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Off the top of my head –
What are his reasons for wanting mixed dancing? Not that any reason justifies it, but it can make it easier to approach the topic. Does he have family members who are insistent on mixed dancing? Does he lack the sensitivity to kedusha? Is he afraid of what his “friends” or the kalla’s side will say?
If it’s a matter of ta’ava and lack of kedusha, perhaps you can try to explain that one’s chasuna sets a foundation. It’s a fresh start, sets the tone for the future . . . Keeping the genders separate allows everyone there to focus on what a chasuna really is and focus on bringing simcha to the chosson and kalla. If the setting is skewed, it can affect the marriage.
Start off by finding something that he will for sure agree on. I imagine that any rational person recognizes that a chasuna is a special time, even if the person doesn’t understand just how special a time it is. Perhaps ask him what his goals are for marriage, to try to get him thinking in a more spiritual direction.
Yelling and arguments probably won’t help. Food for thought can.
And most of all, before and after you speak to him, and silently as you speak to him, beg HaShem to put the right words in your mouth and to open his heart to Torah truths. Remember that you are doing this, not because you want to be the hero who got your friend to not have mixed dancing at his chasuna, but because you want to do ratzon HaShem and help others do ratzon HaShem.
Hatzlocha.
718 436 9595
A gut voch,
I received this “conversation” via email, as well as reading it here on YWN.
The piece has benefits, but there is something about it that is very disturbing to me, and that is the language used within the piece. I have no idea who wrote the piece, and my point is not to attack the writer. I do feel that this has to be pointed out.
While I understand that this is meant to be a conversation, expressions such as “promise You won’t be mad” and “let me just tell You HaShem” do <i> not </i> sit well with me.
A person should not talk to a rebbi/parent this way – a conversation with HaShem?!
Also – “don’t be sorry.” Why not?! Part of teshuva is charota!
The piece could still have the same point, but without these l’shonos.
A gut voch.
Longarekel, could you kindly provide the link/repeat the information re the specialness of 5772-73? Thank you.
Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. I saw it in Eichler’s.
A couple of corrections: I’m not sure that pizza causes a problem; I seem to have an issue with frozen yogurt. Also, it seems, from what I read, that it’s possible to drink a larger quantity of milk without it causing problems.
As an earlier poster mentioned, medical advice from a doctor is really the best way to go.
That’s a difficult situation. Good point – maybe additional time spent with your mother can help. Of course, daven.
Not to pasken at all, but food for thought; please do not take this advice without asking a rov if you should say it to your mother. But – perhaps if your mother discontinues such a friendship, it will be a zechus for your refuah shelaimah. Maybe that can motivate her?
Hatzlocha and besuros tovos.
I’ve noticed recently that if I eat a lot of milchigs – pizza, frozen yogurt – I regret it! I read on a medical website that many people with lactose intolerance can tolerate about 2-4 ounces of milk, and that seems to be true in my case.
It’s interesting, because I never noticed this as being a problem until within the last year; it never came up when I was a kid. But it does seem to run in my family.
I think that there once existed a Cholov Yisroel version of lactose-free milk. If anyone has further information on this – as to whether it’s still available – please post. Thanks.
Just tonight, someone got stuck in front of our house; boruch HaShem, Chaveirim to the rescue.
Yasher koach to the members of this wonderful organization!
re thick liquid, if you can stand it, try prune juice with pulp. That’s a really thick liquid.
Butternut squash, turnip, beet, sweet potato, parsnip (looks like a cream-colored carrot). No specific recipe, and you have to find what you like, but it’s worth a try. I regularly put in light olive oil, potatoes, and carrots in addition to the meat.
Also, try oregano. I use it with the gefilte fish, too.
Refuah shelaima. I’m sorry to hear of your difficulty.
Please remind us of your mother’s name.
I don’t mean to sound preachy, and it could very well be that you did this already, but maybe your mezuzos and/or tefilin could use a checking?
I think that the above posters made good points. Maybe it’s a tikun, and maybe it’s an idea to consult with another specialist. Have you consulted with the Skverer Rebbe, who is an expert at directing people to proper doctors? 718 436 9595
May you have a refuah shelaima bekarov bimhaira besoch she’ar cholai Yisroel, and may you see the yeshua very soon.
eat a macintosh apple. Seriously. Also, ginger helps. Landau’s in Boro Park used to sell candied ginger; I don’t know if they still carry it.
Here is the link for the poster: http://www.hakhel.info/archivesPublicService/PeyosPoster.pdf
How about both?
Unite to learn hilchos Shabbos? It most certainly won’t hurt!
A gutten mo’ed! I hope that you’re feeling better and that you’re able to enjoy Succos.
Might I suggest the well-known segula of the Manchester Rosh Yeshiva zt”l – to learn two halachos a day of Shmiras HaLashon?
Refuah shelaima!
A gutten chodesh.
Just because a news story says that such and such is true does NOT mean it’s true.
It’s so easy to believe news stories on the basis of hearsay. How about believing yesodos in Yiddishkeit with such ease? I’m reminding myself of this by writing this.
Instead of our wondering and investigating and conjecturing and judging, how about davening that Moshiach come already? That will be the true end to all the tzaros.
According to the Achiezer email that I received, the order for evacuation was apparently moved up to Fri. – and that email came in at around 5 pm erev Shabbos.
Achiezer, Hatzoloh, JCC, Va’ad HaRabonim of FR and 5T, Office of Emergency Management, Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, West Hempstead community, all the shuls that were ready to serve as evacuation centers, Gourmet Glatt for being at the ready to supply people with necessary items in case of evacuation on Shabbos, and anyone else – Yasher Koach!
There are downed trees in Boro Park. As mentioned elsewhere – I think on this site – the flooding and rain weakens trees, and then they can topple. Please be careful!!!!! and it’s still very windy out there, at least in Far Rockaway.
Also, it’s very windy out there right now.
I wasn’t home for Shabbos, but came back this afternoon. Power is on, boruch HaShem. I don’t know if there was an outage over Shabbos. Please, be very, very, very cautious re trees and wires. As mentioned – the flooding loosens trees and the trees fall. Some trees fell in Boro Park. Please be very cautious!
Good evening.
My understanding is that if you can see that something is there, just can’t see it clearly without a magnifying glass or the like, it is considered to be visible.
Think about a fig. It is many small particles (for lack of a better word) that provide many, many crevices. So the bugs enjoy the dark corners and crevices.
I heard a shiur from Rabbi Yosef Eisen shlit”a, who is recognized as an expert in bedikas tola’im. He said that the minimum amount of issurim for eating a bug is 4. Something to think about.
May HaShem protect us from eating anything unkosher of any kind or type.
wow! Thanks!
Also important – as with everything in life – take it a bit at a time.
In 10th grade, we took 3 Regents exams – 2 in one day, 1 the next day. Yes, it was difficult – but boruch HaShem, we got through it. If you start thinking now about all the pressures, you’ll get too nervous.
If you’re at all able – try to review your notes from time to time, particularly notes from classes where the teacher doesn’t give many tests. That way, come midterm and final time, you’ll be a little more familiar with the material.
Good note-taking skills are important. Get advice, a book on the subject . . . If you find a teacher you like, maybe ask the teacher to give some points about note-taking. The whole class would benefit.
Get involved in school life – be a part of it. Be part of play, activities, etc. Beneficial in more than one way.
Hatzlocha.
I just had a discussion with someone the other day along the lines of this topic!
Re kamatz, there is a difference between a regular kamatz and a kamatz koton which is sometimes replaced by a cholom. This may answer the seeming discrepancy mentioned above re pronounciation of a kamatz.
I’m not a boki in dikduk at all, and I’ve forgotten some of what I learned, but it is rather fascinating.
If I recall correctly, Rabbi Yisroel Reisman said that Rav Pam zt”l would say that it grates on the ears to hear someone say meLECH. There are some words in loshon kodesh, such as those with two segols (not a chataf segol) next to each other, that SHOULD have the emphasis on the second to last syllable, as opposed to the last. Another one I’ve heard is cheSED. Ouch! If you know how it is supposed to be said, it sounds terrible like this!
Most words, though, do properly have the emphasis at the end, as mentioned above.
Binyamin Wolf, Zev Wolfson.
I know someone with a last name that includes the word “gold.” They didn’t want to name their baby Golda Gold****** (I didn’t count the asterisks), so they named her Zehava instead.
I don’t want to get specific, but I know someone with a last name that is comprised of a first name and “off” (like in Kaganoff). The peron’s first name is the same as in his last name.
Someone once pointed out to me that many people with the name Gross are short, and many people with the name Klein (or a similar name) are tall. It’s true!!!
I would like to clarify something:
I was not following the thread and I don’t know who started it (nor do I care to know). The title of the thread caught my attention and I felt a response was appropriate.
I never had the zechus to meet Rav Pam zt”l. However, based on what I’ve read and what I heard over the years, I believe that he would not have approved of the use of any derogatory word, even though “it’s just a joke.” Yes, Rav Pam picked up on nuances – but he still would not have approved of slurs or the like.
Truth is, all of this is a reminder to myself – how careful am I about how I speak? Room for improvement.
Rabbi Shlomo Brevda shlit”a – Shlomo Laib ben Miryam (Miriam)
Rabbosai,
I was recently reading the biography of Rav Pam zt”l (whose yahrtzeit is 28 Menachem Ov), and I remembered that one of the many points that Rav Pam is remembered for was his great sensitivity with both the spoken and written word.
Hamaivin yavin.
may every single member of Klal Yisroel be healthy and never, ever need any emergency services.
That being said – a TREMENDOUS yasher koach to each and every member of Hatzola (and any other Yid that’s involved in EMS) for their endless, tireless devotion to helping and saving HaShem’s children.
How about to bli neder (bli shevuoh?) be ready for Shabbos five minutes earlier than you need to?
I’m all for the not talking during davening! What I wrote above is just another suggestion.
Ideally, if you can, don’t talk at all, even between aliyos. Just smile and nod. After a while, it gets easier.
A Machsom L’fi is an excellent idea.
I heard a shiur by Rabbi Zev Smith. If I understood correctly, it’s certainly a good idea to avoid speaking about really unnecessary things on Shabbos. Try, for half an hour, to avoid frivolous, meaningless conversation – and enhance your Shabbos.
Just a reflection of the world today!
By the way – that was NOT meant to be punny. I only realized it after I typed it!
Not a good idea!!!!!
Lack of tznius. Dangerous. Let’s say the other man’s wife is more attractive. It’s one thing to see someone in the street; it’s another to be sitting with someone at the same table having a seuda together in a comfortable atmosphere.
Why give the yetzer hora easy bait?!
In a sense – in a sense! – it’s a good sign that you find it hard to daven. I know it sounds nutty. But it shows that you recognize that the same HaShem Who decreed that Leiby a”h should be killed is the same HaShem Whom we daven to, the same HaShem Who runs every aspect of the world. It shows that you don’t approach davening as a meaningless ritual.
that being said, we still must daven.
Gut Shabbos to all.
There are a few things you should know:
1. The person who did this terrible thing was caught and is not on the street.
2. This is something horrible that most of us, even adults, have never heard before in our lifetimes. We all hope never to hear such a thing again.
3. Leiby ?”? has no pain now. He has a ???? that lives forever, and is going to ??
??? very clean, and he will have a very special place there in ?? ??? .
May we never hear of such ???? anymore, and may we soon greet Moshiach Tzidkainu.”
This is almost the entire text of the letter which Rav Sitnick sent out and which someone was kind enough to send to me. It speaks for itself.
Nachman.
Happiest and everyone else,
Yes, it is VERY VERY VERY painful. I’m usually not very emotional, and the whole day I’ve been thinking about it.
Now – please take my words properly. These points are a composition of ideas I’ve learned over the years, as well as being based on ideas that I saw today in a letter which Rav Dovid Sitnick shlit”a sent to the parent body of his school. Please understand that not every idea presented below is based on that letter.
The questions is, are you asking because you want an answer, or is the question an answer in itself?
We don’t understand. We simply do not. HaShem has His cheshbonos, which we simply do not have the capability to comprehend. If we could understand HaShem, we would be Him. And that’s impossible.
We don’t know what Leiby z”l was in a previous gilgul, what tikun he had to attain.
We don’t know. A father has to let his son get a shot, even though it hurts, since it’s for the good of child. This terrible tzora was and is a BIG shot. Somehow, it’s for our good.
We say Boruch Dayan HaEmes. What does it mean? We acknowledge that HaShem is the True Judge. HaShem knows each and every detail. Every single aspect of the tzora has been calculated down to the minutest detail.
For example: there are missing children who have been missing for YEARS, so much so that they have to do age progression to the photos. Here, Leiby was found within 48 hours. It could have dragged out MUCH longer – but HaShem didn’t want anyone involved to have to go through that additional difficulty. And on the other side, it was very warm yesterday – that was also part of cheshbonos HaShem. Maybe more sechar for those who went looking? I don’t know.
I’m not saying that I’m as strong as I should be in faith, but we have to try.
I hope that this has helped to some extent. May we hear only besuros tovos.
Whenever it is, may Leiby be returned to his family, shalaim b’ruchniyus, b’gashmiyus, and emotionally.
A gut voch. Oomis, if that 40-year old person is still available, please contact me via the mods. I know a single girl who wants someone in learning. Really!
I may get in trouble for this, but . . .
Oomis, the person you described (the one who’s almost 40 and wants to learn) – I might know someone for him.
If the moderators think it appropriate, I give them permission for you to contact me.
A gut Shabbos to all.
I think that you should consult a rov as to what you should do/how to handle the situation.
By the way – when matters become a fight, no one wins. It’s important to speak respectfully yet confidently. This is important on many counts – kidush HaShem, tikun midos, and you’re more likely to get what you want if you handle the situation properly.
And of course, whatever you do, daven for Siya’ata Dishmaya. And have extra kavana in Boraich Aleinu. Have other people in mind when you daven – people who don’t have jobs, are at risk of losing their jobs, etc.
Hatzlocha raba to you.
DON’T believe everything you read!
Nebach, nebach that people text on Shabbos. I also heard a shiur by Rabbi Wallerstein where he spoke about this. How very, very, very sad. Putting aside melacha for the moment, Shabbos is THE day of connection to HaShem, more so than during the workweek. How sad that people feel so distant that they need to connect to others. What about a sefer Tehilim?!
And yes, the siddur is the best connection. Never runs out of battery power and it never causes any health problems.
I have Verizon and boruch HaShem am very pleased with it. Service is great, though on the subway there isn’t service. True, it’s not cheap. I do have texting on the phone, though not a texting plan, which means I can text/receive texts when necessary, but it deters me from abusing it since I don’t have free texting.
I do not have Internet on my phone.
Speaking of cell phones, one thing I wish I could implement is not to talk on my phone in the street, at least not while walking. Meaning, at least stand to the side if I need to make/receive a call. Have to put effort into it . . .
Like other gashmiyus things in this world, we have to use cell phones for the right purposes.
It’s not a joke. It’s a chilul HaShem.
A gut voch.
PBA, is this another one of your Motza’ay Shabbos ideas?
I don’t know about counters and such, but for appliances, go to Focus Electronics on 13th b/w 45 and 46. We got two air conditioners from Focus and boruch HaShem no problems. 718 436 4646.
Rabbi Blumenkrantz zt”l in his Pesach sefer from several years back indicated a problem with corn on the cob. This is not new, but maybe wasn’t discussed so much in the past. And over three years ago, I saw
(I know. Ashkenazim don’t eat corn on Pesach – kitniyos. Rabbi Blumenkrantz’s sefer has a section on checking fruits and veggies; the section isn’t limited to Pesach.)
The following information is found on the Union of Orthodox Synagogues – South Africa. I know many readers here are not from South Africa, but it’s still of interest:
CORN (MIELIES)
In this country, both white and yellow mielies on the cob have often been found to be infested. It is impossible to get rid of the infestation whilst still on the cob, as the thrip hides between the kernels.
In order to eat mielies:
Equipment required: detergent, bowl, sieve / colander
1. Cut all the kernels off the cob,
2. Soak them for 3 minutes in very soapy water, and
3. Thoroughly rinse them through a sieve or colander.
4. Cook and enjoy!
Alternatively:
Equipment required: sieve / colander
1. Cook the corn whilst still on the cob
2. Cut all the kernels off the cob,
3. Thoroughly rinse them through a sieve or colander.
4. Discard the water that the corn was cooked in.
Frozen or Tinned Corn may be used as these have been extremely thoroughly rinsed in the factory.
I just want to comment: I did not cholila mean ANYTHING derogatory by my comment. Rabbi Blum shlit”a is a VERY chashuva rov and I am very, very glad that I had the zechus to have been one of his students. He is an AMAZING teacher.
And no, I did not go to Machon.