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Hi middlepath, I know I havent posted in awhile. While Ive definitely been keeping up with the posts, I just didn’t contribute. It’s actually a little funny (or should I say hasgacha?) that you asked about me today, because before I logged onto yeshivaworld, I saw that my therapist emailed me. I stopped seeing her these past few weeks when she went on vacation and then I did, then I started work etc. She emailed me thinking that I wanted to stop seeing her and didn’t feel comfortable telling her that in person-which really is not the case. Sometimes when I see her I feel as though nothing is really happening, I’m just talking and she’s listening but I dont know-is that what’s supposed to happen?I guess I’m confused about the ultimate goal with all this..
WOW. I cant believe this. Its especially funny from the guys point of view. But I really never realized there is something so bad with wearing nice looking flats. Yeshivishhask, just to clarify, cool and stylish people wear flats too–its not just the simple ones. I see plenty of girls who dress very nicely with flats and I think they look just as nice as someone with heels.
Attention: to all those guys who are looking to date girls wearing 3 inch heels, do not come knocking on my door!!
I Can Only Try- thank you so much for taking the words straight out of my mouth. The threads have been so healing in so many different ways. It’s really truly amazing!
Sorry middlepath, just realized the top of my previous post is yours…meant to delete it (I just copy and pasted it so I can refer to what I would write but never got rid of it).
I feel like this thread is becoming a real support group…and a really good one!!
forthebest, thanks for the question. If I were to hear this from a girl I was dating, and the girl seems to be strong in her faith and has a positive attitude even with everything she’s gone through, I would be impressed, amazed, and feel incredibly lucky to be dating someone like that. Not only would I “accept” it, I would consider it a huge bonus. It means she has the ability to see everything positively, and use the tragedies in her life to make herself an even better person. And, I would be able to relate Climbing mountains, I can totally understand why you feel that way. Luckily it really does not take over my life and I’m able to not think about it- unless I’m really bored and am just lying in bed daydreaming (then I quickly become proactive!) The hardest part for me, I believe, is acceptance and knowing it was not my fault and there is NOTHING I could have done to prevent it. Before I began seeing my therapist, any time a great guy was suggested for me, I would cringe and think, “why would he want to go out with me?!! If only I knew what I went through! HE for sure has no baggage!!” This is obviously 1 million percent the worst way to think. (That’s also why I didn’t date ‘straight off the plane,’ as I knew I needed to work on myself). It’s not been easy retraining my mind to think, “yes, what’s happened, happened. Look at what you are accomplishing now!” My therapist asked (or gently suggested) that I discuss it with someone else that I’m comfortable with, but right now, I’m not at that stage.
Middlepath-wow is all I can say. You really have a way with your words. I can really never thank you enough for all your support you’ve given us all. I hope all guys have the same attitude as you do.
First of all, I must say Mi Kiamcha Yisrael! It is so nice to see how supportive, loving, and caring everyone here is for each other! Also, middlepath, I cannot thank you enough for opening up to us in this forum. I have never told anyone about my situation (besides one family member and a therapist) and I feel like this is a really good way for me to come to terms with myself.
Aries, thank you so much. It is so importatn for me to hear those words. I can hear them a million times and I won’t get sick of it. It’s also really nice to hear from an outside source. Thanks.
Middlepath-One of my main concerns now in the ‘parsha’ is when I’m going to tell this to the guy I feel like I’m going to marry (obviously when I know it’s becoming serious). I’m so nervous to tell him (whoever he is). From a guy’s standpoint, I wanted to ask your opinion-if you were to hear this from a girl, how/would you accept it?
Climbing mountains-wow i feel for you! I wish there is no one out there that had to experience what I did! All along, I’ve always thought I was alone. I only wish you much strength from this point onwards.
First of all, thank you MiddlePath for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you had to go through that experience and I apologize on behalf of everyone for not stepping up to the plate and treating you with the dignity and respect you so deserve.
Happiest-your posting made me sign up here. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Unfortunately, I had to too. As I’m writing this, I can’t believe it really does happen-to normal people. My experience happened a long time ago and I subconsciously forgot awhile until I was ready to begin the shidduch process. I knew I needed to speak to someone about it. For a while, I was totally not myself as all the memories were coming back. Luckily and B”H I have one family member that I’m very comfortable with and was able to open up to. I’ve been seeing a therapist who has really been helpful. She noticed that I blamed myself a lot for what happened, and for a while I thought if only…if only I would’ve stopped it…if only I would have told someone immediately etc things would have been different. She’s been training me to realize that I was NOT in control and it is NOT my fault-I was the victim. I’m trying so hard to internalize this.
Happiest-I’m not sure if this helps you in any way but please know that you are not alone.