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I’m not sure if I’m missing an inside joke here but I tend to tip on the generous side. If I go out to eat I tip 25% or so- that extra 5-7% means a lot more to the server than it does to me and it’s worth that extra amount to make someone’s day.
If I’m getting gas in NJ I get out of the car and chat with the attendant (if he’s not busy) and leave $2.
If I’m at a fast food place and they flip the huge screen into my face, I pretend that I can’t figure out why my credit card isn’t working and they need to lean over and press “no tip” so I can finish the transaction.
Thanks for the update. It’s good to hear that it’s up and running.
My curiosity was about the long run though- are friends, neighbors, grandparents… who used to make donations to a particular school going to just continue giving the same amount albeit to fund individual students or will this bring in additional funds for the school.
From my perspective- there’s a finite amount of money available in the community and this idea doesn’t bring new money into the community- it just recategorizes the money given to schools.
Did people behind this think of this but think that it will actually increase the amount coming in to the schools?
@ klalyid
Any updates on how this is working?
The website doesn’t mention trusted names behind it. Where can their names be found?
Hi,
Mazel Tov on your new home. When we last moved we also moved from a gas oven to an electric oven.
We use a crockpot for cholent on Shabbos and we heat the oven on Friday afternoon with the soup and all the other Friday Night food in there and turn it off right before Shabbos.
For Yom Tov we use the Shabbos mode. When we turn off the Shabbos mode the other settings are 12 hour shutoff, 24 hour shutoff and no shutoff. (You may need to remove the bulb beforehand – I’m not sure either way- the people before us did and I assume that’s why.)
We have self cleaning oven so we can clean it for Pesach. The stove top is a glass stove top so we cover it for Pesach and use burners.
There’s more that goes wrong with electric ovens than gas so be prepared to pay for appliance repair or learn how to do it on your own.
I’m not an expert on food but from what I’ve heard – an expert chef would only use a gas oven (it heats more uniformly).
Hope this helps.
Was referring to this thread
When the person in the highest position in the most powerful country on the planet shows his cluelessness and weakness and our enemies take advantage of that- who’s to blame?
@yachiell
We had a very similar conversation literally two years ago to the day. It’s mind boggling how someone who witnessed the events of the past two years can still have your opinion.
Two years ago we had a senile president in control who allowed the worst attack on Yidden since WWII.
ברוך השם we now have a president who stands up for us.
In the past two years-
President Trump rescinded some (if not all) of biden’s draconian anti- drilling policies that made the US reliant on others for oil.
President Trump knocked out Iran’s nuclear reactors without using nuclear weapons.
Iran retaliated by blocking the Strait of Hormuz which sent the price of oil up considerably albeit still less than the highest price of gas from when Biden was in charge.
Now let’s try to imagine what could have happened if biden didn’t provide Israel with the minimum amount of conventional weapons needed to save themselves from being annihilated (with serious restrictions on how they could be used on top of that).
Do you think Israel would have just lay back and let themselves get destroyed? Or would they have used their nuclear arsenal to defend themselves? That could easily have triggered a complete closure of the Strait (and with a sleepy, spineless leader napping in the Oval Office with zero experience in foreign affairs…) as well as a severe oil shortage in the US due to the already heavy restrictions on drilling.
What would that have sent the price of gas (and everything else) up to? $10? $15? Possibly even higher?
Even the looniest of the libs would have voted against biden (or Harris) in the next election given such a scenario.
It’s ludicrous to think that this was understood by a senile pervert who spent his days looking for women to smell their hair but that you don’t seem to get it.
biden was no friend of Israel and couldn’t care less about us. biden was worried about staying in power and his 10%.
You need to set aside the generous entitlements the Democrats are giving lazy people to not work (funded by the hard working people) and rethink your opinion.
You’ve written stuff like that before and I pointed out that it was Biden that caused all of this in the first place. (I don’t recall a single time where you responded to what I wrote.)
Ask any of the relatives of the 1,200 + kedoshim that were murdered al kiddush Hashem if they’d rather have their relatives or the tons and tons and tons of arms that Biden provided to Israel.
A President that allowed this to happen under his watch (and the explosion of global Anti-Semitism that followed) deserves no Hakoras hatov (even if you justify it on his senility).
Shame on you for insinuating that a president who made the entire world more dangerous for practically every Yid (including you) deserves gratitude just because he also took lots of money from hard working people to give entitlements to lazy people.
Moshiach is coming – it can be felt in the air. I strongly suggest that you stop being a mouthpiece for a political party that is diametrically opposed to everything the Torah and Hashem stand for.
Coffee Addict-
Yeah- I’m familiar with that. And the other half of statistics are skewed to fit someone’s agenda.
@Rava-
Would you be able to provide some numbers to your post? Do you know 4 people in Baltimore and one had their car stolen?
At first glance it looks like you’re trying to distort your statistics to fit your agenda.
(Do you recall the quote attributed to Benjamin Disraeli regarding the three types of lies- with the third and most severe being statistics?)
Reb Yudel,
I was very disappointed to read your post. As a Shadchan you should have been transparent that you stand to gain significantly if this system is ח״ו implemented.
As a survivor of Shadchan abuse I’m going to begin with this disclaimer that I’m very biased against Shadchanim and think that this idea is akin to putting out a fire by pouring gasoline on it.
It was a Wednesday night, and after three months of a non-stop harassment campaign against me (including while I was going out with other people), I finally broke down and agreed to go out with her. The final blow that ultimately made me crack was when the shadchan got my friends to join the campaign. They begged and pleaded with me to just go out with her so the shadchan would leave them alone.
This girl lived around 600 miles from where I was in Yeshiva at the time and I immediately began making plans to fly out there the next weekend.
Within an hour or so the shadchan called back informing me that she already booked non-refundable tickets to a location slightly more than halfway to me. This was still around 250 miles away and in a city that I wasn’t familiar with.I told the Shadchan that I couldn’t do it since I needed to rent / borrow a car, find a place to stay, look for places to go as well as having a big report due in college and my good friends Aufruf this coming Shabbos.
The Shadchan shut me down, she wouldn’t hear of any of that. “If she’s the one traveling she gets to decide when and where you’re going to go out”. At that point I had no energy left to fight and gave in. I’m not sure when in the process the Shadchan mentioned that since she was traveling in it’s an automatic commitment to two dates- but whatever.
Anyway- after the dates she thankfully said no (confirming what I was saying for three months- that we’re not for each other) so I didn’t need to come back to a new harassment campaign bringing in my family, Rabbeim and friends pressuring me to give her another chance and criticizing me for saying “no” for trivial reasons.
The return trip was a changing point for me. During the drive I made a decision and I stuck to it. When I got back I made a pact with my friends that we would NEVER take another suggestion from a “professional” Shadchan, no matter what. I’d politely tell them that I no longer take names from them and hang up- before they had a chance to open their mouth and try to get a word in.
Finally it was over, I was able to breathe better, the air was cleaner and I felt an overall sense of relief. I was a free person, no more being burdened by the yolk of vicious Shadchanim and their cruel shenanigans.Guess what- after a short cooling off period their calls became less and less. I was able to pursue names that came in from family, neighbors and friends- people who meant well and weren’t aggressive. People who actually cared about me and wanted to help me.
The next person I went out with (suggested by a neighbor) was the one I ended up marrying. Thank you השם!
When I get asked for shidduch advice the first thing I tell people is to not deal with “professional” Shadchanim and focus on getting people within their circles to introduce them to others that they know.
Reb Yudel-
That weekend cost me a lot. A few hundred Dollars in traveling and dating expenses, missing out on a good friend’s Aufruf and I ended up submitting a partially finished report and it brought my grade down in the class from an A to a B.
Are you insinuating that the Shadchan should have the chutzpah to demand 50 + 75 from both sides?????
I’m not sure what you mean that it’s on your bucket list. I’m just trying to figure out if you cracked the code or not.
(I’ve mentioned before that I validated all but two people who contacted me through the email I left in an encoded post. I was wondering one (or both) were you.)
As far as any of the messages disappearing- the thread where I left the public key was truncated mid-post before the post with the public key. I don’t think I posted the private key to begin with but it can be easily derived by hand from the public key.
Unfortunately I don’t remember the private key- it was too many digits long. I can crack it if I have enough time (or hire some Polish cryptographers).
Without the encoder it’s hard to verify if all the posts are still there. There seems to be a gap in the flow of the posts but some other posts in the thread could have been intentionally deleted.
Is this a sore topic? You seem to disappear from a thread any time I ask you about the code that I encrypted.
Looks like another post of mine got deleted.
I posted a Limerick in the Limerick’s thread on April Fool’s which I thought was pretty innocent. I’m not sure why it wasn’t approved.
Sorry if I posted something so confusing.
The point was to come up with a broken system (I.e. a teacher that makes a grading curve that can have a negative impact when a gifted student is in the class instead of exams that are calibrated fairly amongst all classes).
It’s unfair to blame the student for the broken system. The gifted student did nothing wrong by killing the curve and has all to lose but nothing to gain by going along with the scheme.
Similarly, it’s unfair to blame the elite for not wanting to go along with proposed changes to a seriously broken shidduch system. They have nothing to gain but all to lose.
The shidduch system is extremely complicated and the broken parts are highly controversial. I was trying to think of a simple situation that discretizes a more complex situation.
Again, I apologize if I lost you somewhere along the way.
No, but I am salivating thinking about their sino steaks. 😂
That coded message didn’t use the public key / private key method.
The coded messages I’m referring to are on Page 45 of “The Riddle Thread”, from March / April 2013.
I don’t recall that thread or any encoded messages that had links in them.
There once was a poster who’d say,
“I’ll show up on April Fools – hey”,
But Erev Pesach came
and ruined the game-
“Keep cleaning” his wife would say”.@ ujm
You’re correct in that I’ve mentioned it a number of times before- I was trying to surreptitiously figure out if you decoded the message and if so if you used brute force or found the public key and derived the private key. (Or used a team of Polish Cryptographers like someone else did.)
I recall the email that you sent me where you identified yourself- that was with the email address I used to sign up to YWN with (so I don’t get the spam emails in my personal account). I haven’t checked it in over a decade so if you’ve reached out to me on there since then I haven’t seen it.
As I mentioned before- there were two people who contacted me using the email address in an encoded post and I was wondering if one (or both) were you.
@ rescue
In order to avoid getting into (the potentially controversial) details about what advantages the elites may have in shidduchim- let’s look at an external example.
When I was in college, one of my professors would give difficult exams and as a curve he would add to everyone’s grade the amount of points it took to get the highest mark to 100.
For the final exam there was an idea floating around that everyone should hand in their tests totally blank. Everyone would get a zero, the highest mark would be a zero and he’d add 100 points to everyone’s grade and everyone would get 100.
A number of classmates had high enough averages to get an A as long as they got above a 75 or so. These students had nothing to gain but lots to lose by going along with the plan (I.e. all it takes would have been one failing student to hand in a test and scoring a 50).
@ anso
No, we’re definitely not in Germany and I’m definitely not being hushed (except for in the Coffee Room).
I try to always be sensitive and use soft language.
Someone reached out to me personally regarding an opinion I posted here.
(I opined that I didn’t think it was fair for a Shadchan to get a list of guys names from yeshivas and suggest them as a possible shidduch without their permission. The other person felt it was justified since it gave hope to so many girls who otherwise wouldn’t have known that someone was thinking of them.)
I didn’t agree with their opinion but we agreed to disagree. I was also asked to stop posting my opinion here.
Between feeling guilty about not being sensitive to others, the difficulty of having a productive conversation here on a serious topic and at times using stronger language than I’m accustomed to- I decided to take a step back in this topic.
Back in 2009 the mods didn’t approve a post of mine that wasn’t inappropriate or rude- it was just off topic (the topic was Shabbos sirens and my post was about a bungalow colony).
In 2010 I posted my best Sukka story- and it was approved. It was supposed to be inspirational but was funny for whoever read between the lines. I guess the mods didn’t notice at first but then someone pointed it out. Anyway- years later I noticed that it got deleted so I posted a different story instead.
@ rescue
I’d word that slightly differently.
The elites have nothing to gain but possibly lots to lose by going along with any proposed changes.
There are non-elites that gain from this broken system.
@ BaltimoreMaven
I agree 100%!
Recently I was reminiscing a few times from many years ago that I davened really hard for something (and it was definitely לשמ�”) and I was wondering why �”׳ didn’t answer my תפילת.
Looking back now it all makes sense. I was davening for the wrong thing and I’m grateful that �”׳ answered with what I really needed.
@ ujm
I missed that thread – sorry.
Back to the disappearing posts- years ago I left encoded messages in “The Riddle Thread” and left the public key used to encode the messages in a different thread.
(The private key was purposely related to the public key so anyone with the private key could easily derive it.)
The thread where I thought I left it seems to have been truncated in middle of someone else’s post. Do you recall that post?
(I got contacted by some posters on the email address I left in a message and was able to verify all the posters but two. I suspected that those two were you. Do you recall any of this?)
@ besalel
The first thing I’d do is call them and ask if they have insurance.
Im not sure how it works but a neighbor of mine once called Chaverim when was told that their insurance won’t let them fix the issue his car was having that day.
I don’t have the time in the week before Pesach to hunt down the threads from back then.
I also noticed that some posts have been edited or deleted years later. I’m wondering if it was intentional or a glitch.
I hate being vague but given the circumstances I need to be.
When I wrote that the process works for some people I meant that the various “broken” parts of the process work for some people- I wasn’t referring to the process in general per se. Those that the broken parts of the system work for are either going to be against fixing it or simply not comply.
For example- I personally think that litigation and class action lawsuits have gotten out of hand. It raises the prices of lots of products and services for everyone. But- it works great for lawyers who will fight tooth and nail against any type of legislation.
@rescue-
As I mentioned before in this thread- if someone is living outside the US and doesn’t want to pay US taxes, they’re more than welcome to renounce their citizenship. Most likely the reason why they don’t is for the benefits that come along with US Citizenship.
Being a citizen of a country is an exposure (i.e. liability / risk) for the country. Look how many US Citizens turned to the consulate recently to help them find a flight out of Eretz Yisroel. A person using the resources of the country while not having paid the required taxes is stealing. There’s no way around that.
I was referring to this post by @areivimzehlazeh: https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/funny-shidduch-stories/page/11#post-1226755
In case the link doesn’t take you there it’s post # 1226755 on Page 11 of the thread.
As far as the post you’re referring to- are you sure I actually read that thread? If I didn’t comment in it, chances are that I never opened it.
As with practically anything nowadays, when a system dramatically fails it’s not one, two or even a handful of things that go wrong- it’s a systemic failure coming from many different areas.
The shidduch problems are no different.
I was personally asked to stop commenting here regarding the underlying issues but suffice it to say that most of the “problems” that you and other posters have brought up are merely byproducts of deeper underlying issues that need to be addressed before any changes will be noticed.
Without pointing a finger at any person or group I will say that despite the process being an utter failure- it does work for some people. In order for any changes to have a meaningful effect, everyone needs to be onboard. Those that it works for have no incentive to join.
@ujm-
That’s exactly what I was referring to.
Congratulations!
Are you referring to the accident on Ave J?
Also,
I’m in touch with squeak on a regular basis but we don’t talk about the Coffee Room anymore- it hasn’t come up in years.
I don’t even bother asking him to join your game of chess anymore.
At a ???? a few years back, the waiter put a bottle of Dr. Pepper between us and he didn’t even crack a smile.
Ok, here’s another one.
Where did a poster mention that:
A relative was engaged to a girl when a shadchan got a message from a rich guy in a neighboring town that he would pay him to find a top guy in yeshiva for his daughter to go out with.
The shadchan asked the ???? to go out with the rich guy’s daughter and offered to split the payment.
I’m definitely not an expert on the ????? of ???? ??? but I was under the impression that the comment was ???? ??? against an entire community, regardless of whether it’s unique to a particular community or the percentage of the community that behaves like that.
If I’m wrong I’ll stand corrected.
Do you give up?
Check out post #902802 in this thread:
Do you want to continue with this trivia or do these kind of things not interest you?
My first thought when reading this was how to ?? you ??? ???? for saying ???? ??? on a huge community. What I came up with is that you were upset about something and needed to get it off your chest. You did this without considering how many people from Monsey you may be offending.
This isn’t something unique to Monsey, I saw it happen somewhere else, and the thought going through my mind was the driver was trying to get from Point A to Point B as efficiently as possible and just wasn’t thinking about how they were acting.
Do you think these people would ever cut the line at the supermarket because “their time is more precious than everyone else’s”?
Joseph-
Maybe we should try to have a trivia contest. Hopefully it’ll stay civil (either you track down the post, poster or topic or you don’t). Feel free to start a new thread if you want.
I’ll start-
Which poster wrote that he’s as exciting as a house plant?
Hint: The context was that I asked him to let me know when he moved so I can move nearby?
Joseph-
I try to respond to every comment posted in my direction but I don’t like hijacking threads. As this thread seems to have run its course, I don’t feel like I’m driving it off the route.
To be honest- I’m not quite sure what will get me back here. I was mekabel not to post anything political back on Rosh Hashanah of 5785 and I got a personal request to stop posting anything related to shidduchim. I joined a discussion here about tuition but some posters are way too passionate with their opinions (i.e. the ones who write that the only method that is fair to everyone is XYZ and goes on to explain a method that works great for them but would be grossly unfair to me) to have a functional conversation.
This may be a fault of mine but I get very frustrated with posters who purposely add incoherent thoughts (i.e. purposely missing the point) to what could otherwise be a normal conversation (e.g. check out the thread that discussed Social Security).
For a second I thought it would be fun to have a Coffee Room trivia contest (thanks @SACT5) but with AI all over the place I’m not sure how competitive it would be.
It’s been a long time since I first posted here (before there was even a link from the homepage- remember those days?) and lots of things have changed. I enjoyed the original “The Riddle Thread” but the majority of the intellectual thinkers that were there seemed to have moved on as well.
As I’m not officially retiring, if you can come up with a thread that I’ll find intellectually stimulating (and doesn’t get ruined by others) I’m open to joining.
Thanks again for reaching out to me- it’s a good feeling knowing that I’m remembered.
Joseph-
You’ve known me here for a looooong time but I no longer go for the same bait that I used to. That ship has long sailed.
You seemed to have figured it out (or was that a coincidence?).
Anyway- I chomped on your bait and visited to point out that your comment was already posted (back in October of 2010).
Not sure why the link didn’t work- here it is again:
In case this doesn’t either work, it’s Post # 1067979 on Page # 7.
I was just thinking about this riddle on the 17th anniversary of its posting.
There’s actually a Wikipedia page about it- look for “The monkey and the coconuts”.
I miss those days.
How about posting immediately for those that have already earned the trust of the moderators?
May 26th 2005
I met squeak for the first time (although it would be another 11 years before I realized that he was squeak).
Some victims of the shidduch crisis may be offended that a few posters are making a mockery of the situation.
If you honestly feel that you have an idea that can help- please post it and hopefully it’ll generate a productive conversation.
If you feel the need to make an offensive joke- please take it to a different thread.
(I’m not speaking for myself- I’m speaking on behalf of others.)
On the first day of Sukkos you can only be yotze if it belongs to you which is why it won’t help to lend it to someone. You can give it to an adult as a gift and they’ll give it back when they’re done but a child can not give it back.
Where does it say that if you lend something to a child it becomes theirs?
Even the most naive person knows that the probability of a Shadchan causing someone a loss is greater than zero. Accordingly a Shadchan should never be allowed to give out a person’s name without their permission.
I actually disagree with you on the part about a non-professional being responsible for damage caused when they had permission to work on something. (Assuming that the person getting damaged was aware that the damager wasn’t a professional- it’s a risk that they took and lost out.)
There are no Shadchanim that have immunity and they shouldn’t need it either. If they’re malicious then they’d forfeit any immunity typically provided to professionals. If they’re sincere and forthcoming then the singles accept all risks upon themselves when taking their advice or suggestions.
I’m not sure if you want to go down that road. If they’re spending so much time calling references why don’t they just call up the person in question and ask for permission to act as an agent on their behalf? (I think we both know the answer to that.)
Are Shadchanim really allowed to go ahead and do what they think is beneficial to someone (without permission) when practically speaking there’s a much higher chances of causing them harm?
Also, if you act one someone’s behalf without their permission and cause them a loss- are you responsible for making them whole again?
I wrote what you quoted above in reference to a Shadchanim who get names and add them to their list without the victims permission. If someone approaches a Shadchan, asks them to put them on their list and agrees (in writing) to allow the Shadchan to do research then I fully agree that the Shadchan can do any research that they want.
Similarly, if a Shadchan redts a shidduch (with the express written permission of all involved) then there’s no limit on the amount of research the other party is allowed to do.
(Obviously whatever information is obtained can not be divulged to other Shadchanim.)
I feel strongly that if a Shadchan wants to add someone’s name to their list then they needs to get their permission. They should also get in writing if the Shadchan is allowed to give out their names to a potential match without first running it by them.
Do you agree with this?