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You can either go to an Ivy League college and finagle a job at Goldman Sachs, or found a successful start-up.
I think it works if you grew up chassidish and this is how you’ve always known things are done and you expect to marry this way. Otherwise, it’s not a good idea- the rest of us are used to the dating model, and also tend to have more secularized notions of love and stuff (due to being generally less sheltered).
All this talk about how the words are somehow holier if they’re in a printed book than if they’re digital seems a little silly to me, sorry. I have to admit though, I prefer printed books- nothing like feeling the pages between your fingers. That goes for siddurim, but also for secular books- I don’t really like reading anything off an e-reader, I just like books better.
My husband does not like davening from his Droid because he is easily distracted. He does still have the app though because it can come in handy in situations where he needs to daven but has no access to a siddur for whatever reason.
Anyway, it’s not like we have to worry about printed siddurim going extinct or anything. As long as we Jews are keeping Shabbos, we will have a need for printed seforim 🙂
In America, the Beis Din has arbitration power. While I can’t say what that means about the specific examples you brought up, it does mean that even where civil law would say differently, a secular court could potentially compel adherence to the ruling of the beis din assuming both parties willingly submit to arbitration with BD as arbiter. Considering that you’re kinda halachically obligated to sort these things out in BD rather than secular court, I would hope that 2 frum Jews with a civil dispute would indeed be willing to appoint a BD as arbiter.
I have not fasted anything other than YK and TB in 3 years. Pregnant, nursing, pregnant again, nursing again. I waited till my husband was out of the house this morning because I didn’t want to flaunt it in his face. I went out for pizza with my kids. It was all pregnant women and mothers of small babies there, so we were all patur from fasting and eating with our kids. Maybe people walking by the pizza shop were jealous, I don’t know. But I don’t think there’s a need to hide, just no flaunting.
I’m surprised that Orthodox Jews would get so uptight about this whole birth control issue when so many Orthodox Jews actually use it from time to time (with a heter, of course). Rush’s comments were despicable. Sandra Fluke is no paragon of virtue (and, in fact, goes against the morality we all hold dear) but make no mistake- Rush used that language to paint all women with the same brush, including moral, frum married women who use it with a heter from their LOR.
The issue is silly- this has nothing to do with taxpayers, it’s about insurance companies. If you want to complain about taxpayer money, we pay a lot more for the pregnancies of poor single women who should not be having babies; we then pay a lot of money for the WIC and other welfare services they then rely on. Also, if you get insurance through work, that is part of your SALARY. You should be able to do what you want with your salary, regardless of whether your boss would approve. You can’t do anything about it if your employee decides to spend her money on non-tznius clothes or on a wedding gift for Tom and Harry.
As for free speech- Rush has every right to say what he wants; people are free to complain if they don’t like it and boycott him; advertisers are free to pull their ads.
I hope Obama gets voted out this November, but Republicans keep shooting themselves in the foot. Rush is not helping matters. I’m almost convinced that they’re part of a vast liberal conspiracy to get Obama re-elected. I’ll vote for whoever is the nominee, but it’s not going to do doodlysquat because a)I’m in New York and b)I’m not the one who needs to be convinced, it’s people on the fence who do.
Eh. Liking/commenting on statuses is harmless. But posting lovey-dovey stuff is not appropriate, even after you are married. My husband and I both have Facebook, but other than the fact our “relationship status” is listed as us being married to each other, we have nothing to do with each other on Facebook- no posting on each other’s walls or statuses or any of that. It’s plain silly- if I have something to say to my husband, for goodness’ sakes, I’m married to the guy, I can tell it to him in person! We use Facebook for keeping in touch with people, and so that people who want can see pictures of our adorable kinderlach k’h. I think husbands and wives communicating on Facebook is at best silly, at worst downright wrong if they’re bantering on their walls- banter should be kept private!
Oh boy, where to start…
1. The only way I can remotely say “he has a point” is with regard to how most secular Jews relate to the Holocaust. All too often, you hear the trite “Never Again” being bandied about, like it’s the slogan of Judaism. Aside from the fact that there’s so much more to the Holocaust than that, there’s so much more to Judaism than the Holocaust. When the only argument against marrying Christina is that some relatives died 70 years ago, it doesn’t bode well. So in that sense, yes, there’s some “getting over it” to do. That being said…
2. The Jewish people are all about collective memory. Has this guy ever read the Hagaddah? Not only have we NOT “gotten over” being enslaved in Egypt, we talk about Yetzias Mitzrayim in terms of WE- WE were enslaved, WE were taken out by Hashem, WE were brought to EY as Hashem promised etc. It’s never just our ancestors, it’s US. That can be a very difficult concept to wrap your head around, but with the Holocaust being recent enough that we still have people among us who were there, it’s a little less difficult.
3. The Holocaust IS uniquely Jewish. Yes, other non-Jewish minorities were brutally slaughtered by the the Nazis, and yes, there have been some terrible genocides since then (including Darfur, which continues to this day), there is NO COMPARISON to what Hitler did and tried to do to the Jews. We weren’t just slaughtered, our entire religion was attacked- Torahs and other holy objects burned, tallesim and tefillin used for mockery; the Nazis knew full well when Yom Kippur was so they could davka offer starving Jews lavish meals on that day, and they knew when Pesach was so they could davka offer loaves of fresh bread. No other genocide has so systematically attacked a people down to their foundations like that.
4. When people get offended by inappropriate use of Holocaust terms/imagery, it’s not because the Holocaust is taboo. It’s because such imagery generally trivializes the evil that went on. When an American president or Israeli prime minister is compared to Hitler ym”sh, it trivializes the level of evil that he was. No one other than Ahmedinejad (and a few choice others) comes even close.
5. There was a recent article in the NYT by known Jewish anti-Semite Roger Cohen, who basically said we Jews need to get over the Holocaust and stop being victims, because those poor Palestinians are the real victims now. He’s not alone in this thinking. Plenty of left-wing intellectuals and politicians are calling for us to “just get over it already” and using this as ammunition against us in our struggle against the Palestinians. How quickly people forget. Although EY is ours because Hashem gave it to us, NOT because we are victims of the Holocaust, the world sees it as the latter. They gave us the scraps 64 years ago because they felt sorry for us, but now they don’t have to feel sorry anymore so they’re trying to take it away CH”VS. We CANNOT just get over it and let Europe off the hook.
There is so much more…This is just off the top of my head…
I took the SAT the last year before they changed it. Got 800 verbal and 750 math. My husband is a year older, so also took the old test, and he got the same score but reversed (his perfect score was in math). I don’t know about Jewish kids in general, but I suppose they curve out about the same as the general population. There’s an old urban legend that the frum kids get a harder test (the SAT is always on a Shabbos, so frum Jews and Seventh Day Adventists have to sign up for the alternate test on Sunday) but I don’t think that’s true.
I also don’t think any schools teach to the test. It’s just that more affluent kids (as non-frum Jews tend to be) go to better schools in general and their parents can afford pricey test prep services.
I actually worked for Kaplan Test Prep for a while- they invite anyone with high SAT scores to “audition” for a teaching job. I don’t work there anymore, but thanks to the training I got, I am known in my neighborhood for SAT tutoring- unlike other tutors, these are not a dime a dozen, so I always have work, and it makes for a nice bit of extra cash.
Women’s right to vote has time and again been proven to be better for society. Although it was not a guaranteed Constitutional right until 1920, individual states were allowing women to vote as early as the 1860’s. Utah, Wyoming, and Montana were among the first, and the logic behind it was that if women voted, they would vote for candidates and laws to strengthen morality (this was the Wild West, remember). Indeed, the states that allowed women to vote were the ones that passed laws against pritzus, gambling, public drunkenness and various other morality-related laws. Historically, it is women who care enough about what their children were exposed to to get out and do something about it- this is true in both the Jewish and secular worlds. So women’s suffrage is a positive thing. And what does it have to do with women working? The women voting in Wyoming in the 1870s weren’t going out to work, and conversely, plenty of women have worked through the ages to help support their families, even before being granted the right to vote. One has nothing to do with the other. Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible to live on one income anyway, you generally need both parents working.
Funny, my father said when he was kid, the punishment for misbehaving was being sent to the grade above to see how nicely the big kids behaved. Turns out, he was acting out of boredom and finding the older grade’s classes more interesting, it encouraged him to act out more so he would keep getting “punished”…
I can’t talk about business school, but I can say stay far away from law school unless one of the following is true: a)you go to a “T-14” (one of the top 14 schools in the country; don’t ask me why it’s 14 and not 10 or 15, I don’t know) b)you are independently wealthy/someone will be paying for school c)you are related to someone who can get you a job. Without at least one of those, don’t do it. And Great Bear- I don’t think you can blame this one on Obama nor expect it to get much better without him- this has been a problem since at least 2007 and will continue to be a problem for 5-10 years to come if not more. The government is not really relevant (except when it comes to student loans), it is the schools and ABA that are the real criminals in this situation.
Marriage and family are more important than pursuing a career or traveling the world. But if she’s not emotionally ready for marriage, then don’t say anything to push her- good for her for realizing where she’s at and not jumping into marriage like everyone else. To get married when one isn’t ready is unfair to everyone involved- including the spouse and any children that come about.
I know the feeling- we have this in our family, where one couple has alienated everyone else. At a certain point, it’s their problem and responsibility, and you’ll only make yourself crazy trying to do more. You’ve done your part; if they are aware of the letter and your other efforts, they know the door is open. The ball is in their court now. Give it a rest, and daven that one day, someone will see the light.
I dunno, I have a bumper sticker that says My Kid Is A Talmid Chacham 🙂
2 things:
Are you saying that someone who cheats will forever be an unethical person? What about teshuva?
Also, generally ethics courses have nothing to do with learning how to be ethical. Besides, there’s enough gray area in the field that no one can really define it- the names you mention all argue about it. For instance, Kant said Truth is the ultimate morality, that to lie is always immoral. But we as Jews do not believe that. We know Hashem Himself lied to Avraham once in order to spare his feelings. According to Kant, if your wife asks you if she looks fat in this dress and you say no (even though she does), that is immoral. Hillel would say you did the right thing.
The class will probably focus on the different philosophies of ethics, not “how to be ethical”. However, be prepared, some of that WILL conflict with what we believe as frum Jews. I suggest you find a Rav to talk to for when/if any issues come for you during the semester.
I think what you’re describing is more Deep South than Middle America 🙂
I love snow. Unfortunately, it seems that all of this year’s snow fell last year, so we’re not getting it now 🙁
What about personal finance? Much tougher to get a grasp of (see how many adults out there are clueless), and the consequences of messing up are much worse than the consequences of burning a kugel.
You’re supposed to report a “chefetz chashud”. BTW, what kind of Israeli would open an unattended bag???
mamashtakah- and the right schools are essential for getting the right shidduchim 🙂 It all boils down to shidduchim. You can’t escape shidduchim just because you’re already married 🙂
That is, you NO longer have to worry etc
You know longer have to worry about putting up appearances for the sake of your shidduch chances…Now you worry about putting up appearances for the sake of your kids’ shidduch chances 🙂
Always run with scissors- I absolutely agree. The family in the story didn’t think bishul akum was a big deal and they now share their story to illustrate the importance of that halacha. Even if you leave the flame on (which is technically all that’s required for ashkenazim), you should be yotzei v’nichnas during that time. Or just cook your own food. I cook all food in my household. My husband washes the dishes. The cleaning lady does not do anything in our kitchen other than scrub the counter tops down. I still think these horror stories can be taken too far though. I have left the house for 15-20 minutes at a time while the cleaning lady happened to be there. While highly improbable, it is possible that she rubs bacon grease on my frying pans during that time just because, but no Rav I’ve heard of or spoken to has ever said that you have to stay home and watch the cleaning lady’s every move for every second that she’s there. One must follow ALL halacha, even the parts that don’t make sense to you, chumras are nice too, but nothing is 100%. Do your part, and daven for Divine protection.
A family we were friendly with growing up had the following happen: The mother got sick and ended up in the hospital. She was diagnosed and treated, and while explaining the illness, it came up that this particular illness come from pork. So of course she asked, well what else can it come from? The doctor said maybe if you visited a certain country. So she says, there’s got to be another way, I have never visited that country and I’ve never eaten pork. The doctor says well maybe you unknowingly ate pork. The family did a little digging and found that their housekeeper, who they also allowed to cook their meals, would often eat her pork enchilada for lunch and then handle food preparation for the family. Scary, from both a kashrus and a hygenic perspective…
That being said, there’s only so much you can do. You need only follow halacha meticulously. Chumras are ok too but you can rely on them from today until tomorrow, and there will still be a way for mishaps to happen. Do your part, but no need to drive yourself crazy with hypotheticals. Daven that Hashem should protect you from inadvertently eating non-kosher food.
Kids should be an incentive for working on it until there’s absolutely nothing left to try. But if the marriage isn’t salvageable, then it’s better to end it- yes, the kids will be hurt, but less than they will be if the parents stick with the dead marriage.
For this specific case, maybe the family can pitch in to get the relative an amazing lawyer so that he can fight for his rights?
What coffee addict said, but also put in if you were recognized/honored for any outstanding achievements.
Actually, it seems pretty simple to me. Chanukah coincides with Xmas week this year, so they probably couldn’t work it into the schedule. Honestly, there are many more important things that Obama getting wrong, to make an issue out of this is just silly.
Hi guys, I’m the one who posted that I drink occasionally while pregnant with the doctor’s permission. I was told 1 glass of wine per week is OK. Basically, you need to drink quite a lot to actually cause fetal alcohol syndrome. However, doctors have to cater to the lowest common denominator- the people who drink 3 cocktails a day, who, if you tell them “a little bit is fine”, are going to say OK, so I’ll cut it down to 2 cocktails a day. Also, since no one is about to actually subject pregnant women to studies to actually find the line, they err on the side of caution and say no alcohol at all. Most experienced OB’s if you press them will admit that a little bit is fine and will cite the 1-2 glasses per week rule.
Also, whoever is saying that drinking every day is not normal is clearly an ignorant American. My parents are European and they pretty much always have a glass of wine with dinner, it’s completely normal. I grew up with that, and from the time I was 14 or 15, was allowed some wine with dinner too. And yes, my European mother also drank a little during her pregnancies.
I know this is only anecdotal, but me, my siblings, and my kids are B’H all perfectly fine.
Because all frum women are either pregnant or nursing at any given time and therefore shouldn’t be drinking 🙂
In all seriousness though, it’s probably a tznius thing- people do stupid things when they drink too much, which for a woman would be considered un-tznius. Although really, no one, male or female, should ever be drinking to the point of acting stupid.
For the record, I do drink, but only wine, and not more than 2 glasses at a time. I even drink while pregnant or nursing, but only a little little bit- doctor says it’s fine.
Homework has its place- it can reinforce what was learned and teach responsibility (getting it done, remembering to bring it, learning to pace oneself etc). However, a lot of homework given is really just busy work to make up for what’s not happening in class or to make it look like the teacher is doing her job. This kind of homework is useless and detrimental to all involved. If you think this is the case, talk to the school. However, a sheet of exercises to practice what was learned today is not a big deal, and a longer term project (book report, research paper etc) is important for fostering independent work, creativity, and research/planning/writing skills (as well as the responsibility that comes with keeping to a deadline). This kind of homework is important and you should not fight it.
Zahava’s dad- there IS confidentiality (“privilege” in lawyer-speak) between a clergyman and congregant if the clergyman was acting in the capacity of a spiritual adviser at the time of the conversation (as opposed to just having a friendly talk). So a priest cannot be forced to reveal what was said in a confessional and neither can a Rabbi be forced to reveal conversations asked in the capacity of a shaila or other spiritual guidance.
How do you know they even interview? Unless you’re talking about medical school or Northwestern law school, they may not even do interviews at all. Most schools don’t do them anymore.
Popa, you already gave the source. A half sibling is halachically the same as a full sibling- assur to marry, allowed to touch allowed to be in yichud. Now a STEP sibling is a different story.
I can’t speak for Israel specifically, but having taught English as a second language, I can tell you there is no need to know the language of the people you’re teaching (I taught Chinese kids- no, I don’t speak Chinese). Language is best acquired by immersion, so it’s actually better if you can’t speak their language because there is no crutch and no temptation to translate.
While in general we don’t encourage conversion, the situation you describe is not so pashut. There is a big problem, especially in Reform, with children of only a Jewish father being raised as Jews and told that they are Jews because “you only need 1 Jewish parent”. Some Rabbeim have held that a child of a Jewish father who is brought up in a Reform shul (and therefore thinks he’s Jewish) SHOULD be steered toward a proper conversion so that they can be legitimately Jewish rather than saying they are but really aren’t. Obviously, if they’re not going to sincerely convert, you do go ahead with it, but you at least get them to know enough to realize they’re not Jewish. Also, some hold that you do try to convert a spouse- they’re already married, might as well attempt to make it legitimate (again, it doesn’t always work, but if it does, that’s much better than the status quo).
Also, it’s a complete myth that a conversion for marriage is automatically invalid. It is automatically SUSPECT, but NOT necessarily invalid.
A600kilobear- funny you mention those 2 names, my husband and I have gotten brachas from both. You do have to be really careful because most are fakes. Here’s what I think distinguishes: R’ Abuchatzeira and R’ Pinto never claim that anything will for sure happen/not happen. They give you a bracha, maybe a mitzvah you need to improve on. They also DO know stuff that maybe the average Rav wouldn’t know. R’ Pinto once told me I should donate to a particular cause. It freaked me out because a few years earlier, I had done something wrong, and this cause had something to do with what I had done wrong- I had never said anything about it, but it seems I needed to do tshuva for it, it seems he knew that somehow, and recommended exactly this cause.
City mini- it’s not $500 as a previous poster suggested, it’s only $250. It’s a smooth ride and it folds very easily. It can be used for newborn through toddler. The biggest problem is that it doesn’t have much storage capacity, so I have to limit myself to small shopping trips.
No, it’s not rational, but that doesn’t make it less real.
soliek- I realized after I hit the button that we were discussing primaries 🙂 I still need to do a little more research about the primaries, though I will definitely take ‘winnability’ into account even then. You don’t “have to” vote for anybody, vote for who you want, but if you care about the party, you do need to think long term.
soliek- what’s his platform? “Republican who sometimes sides with Democrats”? Not a very specific platform. I am going to vote for whoever ends up being the mainstream Republican candidate. Voting for the 3rd, 4th, or 10th guy on the ballot is pointless, and siphons votes from the mainstream candidates. I’m not ready to risk another 4 years of Obama.
Dr. Seuss- anyone with a real shot at the White House is going to have to compromise on some party lines. A lot of liberals are upset with Obama for not being liberal enough for them- but he has to deal with a different reality than grungy college kids and smarmy academics. At the end of the day, they’ll vote for him anyway because better that than any Republican- and it’s the same for Republicans. If Romney wins the primary (as is currently the most likely scenario), are you really going to not vote for him because he’s not conservative enough? Would you really prefer 4 more years of Obama to a Republican who occasionally takes the “wrong” position?
If you have to eat/break the fast for medical reasons, it actually becomes a mitzvah to do so. Now, obviously it’s not something that’s taken lightly- that’s why most people who are unable to fast are told to do “shiurim” and even that is only allowed under the most pressing of circumstances, but because the halacha is that one who is ill enough must eat, doing so is actually following halacha. A person who goes in knowing they won’t be fasting from the get-go is not sinning (assuming they have consulted with a competent halachik authority), so there is no issue of “sin and then do teshuva”.
I bought the car seat before hand because they don’t let you leave the hospital without one, and I didn’t want to put my husband in the position of having to run out and get one on the spur of the moment.
As for not knowing the gender, just get a few gender-neutral outfits, they do exist. Also, all our baby gear is gender-neutral because we want to able to use the stuff for subsequent kids IY’H no matter what.
I would say the chassidishe way is better if you’re a chassid! If it’s what’s done in your community, you grew up knowing and expecting that it’s how you’re going to meet your husband etc, then most of the time, it’s going to work. Not as good of an idea if you were not raised chassidishe.
There are a lot of reasons why seminary in EY should not be the default, but this is not one of them; there are many reasons why you might not allow your other daughters to go to EY, but this should not be one of them. My sister is in seminary in EY this year too, so I know all the seminaries started a scant 3 weeks ago- this is NOT enough time to decide that your daughter must hate it there because that’s what she’s saying right now.
Peacemaker- you are incorrect in that he is not allowed to see her hair at all. If we were to hold that it should be covered (which is generally the psak, but as others have pointed out, heteirim exist), then at worst, he has a problem with saying a bracha in front of her, a problem which could be easily remedied by one of them leaving the room if he has to make a bracha. There are lots of Jewish married women walking around with uncovered hair; if simply seeing it was assur, no one would ever be allowed outside. The issur is in saying a bracha in front of a bare-headed married woman, and even then, not everyone agrees that it’s a problem.
Davka during the bad times, WE should be getting up and going to EY. Husband and I will be moving next summer, IY’H, but wish we were ready to go right this second.
Remember also, Israeli parents don’t have the option of sending their kids somewhere “safer”. They just live with the daily reality. If your kids are EY this year (as my brother is; my parents are nervous, but then again, I was there during the end of the intifada/2006 war, so they’re used to it), now you get a dose of what an Israeli parent has to live with every day.
I keep thinking of my grandmother’s fridge magnet. Not so much about grandparents but about BEING a grandparent: “If I had known how much fun grandchildren were, I would have had them first!”
One of my high school Rabbis made my shidduch. After 9th grade, he moved and got a job teaching at my husband’s school, where he ended up teaching him in 11th and 12th grade. We were both still in touch with him when I came back from seminary (1 year out of high school for me, 3 years for my husband), and he suggested we go out. The rest, as they say, is history 🙂
Seriously, though, I only had him in 9th grade, but the reason I was still in touch with him 4 years later- and the reason he knew me well enough that he could suggest a shidduch- was that he was that special as a teacher and had that much of an impact.