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You’re right. My comment was directed more to those who said they have hundreds of benchers at home.
Friend was on a date with a guy. The waiter came over and gave her a 5 minute speech on how he’s a really nice guy. She gave the appropriate response but wondered just how many girls he took there. At least the table next to them seemed amused.
There are so many options other than benchers. Siddurim, tehillims, etc.
Learning guys also don’t want heavy. Has nothing to do with this topic.
ivory
Pray tell how dating a certain size makes any difference if one is working or learning.
oomis
glad we agree on something 🙂
“I suspect I am a great deal older than you, so I guess we do run in different circles (wish I could still run)… But out here, most of the mothers of the type that has been negatively described, DO NOT EVEN LET THEIR SONS KNOW ABOUT THE GIRLS, if the moms do not first think the girl is attractive enough for their sons. It is only with their prior approval, that the boys are even shown the profiles of said girls. You would be shocked at how many moms WOULD ABSOLUTELY stop their sons from dating someone, by not letting the girl’s info even be made known to the son. I have friends who have done this, and I have told them my opinion on the subject.”
Ok. Maybe that’s the case. But if a guy trusts that his mother is looking for what he wants it’s not such a big deal. If not, he’s an idiot for not taking matters into his own hands. The whole going through the mother thing bothers me for a much different reason that most people. My theory is if a guy is old enough to get married he’s old enough to talk to a shadchan directly without having his mommy do it for him.
oomis
Maybe we run different circles but in most cases I know of the guy agrees when his mother nixes a shidduch based on XYZ and if he doesn’t I would think most mother’s wouldn’t stop their son from dating someone they’re interested in.
I really don’t get the whole blaming the boy’s mother thing. Why shouldn’t she look for the absolute best for her son? Granted, her son should have the ultimate say in the matter but if they’re both looking for looks, money, brains, etc so be it! If you don’t have one of those qualities you’ll marry the guy out there who’s not looking for that specific thing. And before everyone pounces, I’m a single girl in shidduchim.
Date.
forget i mentioned it
apushatayid – they do. check out the one on Bay Parkway
adam3 – I and several of my friends are looking for guys like you. The shadchanim I’ve spoken to have equated the learners as the “better” guys as well. In my experience, I generally get set up with the type I’m looking for by friends, neighbors, etc. It helps to network – and not just with shadchanim.
I can’t believe people actually believe this happened.
There’s quite a decent Jewish community in Boston if you land up in Harvard.
Torah613Torah: not living his life based on what others think but rather based on what he feels is right.
Torah613Torah: He has a point. He would love to be able to go to college while still learn but because of the way the shidduch system is set up many girls who appreciate learning won’t look at him when they hear college since it has a bad connotation nowadays.
I sort of agree with Popa. You have to think about what it is that you want to do in the future. If it’s law school, then why not stay in BMG for now and get a BTL? With that you can start law school when you get married (and still be able to learn part time). If it’s accounting/business, how about FDU during bein hazmanim?
Being Real: your type is also exactly what I’m looking for. I keep getting told by shadchanim that guys like this don’t exist. I’m told I can either have college or learning but not both. It’s refreshing to know that it DOES in fact exist. The search continues…
I’ll probably get yelled at for this but I would find it pretty strange and nerdy.
Safety? Give me a break. No one is advocating getting a car that is unsafe. All I’m saying is that I find it a waste to spend extra (no matter how little) on something completely unnecessary.
nishtdayngesheft and DaasYochid. Even if zahavasdad’s estimates are off, there’s no denying that it’s more expensive than a van – and the difference in price (even if just by a little) can be money better spent on the actual tzedakah. I’m 100% with him on this one – I’d faster give to guys collecting without the limo.
DKTY
Yitzchak and Rivka
Lol popa!
I had the same issue. I was debating back and forth until I decided that since it just won’t be there’s no reason to waste his time and my time. Let’s hope I wasn’t blacklisted by that shadchan 🙂
Popa
Now I know for a fact you’re not my brother.
My brother does this and it always irked me. Since he knows my screen name…why don’t you enlighten us as to why you do it??
ehow.com “how to transfer music from ipod to itunes”. It can be time consuming but does the job.
OneOfMany
I’ve had guys offer their seats to me many times. I guess you haven’t met the chivalrous ones yet 🙂
Another friend of mine had a guy tell her he reads books on Christianity because he sees how many of their teachings apply to Judaism. She was thinking uhhhhh. And before anyone asks, he went to regular, run of the mill yeshivos.
My friend went out with a guy who tried to convince her throughout the date that his grandfather’s stories from the Holocaust were better then her grandfather’s.
Same guy said he’ll eventually go work but until then he’d like to be supported – he also added that he’s used to a very comfortable lifestyle now and doesn’t want to give that up.
Both first and last dates…
Maybe they should get married but no one has to feel obligated to marry them.
mamarochelcry:
Well said. One of my brothers sat me down in the beginning of my dating career and told me what most girls think of yeshiva guys. He then told me what really goes on. If a guy misses a minyan every so often, fine. If he’s waking up late and missing one more often than not, that’s when I would start getting worried.
How do you work the program with shabbos, kosher recipes, etc?
writersoul
I agree. People claim it’s easier for boys and girls to talk via text than by picking up the phone and calling. I say anything can be used for negative and the right thing is to teach our children how to use them properly.
I love coffee:
Depends on the guy. If he’s normal I don’t mind seeing people. If he’s weird…oy!
The Darkeinu bus was just bought by Monsey Tours. Not sure if it goes right to the hall though.
But if you look good won’t people look at you?
Wolf
I always had the same question lol
Ner Yisroel, Shaar Hatorah…
I agree with lots of the posts here…I must be very controversial…
Wow Syag…you’re sure raising that kid right!
For a frum guy I can understand why it might be an issue but what’s the problem for girls?
oomis:
I completely agree with you.
I once got up early on a fast day to eat but met my brother (with the same plans) before we got to the kitchen and started talking. By the time we thought to eat the fast had already started!
Maybe write out what the stand for to help the less educated…
I would leave out the description…
I agree with sam 2 100%. I have the same argument with texting.
I’m a female and don’t agree with postsemgirl…