Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
That the question could even be seriously asked, is indicative of a real problem in the heart of the one asking. Obviously you have no clue as to the pain childless couples go thru, of how painful it is to be in theresence of other couples who naturally have one child after the next, worse sole topic of conversation is their kids, their kids’ schools,their kids’ teachers and Rebbeim, their kids’ issues, etc. the pain is unbearable. I too am seeking to adopt a Jewish child. Anyone with any leads, please let me know. Tizku l’Mitzvos.
So all the pains so many are experiencing r”l will come to an end…and so our enemies will finally Alize they were wrong all along!
My husband wears colored shirts (and pants! Ie. khaki, beige, etc) and it never bothered me until recently…when I started asking myself, since we are among mostly Yeshivish people all the time, why does he want to make himself different so that he stands out? I think sometimes there might be a dynamic at play that might involve various issues… A rebellious streak perhaps?
@ZAHAVASDAD: “Lubavitch have short beards?!” oh my. Seems your lack of knowledge is not only on the subject of Internet dangers. Lubavitch are known not to trim their beards…
Yes indeed, diabetes and bulimia are as much of a risk as Internet abuse, correct? Oy.
@ZAHAVASDAD: All I can say to you at this point is, if you actually believe that the RISK of an overwater developing all those illnesses l”a having anywhere near the potential of spiritually destroying a Frum home, then having a discussion with you is intellectually impossible.
@ZAHAVASDAD Did you ever hear me say a filter will help my husband? I have been trying to get him to go peak to someone so they together can work on the addiction, and I am well aware that addicts frequently substitute one addictive behavior for another. But you have to admit that an addiction to food would not be in any way as destructive to a Frum home or a Frum marriage as improper Internet usage is.
@ZAHAVASDAD You can’t be serious about the comparisons you make between improper Internet use and shopping/food. Last I heard, shopping and eating were not grave Aveiros, and neither one has the potential to make a person fall to the lowest spiritual depths, and I’ve never heard of excessive shopping or eating being the cause of marriages breaking up or homes being destroyed. You are siously clueless about the dangers of intent (intentional, or just naive?) But before you make these pointless arguments perhaps you should do some research. Even the non-Jewish society has written articles by researchers about not only marriages breaking up because of Internet, but about the dumbing down of society because there’s no reason for any child (or adult) to do any type of research any more…all they need to do is hit google for any question they need answered.
Zeeskite, thank you so much. I am seeking help even though my husband has so far refused, and I am trying to deal with this as best I can, to try nd presve the sanctity of my home, as well as my emotional well-being. The support of caring people like yourself really helps.
To jbaldy 22: I am constantly surprised when people speak confidently as if they know about something, while they are 100% wrong. It’s ok to say YOU don’t believe there’s such a thing as Internet addiction, but to say it doesn’t exist is patently false. I’ve spoken with several therapists as well as Rabbonim and all agree it most cranky is addiction. And the addiction is not specifically to inappropriate sites. The act of being online alone can be addictive, hence we are now hearing about texting as well. People with tendencies of compulsion or addiction are drawn in by the distraction it provides, not necessarily only in forbidden areas. Do some research before you make conclusions.
To ZAHAVAS DAD: once again I must say your posts continue to smack of ignorance especially about Internet and addiction. An addict does not go searching for ‘happiness’ on the Internet. He goes searching for relief, for escape from pain, for distraction. And afterwards they feel horribly guilty and ashamed. You know absolutely nothing on the subject and therefore it’s quite disrespectful to dismiss someone with knowledgable information as if yours trumps theirs. It doesn’t. Better not to comment on issues that you have no knowledge about than to sound ignorant and foolish.
To apushatayid: Just the fact that I should have to defend myself as “real” and not a “lurker”(I’m not even sure what you mean by that!) to you, is really demeaning and pathetic. Why on earth would anyone make up what I wrote? My heart is broken, I shared very painful details of my personal life to make a point. You, my friend, are a sorry, sorry excuse for a Jew. Where’s your sense of Rachmanus, empathy, TRUST that someone might be telling the truth? I truly pity you. For your information, addiction (and yes, a therapist categorized my husband as ‘addicted’) is not a simple matter. And addictive personalities can be happily married and yet fall into temptation a lot easier that the average person would. So your comments show you to be not only lacking in the basic characteristics of a Jew, but also ignorant. Completely ignorant. And FYI, my husband does spend time with me and the kids. It’s when everyone’s asleep that he falls victim to the terrible yetzer hara of the Internet addiction. And FYI again, my husband doesn’t have a Rav. Another bone of contention between us, so none of your so-called advice was in the least helpful. I hope you’re happy knowing you took the honest admission of a wife with a broken heart and turned it into some devious deception that could only be imagined in the ind of someone like you. I honestly pity YOUR spouse,
To Daas Yochid: thank you so much for all your comments! I agree 100%with all you said. Unfortunately, “ZAHAVA’S DAD” IS SO so naive Nd clueless about the dangers and reality of the Internet, that I don’t think any amount of evidence would convince him. My marriage is one of the many victims of this terrible malady. My husband is addicted, he would spend whole nights online, of course on seemingly innocent sites at first-news, info, banking, work, you name it. But when I did some searching of the history after one particularly long stretch of his, what I found shockedme to my core, I could never look at him the same. I begged him to get help, never saying what I found, only saying that he spends too much time on it. He refuses. He claims he’s totally in control. Now he takes his Internet access with him everywhere he goes and to the most inappropriate places… To Shull, to Shiur, to family get-togethers. It has destroyed our life together. And he’s in total denial. I would love to be able to email privately with you as I’m very interested in how you got help and from where. I desperately want my family to be back together the way we were before this calamity took hold of my husband. Again, thank you so much for all you wrote, for all the words of wisdom. May you be given the strength from Hakadosh Baruch Hu to continue in your praiseworthy fight, and may you reap a lot of reward for your Teshuva.