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aishes chayil – that person is absolved from asking any more; you only have to ask three times.
i guess i’ll be the first one to wish everyone a gutte kvittel!
i never really understood fire escapes anyway. the thing doesn’t even go all the way to the ground so it doesn’t help anything – you’re still stuck two stories up attached to a burning building?? doesn’t make sense to me. explanation…?
dr pepper – have me in mind too?
boy do i need it.
i guess we all do (to quote yanky – 1/2 lol).
ok, i hear it. that’s the risk you run at a home birth. anyone opting for a home birth must be well aware of the possible ramifications. everyone can hear that. i guess that point that i really want to make is – ANYONE OPTING FOR A HOSPITAL BIRTH MUST BE WELL AWARE OF THE POSSIBLE RAMIFICATIONS!!
wow beautiful and very very inspiring! i appreciate it very much! gmar chasima tova to you and everyone in the coffee room!
hello! Rav Elimelech Tress z”tz”l HAD NO BEARD!! A rav, i’ve forgotten who, said about him – when rabbi tress goes up after 120, they might ask him, jew, jew, where’s your beard! but some other people, when they go up to shamayim, will definitely be asked, beard, beard, where is your jew??
btw, i appreciate when guys wear beards. in fact i really don’t like it when they don’t. BUT A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE HERE!!!!
let them be.
and i thought i was playing a good game of charades!
she’s your friend? great so pass on the message – get motty into therapy somehow!
haifagirl: of course that’s why you have to have a responsible midwife who can recognize problems the second they come up so you can get to a hospital on time. it’s also the best if you live close to a hospital or freestanding birth center with medical equipment (hospital better of course). things like what you’re saying happen in hospitals too, where intervention takes place that was totally unnecessary or much worse, the wrong intervention takes place, and yes it happens. also, often, complications in birth stem from undue stress and discomfort at being away from comfortable setting, or from being exposed, or wtvr the person’s stressed about, and that stress level is much reduced in a home setting. i’ll reiterate that anyone having a home birth must be responsible and hire a midwife who knows what she’s doing. (a doula’s also good, both in hospital and at home.)
anon for this: well, probaby the cruchy parents of the coffee room are not agains circumcision, right?
artchill:
1. sometimes, the abuser’s already in a situation where forgiving him wouldn’t hurt anyone. also, you’re still able to ‘turn up the heat/pressure’ after you’ve forgiven someone.
2. sometimes, the abuser is a. absolutely unaware that he is in fact abusing someone, and b. completely unable to control it if he were aware. personal experience. so this person, b”H, i have come to a point where i’ve almost completely foriven him.
it’s possible for s/o to be able to forgive and abuser.
wellinformedyid, about the cancer video and not shouting at everyone to donate: i actually had a story at the kotel once where a girl was collecting for camp simcha or s/t like that, and i passed her saying hatzlacha but didn’t give her any money. she comes up behind me and said – don’t you care for the kids with cancer??
i just walked off, but i almost went back and said to her – you have no idea how much i care for kids with cancer. but you know what? if i had any money, i’d donate it to my parents who are both sick and cannot afford medication either!
my point is: not everyone can do everything. my part in helping kids with cancer may be having kavana during shemona esreh, refa’einu. and the like for everything else.
what? i thought everyone knows you are my sunshine!
i actually like bishows better too, but i do appreciate going out to somewhere, a bench in a park or wtvr, after the first two to break the tension and see if there’s possibility for connection in a lighter manner.
i’m yeshivishe, though, so i will go out if the boy prefers it. but only to certain places.
when i babysit i have a few policies:
older kids can talk to me as long as they want as long as they keep their eyes shut the entire time.
smaller kids get a book, or maybe two, and wtvr bottle or toy they’re used to, and then i sing to them or tell them a story – provided their eyes are closed the entire time.
the smallest babies, i rock them a bit, with their bottles or wtvr they’re used to. if they’re not asleep after that, i put them into their cribs and they usually cry for a few min and then fall asleep.
it works.
but i’m not a mother.
these are tricks prettty much for any babysitters who are reading this.
oops sorry, i just read your post more thoroughly, ramateshkolian. got it now. makes sense. 🙂
smartcookie – about going crazy. just an interesting thing, i have a friend/teacher whose husband gets sick every year before yom kippur because he’s nervous about mechila, kappara, etc. it’s not stam!!
to elucidate my previous comment/question – what is waterboarding?
yes, i know someone like that too. a few actually. they’re not normally amazing ppl…
i know this is really off-topic, but i can’t tell you how disappointed i was when i found out that in e”y they discourage home birth to such an extent that they won’t pay you the regular social security or wtvr they call it here that you get paid for having a baby. they consider it majorly irresponsible, etc. i was soooooo upset!! that now i’ll have to go the hospital, hate hospitals…
moq? i don’t get it…
🙂 😉
oh boy, well you are talking to one CRUNCHY lady!!! go natural birth!!
bragging about your husband is very likely to cause marital probems in the families of those who hear you. if mrs A hears that your husband is always there to help on friday afternoons, let’s say, and hers doesn’t, it’s very possible that she wil begin to resent that her husband doesn’t do that.
about grabbing hold of spouse to make him/her see reason – would you have an example for that?
what, may i ask, is cruchy? is this another term like greasy and harry? i hope not, cuz i’m having trouble keeping track of the old ones; don’t need any new ones around…
how do you know i’m not riva pomerantz??
i was about to say the same thing. except i thought s/he was male. 😉
but if s/he is female, why not? although how that would go together with yw being anonymous, i don’t know and couldn’t figure out.
my rebbetzins here in e”y, most of whom have gone through at least one MAJOR tzara in their lives and are still amazing amazing amazing people!!
and my grandmother, who raised me even though that entailed being not only mother, father, and grandmother, but also a diplomat – she had to avoid fire and brimstone pouring over her from the rest if the family while she did what she knew was best for me, not the most comfortable for her.
and my parents, who always do the best they can. that was not a backhanded compliment. life really is hard for them and they still rise above.
eclipse i don’t know if we’re talking about the same one, but there is a new film coming!!!!! it’s spectacular, and i was told by one of the actresses (i can’t vouch for her judgement tho) that the acting is very refined and the storyline is stunning.
i can’t vouce for her judgement b/c she’s coming from a different place than i am; she’s coming from the place i once came from. and the last film that i was involved in from the maker of the coming one had some subtleties and even not-so-subtelties that i missed way back when, and now when i see that film, i cringe!!
so as i said, frum quality i can’t vouch for, frum content i definitely can, and general quality – absolutely amazingly professional!
can’t wait!
do you or do you not want anyone to post here? in your proposal, you suggest not posting on ywn until after yom kippur, but at the same time, you ask for our opinions??
just curious 🙂
no eclipse, why would you think that’s what ppl are saying?
i can only speak for myself, but when i talk about both partners being responsible, having good middos and upbringing, etc, i’m talking about a potentially healthy marriage, not one in which one of the partners is unbalanced or otherwise unstable. that is an extreme situation that has to be dealt with in extreme ways.
the vertical is better, you’re right:
1. since it’s taken from farther away, the man on the bike and other similar distractions aren’t visible, they just become part of the shadowing.
2. it’s more centered. usually, the subject shouldn’t be centered, but when the subject itself is symmetrical, it should be centered because if not, it lends an oddly lopsided look to the picture.
3. the horizon on the vertical one is about two thirds from the top, while on the horizontal version, it’s closer to the middle, a cardinal sin in the world of landscape photography.
that’s my (unprofessional) opinion.
they’re both really really good though. where in the world is that?
commonsense: i can see you have a lot of it. i don’t know too many people who would think like that.
my shul decided they can’t pay a rabbi full time, necessating a second job for the rav. so they had a meeting with all the members and the rabbi to decide when the rabbi was going to be available during the day for the members and when for non-members. they came up with a plan reasonable for everyone and now we all know when we can call him and when we can’t and when we can tell non-members to call him. he’s also available for emergencies i believe but not guaranteed. so you can try, and if it doesn’t work you call another rav.
that’s in america.
here in e”y i have threee rabbis and a primary one that all have differnt available hours pretty much so i know when i can call each one. they all have basically the same shittas, and if one gives me a psak that sounds like something my primary rabbi would disagree with i try to go over it with him before i implement it.
ramateshkolian: it’s not all that uncommon. it’s just not all that israeli either.
ramateshkolian: make your post into a billboard. publicize it. don’t care how. this idea is ESSENTIAL to children of abusive or dysfuntional families.
eclipse: (i like ur username btw) i don’t know. i don’t know if it matters if the person isn’t the least bit sorry, i think one is still able to be moichel s.o who’s not sorry.
there’s a story in the gemara about a butcher who insulted a tanna (forgot which one). he never asked for forgiveness, so before yom kippur, the tanna decided he’d go to the butcher shop and give the guy a chance to ask forgiveness. on the way, he met another tanna, who told him it’s not such a good idea to go, it’s a sakana, rather forgive him in the first place without him asking.
so there you are.
(end of the story btw is that the first tanna went anyway to the butcher shop and presented himself to the butcher, who told him contemptuously that he had nothing to say to the tanna. he was in the middle of cutting a piece of meat with the bone in, when a piece of the bone flew up as a result of impact and lodged itself in the butcher’s throat, killing him. that wasa the sakana mentioned.)
thank you eclipse!!!!!! you took the words right out of my mouth, well, keyboard. but seriously!! this might come as a shock to some, but ahava (love) comes from the root word hav, giving. this shows that the essence of love is giving, which meforshim explain, means that the more you give to someone the more you love them. before two people get married, they’re not giving to each other (except maybe a watch and ring and shas…)so it doesn’t really make sense that they LOVE each other. care for deeply, yes, infatuation, could be. love, no. love comes after marriage; only after the two partners have given tremendously of themselves, can they really love each other.
given this, really any two people can get married and stay married when they have had the correct chinuch, either from home, school, or just self-taught.
the only reason this isn’t working nowadays (of course there are situations where it becomes impossible, i’m not talking about these.) is the very scary attitude of instant gratification in society, and yes, unfortunately, jewish society as well. it seems that people are less likely to work on themselves than they are to complain of not “getting anything” or wtvr it is that they complain about.
just a point about these impossible situations: very often, children of parents who fight, yes, even physically, would rather their parents stay married than get divorced. a home is the center of the child’s world. it doesn’t matter to the child what’s going on in there, as long as he has a ‘place.’ school is not a ‘place’ and i’m sorry to say, being shuttled between two homes is also not a ‘place.’ one home plus one home equeals no home. i am speaking from experience when i say that the children will very very often have surprising opinions when it comes to a seemingly clear-cut case of absolutely necessary divorce.
hatzilu!
hey – u need to tell me when u edit my posts!! that big black bold edited is my goal in life!
hey yitayningwut, haven’t seen around for a while; welcome back!
i mean, can you imagine someone getting up and saying “9-11 never happened-” ????????????????????????????????????????
i mamesh don’t understand how holocaust deniers did it…
EDITED,
EDITED,
EDITED!!!!!!
mothballs i think.
thank you artchill. that was a very good answer.
just a question – do you have a source for your last paragraph? becuase i hesitate to hear what chazal ‘meant’ without a source and then believe it. i’d love to of course, but – do you have a source?
what you’re saying is really true, ramateshkolian. what i refer to in my post is a situation where for example a child is raised in a dysfunctional home and was beaten. let’s say. and then that child gets out of the situation, is mitchazek and wants to get married, but finds that she has different emotional/psychological problems stemming from her upbringing that may prevent that. she must be very angry, right? but at the same time, she has to forgive and forget, get over the anger etc. how?
my first idea when i read my own question is – realize how whatever it was shaped you as a person. realize what strengths it gave you and how you can use those strengths to fight your weaknesses and overcome them.
just a thought.
and now let me ask the big question: what if it’s something that WILL be important in five years. and in 15. and in 50. ????????
yes, you have to let go. that wasnt’ the question. the question is – HOW???? on earth!
going into chinuch is a category on its own. on the one hand, it’s not “learning full time” but it’s also not “working.” i always tell the shadchanim that i’m looking for someone who wants to learn as long as he possible can and if he has to work he’ll go into “klei kodesh.” i think chinuch is part of “klei kodesh,” that is, holy/spiritual work. i think most people lookingfor a “working” guy are looking more for s/o who’s going to be sitting in an office in front of a computer or a lawer or wtvr. i could be wrong but this is the impression i get.
about support – Hashem yaazor. i could tell you countless stories of people who technically didn’t have any support but managed anyway. of course that doesn’t mean you should be irresponsible. do your hishtadlus. just saying – don’t worry too much.
i’ve heard many people say that they want someone who wants to go to or is in college. it’s not so weird.
hatzlacha rabba !!
(GO WEST COAST!)
HIE – AMEN!! but it’s a leap year so it’s 13 months, 56 weeks, 392 days, 9,408 hours, 564,480 minutes, and 33,868,800 seconds!