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Everyone has their own stories, and no two stories are the same. I know people that have been fine, and I know people that have been busted. Also, if you have ever come to Israel with your parents, you’re putting yourself up for higher risk. Trust me. When I made aliyah and I had to go to misrad haklita to find out if I had any rights left, they went through EVERY SINGLE trip I had taken to Israel in my life, starting with a family trip in 1994, which was about three passports previously. They asked me if I’d come with both my parents and siblings, and flew back with only my father. They asked me why I came. They noted that there were times that I’d come alone.
Also, I know someone who was in seminary who’s parents happened to have the exact same birthday, down to the year, and despite the fact that her paperwork was sent in with the entire school’s, misrad hapnim put a halt on her papers because they thought it was a mistake and wanted to see a copy of her parent’s birth certificates.
As someone said before, IF you go down the lying path, you better make sure that you memorize every detail you tell them, because if you mess that up, you better believe they’re going to catch and you’ll be in a heck of a lot more trouble then when you started.
If you’re coming for only one year, it’s not an issue. But if you have any thoughts of coming to Israel after you get married, or staying for a second year, or anything like, take into account the effects of your actions. You’ll have trouble getting onto a health insurance plan here, and they can catch you in your lie at any time. Just because you’ve managed to get out of the country X amount of times with no problem doesn’t mean that you won’t have a problem the next time you go.
As someone who developed a nut allergy later in life, I think you need to give your doctor a LITTLE more credit then you’re giving.
And I also had the exact opposite of what happened to you-I went to one allergist, he wasn’t sure so he told me I needed to get a (non-insurance covered) blood test, which I ignored and then went to a different allergist, who took one look at the results of my test and said, you need an epipen with you. ALWAYS.
Allergies can suddenly develop later in life, and the way your body works is (sometimes) the allergy develops over time. Meaning, the first time, you get a little tickle in your throat, or a few hives on your hand, but the allergy can develop into something life threatening if you keep ingesting it.
Go for a second opinion if you doubt your doctor. But to just brush off what the doctor says is foolish. And so is not having an epipen.
My mother was at a dinner once and there were nuts in the salad and someone went into anaphalactic shock, and he didn’t have his epipen with him because he was too embarrassed.
I keep mine in my purse with me at all times. My bosses and co-workers know what I am allergic to, and have made themselves fully aware of where I keep my epipen so that they are ready to help if G-d forbid I need it.
It’s worth it to make sure that you aren’t allergic to foods. You never know in what foods things are hidden.
Just FYI, aliyah benefits don’t start from when you make aliyah. Your benefits start from when you step foot in Israel and start spending an extended amount of time in Israel. There are a certain amounts of months you are allowed to be in Israel during a certain time frame (for example, 18 months out of a total 3 years-these are NOT the correct numbers, you need to look this up on your own, I don’t remember what it is exactly). If you go over this time frame, you’ve lost a lot (not all) of your rights. You need to look into this before you decide to not make aliyah because of benefits being lost. You may end up shooting yourself in the foot. I know several people that have lost out on rights because of this logic. You don’t necessarily lose all benefits, but you’ll lose ones like a lift, etc. You get left with buying a few Israel made appliances, and a few other benefits.
I have found that filling the sink with boiling hot water and strong soap (the key being stronger soap then regular soap) for about 1/2 an hr usually works, along with something like steel wool (it’s not steel wool though, but it’s a scrubber) and a little bit of elbow grease. Also if there’s an oil issue, I find that putting the soap directly on the pan, and then using your hands to wash it as opposed to a sponge, gets the oil off.
As a kid, I was always off school then, and so were my parents (teachers in said school). We didn’t usually do anything during this time (although one year we went to Israel for a bris). I have a family member going to Israel during that time because that’s when they’re off work.
If the fact of the matter is that the parents are on vacation, and the kids are too (sometimes the school gives off then because there is a fair number of non-Jewish teachers) and it just works to do something then. I don’t think people are davka thinking in their heads that they’re doing something BECAUSE of those specific dates-that’s what works for them to spend time with their families, so they take advantage.
I have a better idea. How about a balance is found between putting equal considerations on looks and personality and doing an FBI background check, and trying something a little out of the box?
Did you not read what I wrote, or are you just skimming? I wrote that I didn’t say that I don’t think looks aren’t important. I understand that they are important. What I said was basing the initial decision while your judgement is clouded based on looks is ridiculous. Obviously there is a difference between going out with someone who’s of average looks and someone who has something that makes them look unusual. I’m talking about someone who’s pretty. Yes, everyone has their own individual tastes, I’m not arguing that. But how many times have you heard people say, “I never thought I would marry someone that looked like that!” It happens more often then you think it does. When people are a little more open minded about looks, you’ll be surprised what you end up finding yourself attracted to.
So instead of learning anything from dating, let’s instead just slap together guys and girls, and make them marry each other, instead of letting people mature a little while dating. A guy or a girl on their very first date is not going to act the same as on their third or fourth first date. You don’t need to date a million people, but you can learn a lot about yourself, and what you’re looking for. Just because something makes sense on paper doesn’t mean it’s going to make sense when you actually meet someone.
Oh, and by the way, you’re little comment there about the premise of choosing friends the same way as a marriage because not being attracted to people is a recipe for ex-marriages? Can I flip that on you now and say that there are plenty of marriages where people are so enamored by looks that they don’t see the real person underneath and it ends up being a horror story? I personally know people that have gone through this. And don’t tell me that, “well, they were dumb.” No, they weren’t dumb. They placed an over emphasis on looks as opposed to anything else and were blinded and not able to see anything else.
There are times that you just know that the reason you are rejected is because of your looks over other things.
Comparing friends to spouses doesn’t actually undermine the system, it points out the ridiculousness of basing your decisions on looks. You don’t choose your best friend based on looking at a group of pictures before you choose this person to be your confidant, why should you choose your spouse that way?
I did not for one minute say that looks aren’t important. I said that basing your initial decision to date someone based on their looks is ridiculous, unfair, and the girls are better off without someone who does that. To reject someone based on the shape of their nose or the size of their eyes as opposed to whether or not she’ll make a good wife is unfair. Of course the second a guy sees a picture, he’ll either want to look more into her or say feh, she’s not for me. His judgement is completely clouded by this measly little picture of a girl as opposed to the rest, more important information on the page that actually make a difference to your marriage, as opposed to her looks, which should take a secondary stance as opposed to the most important.
I’m not saying that he has to go out with every single girl. But I can bet you that he’s been redt girls that on paper would be what he’s looking for, but because he already knows what they look like, he rejects them based on that.
Let’s be real-most guys are not going to get a drop dead gorgeous stunner. So why not bring your expectations down to reality, take the rose colored glasses off, and give the girl who’s not a model but is still pretty a chance?
Personally, I’d rather be rejected knowing that he didn’t like something in my hashkafah or personality, because that’s what’s important to me, and if the guy doesn’t think that we’re compatible based on that, then that’s fine with me, because at least a chance was given. I’m obviously not going to go out with someone that’s totally off my radar, but sometimes everything can make sense on paper but when you meet them and you speak to them, the pieces may not match up exactly as well as you thought they would. But that’s also giving a chance, and like I mentioned before, they can very often be looked at as learning experiences, and help to fine tune what you’re looking for.
WIY-your attempts at justification only make yourself seem more shallow, and make my point stronger. Yes, times have changed from when our grandparents and great grandparents got married. Yes, you need to be attracted to your spouse. But I think you’ll find that after you get to know someone, you may find yourself either more or less attracted to them. A boy or a girl can be the most beautiful person that you’ve ever seen, only to have a terrible personality as you get to know them better, and someone who is not as good looking as you imagine your spouse to be could have a heart of gold and would treat you right. Why can’t you just give people a CHANCE? Why do you NEED to see a picture and decide based on that? The justifications that shadchanim give for getting your picture (“I know, it’s so terrible, but what can you do? That’s the norm nowadays!”) is ridiculous. People like you are causing it to be the norm. Do you know how much it hurts a girl to know you’ve been rejected because you don’t have the perfect eye color that he’s looking for, or hair color? I have friends that have cried to me because of that, and it’s not ok. Give people a normal, decent, human chance. Do you pick your friends the same way? Get all the application pictures for the school, look through the pictures, and then decide who you’ll be friends and who you won’t be? And what if someone that you didn’t ”pre-approve” finds favor in your eyes and you end up really hitting it off? Then what? You’ll say no because you didn’t like the way he looked in his picture?
Yes, I understand that everyone is attracted to a certain look. But let’s face it-once you get down to it, you’re very rarely going to find an ”exotic beauty” like you would in the non-Jewish world. Most of the girls are going to have darker then lighter hair. Most of the girls are going to have slightly larger then average noses.
Your comment that you’ve seen super frum and daughters of roshei yeshiva’s pictures is just appalling. Why are you so proud of this fact? You should be ashamed that you’re saying this so factually. I can pretty much guarantee you that if they knew you were acting so blase about this, and that you were rejecting them based on their looks, they and their parents would be ashamed that they’d ever been suggested to you.
What do you think you’re gaining by publicizing that you’re essentially humiliating half the girls that are redt to you because they’re not pretty enough? Think about their feelings, and think about how shallow you’re making yourself. So she doesn’t have the exact nose that you envision your wife to have. So her hair is a little darker/lighter. Maybe instead focus a little more on her middos, her personality, whether she’ll make a good wife. Just because a girl is pretty doesn’t mean she’s a pretty person on the inside.
WIY IMO, you are so wrong. As oomis1105 said, some people just don’t photograph well. Does that mean that you’re going to look at a photograph and say, “I’m not interested in her because her nose looks too big in this picture” when really it’s just the unfortunate angle of the camera? Also, that is so not true that the only people that don’t want to give their picture are the ”unattractive” ones. It’s the girls that are disgusted by the fact that their picture will be provided to a boy and his parents, and they’ll decide if he’ll go out with you based on this tiny, little square of a picture instead of doing things the normal way-MEET EACH OTHER. I find that even on the dates that I’ve gone on with people that I either wasn’t attracted to physically, or we were just on different levels hashkafically in the end, I have learned something every single time, and have been able to find tune what I’m looking for, and what will work for me and what won’t. I honestly don’t think that going out with more then one person is so terrible-if anything, I think it will make you feel more solidified in your decision. I just think people have to stop being so critical and start being a little more open minded-things don’t have to be perfect from the first date for goodness sake.
Funny, we are superficial because we want a slim girl, but the fat girls aren’t superficial in that they cant stop fressing fattening food and monitor their food intake?!
oh, of course. Because we all know that the only reason that people aren’t skinny minis is because they don’t eat properly. Of course. Because genetics aren’t involved. And body build. Clearly we’re all supposed to have the exact same toothpick body and people just grossly abuse it.
How many of these skinny girls stay that skinny 10, 20, 30 years down the line? Are their husbands suddenly going to divorce them because they’re not the same size 2 they were when they got married? Hopefully their relationship is a little more solid then that. People that nix someone only based on their size without meeting the person and trying to get to know them are extremely shallow and superficial, yes. If you’ve given it a real shot and you still can’t past it, then that’s something else. But to ask that question before you’ve even met the girl and base your decision on that is just beyond me.
You know why there’s a shidduch crisis? It has nothing to do with numbers. It has to do with the ridiculous expectations that both sides have-boys (and their mothers) demand a girl who’s skinny-which automatically knocks about half the eligible female population out. There are boys that demand the girls father run himself into the ground supporting his daughter’s growing family.
There are girls that demand that their husband be only of a certain look, certain yichus. There are girls that want to sit all day and drink ice coffee while their husbands slave away to make ends meet, or live off their father’s credit card, depending on what stream they are.
I’m not saying that everything that I listed above is describing every single girl. But as a single girl over the age of *gasp* 23, these are my experiences.
If someone finds out where the good guys are hiding out, let me know! The problem is that the guys that ARE around my age are generally not interested in a girl that’s older then 21, at the most. Of course, you hear stories of guys and girls that are around the same age. But for the most part, the guys are looking for the girls that have no life experience, whereas the girls that are still looking are left in the dust.