Dr. Pepper

Oh no,

I don’t know if I’ll ever figure him out.

Thanks for the wishes, the baby is now almost six months old.

Did my husband post it somewhere? I’m curious to see what he wrote.

Thanks

Thanks Mr. Mod for the trouble you went through to edit the post. I apologize if some of the language was below par (maybe my clients/ patients are getting to me?).

For those who didn’t see it the long post is the second to last one on the previous page, right before the short one.

I just have some questions for you Mr. Mod;

1. Can you put the changes in bold so other readers can know where to use their imagination?

2. Did you find those edited parts funny?

3. Can the Mod Board use the original version when choosing the Post Of The Year?

Thanks again

I typed up a whole long post but t got lost somewhere. Could it have been too long?

Well anyway, hee’s the par referring to that story:

Soon my battery started to die so I asked him if he wants to call back on my friends private line and I asked my friend if I can talk in her room privately. I told him to call me at 555-1234.

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome.

A friend and I had the wedding of another friend one night and I had wanted to get a ride there with her. I like totally forgot that she was on a date and was going to have her date drop her off there after the date. I kept on calling her cell phone over and over again because she wouldn’t answer. I finally realized and was like OMG why didn’t she turn it off before hand?

She didn’t marry the guy, but I did!

(It’s a funny story how we figured it out 🙂 I’ll try to post it sometime.)

Actually there are three if you include my father-in-law.

If I had to guess one thing that was going through his head I’d guess brain-freeze. LOL

KOLALHAMAYIM

Why is someone who does so many aveiros sitting on a Bais Din giving lashes?

I agreed to go out with a girl but when I called her to plan a date she said that she has cousins who live out of town that she is going to for Shabbos so maybe next week. A close friend of mine who just got married and was always asking me to come for Shabbos lived in the same city as her cousins so I decided to try to go there for Shabbos.

My friend said that I could come over for the Shabbos day meal, but not sleep there, but he would find someone to put me up.

At the meal he told me of a place nearby to go for the date- it was a mall attached to a hotel, and on the bottom floor of the mall was a food court that empties out after 8:30 P.M. The spot he suggested was under an atrium with some trees behind an elevator that is as private as you can get in a mall. His wife also said that she knew my date from seminary.

I took the girl there but she didn’t feel comfortable in that spot (she didn’t like the music in the background) so we went to the hotel lobby and talked there.

The next day my friend called me and asked why I didn’t go to the spot he suggested. Apparently another friend of ours from high school was also in town for a date and was staying by him. (This guy was very nervous about his first date and didn’t want anyone to know about it, which is why my friend didn’t want me to sleep by him. This guy ate out for the Shabbos day meal so my friend had me over then.) His date was also in seminary together with my date and my friends wife so the charming young couple decided to send us both to the same place at the same time and then they would come check up on us to see how it was going.

The date did not end up working out for us and I highly suspect it didn’t work out for the other couple either. (My friend didn’t tell me which classmate it was but I assume he would have if it ended up working.)

One mistake I ended up making on the date- the girl made a box of home made cookies for me for the long ride home, but I got hungry on the date and ate it there. (I did share it with her though.)

This guy I know thought of a great idea for a date and spent a few weeks planning it and setting it up. Comes Chol Hamoed Succos and everything is ready except that he has no one to go out with. He calls some shadchamnim explaining that he really needs a date quickly. Finally he gets one.

He takes the girl to an open park where they allow visitors to drive and park on the grass. He takes her for a walk then says, “Are you hungry? I brought bagels and cream cheese, let’s go have a picnic”. She says that it’s a great idea. As they approach the car he says, “Oh, but it’s Succos, what should I do?”.

“OMG, I didn’t think of that!”

“Good thing I did” he exclaimed.

He then popped open the trunk and out jumps a portable succah, unfolding by itself and landing right in front of them. He then unfolded two golf chairs (they each had armrests and a pocket for drinks), he throws on the sechach and they had their picnic.

(They did not marry each other.)

ames-

Had I considered it a privilege to go out with her in the first place I would have behaved differently. Do you actually think that the dates with my wife went the same way?

Jax-

I’m still waiting for some of yours.

ames-

I didn’t take her over the bridge, just to a park near the bridge (does that scare you?). Crossing a bridge on a date with me was a privilege that had to be earned and not a given. My wife earned that privilege on all dates except for one (she was bragging that she knew the order of the 3 East River Bridges- Brooklyn, Manhattan and Williamsburgh- but then admitted that she couldn’t tell them apart and used the Roshei Teivos of her favorite car, B-M-W, to remember the order).

By the way- after what the girl did on the second (and last) date, she got a call on her cell phone and answered it, I knew it couldn’t be you.

A classmate of mine from an engineering class proposed to his wife on a bridge. He knew that if she is scared she’d be more likely to say what he wants to hear. The first one to wish them Mazel Tov was they guy in the toll booth (he thought he would get out of paying).

Can you let me know when I can give a shot at it?

I’m waiting very patiently.

Thanks

(Is it just me or is the formatting messed up in this thread?)

Can you turn any of them over?

One of my brothers told me that when guys from his yeshiva would take Brooklyn girls to Manhattan on a date they would take the [Brooklyn Battery] tunnel on the way there but use one of the bridges on the way back (to save $3.50 at that time) if they knew they were going to say no. I guess if the girls knew about this it would give them a heads up that the royal “D” is about to come.

This story was also going around his yeshiva but no one knew who it happened to (or if it is true at all).

Guy is talking and quotes the Yated. Girl asks, “How are you able to read the Yated if you’re supposed to be in the Beis Medrash whenever you have a free second, and you can’t bring the Yated into the bathroom?”

Guy answers, “When I go out with girls like you I’m back earlier than expected. I’m afraid to show my face in the Beis Medrash, so I go to my room. There are no seforim in my room since I’m supposed to be in the Beis Medrash whenever I have a free second. So I read the Yated…”

anonymisss-

You can’t say I didn’t try!

ames-

Sure, that’s why I took her out again.

Jax-

Thanks, now let’s hear some of yours.

Mayan_Dvash-

Some of these thing just can’t be made up.

(Part of the reason why I didn’t mention the pressure tactics or what happened on the second, and last, date was that then it would have been too hard to believe!)

areivimzehlazeh-

Sure, send them my way.

squeak-

For her sake I sincerely hope she did.

Not sure where this fits into the story but on one of the dates she told me that her father will not allow Internet access into the house and her boss blocks it at work. Every so often she asks her boss to unblock it so she can download updates for the programs she uses. While the block is lifted she quickly checks onlysimchas to see which guys she dated are engaged.

Some time after I dated her some guy from yeshiva tried setting me up with her. He said he knew the family very well since when a family member of his (from the same city as her) was sick and he went to be with them, her father let him hang out there to keep up with his college work. According to this guy, the family had 3 computers with cable Internet connection. (This was back in 2001 when, in general, having “Internet” meant using dial-up for AOL.)

What if he smokes but doesn’t inhale?

moish01- this story is for you.

Getting back to the pressure thing-

This story goes back to early 2001.

The shadchan is one of the most dreaded shadchanim (if the not the most) amongst my friends. Just the sight of her number on the caller ID sent terror into the toughest guys. (To her credit, according to my wife, most girls consider her a savior.)

One particular girl got my name from somewhere and put this shadchan to work on getting me to go out with her. I never answered when she called so the shadchan called my parents and eventually resorted to other methods of pressure (which is not the scope of this thread). At one point I had agreed to go out with a different girl and I thought that the pressure would end. But no! The shadchan told the girl and she actually flew out to where my date lived while I was there. The shadchan called my parents to let me know that she’ll be on standby just in case it doesn’t work out. (My date didn’t work out and I wasn’t about to take her out so she just flew home.)

About two months later I buckled under the pressure and agreed to go out. (Some friends in yeshiva begged me just to get the shadchan off their backs.) The shadchan calls back and says that the girl wants to go out on Sunday, April 29th 2001.

I told the shadchan that I simply can’t go out on that day since I have a Computer Science project due midnight that night and I was planning on doing it on Sunday. But the shadchan informed me that since the girl is flying in for the date she gets to decide when we go out. And besides, she already booked the ticket and it will cost $25 to change.

So I planned the nerdiest date in the hopes that she will say NO.

Comes April 29th, I pick her up and she says “so, where are you taking me?”. I bit my tongue and said with a straight face “Well today the Bronx-Whitestone Bridge turns 62 so I thought we’d go to Francis Lewis Park at the base of the bridge and celebrate”.

“Sounds good I love bridges.”

Oh no, what do I do? It’s too late to apply for a change of venue (is that what lawyers call it?).

We get off The Van Wyck Expressway and she says “Yippee, a suspension bridge! I love suspension bridges”. So I bring out the cake and soda and apologize for not having a cake with 62 candles which she said was fine. I then pointed out how bad I felt for the bridge, pointing at all the cars crossing her and not a single one stops to show some gratitude by wishing her a happy birthday. (She sympathised with the bridge.)

She then started asking all kinds of questions about the bridge and her history which I made sure to give long detailed answers to. (There was a massive reconstruction project that was to start in the next few months and I learned all about it in a engineering class I was taking.)

She then asked me what other bridges were in the area so I took her to a lookout where we saw the George Washington Bridge and I told her that about a mile and a half to the east is the Throgs Neck Bridge and she asked if we could walk there. (We did.)

After the date, when I dropped her off at the place she was staying, she said “Thank you so much, I had such a good time. I was never so close to a suspension bridge before, I only hear about them in stories from my uncle, they don’t have any where I live.”

Oh well, at least I tried.

squeak,

You still don’t know which sister it was.

Just kidding, sorry if the wording was confusing. I don’t know who the girl is so I made up the name Mindy. It was her mother that made the comment not my mother. Mindy repeated it at a Shabbos Seudah she was spending with my family.

This just happened to my sister (but not on a date).

A girl got into an accident with my sister (no injuries B”H, just a couple thousand dollars damage). She had just moved to the city and wasn’t used to “big city” driving. She became good friends with my sister and comes over regularly for Shabbos meals. At one meal she quoted her mother, “Midny*, when I told you to become friends with nice people you run into, I didn’t mean that way!”.

*Not her real name

Mayan_Dvash

Thanks- that’s a good one.

That wasn’t even on my mind, at that time I was years away from earning a Ph.D.

(Pepsi was on sale that week.)

I wouldn’t quite say “force”, I didn’t have a gun at my head, but the easiest way to end the harassment is to just go out with her. And yes it is cruel and unusual torture and should be banned according to the constitution.

I hesitated to post this at first because I thought that oomis1105 might have gone out with him http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories/page/2#post-42508 but I seriously doubt it (mainly because he never owned a lizard).

Before I even started dating I used to get a ride with a newly married guy to college. He’s a very funny person but I respected him for his sincerity in not being a faker and asked him some questions about dating. (He said that he would either answer them honestly or tell me that he won’t answer them at all.) At that naive part of my life, my biggest concern was how to say no to a girl without hurting her feelings.

He said what he does in those cases is he makes the girl say no, and told me a few ways he’s done it. For starters when they get to a red light he has a contest with her to see who could find the prime factorization of the numeric part of licence plate of the car in front of them. He was good at this so I assume that he’s done it numerous times before. He would also take off his left shoe and sock and pick at his callouses with his right hand while he drove with his left hand and right foot. (He demonstrated this for me.)

What reminded me about the guy that oomis1105 went out with was the way he would wait in line to wash in yeshiva. He would use his mathematical skills to predict how long of a wait he had until he reached the faucet (he would do this out loud for anyone who cared to listen). On dates he would complain in a really whiny voice about all his pet peeves. “It’s reeeeeaaaaallllly not faaaaaiiiiiir when peeeeoooople take the waaasshhiiinngg cups from the diiiiiinnnning rroooommm to the doooorrrrmmms, the waaaiiiittiinnnggg tiiimmmmee in the liiinnnnneee is increeeaaasseed by as much as 33%. (He is an actuary now, by the way.)

He found it amusing that two girls that he went out with told him stories of what happened to their friends on dates that were stuff that he was actually the guy that did. The first one will get the whole post deleted so I’ll wait until I get promoted to moderator to post it. The second one was when he took a girl that he already lost interest in to some sort of park, zoo, museum or something of the sort. There was a trail or path that crisscrossed itself over and over again but there was one direction that was supposed to be followed throughout. He told her that he did it so many times that he wants to do it backwards to make it more interesting. Being that it crisscrosses many time and they were going backwards, they kept on bumping in to a friend of hers, also on a date, over and over again. At that time he felt it was very important to tell her about his great aunts in-grown toe nail, in more detail than she cared to know about. Each time they passed her friend and her date he could sense her feeling embarrassed and making faces like “it’s our first and last”. (It was.)

He would also institute something called “window privileges”, he explained to the girl that the use of the power windows in his car are not a right, but a privilege that must be earned.

I actually used that line on a date with my wife. On our first date my wife tried to lower the window but it was locked. My wife wanted to know why I kept it locked (it was actually a rental I picked up that morning that I didn’t even check to see if the windows were unlocked or not). I explained that “windows are not a right but a privilege that must be earned, but you already earned your privileges”, I smiled at her and unlocked the windows. She didn’t laugh but after we got engaged (and she got to know me a little better) she said that she thought I was serious and it was really sweet of me.

Awwww, how romantic!

I filled out the questionnaire online for Dr. Pepper, got a confirmation number and e-mail. A few months later she got a letter saying that since she ignored the questionnaire she must either report to court the very next day or risk facing one year in jail plus a $1,000 fine. I called them, told them about the e-mail and they asked me to forward it to them. Never heard from them again.

As far as jury service is concerned, I never got called but Dr. Pepper did a few times. She just called and said that she’d love to serve on the jury but she’ll need a private room to feed the baby. They always gave her off for a few years. They might have made the system stricter recently though.

He also told me another story (similar to Ms. Ex-vegetarians-ex http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories/page/11#post-57443 ) but I’ll have to post it later when I have more time.

Here’s the story:

Guy is form Florida, girl is from Montreal. The girl has a wedding in New York so they decide to go out from there. The Shadchan asks them both to commit to two dates because of the expense of the flights.

Guy flies to New York, rents a car and goes to Flatbush to pick up the girl for the date. Here’s how the conversation starts:

Guy- Nice to meet you how was your trip?

Girl- Good, thanks, and by the way I need to be dropped of in Monsey after the date.

Guy- Uh, that’s going to be a problem since I don’t know how to get there and I have to return the car in four or five hours.

Girl- Well it’s the guys responsibility to drop off the girl where ever she wants to be dropped off.

Guy- I’m going to disagree with you on that. I think that the guys responsibility is to drop the girl off where he picked her up unless there is a prior arrangement made that was agreed upon.

Girl- Well, I really need to get to Monsey after the date and if you don’t take me I’ll have no way of getting there.

Guy- If you get directions and someone to pick you up halfway I’ll be glad to take you there.

So he spends the next hour or so in the car while she calls friends and relatives until she finds someone who is willing to pick her up from the gas station at the beginning of the Palisades, right off the George Washington Bridge. He drives her there, waits with her until her ride shows up and wishes her a good night.

He then calls the Shadchan and tells her what happened. The Shadchan sided with the girl explaining that she had another date in Monsey right after him and that’s why she needed to be there so urgently. The guy asks the Shadchan to tell the girl that it’s over but she reminds him that he committed to two dates and he must take her out again.

The whole next day he’s waiting to hear from the Shadchan when to take her out but the Shadchan hasn’t heard from the girl. After doing a little research he finds out that the wedding the girl was going to that night is at Terrace on the Park. Being that it’s on the way back to the airport he thought he’ll stop off there, find her, find out what the story is and change his flight if necessary. Otherwise he’ll just take a taxi to the airport.

He comes to the wedding during the chupa looks around to find the girl and decides to approach her after the chupa.

The chupa is over, the girl and her friends done walking the kallah to the yichud room, and he goes over to her and calls her name. She turns around, recognizes him, let’s out a scream and tries to run away. The only problem is that in Terrace on the Park there’s nowhere to run, you can’t run down the steps you have to wait until an elevator operator takes you down in an elevator.

He meets up with her again by the elevator and asks to speak with her. She justifies her actions by saying that if she flew in from Montreal it’s understood that she is going to be dating more than one person. He disagrees with her again and says that if he flies from Florida, rents a car, and pays for the expenses on the date (while he is not simultaneously dating someone else) then he should not have to compete with another guy.

He’s not in the mood of discussing this any further so he asks if he could please take a taxi to catch his flight. She readily agrees.

The next day the Shadchan calls him and says that the reason why the girl didn’t want to keep her commitment for a second date was because he left her off by a gas station after the first date.

Once a guy has his mind set on a girl he’ll do what ever it takes to get engaged to her. A person I know went as far as saying that he was going to give up his career and learn in Kollel for the rest of his life for a particular girl he was interested in. While he might say that he’ll quit, once they get married, the initial bliss is over and they are back to ordinary life, he’ll take up smoking again.

Here’s what’s so bad about smoking-

In the following mortality table “Age” is the left column, the next column is the probability of a non-smoker dying during a particular month at that age followed by the probability of a smoker dying during a particular month at that age. The last column is the percentage increase in mortality that a smoker has verses a non-smoker. (There are many mortality tables out there, I picked this one at random from a website that helps users determine the premium they should be paying for life insurance.)

For example a standard 33 year old non-smoker has a .00154 probability (about one in 650) of dying during that month while for a smoker it’s .00229 (about one in 437), an increase of 49%.

Age	 Non-smoker 	 Smoker 	Ratio

18	 0.00149 	 0.00199 	34%

19	 0.00153 	 0.00206 	35%

20	 0.00155 	 0.00209 	35%

21	 0.00154 	 0.00210 	36%

22	 0.00151 	 0.00208 	38%

23	 0.00149 	 0.00205 	38%

24	 0.00146 	 0.00200 	37%

25	 0.00143 	 0.00195 	36%

26	 0.00141 	 0.00193 	37%

27	 0.00139 	 0.00192 	38%

28	 0.00139 	 0.00193 	39%

29	 0.00140 	 0.00196 	40%

30	 0.00141 	 0.00202 	43%

31	 0.00144 	 0.00209 	45%

32	 0.00148 	 0.00218 	47%

33	 0.00154 	 0.00229 	49%

34	 0.00161 	 0.00242 	50%

35	 0.00168 	 0.00258 	54%

36	 0.00178 	 0.00278 	56%

37	 0.00189 	 0.00301 	59%

38	 0.00203 	 0.00328 	62%

39	 0.00217 	 0.00359 	65%

40	 0.00234 	 0.00394 	68%

41	 0.00251 	 0.00433 	73%

42	 0.00270 	 0.00475 	76%

43	 0.00291 	 0.00519 	78%

44	 0.00313 	 0.00568 	81%

45	 0.00338 	 0.00619 	83%

46	 0.00364 	 0.00673 	85%

47	 0.00393 	 0.00730 	86%

48	 0.00425 	 0.00792 	86%

49	 0.00458 	 0.00860 	88%

50	 0.00497 	 0.00934 	88%

51	 0.00541 	 0.01018 	88%

52	 0.00592 	 0.01113 	88%

53	 0.00650 	 0.01220 	88%

54	 0.00714 	 0.01336 	87%

55	 0.00784 	 0.01460 	86%

56	 0.00860 	 0.01589 	85%

57	 0.00942 	 0.01723 	83%

58	 0.01029 	 0.01864 	81%

59	 0.01127 	 0.02014 	79%

60	 0.01238 	 0.02182 	76%

When a smoker is in his late 40s to early 50s his chance of dying from smoking is almost equal to the probability of dying from everything else combined!