Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
deiyezooger-
Thanks for reviving this, this story happened after a date, I hope no one minds.
My brother and I were grocery shopping some years ago when we came to a large open area in the store, it was two wide aisles with a waist high freezer section in the middle. My brother paused, motioned at a girl and her mother who were in the second aisle and said, “oh no, I went out with her, let’s make a run for it before she turns around”.
He took off with the shopping cart. As he passed the aisle I put my foot in front of the wheel, he let out this loud gasp and the girl swung around to see him bent over the handle bar, feet slightly in the air. His face was still red when he promised to get me back.
mustangrider & Health
I felt bad for him also, he didn’t really have any guidance when it came to dating. He tried being a mentch about it and it backfired.
He asked me, without giving details, if it’s considered a broken engagement if she thought they were engaged but he didn’t (and if he has to tell shadchanim). I found out the details later.
Within the first few dates I would just tell the shadchan that I was no longer interested in continuing, past that I would let the shadchan know that I was no longer interested but give the girl a choice if she wants to end it over the phone or not.
This happened to someone I know. I knew something happened, just not exactly what, a third party filled me in.
He was dating someone seriously and decided that they weren’t for each other. He called her up and asked if he could take her to a park for a long walk so that they could talk.
She thought he was ready to pop the question and told all her friends to be there.
Her friends are scouting out the park until someone sees them walking along a trail and sit down by a bench. All the friends congregate nearby waiting for the right moment. When they see them get up they assume that he proposed. They jump out, scream “Mazel Tov” and start hugging her. He wanted to dig a hole in the ground and jump in.
But the best was yet to come.
When he pulled up to her house to drop her off it was all decorated with streamers and signs. Her father comes running out, hugs him and offers him a L’Chaim. He explained that he had to drive back and couldn’t drink. I’m not sure how he made it out of there.
I think I already ruined my chances from some stuff I posted.
oomis1105-
By the way, I didn’t suspect her of that, it was just something a friend mentioned to me after the fact.
mustangrider-
I heard about people who don’t wear seat belts because of tznius reasons. One girl I went out with got in the car and didn’t put on a seat belt, I was concerned that she might be one of those and we were going to have a date in the car in middle of August! (I don’t drive unless everyone is strapped in.) When she asked what we’re waiting for I asked if she could please buckle up- and she did. (She apologized and said she forgot. A friend told me that some girls purposely don’t put on seat belts to see if the guy is caring enough to look out for them.)
I can only try-
You may have heard of this American defector. His name was Lee Harvey Oswald.
34 years ago today Gary Powers got killed when the helicopter he was flying ran out of fuel.
(I remember that you like thing from “Today’s Date In History”.)
YWN moderators make less than that.
The bottom line is- no one is forcing them to take a position there, they’re doing it because they want to be there.
If you take into account the structure, sleeping accommodations, learning, eating… it will be considerably more than $.25 to $.50 an hour.
hello99-
Jackie Mason was actually the Rabbi of an Orthodox congregation, once upon a time!
Supposedly, in the new Reb Moshe book (Expanded 25th Yahrzeit Edition) there is a picture of Reb Jackie. Rumor has it that on page 91 he is the one standing on the far left.
(Don’t quote me on it.)
Pac-Man
Joseph
From memory. I have a photographic memory.
Take a look at ==>this<==.
Mod-80: about a year and a half ago a convo between me and Dr. P (about 2 posts each) was deleted from the Riddle Thread. It was a joke that you thought was serious (and personal).
It wasn’t “The Riddle Thread…” nor has it been deleted.
So much for your eidetic memory.
Dentist: Just look at those teeth! Do you ever floss?
Patient: I stopped a long time ago, it’s a royal pain in the neck.
Dentist: It sounds like you don’t know how to floss.
While reading up about Bugsy Siegel I noticed that he was not buried but placed in a crypt at Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
Is there anything that can be done?
bpt-
Remonds me of the story-
Chauffer: “Hey O.J. are you ready to go to the airport yet?”
O.J.: “No, I have to ax my wife first…”
This was posted here before (spelling mistake and all, on page 22 if you give up).
Enjoy
There are two unknown whole numbers, x and y, both greater than 1, and less than 100. One mathematician, Mr. Product is given the product of these two numbers, while another mathematician, Mr. Sum is given the sum of these two numbers.
The following conversation takes place:
Mr. Product: I do not know the numbers.
Mr. Sum: I knew you didn’t knew the numbers.
Mr. Product: Now I know the numbers
Mr. Sum: Now I know the numbers, too.
What are the numbers?
I’d rather not give the exact details, let’s just say that he was going to give me an employee discount even though I’m not an employee. While there is a record of the transaction and the appropriate taxes are being taken, my R”Y said that it is stealing from the shareholders.
(He said that the manager doesn’t own the inventory or have the authority to give employee discounts to non-employees. I know that others permit it though.)
aries2756-
Good point.
I was trying to get IUseBrains to at least acknowledge that there is a different point of view. For some reason he/ she keeps ignoring what I write.
adorable-
He obviously agrees that people can go out.
Looking at each other ==>is a different story<==.
Moderator-80-
Was it you that deleted my rant? I felt guilty after I wrote it and I’m glad it wasn’t published.
It’s amazing how some posters can bring out a side of me in a few comments that my wife hasn’t been able to bring out in the 10 years we know eachother!
IUseBrains-
Who are you to decide what is an appropriate reason for someone else?
I’d love to tie my right shoe first, other than that I can’t think of anything.
On a more serious note, when it comes to many gashmiyus items I look around sometimes and think that it I wasn’t frum I’d be a slave to my yetzer hora and have no freedom. Shabbos may be difficult at times (when the alarm clock goes off at 6:00 A.M. or if the AC gets unplugged) but I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
There is something that I did give up though. We were offered a discount somewhere by a manager on the condition that we pay in cash. It sounded fishy to me so I asked my R”Y first. He said it wasn’t illegal since it would have been reported as paid in cash (and if we are given a receipt he can’t hide the transaction) but it’s still ossur since it’s stealing from all the shareholders.
oomis1105-
I wished a colleague of mine a happy birthday when he turned 60. He wanted to know what is so happy about it, “it’s so old and everyone reaches it some time or another”.
“Actually not”, I corrected, “only the lucky people reach it”.
He smiled and thanked me.
IUseBrains-
It looks like you missed the reply I left you for in a different thread click =>>here<<= for that.
I disagree with you on your opinion- look at it from the guys side. When I was dating I was in yeshiva full time plus I had a part time job and was in college at night. I didn’t have time to research every name that a shadchan picked out of a hat. Additionaly, as you are well aware from being a shadchan, the references that the family provide are the friends who are going to say what the girl/ family want them to say.
My mother, on the other hand, worked half a day and was able to spend the whole afternoon on the phone with shadchanim (while cooking supper, folding laundry, running on the treadmill and doing other housework). My mother also had a larger network when it came to doing research (people that told the truth) as I had a couple of siblings in shidduchim at the same time.
Keep in mind that I was probably getting about ten names a week, and to me a name was just a … name. If there are so many names coming up- doesn’t it make sense to let my mother filter them out and pick from the list of the ones that she also approves of? Why should I bring a girl home that my mother doesn’t approve- would it be fair to the girl to start off her marriage and have a mother-in-law that doesn’t approve of her?
aries2756-
I was thinking along the same lines.
Similar to the mitzvah of bikkur cholim, which helps those in pain by keeping their minds busy and not thinking about the pain- these kids may not be doing what they were doing if they were occupied.
I’m not sure what the situation is with anyone involved, but Sender Av did mention being up at 1:00 A.M. and having guests over. Maybe, if you’re up to it, invite them over for some cholent, beer and singing. Maybe they just need someone to “hear them out”. Think about all the sechar you can be getting for each minute they hold back from chillul shabbos.
A kid I once tutored told me about his journey from FFB to FFBBTAB (Frum From Birth, But Took A Break). He rebelled against his parents until they kicked him out of the house. A young couple took him in on one condition, he has to have a 45 minute seder with the husband every single day, no other strings attached. He told them that he needs a key to the house since he drinks and parties with his friends until early in the morning. He was shocked that they trusted him with a key, but “if they trusted me, I knew I could trust them”.
For the first few weeks the 45 minute “seder” was the kid complaining about everything that was bothering him, with the husband listening intently. When he ran out of complaints the guy started learning with him and he realized what he was missing out on. A few months later his own family took him back with outstretched arms.
However, I do disagree with number 3.
That’s exactly why it had to be mentioned even though it should be common sense!
Let’s say we have a guy who has a dark secret that he doesn’t want anyone to know. His Rebbe suggests that he go to a shadchan that deals with singles that have sensitive issues.
Is it fair for you to throw his name around (which will ultimately lead to the secret being exposed) because you got his name from a yeshiva list, picked it out of a hat and want to make some money? Unless you got explicit permission, either by them asking you to put their name on a list or by you asking them first, you shouldn’t be mentioning their names.
When I was in my low 20s I spoke with my Rebbe about when a good time is to start dating. He suggested that I wait another year, despite many of my friends getting married, because I was doing good in learning and had a heavy college load. Some shadchanim got my name from a yeshiva list and gave it out to numerous potential dates (without my knowledge) and my friends where getting calls asking if I was “normal” or what was “wrong” with me that I hadn’t started dating.
It got to the point that my mother jokingly asked me to date one person just so that she could say I started dating!
You may also disagree with me on this, but I feel that a shadchan should first ask the guy if he wants to go out with the girl (assuming the shadchan has permission to give out the girls name), and only after he agrees should his name be given to the girl.
If you explain what you meant by
And as far as number 4,theres’ nothing wrong with some advice from an outsider!
I can try to discuss it with you.
am yisrael chai-
Woops, thanks for pointing that out.
By the way- did you see (and accept) the apology I left for you?
DaasYochid-
I guess that’s a difference of opinion.
In my opinion, being vague is dodging the question-
for example-
Q. Are you R’ Moshe Pogrow?
A. I’m not one of the R”Y who signed the letter.
Being dishonest is implying something other than the truth (regardless of whether it was stated explicitly or not).
For example-
Q. Are you R’ Moshe Pogrow?
A. Pogrow is the name that was signed on the letter sent out to all mothers of single boys in BMG (i think the “title” was director).
Regardless of your opinion, AZ should be the one answering this and not you.
Abe Cohen-
Thanks for answering.
DaasYochid-
If he wants to maintain his anonymity on this website that’s fine with me. My issue is the style of his posts which are meant to imply that they are not the same person. That, in my opinion, is dishonest.
AZ-
So let’s take this slowly,
Are you R’ Moshe Pogrow?
Were you the one who removed the website yesterday?
Both are “Yes” or “No” questions.
coffee addict-
I’m sorry you feel that way about NY, did you come here to visit for a few days before before spending so much money to move here?
Without knowing anything about you I don’t know how much I can help you.
Here’s an idea regarding the recycling issue you seem to be having. A friend of mine offered me a ride but said I have to sit in the front (and hold his seforim/ books) because the back of his car was piled high with trash- and that was an understatement!
He explained that he has a date in Baltimore the next week and ever since he agreed to go out with her his father insisted on throwing all the trash into the back of his car instead of sorting it. He told him to throw the garbage into the cans by the girls house before knocking on the door.
IUseBrains-
Let Me explain, If u are a real freind u should be heavily involoved in Shidduchim, if not, then let the Shadcahnim run the show!!!!
Hold on a second there- before giving shadchanim the green light to run the show, let’s set down a list of rules for them to follow:
(This is in now way an all inclusive list, it is strictly my opinion and copied from a different thread.)
1. Don’t lie- If someone asks a question it usually means that it’s important to them. It’s not up to you to decide what’s important or not.
2. Don’t stalk- I found it creepy when Shadchannim found out who I previously dated and who I was currently dating. It’s none of your business and if you “happened” to have found out somehow you are not allowed to share this information!
3. Don’t give my name out without my permission- If I never asked you to put my name on your list but you got it from my yeshiva please ask me before distributing it. It’s not fair to my friends, neighbors, Rabbeim and relatives to get numerous calls about me when I can’t possibly date all of them anyway. It’s also not fair to me to get a reputation as a guy who says “no” to everyone.
4. Don’t use excessive pressure- If it’s a “no” then it’s “no”, if I need more information then I’ll let you know.
It’s a shame these even have to be mentioned, it’s all common sense to me.
Do a Google search for “learn yiddish vidlit”.
There is a beginner video there.
Sorry but I don’t think we’re allowed to post external links. 🙁
I didn’t speak with him personally, I heard from someone else that he was approached and asked to sign but he refused. I honestly have no idea why he didn’t sign and it wouldn’t be fair to speculate.
AZ-
As in the past- the more answers I get the more questions I have.
The website was fully active (including all links) as of last week, I find it very suspicious that once I mentioned it it disappeared.
Can you please explain why whatever was written on the 1,000 letters sent out is too private to post on the website for the benefit of everyone who didn’t receive the mailing?
The time and costs for maintaining a website that small is minimal compared to the costs of a mass mailing (and is dwarfed next to the $100,000+ that was given out)- can you explain how they had the time and money for the mailing, which only reached a small subset of the frum population, while they didn’t have the time to keep the website current (which could reach the entire frum population with Internet access)?
From what I saw I definitely can insinuate that someone is hiding behind a cloak on anonymity. I read frum magazines and frequent frum websites and I have never seen the name of a single human being associated with the organization (aside from the same name that came up four times when I did some investigation). How am I supposed to know what you send to mothers of boys in Lakewood when I never was one or will be one? Beside, the e-mail address “[email protected]” does nothing to identify a human.
To answer your question- I don’t know what my R”Y thinks about NASI or anything they stand for. I asked if he signed it and was told that he didn’t (he wasn’t there at the time but a talmid told me he was present when the NASI representative stopped by and the R”Y refused to sign).
shlishi-
Did you used to go by the name “volvie”?
shlishi-
I agree, but there were times that I was told that if I agree to go out with a girl- since she is flying out to meet me I have to commit to two dates. Saying “no” after just one would have been dishonest and highly offensive.
Also going out for a fourth time when one is not interested when compared to two weeks of non-stop harassment may be the lesser of two evils.
Imagine how much more prevalent these torture tactics will become once the shadchanim know that they will be receiving compensation.
AZ-
I’m not the mother of a single boy in Lakewood and I didn’t get the letter, therefore I don’t know what it says. I was going by the ads I saw in the Yaated and the text from the website which was there until last week but has since disappeared. The lack of any human being mentioned in the ads or website is what I based my statement on.
As apushatayid mentioned
“The letter” that keeps getting mentioned has signatures of R”Y who encourage closer in age shidduchim, nothing more, nothing less.
Nothing in the letter says anything about sending $50 to a mystery address. In my opinion, asking people to send $50 to an address without a name is hiding behind a cloak of anonymity. I wouldn’t consider it
discontinued after a a few tries. That was a few years ago.
when it was still there last week.
I have no interest in contacting Pac – Man, I know how my R”Y feels about the project and that’s all I that matters to me.
For all those who weren’t able to see the nasiproject.com website before it went down over the weekend- here is the text of what was there (sorry but I didn’t save the links):
Welcome
The NASI Project
760 Close In Age Shidduchim and Counting.
In under 2 years we have B”H accomplished much.
With more help from the community we could accomplish much more.
We ask all families with children in shidduchim to contribute $50 to the NASI Project.
USA:
YSH – NASI
8448 118th Street
Kew Gardens, NY 11415
Canada:
VMM
6887 Wilderton Avenue
Montreal, Quebec H3S2M3
For additional information, please contact us:
The NASI Project IS working. Proven 760x already.
? Help us help YOU ?
CLOSE THE AGE GAP – SOLVE THE CRISIS
The NASI Project is endorsed by Ziknei Roshei Yeshiva Shlita,
and under the direct daily auspices of leading Roshei Yeshiva.
Our overhead is practically zero. The small handful of individuals involved in the project,
are all volunteers. Every penny goes towards facilitating more close in age shidduchim.
cherrybim-
I agree 100%.
No one is forcing them to take the job.
You can also look it at another way-
How much would you pay to have full time supervision of your teenage child? Being in a structured environment with three tefilos a day (for your son), learning, three nutritious meals, while surrounded by their peers and given responsibilities that help them mature into adults.
Now to think that not only do you not have to pay for this but they also earn some spending money- I think it’s a great deal.
AZ-
We probably agree on many more things, if you would have had the decency to read my posts from beginning to end instead of just shouting back “You’re totally ridiculous” the second you saw something that challenged your position, you would have seen this.
As far as what the compensation should be for a shadchan, I never thought about this seriously. My first thought would be to have it the way it is where I work- no compensation until after the contracts are signed and the account is opened. True, this may mean that through no fault of the agent the client backed out at the last second, but that’s business.
Also, if the account is closed within a year the agent has to return the comission. If this happens too many times the agent gets audited to see what is going on. (In extreme cases agents have been let go, lost their license or even arrested when illegal activities were uncovered.)
At times, especially when one of the two parties flies in for a date, the two of them could rack up 3 dates without getting serious. If the shadchan knows that after one more date he/ she will receive compensation regardless of the outcome… I’ll let you figure out on your own what will happen.
I once almost got busted, my quick wit saved me.
Someone told me that on a website called “theyeshivaworld” there is someone impersonating me. The poster uses my name and posts riddles that I like asking. She suggested that I check it out.
I told her that I don’t have time for such things and she should tell the person to “get a life”.
shlishi-
AZ tries to hide behind a cloak on anonymity, you may have noticed that on the NASI website or any of the ads they take out there is no mention of name of any human (aside from the 70 R”Y who signed the letter he doesn’t stop talking about). You’ll see an address where he wants people to send $50 but there is no name associated with the address in the ad.
When I first heard of NASI and tried to take the organization seriously, my first goal was to identify the person behind the curtain. I used 4 different methods, came up with the same name each time and am confident that I know the name of AZ (I don’t know him in real life, just his name and where he lives.)
There were some inconsistencies along the way though. Before he published the names of the 70 R”Y I had just assumed that my R”Y was one of them. He wasn’t there when I went to speak with him so I asked a close talmud if anyone from NASI spoke to the R”Y about signing the letter. The name he gave me was the name I associated with AZ. AZ denies being the one to go around to the R”Y.
For the record my R”Y did not sign the letter and is not one of the two R”Y that AZ knows of that did not sign.
binahyeseira-
100% correct, I was just speaking from my point of view.
Englishman-
He’s just a colleague of mine.
Studies have shown that the best time to inform employees is Friday afternoon.
IUseBrains-
On the same note, shadchanim should be having in mind what’s for both the guy and the girl.
This means no twisting the guys hands or turning up the heat because the girl says that this is the guy that she’s looking for when this is not what he’s looking for.
am yisrael chai-
I’m sorry if anything I wrote hurt you. Let me try to explain things one at a time.
Firstly- I didn’t answer your question in the Shabbos Lock thread because I thought the mods wouldn’t let it through. I had asked what I thought was an innocent question and didn’t receive a response. If I was interested in hiding the post I would not have posted what number it is.
Secondly- I read very few threads on this forum and didn’t know about your tragedies until I read it here. One post of yours that I did read reminded me of a poster I came across on a different site. Being that this poster has a different SN than yours I left a hint that would let you know what I was talking about without mentioning the SN. (It was not the bragging that reminded me of the other poster.) I was only trying to find out if it was you so I can send you a private message on the other site with a link to the discussion you wanted to view.
Thirdly- I only asked the question here because I assumed that you missed it on the other thread as I didn’t see any posts from you afterwards.
If you were offended by anything I wrote please accept my sincerest apologies and believe me that I never intended to hurt you.
Please also accept my deepest sympathy for the tragedies you experienced.
I didn’t think the mods would let it go through and I suspected that I know you from a different site. I was hoping you’d tell me it was you so I could send you a PM on the other site letting you know where to look.
When you didn’t respond I thought I was on to something.
Anyway- so how did I meet my wife?
After my mother told all professional shadchanim to never call again (unless they had a guy for one of my sisters) there was this eerie silence. Then the phone rang. My mother just assumed it was someone violating the do not call policy doubting that a shadchan had someone for any of my sisters.
Turns out it was a neighbor and close friend who wanted to suggest the daughter of a high school classmate that she was close with. You could figure out the rest.
Unfortunately after we got engaged she proclaimed herself a professional shadchan and sent her husband to yeshiva to interview some guys. The guys didn’t believe that she was honest since she considered herself a professional and didn’t want to talk to her husband. She gave up on being a shadchan.
am yisrael chai-
I’ll answer that if you first answer my question from the Shabbos Lock thread;
Did we meet each other on a different site?
(The person I’m thinking of brags to have started the thread with the most replies and views.)
but why did you have so many stories?
It’s not just me, many of my friends had these same issues and blacklisted most, if not all, professional shadchanim.