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Look at websites like OU Jobs or FEGS, they are set up to help people who are looking for work and offer free or inexpensive classes and they regularly teach these courses. Another option is to look at the library classes, they are free and a great resource. SIBL the business library in Manhattan partners with NYC Business Solutions to offer all kinds of free courses and they have 5 session Quickbooks course coming up, I think one is in Brooklyn.
@dabeen, you’re right that your (or any individuals) privacy is not more important, but collectively as a people our privacy is, even if that means that we are less secure (which I don’t believe to be true anyway). It seems like you need a refresher in democracy, the IRS is not allowed to target groups for audit or to withhold 501c3’s because of political affiliation. That’s a mega abuse of power and a massive intimidation tactic. Why are you so trusting that the watering down of the constitution isn’t setting a dangerous precedent?
@Writersoul Laws change and they change quickly. What’s reasonable today, can change tomorrow. Anyway suing the pants off any company takes years and is ridiculously expensive. If information is shared improperly, it could take years to sort through. Any law is only as good as the system that’s in place to enforce it. It is already known that the gov’t is sharing data with many companies besides Verizon and striking all kinds of deals to get access to the internal company data. We really don’t have a clue yet how deep the problem is. Bottom line is though that the 4th amendment states “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized” This whole program and what led to it violates the Constitution which was set up with the intent of protecting us from being spied on without cause and that’s exactly what’s happening now. I’m not a criminal, you probably are not one either, so why can they dig through our personal lives without probably cause or a warrant?
@jewjew123 I agree with you completely, that people are getting little too caught up in the idea that they are using the internet for mundane things and not thinking about the larger picture and ignoring the fact that the government just proved they are capable of abusing the system through the IRS scandal. This has such potential for bad. For example, imagine someone accidentally takes a tax deduction on raffle tickets they bought for a tzedakah fundraiser and then they get targeted for an audit. The auditor combs through your email records and see’s that you got a few emails stating that it was an auction and therefore not eligible for the deduction and boom you’re in trouble. Or, you hit a patch of black ice and get into a car accident, the insurance company asks the government for metadata on you and they see that the night before the accident you were on the internet at 3am and took a phone call at 7am, they deny your claim and say that you were exhausted and it was driver error not ice. Or you are denied health coverage for a preexisting condition because you googled the disease and symptoms before applying for insurance. These might be silly examples and certainly won’t happen tomorrow and may never happen, but this data collection can lead to problems big and small.
@dabeen you’re sacrificing more than a little privacy. You’re basically handing your entire life over to anybody enough security clearance to access the program. They’re pretty much rewriting the Constitution. Did our privacy sacrifice prevent the Boston Marathon bombing? Did the NSA stop 9/11, despite the many red flags? Don’t be so sure that you’re getting the protection that you think you are. The government has so many policies that are completely out of line with protecting the public, for example, not listening in on mosques. Actively advocating to make our borders less secure, they are even considering bringing thousands of Syrian refugees in. Why are you assuming that data mining all of our personal information will only be used for security? Quite a risk to hand your privacy over so casually.
@popa_bar_abba to your point, there is a great video floating around of Obama in 2007 debating current Obama and he completely contradicts everything he claimed to stand for.
@Charliehall I’m not sure I understand your point. What’s not true? The program exists, Rand Paul wouldn’t have introduced a bill to end it if it didn’t exist.
@dabeen you may not believe that they are targeting or are interested in the average American, but that’s really just speculation and hopeful thinking, the reality is nobody really knows what they are targeting because it was done very secretly. Why would you take it on faith that the government is purely doing this with your best interest at heart? Look at the news that recently came out about the IRS targeting groups with specific ideologies. Even if they are not using it for anything terrible now and don’t plan to ever abuse it doesn’t change the fact that it is a system that has massive potential to be abused down the road with just a few laws being tweaked, or people with access going outside the law. Think about what would happen ten years down the road if you committed a minor infraction, or followed a belief that the government didn’t like and suddenly they had full access to your emails, phone records etc. for all those years that they could go through and pull anything out of context to make you appear guilty or to embarrass you. Look at history to see what happens when the government has too much power and that’s without the ability to troll through years of the most personal information which our government has recently given itself. Our government is meant to be a public servant not a monarchy. The rights that we’ve had in America are really precious, don’t give them up so easily.
@Playtime, why wouldn’t you believe it? It’s fact at this point, nobody is debating teh existence of the program, just how far reaching it is and the legality of it. Snowden is not the first insider to point it out, it’ just getting alot more publicity now. @WIY & @Writersoul it’s a big violation of the fourth amendment, which is set up to protect us from a too powerful government and you should be scared of it, even if you think you do nothing wrong, we’re entitled to privacy and the potential for abuse of this system is pretty scary. Also, don’t be so sure that it’s helping to catch terrorists, the NSA has been banned from listening in on mosques since 2011.
The OU is hosting an event in Manhattan on April 21st from 12pm – 6pm that would probably be very helpful.
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You can definitely get a degree in Computer Science and work as some kind of analyst. Many frum people in the DC & Maryland area work in government positions that don’t require working on Shabbos and pay nicely. Btw, when you work for a government agency they thoroughly check you out and you cannot work unless you get security clearance. They can also pull clearance at any time if they don’t like something arbitrary so be careful what you post online, using the word espionage is absolutely meant to be funny, but it will pop up as a red flag if they check you out and no you’re not anonymous to them.
I don’t know if it’s legit or not, but unfortunately I’ve seen a number of scam organizations. Before I give, I go onto Guidestar and review a couple of years 990’s and I also look to see how they are rated on charity navigator, that way I can get an understanding of what type of fundraising they are doing and how the money is being spent. I also do a google search to look for any scandal associated with the organization and its key staff and reverse search the address. Sometimes you expect to see one thing, but street view will show you something entirely different. I’ve found multiple “charities” funneling millions of dollars through a house in a residential neighborhood, that typically would be a red flag. Some charities turn out to be doing amazing work, others are fronts and simply laundering money and/or completely fake and scamming people. I try to look at the tzedaka I give as a business deal and investment, because it’s really Hashem’s money and I’m just in charge of distribution, so I don’t give to organizations that I can’t check out. Also, in Israel adoption is a bit of an issue. They are very reluctant to let children be adopted, unless they are truly orphaned and they won’t allow international adoption at all, an American couldn’t go to Israel and bring home an Israeli child, they would have to make aliya. It’s complicated and political, imagine a chareidi child going to a secular home or the opposite happening. Many of these types of homes are full of children and needed because the parents are in complicated situations as opposed to deceased (drug addicts, prison, poverty etc.)and can’t care for their children. So the girls might be living their in “foster care” and not up for adoption at all, but they do desperately need the help. Hope this helps you in terms of figuring out who they are.
@Akuperma I’m not sure if you’re serious, but in case you are, most relationships boil down to more than economics. I would like the people I love to live past the point that they are financially useful. Jews aren’t Eskimo’s, we don’t send our elderly off on an ice floe when they become a burden, we cherish every day. Also, obese people have a far lower quality of life at any age. Having a young, obese spouse that has health issues that are bought on by obesity is a huge burden on the family. I know young couples that have to deal with heart conditions, diabetes, fainting episodes etc. and miss out on many opportunities for financial security and enjoyment because one spouse has a big weight issue. A 30 year old should not have the health of a 70 year old, unfortunately people sometimes get sick no matter how diligent they are about their health, but why abuse your body in a way that will certainly bring it on?
@Medium Thinker – Everybody is different and some women are fine dating bigger guys, but alot of women are bothered when a guy is overweight. Reality is that first impressions count in dating, as they do everywhere and people who are attractive on the outside do get more attention. Of course ultimately to marry someone you need to be attracted and respect the inside (middos, values, personality, ambition etc.), but both men and women need to see their spouse as attractive as a marriage is partially physical. Also consider that, in general people are more health conscious than they were in the past and if somebody has a very unhealthy lifestyle that can lead to bad health at a young age, if a potential partner looks unhealthy at 22, it could be scary to think of what will be in 20 years. In general it’s good to put your best foot forward in dating, some people can carry an extra 15 lbs. and look terrific and put together and they will be fine in dating. However, some people are overweight and look very sloppy and unhealthy. A dynamic overweight guy will have a totally different dating experience than a guy who’s overweight, sweaty and breathing heavy and can’t seem to keep his shirt tucked in. Just giving it to you straight, from a woman, who’s had lots of conversations about men and dating with other women Hope it helps.
“whatrutalkingabt” I agree with you completely and I think that many people in our community have children so young and so easily that they don’t fully understand how precious it is to have a child.
“The Frumguy” A child isn’t an object that one acquires or desires, like a new car. At least they shouldn’t be. It’s hard for someone who can easily pop out children to understand the pain of being childless. Having a child gives meaning to everything you do. You earn money and want to succeed so that you can take care of your children and be a good example. You want to see the best of you in your children and see them become a better version of yourself with your guidance. You want to pay tribute to all of your ancestors who for thousands of years had children and keep that line going, but you have failed them all. You disappoint your grandparents, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. You try to find a spouse endlessly or try to keep a spouse without the shared purpose of raising a family. You try to keep the mitzvos and be part of Judaism as an individual or as a couple, but Judaism is all about family and passing on tradition, so many mitzvos can ring hollow. Imagine sitting at a seder without anyone to tell the story to or to say ma nishtana? In other words, without children you go through life like a shadow, always feeling like you’re missing your purpose. You go through life being judged by others and judging yourself that your lack of children is a result of bad choices or punishment. Imagine how that can destroy a person. We give tzedaka to people who live on the fringe of society for a variety of reasons – health issues, poverty etc. infertility definitely falls into that category.
Soarin – I knew a girl that broke off an engagement many years ago because she was being pressured to sign a prenup. This was not a halachic prenup, it was a financial one. The impression I had was that he (or his parents) were trying to ensure that she wasn’t a gold digger. She was in fact a very nice girl and not that type at all, she came from a very poor and disadvantaged single parent home and was scared to sign it. It was obvious that if things went wrong in the marriage he was not prepared to take care of her and they broke the engagement. It took her a few years to get married after that, but now she’s happily married to a very nice man and has a few children. I’m not sure what happened to him.
1) Governors Island is alot of fun, they have a free ferry that runs every half hour on Sundays.
2) The botanical Gardens in Brooklyn and the Bronx.
3) Jewish Museum, Metropolitan museum, Museum of the City of NY, Gracie Mansion, NY Public library on 5th Avenue
4) Central Park, The High Line, South Street Seaport
5) The mansion tours in Long Island
The Center for Kosher Culinary Arts has classes on Coney Island Avenue and the JCC in the Upper West Side also has a kosher kitchen and classes.
“To all those who seem so very threatened by the whole internet filter business. Unless you are addicted to sites that you shouldn’t be going to, the only explanation I can think of, is that you feel that your parnasah is under threat.”
Todros Gimpel – I’m addicted to access to knowledge, so that I can use the brain that Hashem gave me to form opinions, not addicted to any specific websites. I’m absolutely 100% pro filters for children and teenagers. I believe adults should be treated as adults and should be encouraged and trained to behave responsibly, not potched and punished. I’m absolutely against people being held hostage and manipulated into purchasing tickets and attending a poorly executed $3 million infomercial for specific companies to sell a product. I am pro using that money and manpower for chessed. I’m opposed to the fact that only a narrow point of view, vilifying everything on the internet was presented, rather than an even handed approach that showed that the gedolim actually understand the complexity of the internet and it’s uses in day to day life for the average person. I’m not threatened by the filter,I’m turned off that the internet issue is being approached in a very heavy handed way and antiquated way.
“The people that came did it voluntary, there wss no mashgiach from any mosad or shul to check if anybody was there, there’s no way to sift thru 60,000 people, so the lie of being “pressured’ to come is void and null, the emotions on most atendees was very obvious, and the results of this massive kinus leshaim shomayim is bringing unbelievable results at an unexpected scale.”
Guter Yid – You may want your comment to be true and that’s very idealistic, but that doesn’t make your statement any less false. The definition of intellectual dishonesty is – when one avoids an honest, deliberate and comprehensive approach to a matter because it may introduce an adverse effect on personally and professionally held views and beliefs.
1) It was very well publicized both before and after the event that immense pressure was being exerted on people to attend and purchase tickets through shuls and schools and as many people arrived on buses chartered through these institutions it’s quite easy to determine who showed up and who stayed home. I’ve run massive, large scale events, tickets don’t sell out in a week without an outside influence. People are way too busy and overscheduled to drop everything on a moments notice.
2) Was it 50,000 or 60,000? Even the numbers that I see don’t jive….and an additional 10,000 is a pretty big whopper.
3) How can you possibly know what the results are? Did you take a post asifa survey? Did you factor in the people who walked away disgusted and disillusioned, the negative mainstream press, as well as those who bought filters (is a filter a benchmark of success? Again you may want to believe that the results were “unbelievable” and on an “unexpected scale”, but you can’t back that up with facts, because the data to prove that doesn’t exist.
“Sorry I didn’t go to Korach’s 200,000,000,000 strong demonstration, opposing Klal Yisroel’s attempt at preserving it’s Kedusha.”
Zeeskite – 200 billion? Are you sure that’s the correct number?
It’s interesting that those with a filter think it was a huge success and those without a filter or who have read the coverage from unfiltered sources believe it was unsuccessful, people were bullied into attending, the advertising was misleading and that the best part was the free danish. Seems to me that having a filter presents it’s own kind of danger as misinformation can easily be presented as fact to those who filter. Practical tips on self control would have been a lot more useful than treating adults like children who need to be told what to do. You get in the car and it can take you to shul or to someplace disreputable, the internet is no different. Jews are not meant to live blindfolded and locked in a basement to avoid temptation, we are supposed to master things like self control over the course of our lives by facing challenges, not avoiding living in the world. Btw, I have a friend who found a filter on her computer at work the next day, she was unable to access the information that she needs to do her job properly. She works with an extremely vulnerable population of the Jewish community and that’s unacceptable and a terrible outcome.
I think most people were motivated to attend because they were put under extreme pressure to show up and didn’t want their children getting kicked out of school. Some showed up out of curiosity or boredom. Others because they do what they are told out of habit and it’s easier than asking questions or applying critical thinking. When 50,000 people are motivated to spend the day doing chessed, instead of wasting $3 million dollars and munching on danishes while listening to hours of grandstanding, I’ll happily call them heroes.
Oomis – You can make almost anything on the stovetop. Spaghetti & meatballs, stewed chicken and potatoes, chicken cacciatore, fried chicken cutlets, pickled salmon, fish in tomato sauce, croquettes (tuna, chicken or salmon), stir fry, shredded chicken (cook cutlets and sauteed onions in barbecue sauce and water, shred chicken with two forks, cook some more and serve over buns or rice, steamed or sauteed vegetables, quinoa (hot or cold), pasta salads, sesame noodles, macaroni & cheese, pasta in any kind of sauce (vodka, alfredo, marinara), make rice and turn it into a sushi salad or add onions, vegetables, chicken, tofu, etc., stuffed peppers, beef stew, goulash, steamed wontons filled with chopped meat, chicken or vegetables, gourmet sandwiches and wraps. Joy of Kosher or Gourmet Kosher Cooking have great recipes and you can probably put together a great menu quickly.
Msg91 – The right girl will like and love you for who you are, will appreciate your good qualities and understand your struggles. Most women are very forgiving and want to see the best in the person they are with. But, if you pretend to be someone that you’re not, she will feel misled when she figures it out and you will lose her respect, that’s a big hurdle to overcome. It’s harder to be supportive to someone that doesn’t approach a relationship with honesty. Women are more idealistic, but they are also human and all human beings have ups and downs. Sharing those times will make you closer, don’t be scared of it. That doesn’t mean tell her your innermost secrets on the first or second date, use your judgement and open up at the right time. If she can’t handle who you are for the good and the bad in the short term, how are you going to get through an entire life of ups and downs together? The guys at yeshiva don’t know that much about women or dating, even if they’ve been on a few dates or have sisters most of what they know is theoretical. You probably would be better off speaking to a married couple that you trust for dating advice.
I don’t know what the halacha is, but in most offices that would be considered very antisocial behavior. Babies get reprimanded when they take another child’s toy, even if they are using a toy that doesn’t specifically belong to anyone. (eg. at the babysitter, Dr.’s office, playground). That’s training for learning boundaries in adulthood. Somebody who decided they were more entitled to a coworkers chair, stapler, pen, computer etc. would not be seen in a positive light in most offices. The supplies belong to the company, but that doesn’t mean that it’s a free for all to grab what you want at the expense of others.
Health – Please don’t call Hashem arrogant, that’s inappropriate and your comment doesn’t justify saying that. While the world may stand on Torah, it does not stand on phony Torah learners and the Yeshiva’s have many, many more than just a few of those. A guy who’s learning as “best as possible” and that best doesn’t amount to much is wasting the talent that he was given by Hashem, not contributing to the world properly by using his weaknesses instead of strengths and defrauding the people who work hard to support him, in other words, he’s a deadbeat. A yeshiva that doesn’t encourage that type of learner to move on towards a career, while learning on the side and giving tzedaka is complicit in genaiva from financial supporters. The backlash from SOME tsionim may be anti-Torah, but for most the issue is that the system of expecting financial support for learning is being abused. Another reason is the total lack of derech eretz towards women and any Jew that isn’t willing to conform to the most stringent practices and latest chumra declared by the ultra chareidi community. It just smacks of ignorance, not piety and that’s not the way to earn respect and admiration. Somebody who wants the perks of living a holy lifestyle needs to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. The world stands on how we apply the Torah that we learn, not purely the intellectual process of analyzing it. The tragedy of Rabbi Akiva’s students, the biggest learners of that time, demonstrates that beautifully, they didn’t die because the neighbor dressed immodestly or went to work, they died because of lack of derech eretz among each other. There are very, very respected gedolim in Israel, who deal with the dire poverty that is the direct result of everybody feeling pressured to be in kollel, who absolutely advocate for the majority of chareidim to go to the army and to get a higher education. I work in that world and know firsthand of strategies that have been discussed and even implemented to help transition these men into becoming productive citizens. The kollel system was historically a much smaller system and never meant for the staggering amount of people that are currently playing the kollel game. It’s disingenuous to pretend that it isn’t a huge strain on the finances of the community and Israeli gov’t and it’s extremely ungrateful to ignore the contribution of somebody who gave up his life or is living with life changing injuries so that Israel could exist. The way of this world is that Hashem creates miracles, but we are responsible to do our hishtadlus. How can you possibly discount the contribution of somebody who took a bullet for the rest of us? Btw, many religious Israeli’s, who are shomer shabbos and learn do go to the army. Do you feel a total lack of gratitude towards them too?
Health – It’s arrogant to state that the only reason that the army is successful is because of Limud Torah. Neither you or I, or anyone knows what the cheshbon is and why we’ve seen miracles. Does every tzadik who learns diligently get negated by three benchwarmers who should be working? By twelve? By a phony who pretends to be a tzadik, but is committing crimes privately? Does a non shomer shabbos Jew who doesn’t learn at all, but is honest and gives tzedaka and takes care of the elderly etc. have more merit than a mediocre learner who is avoiding responsibility by hiding in yeshiva? Who knows other than G-d. Maybe too many people who are not meant to be learners and are not accomplishing much are sitting in kollel. Maybe only the elite learners who can really accomplish something and become gedolim should be supported, not Joe Shmo who is looking to get out of real life responsibility by hiding away in a yeshiva and creating a burden on the people who become obligated to provide support. Maybe those people are not holding the world up, but actually living dishonestly under the guise of learning Torah. Maybe a Yeshiva that enables that behavior earns less schar? No matter who is earning the miracles, someone who died to protect Israel deserves honor and respect and should be remembered and appreciated. It’s basic derech eretz, which I suspect goes a long way to holding up the world.
My understanding of naming is that every child comes into the world with a name that is very connected to who they are, character traits etc. The parents and only the parents (not the grandparents, aunts, uncles etc.) have nevuah that will help them to learn the name of the child, which will eventually shape who they become. It’s very hard to go through life with an awkward name, one that has a negative meaning or sounds funny so that should always be part of the decision making. My sister is eternally grateful that she was given a different name than the one originally suggested by relatives. Only you will know what’s right for this child. I know people that were very confused about the name and had even chosen one before birth, but after the baby was born they felt strongly that a different name needed to be used. I can’t say what my name is, but it absolutely describes me and I have a niece with the same name who has very similar traits.
Health – I think that your assumption that people post a Zionst topic in order to be annoying or in your face is wrong and perhaps you’re projecting a bit. They can also be posting it to try to open a closed mind to a different point of view. Some people who frequent this site are pro-Israel others aren’t, it’s not 100% anti zionist. The title Yeshiva World just implies that this site is filtered to topics that are relevant to the Yeshiva World, not that only a narrow group are allowed to visit. In my opinion it’s hypocritical to visit Israel as a tourist, send your children to learn, enjoy all of the miracles of Israel, while having a lack of gratitude towards the people whose sacrifices allow us to do all of those things. Ithink the lack of hakaras hatov breeds sinas chinam, more than a dissenting view on a message board. That may not be how you see things, but it’s a valid point of view. Some people who frequent these boards agree with me, some agree with you. Some of the opinions that I read here annoy me, some annoy you, but that’s life, everyone see’s the world differently. Do you feel that your opinions are the baseline of what is correct and everything to the right and left are automatically wrong? It’s very typical for the commentators on this board to have dissenting views in starting a topic thread and in the comments that follow, this topic is no different.
Health – Even if a blog is targeted towards the yeshivish community, it’s still a free for all for anybody in the world to read and comment on. What’s the point of having a discussion board that only expresses one point of view? Even in the yeshivish community people don’t always see eye to eye and while you may feel that your point is the only valid one, other people feel differently and are entitled to express that. If you stood in the middle of Times Square with a megaphone and shouted your opinions, people would have a right to answer. The internet is exactly the same thing, this isn’t a parlor meeting in your home. Any person in the universe that has an interest in reading this board can and does and unless they get banned by the moderators anyone who takes the time to register can comment. Your statement about what type of people make or don’t make comments on all kinds of blogs, which lead to sinas chinum has no basis in reality. How can you possibly back that statement up? Do you read every blog or newspaper comment out there? Do you do background checks on who wrote them? Even on this blog, the people that comment can be a stranger, a friend, a family member, someone you hate, someone you love, possibly even a law enforcement agent trying to understand how our community thinks. Blanket statements on something impossible to analyze doesn’t equal truth.
Sam – The Jewish community is constantly slapping labels on each other. We define a Jew by a million things. What type of yarmulke, streimel, sheitel, kercheif, hat, schools, skirt length, sleeve length, mixed seating, separate seating, dating style, wedding style………I’m not sure why you feel that this particular day is more divisive than all the issues that come up day after day in the coffee room and in conversation. I agree with you that the miracles that have happened in Israel over the last 63 years are truly Yad Hashem and it is only through Yad Hashem that we have been successful. Sometimes Yad Hashem is an event outside of nature, such as the splitting of the yam suf, but often people are required to put hishtadlus in for a miracle to manifest. We ask for nissim every day, yet people choose to ignore the day to day miracle of Israel’s survival. Politics have absolutely nothing to do with these miracles or the Jews that have died and suffered for Israel, those people deserve to be remembered and honored for what they sacrificed. It would be ungrateful to ignore them and a day of remembrance is appropriate. As for Hallel, half Hallel – davening is between an individual and Hashem. Celebrate or don’t celebrate with people who have similar views, even if that means going to a different shul for one day a year. I’ve been to two Yom Ha’atzmaut events this week and only felt solidarity and an immense appreciation for those that have died and for Hashem’s protection.
These are serious questions, I hope somebody can give me perspective to understand this better. I keep reading about “top Lakewood” guys on various threads. How many guys learn in Lakewood? How many are single? How many are “top guys”? What qualifies them as “top guys”, is it middos, family, personality, ability to focus, hat size? What qualities do they look for in a wife? Do they only marry girls from wealthy families? How realistic is it for an average girl, from an average family to hope for a “top guy”?
Stuck -So it’s a grey area issue, with many, many factors to consider. That’s a really different story than simply killing a mosser on the spot. I actually assumed that was the case, but thought your comment needed some clarification. As Torah observant Jews, we understand that their is alot of nuance in every halacha and the way they are interpreted. But a casual reader of this site with little knowledge of Torah and the way our community operates could easily interpret a blanket statement about killing a mosser, that we as a community casually kill each other to protect our own interests. That’s obviously not what we do and we are required to follow the law of the land, it would be a terrible libel on our community if somebody walked away and assumed we kill at a whim.
Toi – “as my chosson teacher opened up the shmooze with “women are nuts”, you dont need to buy a book to learn that. there, i just taught you all you need to know. please send 17.99+s&h to me.” This comment underscores the need for couples to be taught how to communicate, it’s not natural to many people and alot of resentment can be created while young couples try to figure it out. I really hope that your chosson teacher didn’t open with a comment that women are all nuts and that if he did you moved on to a class that taught with respect. Men and women are different, but neither are nuts.
I was responding to “Yummy Cupcake” who said “i’ve never read it but it doesn’t sound like the right hashkafa, like yitzchokm said.” I just don’t understand why somebody would have an opinion about hashkafa on a book that they haven’t read.
A YU shiduch is a big wide range of types. I understand that some families might prefer a Lakewood shiduch over a YU shiduch, but it sounds like the options in that market have become very limited for a large number of girls. Especially ones that cannot support a guy financially. Since that is the case, why not expand the options to include Jewish men that have good qualities, are frum, are available and don’t expect a pay check in order to marry into your family.
It’s a great book that helps men and women understand each other and a tool that can improve marriages. Especially important in a community where men and women don’t have much contact prior to marriage. Why would you judge the hashkafa of a book that you never read based on a title or the cover? All this book does is encourage and teach men and women to communicate better. Who cares whether it was put out by Artscroll or Feldheim or a secular publisher.
Everybody gets exposed to different hashkafos at some point, it typically starts at college age. If your daughter is old enough to get married, pursue a degree and get a job then she’s old enough to sort through what her personal hashkafos are. Outside influences can strengthen or weaken them, but that’s going to happen no matter where she goes to college. You can only raise her, at some point you have to hope you did your best and let her be a grown up. In Stern she will still be immersed in learning Torah, that’s not the case in fully secular colleges. Another benefit of Stern / YU is that it is a great way to meet a quality Jewish spouse without having to suffer severely from the shiduch crisis. I know many, many couples that met through YU and have great families. I hear too many stories of girls sitting around waiting to be set up on dates and coming up empty, why not give these girls an opportunity to meet a nice Jewish guy at college functions? In the shiduch crisis world the numbers are depressingly skewed because the shadchanim hold all the cards and cater to the guys, in YU world your daughter will not only shiduch date, they will have the extra opportunity to connect with hundreds of single Jewish guys who are making time for Torah and will be able to support themselves.
A close friend of mine has a brother with Aspergers and some mental health issues. He loves to post his opinions on message boards, but unfortunately people don’t realize his situation and get into arguments with him all the time. If they met him in person they wouldn’t have the same response. It frustrates my friend to see these useless arguments. I’m going to take a lesson from her experience and assume that if you still haven’t let the “joke” go, this is not about your sense of humor and not respond again. Good luck!
You’re right, your obligations are between you and G-d and none of us have a right to an opinion. That is if you keep your thoughts or actions to yourself, but you put a serious topic out on a public forum and in a really inappropriate way, that makes it open season on opinions. Sorry that we didn’t all laugh, it wasn’t funny.
I see. Is that your best response?
I think you really need to let this one go. It wasn’t funny and I don’t think you ever meant it as a joke, otherwise you would have just apologized for offending people and let it go. Not one person on this thread is laughing with you. Give blood, don’t give blood, it’s your prerogative, but to come out on a public forum and keep defending a position that people are telling you is offensive is babyish and you might need to look into counseling to help you figure out social cues. Giving blood or not is a choice and you are absolutely free to make your own choice, but you’re not free to make offensive comments such as – “bloodsucking jews”, “you can all go to blazes” “I’ll mix it into my own blazing matza” without expecting some backlash. Dude, you’re not funny.
http://yeranenyaakov.blogspot.com/2012/03/terror-in-toulouse.html
The ugly face of Jew-hatred has struck again in Europe. This time, in southern France. The victims are:
Yonatan Sandler
Gavriel Sandler
Aryeh Sandler
Miriam Monsonego
The attack occurred on the second day of the week of Vayikra. This corresponds to the second Aliya of the week. Sheni of Vayikra begins with the following verse:
????? ???-?????? ????? ??????????, ???????: ?????????? ???-?????????, ??? ???-?????? ?????????–???-??????????
And if his offering to the LORD be a burnt-offering of fowls, then he shall bring his offering of turtle-doves, or of young pigeons.
?Those murdered today are a Korban Olah – a burnt offering to atone for all of us.
What was brought?
?? ????? is the gematria of 745.
???? ??? ?? ???? ?????? (Miriam Chana bat Yaakov Monsengo, HY”D) with the Kollel is the gematria of 745.
Also, the beginning ? and ending ??? of the phrase “?? ?????”spell Miriam.
??? ????? hint to the sons of ????? – Yonatan Sandler, i.e. Gavriel and Aryeh Sandler, HY”D.
The rest of the phrase:
?? ?? ??? ????? ?? ????? is the gematria of 860 with the 4 words.
????? ????? – Yonatan Sandler, HY”D, is the gematria of 860.
May those who were murdered today be an atonement for all of Kelal Yisrael.
You’re right, your obligations are between you and G-d and none of us have a right to an opinion. That is if you keep your thoughts or actions to yourself, but you put a serious topic out on a public forum and in a really inappropriate way, that makes it open season on opinions. Sorry that we didn’t all laugh, it wasn’t funny.
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re trying to be funny. But, nothing funny about this topic at all, especially to anyone who’s had an emergency transfusion. If Hashem gave you the gift of a very special type of blood that can be used to help pretty much anyone, you should be grateful that you have such an easy way to do an important mitzvah. Btw, tonight a woman that I know told me that her husbands life was saved a few days ago by three pints of blood. He almost bled out after serious surgery, but thankfully three kind people did not think it was a joke and donated blood which saved his life.
Every person IS different and unique and every match is different, but of course we all have things in common or nobody would be compatible. Our uniqueness is what creates balance in the world, if we all had the same talents and interests the world would be a very boring and unbalanced place.
Of course singles are very capable of getting in their own way too, everybody makes bad decisions sometimes that have a negative impact and that includes singles. But if the community truly wants to be helpful then they have a responsibility to look for solutions that are helpful and sensible, not ones that make the problem worse or are hurtful. This is not singles vs. the community, singles are a part of the community, we should all be working in harmony not in a combative way. If the singles are saying certain things harm rather than help, believe them, they live it and are asking you to listen with an open heart and not with judgement.
Here are some positives from the UWS
3) Older singles tend to become more educated and have better jobs. When they get married they have less of a financial burden which makes for less stressful marriages and less stress on the organizations that assist our community.
5) The UWS has its share of commitment phobes and crazies, but most of the singles here are very aware that they are single and would be better off married. For the most part they work very hard on becoming better people so that Hashem will send them the right person and so they can be the right person as well. Just like any struggle, you can weaken or grow stronger in emunah and in midos, being single is a great way to learn emunah and strengthen your relationship with Hashem. I would go so far as to say being single long enough to feel pain and motivation to grow is a bracha.
My suggestion, step out of Chelm solutions and work with practical ones, they work.
I live in the UWS, along with many people who began dating only on shiduchim and after years of frustration and waiting for shadchanim or strangers to control their destiny moved on to smarter and more effective dating. I know many, many couples who are in very happy marriages and who would have never had a shot of meeting each other if they only relied on matchmakers. The singles on the UWS do more chessed than you could begin to imagine and most people I know here are very concerned with spiritual growth. Also, the fallacy that people move here, stay here, die here is just that, a fallacy. Most singles up here do get married, often to people they meet here, but new and younger people move in all the time, so the numbers stay high. The ones that don’t get lucky enough to find their bashert find other ways to contribute to the world and the community and they do it with all of their heart and soul. The concept of keeping boys and girls apart in every situation and then crying about a shiduch crisis is completely ridiculous. Are they children or adults? Adults get married, children should not. If you think they are old enough to get married and you’ve done your job as a parent and raised them right, trust them that they are capable of talking to each other and using their own instincts to decide if they met their other half. It makes no sense that at a wedding, when they all look great and are happy and it’s completely supervised they aren’t allowed to mingle. Also, to the woman who knocked the whole UWS, if you want to see shameful behavior, you need to see how people from a very strict upbringing behave after they get divorced. They blame everybody for the marriage but themselves, they claim they were young and naive or forced into it and they party like a public school teenager because they never got to be one.
You really did make a difference Photogenic and were definitely a shaliach. One of the things that I davened for was parnassa and today out of nowhere I got a ridiculously good offer, out of the blue, from something that had not materialized six months ago. This is not a coincidence!