beginning to wonder…

The Irv is a nice hotel too!

Wolf-LOL! How about America runs on Duncan donuts or Top of the World Cleaners?

I would change the thread title from Inappropriate “Jewish” Periodical to “Inappropriate” Jewish Periodical

Red cup is ok so long as the string is a roite bendel.

Sorry bud, am from Brooklyn. But I got some southern humor for you:

Said the southerner to his wife:”Your hand reminds me of lemon mi-rang pie” “Oh” said his wife”and why is that?” “Because,” he says, “it has ma rang on yar finger”

LOL!