Dr. Pepper

Joseph-

I don’t know her too well and I have no idea who the guy is. They had already broken up at the time and I doubt that they reconnected.

This happened to a former student of mine (I heard it from him)-

He’s driving her back after a great second date (the first one went great as well) when she asks if she can ask him some questions. He agrees.

“So, thinking about your upbringing, can you relate to me a decision that your parents made that you agreed with and a decision that they made that you don’t agree with?”

He was totally caught off guard and was speechless.

She told him that if he didn’t have an answer right away she’ll go on to the next question and he can think about it and give her an answer on the next date.

“So, thinking about your current chavrusa and a former chavrusa, can you tell me something that you like better about your current chavrusa and something you like better about your former chavrusa?”

Again he’s caught off guard and is speechless. She again offers to go on while courteously allowing him to bring an answer to that question as well to the next date.

Without looking up from the road he asked her if she’s reading these questions off a paper or something, but she said that she forgot the list of questions at home so she’s going by her memory.

By the time he got to her house he hadn’t been able to answer a single question of hers but she gracefully allowed him to answer all her questions on a subsequent date.

Unfortunately for her- there was none.

A few weeks later I noticed that he wasn’t by the Mincha that we usually went to and his brother told me that he was on a date.

I sent him a text- “So, thinking about the girl you’re currently dating and a previous girl you dated, tell me something that you like better about this girl and something that you liked better about the other girl?”

He texted back that they both found it hilarious. (They eventually got married.)

Our washing machine was broken and the repair guy was embarrassed to come back to our house (see below for the details*) so we were using the laundromat down the block.

One night my wife asked me if I can run to the laundromat and move our four loads from the washer to the dryer since the cycles were about to finish. I ran out without even taking my phone. I quickly recognized three loads that were clearly ours and moved them to the dryer but I couldn’t decide on the last one. Seeing one washer with a lone white table cloth and 15 seconds left I figured that it must be ours and stood in front of it.

When the machine was done I was mortified as I heard a voice behind me say “if you enjoy watching my table cloth go around and around, I can let you know the next time that I wash
it!”
I was even more mortified when I turned around a realized that it was the same guy that I tried to >>carjack<< many years earlier.

*The timer on our washing machine broke and my wife didn’t want me to fix it, even though I’m an expert on >>washing machine timers<< , since it was under warranty. The repair guy came and I explained to him in great detail what was wrong with the timer. He looked at me incredulously and asked sarcastically where I learned how to repair washing machines. When I told him that I leaned it in a >>Yeshiva high school<< he told me to leave it to the experts as he had proper training while I clearly did not.

He sniffed around the machine and diagnosed the problem as a burned out motor. He asked me to assist him in lifting the machine onto cinder blocks so that he can replace the motor. When he was done he asked me to sniff the motor so that I can smell that it was burned out. I mentioned that it smelled like a typical greasy motor so he made sure to point out that that’s why I should trust him and his training- because he’s trained to sniff a burned out motor…

After testing the machine (and almost flooding the basement) he sheepishly asked me if I can help him put the machine back on cinder blocks so that he can reinstall the old motor. He said he’d come back with a new timer for us but he never did.

Got permission to come back for today!

Glad to hear that I was missed.

Head over to the Limericks! thread.

There is so much that I have to say,

But I’ve got meetings the whole day,

I hope to be seen

On April Fools 2018,

Since April 1st next year is a Saturday.

I’m about to sign off for a long while

But I ask you all to go the extra mile

if it’s not too much

please keep in touch

My contact info is in my profile.

Squeak-

Sorry once again for the bad choice of numbers. I hope no one cracked the code so you weren’t publicly embarrassed.

I’m not even going to try again this year since I’ll have to wait another year to apologize if I offend you again.

I did ask Randomex to send regards to everyone, this is not made up.

No doubt, I just did not want to encourage his having crossed some personal boundaries for attention. Especially not at your expense

This may still be a troll thread though (depending on how one defines a “troll thread”).

lol, see above. And thanks for stopping in!

squeak-

Please forgive my poor choice of numbers, I would never intend to offend you in public.

Is this better?

79 77 71 58 88 107 131 65 100 112 74 104 162

71 51 51 42 68 113 123 81 116 103 41 119 135

125 187 159 129 183 110 190 21 63 167 211 71 297

This story is in response to this post.

When the high school I was in built a new building they decided it was time to get a master-key system for all doors on campus. The old system of each door having a different key proved to be too unorganized and too costly (copying a key for each faculty member for each room they need access to).

The new system would have one key that worked for all doors which was meant for the highest echelon, we named this the Great Grand Master Key. The next key worked on all doors except for some offices and was meant for administrators, we called this the Grand Master Key.

One level down was what we called the Master Key which was issued to Rabbeim and worked on all doors except for the administrative offices. Then there were lower keys which we just named after the position title that it was issued to- Sanitational Engineer, Secular Teacher, Dorm Counselor, Macher…

The new system was supposed to be very secure and with each faculty member only having one key there shouldn’t have been too many floating around that may end up in the hands of a student.

One of the administrators claimed that it was impossible for a student to get a copy of [what we later named] the Great Grand Master Key since there were less than 5 keys made. I made it my goal to get myself a copy.

The first thing I had to do was figure out the different tumbler configurations for each lock and the depth of the teeth on the different keys issued. Once I had enough information I’d be able to extrapolate from there as to what the teeth on the Great Grand Master Key looked like.

It took about 9 months but I finally had what I felt where accurate diagrams off all the tumbler configurations of every doorknob on campus. (I found out later on that I made one slight mistake- the secular teachers didn’t have access to one faculty restroom that I assumed they had access to.)

There were only three knobs that the Grand Master Key didn’t have access to- two were on the two doors of one office where one was always kept unlocked since it had a Simplex Combination lock on it (which we had the combination to) and the book room / records room which was in a rarely used office that the Grand Master Key had access to (we could have climbed through the drop ceiling when we needed access). I was willing to settle for the Grand Master Key but my friend Zevy (click on his name if you’re not familiar with him) wouldn’t hear of it.

One Friday Afternoon I offered to help out with a mailing and when the administrator I was working with stepped out to buy some stuff for Shabbos I went over to the drawer and looked for a key with the cuts that according to my extrapolation calculations the Great Grand Master should have looked like. I compared it to a copy of the Grand Master and the first tooth was cut a drop lower as I thought it should have been. It was also mislabeled as Zevy had predicted.

Fast forward a few months.

One of the Rabbeim “misplaced” his key and it was suspected that it got into the hands of the student body.

I immediately got back to the drawing board to try and figure out what the locksmith would do to disable the “Rabbeim” key in the most cost effective way. The method I came up with swapped one tumbler in most locks and filing down tooth number two on all keys from “Rabbeim” and lower. For some reason the decision was to replace all the tumblers is most of the locks involved and now faculty members would have to have two keys. (I could never figure out why it was done like that, but I wasn’t about to ask.)

Zevy said that we should give them a two week grace period to enjoy their new locks before we get the new key. The faculty members were told to be more careful with the keys and not to lend them out but two weeks was enough time for me to prove something crucial- the first two teeth had to have the same cut. During lunch (after the 14th day) an administrator asked if I could help him with a mailing, they had gotten some invitations back due to an incorrect address and they needed to get them out ASAP. I agreed to help as did another friend- let’s call him Rafi.

When we met Zevy later on her told us that the grace period is up, I took out the key and waved it at him. You should have seen the look on his face.

The next year two kids were caught with lower level keys and they decided to change all the locks under the Grand Master Key level.

Before my computations were even done and well within the two week grace period I got a knock on my window in middle of the night. It was Simcha, another friend who needed to borrow the new key. Luckily, there was a new administrator who thought that the more keys you have the more chashuv you are, so he hung his keys outside of his pants. I had gotten a good look at the key while he was standing in the hallway talking to someone. I explained to him Zevys rule so we woke Zevy up to see if he was going to grant an exception- he did.

There were some more complications- after the two kids were caught with the keys the maintenance guy built a wooden box where the keys were kept and the box was kept padlocked at all times. (Unbeknownst to us we had the key to the padlock before it was put on- I’ll have to get to that part later.)

I gave Simcha the key to the office and told him how the teeth on this key should look. I also told him that the box was padlocked but the hinges were screwed in from the outside. To make things more complicated the screws were spray-painted so that if anyone tampered with them it would show- or so they thought. (I wouldn’t call this being paranoid since they didn’t just think that guys were after they key- they knew it!) Although Simcha had delicate fingers (he trained me in the use of soldering irons) he couldn’t pick locks, what he did do though was cut tiny slits in the paint so that chips wouldn’t fall out when he removed the screws.

He then went across the hall where an administrator was still working (he saw the lights on from outside and looked into the window), ever so slowly he silently slid in the key, turned it to see if it was the correct key and then removed it.

After replacing the screws on the box the damage to the paint on the screws was only microscopic.

To end off- some may be wondering how we got the key to the box before it was built. The key was one of two keys (I’m not sure which one) so here are both stories.

Someone forgot to cancel the milk order before Pesach once and it kept on getting delivered over Pesach. The policy was that the fresh milk couldn’t be served until all the spoiled milk was consumed (and the order still kept on coming). Finally I had an idea- the lock on the fridge was a medium security lock (it had wafers inside instead of tumblers). After getting a good view of the key I was able to file down a bedieved copy (wafers are more forgiving than tumblers). I’ll let the reader figure out where all the spoiled milk went.

That may have been the key; the other possibility is that it was from the same family of padlocks used on gates in the fence that surrounded the campus. So how did we get that? One of the Rabbeim had the key on his Shabbos belt since he didn’t use the Eruv. I think I’ll have to leave the rest to your imagination…

Today it’s time for my annual appearance,

Thanks to my wife for giving me the clearance

So I say “Hello”,

Now I have to go,

away for my yearlong disappearance.

A Gutten Moed to all.

YW Moderator-42-

Thanks for unlocking this thread.

Why limit it to our favorite lines from his tapes? Why not have a favorite line from every category?

Here are mine:

Favorite line from a story tape (because I can relate to it so well):

I got a great report card from Rabbi Lomnitz,

I got a great report card from Mrs. Kurtz,

Favorite line from a Shabbos Afternoon (August 26th 1989) story at the steps of the Camp Naarim dining room:

(after the laughter calmed down)

Favorite line said to him by an 8 year old (my little brother):

Favorite line he said to me:

Favorite line that backfired:

Is there someone else that can approve it- or do you just want to delete the contact information?

Behold, on another thread Dr. Pepper just ==>spoke<==,

Ordered the wife,

It sure was fun,

squeak-

In that case I apologize.

Someone claiming to be “squeak” asked me if I want to get together for lunch, I assume it was around the same time you send an encoded message about where to meet.

Sorry but I don’t remember the e-mail address it came from.

I guess I was victimized as well.

AZ-

By asking you I am contacting the project.

What better way is there to contact a supposedly transparent organization that to ask the head of the organization a general question in a public forum?

Check out this==> thread<==.

In my opinion- if you’re hitting your kids to let out frustration then you’re wrong, if you’re hitting them out of love so that they will know that what they did was wrong and try to not do it again then you may be correct.

No one besides Hashem can predict the future so no human can possibly know if this idea will work.

My issue is, as I have mentioned in prior posts, that in my opinion the “age gap” is an issue- but is a byproduct of much larger issues.

One of the larger issues is the despicable behavior shown by the majority of shadchanim.

Guaranteeing that they will receive enormous payouts will just increase their terrorist tactics.

Imagine the lying, hand twisting and threatening that will go on if $13,000 is at steak.

artchill-

NASI and AZ

AZ is NASI

squeak-

I plan on coming out my my bunker for a few hours today and hope to stop by KD for lunch.

If you’re going to be there please let me know.

(You can encode a message describing what to look for.)

passfan-

I wish it would have been that easy, unfortunately it’s not.

Back then I didn’t have a cell phone, so if I didn’t answer the phone in my room or return calls they would resort to their evil tricks. They’d harass my friends who would beg and plead with me to just go out with whoever just to get the shadchan off their back.

Another tactic was to call my parents directly. My mother would automatically think that they had someone for one of my sisters since she already ordered them to stop calling for me and my brother (“please, can you convince him to go out with her? I promise I’ll find dates for your daughters…).

The Bais Medrash used to be my Ir Miklat, where I thought I was safe from shadchanim, but they’d ask my Rebbe to mention a name to me. (Luckily he told me to give him a one word answer, either “yes” or “no” and that was it.)

Finally, there wasn’t much I could do when they would see me in public, walking in the street or after davening on Shabbos.

Hope that answers your question.

apushatayid-

I wish there was something I could have done to get them to stop dealing with me.

popa_bar_abba-

So girls should band together and refuse to date any guys who don’t accede to certain conditions.

Why stop there, everyone should band together and refuse to deal with any shadchan who doesn’t adhere to basic decency and common sense.

What’s wrong with being a nerd?

squeak-

It’s so good to hear from you again.

When are we going to KD for our sino steaks?

moishy-

Incorrect!

Sorry it took so seven months but I was doing this on my abacus. Eventually the beads got worn out and I finished it on my slide rule (it’s back in my pocket protector). 🙂