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I hope those posters desires for growing in tznius become as contagious as the flu!
We thought we had no yichus because our great grandfather went missing at the turn of the century. After delving into a bit of geneology over the course of a year, I found out that we are related to over 11,000 Jews and many great rabbonim. Also that my husband and I were distantly related! The point is that all of us probably have some yichus, so do some research! And for those geirei tzedek on this forum….two friends found out that they were descended from Jews who had to go undercover in Spain during the Inquisition. Knowing your history and your family’s background makes Jewish history come alive for you and your entire family. Personally it gave me a great appreciation for Am Yisroel, what we survived, and a sense of pride that we made it through so much, and what a huge responsibility we have with our lives to ensure that our children and great grandchildren will be proud of us.
Age doesn’t matter.
Marry someone whose looks you like because there is a good chance that your children will come out looking like your spouse!
Ariel Sharon is still on life support……..
Music is the language of the soul. If the music you listen to inspires you to turn to Hashem and be more inspired to grow in ruchniyus, then you are listening to something worthwhile. If the music you listen to depresses you, pulls your neshama down, and gives you a feeling that is not kosher, then you shouldn’t listen to it.
Many of the plays performed by Jewish women for tzedaka take a non Jewish play, change it to resemble something kosher and use many of the same tunes as the original score. (Annie, the Wizard of Oz, etc…) Women become very inspired by these performances and buy the cd’s for home use. If there is something wrong with this, don’t you think the rabbonim would be against this practice, which is going on for over thirty years?
When pregnant, my class had a trip to the zoo. I asked a shayla of my rav because I had also heard about not looking at animals, and he said something cute: Once a pregnant woman went to the zoo and avoided looking at all the animals. However she was fascinated by bears and just had to take a peek at them. Sure enough her child was born with Bare-feet………
Denim was a material used for tents during the California Gold Rush. Levi Strauss ( a Jew) decided to use his tent material to create a sturdy pair of pants that would hold up under tough mining conditions, and could easily be washed and re-worn. (This started stone washed denim). The material enjoyed popularity with laborers because it was inexpensive and outlasted most of the other materials that clothing were made of. When the Zionists came to build Israel they needed sturdy clothing material, too. Denim became popular, albeit expensive in Israel. Many rabbonim equated the wearing of denim with secular Jews/Zionists. Thus we have the attitude that wearing denim is dressing in a way that identifies with a non charedi outlook. However if you speak to any frum Israeli today they usually buy denim for their little kids and particularly are excited by the Children’s Place clothing. They stop their children from wearing denim before they enter first grade. A woman wearing a perfectly modest, not tight fitting, denim skirt can be sure that her daughter will not be accepted to Bais Yaakov. However I am amused by the proliferation of denim housecoats for sale in most women’s robe stores…… In charedi Israel it is clear that denim is not assur, but it can be used for either the home or on vacation or pre-school…..Can you imagine if someone made a black denim bekeshe?
I suggest that you request that the management put up a sign in the Monsey Starbucks which lists what items are Kosher and who issues the certification. I have seen this done in other places in Manhattan and Los Angeles. Years ago Baskin Robbins used to post that their Rocky Road ice cream was not kosher but that the other flavors had the hashgocho of_____. Of course this is a small step and does nothing for the tznius violation. It is also sad that the very excellent kosher cafes in the area that are owned by frum people are losing the business-especially when in harsh economic times-every customer counts.
I do empathize with Devora’s feelings and she must be a special person to feel for another yid. Most people really do not care at all if they see a frum person doing something improper, they do not feel anything on the inside. We are responsible for each other and our collective merits will bring the geula. The ones who still have sensitivity are also going to be sensitive and uplifted when they see the loads of kiddush Hashem that goes on among Yidden everywhere.
There are warnings that the arabs in Yerushalayim and on the “west bank” will try to do some damage as they did last year (Mercaz haRav). All bochrim should be very careful now, and should ask their Rosh Yeshiva if they can be permitted to keep their cellphone with them in case of any incidents. A cellphone also should have preprogrammed into it the number for Hatzolah.
Keep in mind that the ordinary citizens are also actinag as soldiers. Tonight at a womens gathering I heard of a man who covered a baby carriage as the Kassams fell and his legs had to be removed from all the shrapnel. His injury was reported as “lightly injured” by the Israeli media. We also heard about the many people in Sdereot and the Southern area that have cancer in the area where the kassams fall as they are radioactive. This is almost never even spoken about! Every Israeli in the South is a soldier and all need our tefillos and financial support!
I attended Rav Mendel Kessin’s shiur and in it he gave proofs according to the Ramchal about why these times are ripe for Moshiach. I have no permission to repeat what he said as his CD’s/tapes are a source of income but I recommend listening to them. If he is coming to your city it is worthwhile to go to the shiur and hear in person what he has to say. I left with the feeling of wanting to welcome Moshiach and cleanse my neshomo in order to be able to greet him.
In my town there are women who use their cars for chesed trips to drive people to hospitals, and medical appointments. They deliver Tomchei Shabbos, they help purchase and deliver clothing for the needy, they take kids to yeshiva in the morning and pick them up at night. They need their car to shop for food, run errands, banking, etc… If you live in NY, perhaps it is easier to get around because there is such a great public transportation system and a car is not as necessary. Try living without a car in LA, Florida, Denver, and many of the suburbs (moshavim) of EY that have a bus come by twice a day, maybe. Tznius has a lot to do with the minhagei hamakom, so if it is not mekubal for the woman to drive-she shouldn’t stand out, but if is the norm in the place where she lives, then she should drive.
He only said that one can’t learn Torah with a cell phone. He is not forbidding them. With so many parents far away from their children it is incumbent upon each bochur to speak to his parent at least once a day and reassure them that he is okay via cell phone-or just a call from a regular telephone. Parents out of EY hear the media make it sound so chaotic-that I know that it takes a ton of emunah to allow their sons to stay in EY. I live in EY and my friends who have children learning here are going crazy with fear and worry. They allow their children to learn here davka because they have the ability to be in touch with them instantly.
If you look at the news, Aza is a mess, and Ashdod and Ashkelon are emptying out and are therefore becoming desolate. With each day more are leaving the cities in droves.
There was a Torah Codes search about Obama and his name came up in Yechezkel, Perek 38 which talks about the leader of Gog. (Count every 7th letter from the word nasi and it spells out Obama). Read it!
Rav Kanievsky also stated that by the last night of Chaunuka people in Eretz Yisroel will be in bomb shelters.
Add to that the Birchat hachama year this year which falls out on the fourteenth of Nissan as also happened by yestzias Mitzrayim and with the salvation of Purim.
Also Rabbi Zohn dreamed of the Chofetz Chaim, his rebbe, whose message was that we have to get ourselves prepared spiritually (as reported by Mishpacha Magazine).
For those who are interested the autistic children who communicate via keyboarding and are said to be from very holy neshomos are also saying that this year is the one!
Everything points to this year being the year of Geula-the final push to there finally being Moshiach. Why do you think Nefesh B’enefesh is still having tons of aliyah applicants? People feel a change in the world, that something unusual is going on. For the ones who needed to be torn away from their gashmiyus, the economy collapsed. For those who hate Israel for whatever reason, Hashem is showing his Hand and His Chessed by having these Hamas rockets miss people, and land in empty places.
At this point I am truly surprised at every day that passes and i don’t hear Eliyahu blowing the shofar! People have said that this is IT the final war. I’m looking forward to having a Bais Hamikdosh, of Techiyas Hameisim, of having the entire world know without a trace of doubt who our Creator is, and we will feel Hashem’s presence in a way we can’t imagine today.
You do realize that you can see the advertisement right here on yeshiva world news in the upper left hand corner?
Joseph: We are being zocheh to seeing large amounts of multiple births in our days. When I first taught, there was not one set of twins in any of my classes. This year I have twins in every class and three sets of triplets. My neighbor gave birth to two sets of twins within three years and is expecting again. I remember a time that people would exclaim over the birth of twins and triplets. B”H it is very commonplace these days.
To Chaimss: I admire you because of the fact that your reason for wanting to join the military is idealistic-you want to feel as though you are doing something active to fight the yishmaelim who are clearly out to kill us. So many today wish they could be doing something more, it is frustrating. If you can still be in the Torah world, and yet get the military training, and your rav and your parents are not against this move, then why not?
To kiruvwife: I felt exactly as you did when we were in Kollel. My husband and I were not supported by parents-we managed all by ourselves with siyata dishmaya. I wonder if all the people who go to Kollel would know that they have to self support-if they would still do it. For four years we lived on $1400 a month after taxes. Bein hazmanim we took on extra jobs. My husband worked at really low paying jobs, warehouse, dry cleaning, barber, because he had no secular education. I worked from 8 am until 8pm. I can’t begin to tell you the great respect he has for both Zevulun and Yissaschar. We also learned self respect because we did not take handouts.
I am irked by the prevailing attitude today that working boys are somehow less desirable. I propose that anyone who wants to be in kollel today be told that he will have to do so on his own without support (as we did). And that bein hazmanim he works. What about the working kollel wife earning low wages? I know so many young kollel wives today and they do not know what it means to earn the learning. They also do not work, have cleaning ladies, go shopping, and to “coffee” weekly, and to a gym. Who is funding this? No wonder so many want to go to kollel!!
The Tehilla website has a comprehensive list of places that many anglos have moved to. When contemplating aliya it is also wise to consider a city if you have family or a close friend there-that can make the difference between a smooth transition and a a hard adjustment. The Hebrew language issue is a great one but it also depends on the schools you send to. If you go to an Israeli town which is not “open” to the anglo mentality, your frustration level can be great. As for RBS and BS, there is a great separate ulpan for boys and a separate one for girls and it is a town known for helping olim integrate. It may be a great “starter” town until one gets used to the cultural differences. Also most American products can be found in anglo towns albeit at higher prices-but this soothes a woman’s acclimation to Israel and makes it easier to get a home up and running. A cheerful woman wife/mother makes aliya a pleasure.
To support men in kollel is very important. In EY there are many kollelim that administer bechinot and there are kollelim that do encourage men to find work but in areas related to Jewish life. Many kollelim specialize in particular areas so that the kollel yungerman can eventually get a job in shechita, safrus, hashgocho, becoming a dayan, etc. These kollelim are vital for the upkeep of Jewish life. I do not know if Lakewood has a system where they direct a young man’s talents and abilities in a direction which will benefit his future Jewish community.
Women today do a lot more than they used to have to! We cook our husbands gourmet meals, daven for our family, clean, buy the groceries, iron, earn outside income, drive carpool, diet and exercise so that we will look good in his eyes, pick up the cleaning, go to the bank, attend shiurim, volunteer our “spare” time for chesed, shlep various family members to appointments, all while nursing! Seems like we ARE spinning-not just in the sense that was mentioned in the Gemara! Also our imahos had servants, I’m still waiting for mine! At best I get a cleaning lady once in a while! Perhaps these days we women are really getting “the short end of the stick”. But seriously it is scary that this thread was even brought up-it is so clear that hitting is assur. And for a physically strong man to hit a weaker person, female or child, just shows what a weak power hungry controlling tyrant he is. If a woman was stubbornly refusing to do her duties I am sure that there was a very good reason for it. What if a woman couldn’t perform her duties because she was ill? Pregnant? You can’t mean to tell me that ANY rav in the Gemara or Rambam’s time would say, okay get out your stick! Make her get out of bed?
The overall tsnius issue is not about the inches or the hem, but what makes a girl look like a bas melech. When a girl wants to purchase a skirt, she should be taught to think before she spends whether or not this item is going to give her an appearance that befits a refined girl. Would she be comfortable being seen in it before her menahel or menahelles? Tznius is a hard test for the girls who fight the pervasive culture which teaches them to be the opposite of refined and modest. It is a real struggle for even some of the finest girls. In the Torah, gemara and mishna there are few examples of tznius because up until WW1 most women were tznius. In Europe a non Jewish woman did not walk on the street in pants or with her head uncovered! There were no short skirts or slits. An ankle was considered a pritzus thing to reveal! So in the last 100 years there has been an unprecedented amount of decline in the overall morality of human beings, of values and of modesty. Does a Jew just go with the flow of society and blend in with the goy? Why would you want to? Remember that one reason we were saved in the first geula from Mitzrayim was because we did not change our dress. We stood out from the surrounding culture and did not follow their “styles”. Why has that changed today?
Many parents today had parents or grandparents who survived the Holocaust. Interestingly enough, those survivors are always given great respect from their children-and MANY of these survivors are dysfunctional emotionally. I disagree that one can blatantly say that there are limits to kibud av veaym. In a case where a parent is overstepping bounds, a rav should be consulted for advice. No one should take any psychologist’s article of a personal case she dealt with as a blanket heter to cut off their parents.
Moving to a new culture, lifestyle, and dealing with the children’s issues and the language barrier is not for the faint of heart. Married couples who have a strong positive relationship can make it work. And you have got to laugh a lot, because there are so many silly mistakes you will make! Come on aliya and be prepared to work hard to succeed. Find a Rov right away to give you guidance, give your children unconditional love and be their best advocate, and be friendly to everyone. Be prepared to give your wife support as she deals with her issues, and be prepared to give your husband a lot of respect. It isn’t always so easy on men to go to a new shul, and gain a new chevra. A wife has to give up her parents and close friends. Build a reputation as a fine family and you will have good friends in no time. They will become your support system. And people here are allergic to new olim who kvetch-restrain yourselves! After you are here long enough you have the right to kvetch in public, and it won’t sound silly.
As a teacher in a school that has many olim I want to state a very important overlooked fact. The education system in Israel places the responsibility for the child’s learning directly on the parents. Instructors teach their subject to classes of over thirty students at a time. There is not a lot of personal attention. If your kid gets it, great. If not, then it is up to the parent to give it over. An oleh parent, whose Hebrew is limited, can not help with most subjects-(try translating Gemarah into Hebrew, math is done differently, Hebrew literature, science, etc…) The amount of perakim covered in one month in Israel equals what an American kid does all year! Few schools have resource rooms, and few of them have “help for olim”. (or computers, science equipment, libraries). Parents here have to pay for all the school books, and in some schools that averages about 15 books per child at an average cost of 30 NIS. You can buy used for half the cost) School is six days a week-no Sundays off.
Some suggestions are: 1) Get involved in your child’s school, 2) get Hebrew language classes (note: that some chadarim frown on ulpan-your child will not “pick it up”-get lessons!) 3) prepare money in advance for tutors. (My neighbor paid $10,000 in tutoring in one year for three kids!!!) 4) Visit the school with your child before you enroll him/her. (we visited a highly recommended place, and my son was turned off to it because the Rosh Yeshiva made an awful impression). 5) Remember that you made the decision to make aliya, not your kids. You are pulling them away from all that is familiar-it could be their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, best friend, a teacher they were looking forward to having, and the English language. It is vital to your children’s welfare that you involve them in their new life, and share how much you love it here and why. Constantly.
After all this, I still say come! Yes it is a challenge. You will grow not only in your avodas Hashem but in your bein adam lechaveiro. You will become a better spouse, a better parent, and a great letter write/emailer. You will figure out how to save money and find new ways to make it. And ask an adom gadol for a bracha for hatzlocha and discuss with him your concerns. There is open siyata dishmaya here, and there will never be a replacement for the Kotel in anyplace in the world. We are here six years and don’t regret it. All our children speak both languages fluently, and have Israeli friends. It takes a ton of tefilla and a lot of hishtadlus.
This recipe will have everyone thinking you are a master baker and it is perfect for this time of year!
Buy two graham cracker pie crusts.
Mix together:
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of canola oil
1 cup of flour
3 eggs
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking powder
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 can of apple pie filling
Pour mixture into the graham cracker crust pie shells.
Bake at 350 for 45 minutes. (Do not let the crust get dark brown)
The next step is not necessary but if you want to impress, try this:
Once the pies are completely cooled, place a doily on top of them. Sprinkle powdered sugar on top of the doily and let it sit for a few minutes. Carefully lift the doily and you will have a “lace topped” apple pie. It is best to do this step at the hostess’s house.
This apple pie is fantastic served hot or cold, on its own, or accompanied by ice cream or fruit. If you do try it please post how it turned out!
b’hatzlacha!
mariner you misread what I wrote, I do not blame anyone. I suggest that we do not put “weight” as a serious factor in considering a shidduch because it changes. I also believe that one should not marry money because of the same reason, a person can lose their wealth easily. The only thing that stays and rarely changes is middos. An angry bitter person doesn’t suddenly become sweet and easygoing, and a miser does not suddenly become generous because of marriage. However a person can definitely lose or gain weight, which is why I added the part about my sister in law and my friends. Weight will definitely change during a pregnancy and nursing-does this mean that a husband starts loathing his wife at this time as decried by 132? Chas veshalom! Amazing girls are considered the wrong size-by (ver vais?) and are not being redt. They are not given a chance to let their personality impress because they happen to be the wrong “in” size. From the first post on this thread I understood that there are those not willing to redt the shidduch altogether because there is the possibility that they will offend the other party because of body weight, dress size, BMI, etc..I feel this should be reconsidered by those who redt these shidduchim and by those who reject a beautiful bas Yisroel based on her dress size or a boy based on his suit size. I am a mother to both boys and girls, BH, and I am speaking from a parent’s point of view which may differ from those who are younger and unmarried. My contemporaries have witnessed too many picture perfect young people marry and divorce ( many within shana rishona). Therefore, most of my friends prioritize good middos and yiras shaomayim as the number one factor in a shidduch. We allow the meeting to happen and the couple are either attracted to each other or not. But we don’t outright reject someone for their weight if their middos are excellent. I guess you could say that sterling middos carry more weight in our circles:}
This story takes place forty five years ago. My uncle was engaged to a beautiful svelte girl. Her figure and her face were flawless. Her business minded brothers were horrified at the vort that she was marrying my uncle who was learning in yeshiva and comes from a large family without money. A week later they took her away on a trip and convinced her to break the engagement and marry a very wealthy friend of theirs. She broke my uncle’s heart when she broke the engagement. In our circles a broken engagement is like a divorce, and my uncle was redt a shidduch with a divorced woman, daughter of a very big talmid chacham. She was not attractive, very overweight and could not be farther in looks from the first shidduch. My grandparents saw her and tried to discourage the shidduch. However, my uncle was intrigued by the fact that she was the daughter of a fine talmid chacham and insisted on seeing her. Much to everyone’s shock he became engaged to her. He explained that he saw her fine character and sterling middos and realized how true sheker hachein vehevel hayofi is….Well I can not tell you of a more blessed marriage than this one. Every one of my cousins (their children) married into a wonderful family. One cousin wrote a sefer already, another is becoming an av beis din, every girl married incredible tamidei chachamin that treat them beautifully….. From this living example in our family we see that emphasis on physical attributes is not a prerequisite for a bayis neeman. A shidduch should not be based on anything other than the person’s middos. I am now in the parsha for my oldest son and I tell the shadchanim that I want to know about the girl’s personality and middos. My son is not overweight and is considered nice looking. He saw one girl that was overweight and was extremely impressed with her good middos and fine character. We’ll see what happens…..
Realize that we are programming our children to look for certain physical attributes, and that what parents say have a lot of influence. PS My brother in-law married a very overweight girl and they have nine children, bli ayin hora, and she became very very thin through exercise (running after all of them!). Many of my friends started out thin and today after pregnancy and nursing became overweight. We all have to be sure we do not overdo eating and cause disease, but the crazy emphasis on being stick thin has really gotten out of hand. One of my friends has a daughter that was hospitalized for anorexia and bulimia! Enough already. (My father who is a survivor of the concentration camps thinks this is so absurd. He says that in Poland, a girl could only find a shidduch if she was a bit zaftig-there was a better chance to carry a baby to full term.) In conclusion, our main requisite for a shidduch is yorei shomayim and fine middos, and I hope that this post does not offend previous posters-my intention is to show a different way of approaching the shidduch parsha based on a history of experience.
The true issue here is tznius. Halachically a woman can wear a garbage bag and be covered perfectly-but does anyone do that? The hallmark of a Jewish woman is her tznius-her modestly in speech, action and way of dress. When a woman is wearing a long flowing natural looking sheitel, a tight t shirt and a pencil skirt with six inch heels she is technically covered by halacha-but is she observing the spirit of the law? The same goes for the men who imitate the fashion trends that are so obviously pritzus. I think that the entire issue is that some Jewish women (and men) have become enslaved to whatever trend happens to be current-and that is what is being protested by the gedolim. If a Jew is following whatever goyishe trend is in place then it is an indication of where the focus is-and it is the rabbonim’s job to focus the nation on its spiritual priorities. One reason we were taken out of galus mitzrayim was because we did not change our way of dress, we looked distinctly different from the Egyptians. With geula so imminent, it is right for the gedolim to wake us up!