Derech HaMelech

I remember reading something somewhere about how if someone looks either to the right or left (don’t remember which side) it means they are lying because it indicates they are accessing their imagination instead of memory. Or something.

What are the signs of someone being vague?

Sender Av:

People that don’t, don’t because the only time the Torah mentions a birthday is in connection to Paroh which gives it a negative connotation.

On the other hand seforim bring down that it is a special time to daven etc. I’ve heard that some rabbonim would fast on their birthdays because it is such a mesugal day for things.

Over the course of my life I’ve met a few guys. In my experience for the purpose of getting married ‘perfect’ just means someone whose maylos and chesronos are those that work ‘kneged’ yours. The ‘maylah’ of not having some form of mental or physical illness that was overcome is often offset by the ‘chesaron’ of not knowing how to grow or overcome challenges.

Don’t look at it as if theirs a pool of normal people on one end and abnormal on the other where you have to hope for a normal one. Life is rarely if ever so black and white. Instead concentrate on getting yourself to the best possible place and looking for the guy that will help you go even beyond that. Hashem will take care of the rest.

SenderAv:

I don’t know what your situation is, but sometimes in order to fix a relationship you need to take a break to re-frame it. In my case I minimized contact with my parents for a while as I worked to adjust my views of myself and my parents and what steps I could take to take control of our relationship to make it as healthy as it could be under the circumstances that I was put in.

I don’t understand what everyone is talking about.

I’m 99.97% sure that outside of NY there are only swamps, deserts and maybe a village or two. But I’m no geology expert.

I usually get shot by the delete gun because I tend to write megilahs instead of posts. I think its the mods way of telling me to pick up safrus.

Well personally, I don’t know your mother, father, siblings, rebbe, teacher, principal, close friends or your neighbors. So its really hard to say which of their opinions I value most.

I’d probably chose your rebbe or father just because their older and more knowledgeable and probably easier for me to get along with. Although I could be wrong since I don’t know them.

Walk.

You may want to leave now if you want to get their in time though.

diyezuger, charliehall

Please relax, it was just a joke.

when someone asks me “whats up?” i always say baruch hashem out of habit. but i realized it doesnt make sense. what do you say?

Is that a rhetorical question?

tzippi:

The tone of your posts suggests that we are in disagreement, but I’m not sure what point you are disagreeing on with me. Can you clarify this please?

What constitutes a language?

“Tonight is the 0011001100110110 night of the Omer”???

aposhitermaidel:

I think it is pretty clear that no one can actually demand to be supported by anybody else.

I think very few people would say that in general it should be OK for a couple to go to Florida on their parents blood.

In fact after you said:

IY”H when my children decide to get married – if they decide that they want to live a Kollel life – while I would love to help them out – and will if I can – they know that if they are old enough to get married – then they are old enough to figure out how to support their families.

I’m not sure anybody is disagreeing with you at all.

The only point that I’m really trying to make is that from the parents’perspective it is important that they do what ever is in their means to help their children learn even a little bit longer. Key word: within their means.

SJS:

I don’t see what is wrong with saying that “a donation was given to kollel xyz in your honor”. We are encouraged to give tzeddaka in the zchus that something beneficial should happen.

Giving money to someone who is starving in front of you is because of ‘ein ma’avirin al hamitzvos’. I’m not 100% confident that this applies if the person is not directly in front of you. Meaning: If you know that your neighbor down the block doesn’t have food for Shabbos despite 3 jobs that he’s holding down or a kollel that is struggling on the opposite end of the blcok, I’m not sure that this is a problem of ‘ein ma’avirin’ and I think it would be halachically permissible to give the kollel your money and in my opinion more beneficial for everybody.

When you give a poor person money, you are helping one person. When you give a kollel money, you are helping everybody.

In regards to all the people you know living in difficult situations. If you had the chance to change your occupation in order to increase your income, would you? The people that choose to live a difficult life in order to learn Torah are choosing it. They can go out and work if they would just give up learning.

I wasn’t clear before, when I said ‘working from8-10 at night’.I meant going back for night seder, not actual work.

What do you say to “homeless people living in Shuls”?

I would say “Good morning”. Or alternatively if it is Shabbos I would say “Good Shabbos”.

I follow my husband’s Rav, bec now I married to him. I follow his minhagim as well. IMO, This is all part of respecting your spouse.

I am not a grammarian, but something in your statement makes it sound like you are married to your husband’s Rav. I don’t know why though.

whaaaaa????

cv:

I get the feeling you are just taking the opportunity to rant. All the points that you have brought up were already discussed in this thread.

I already answered your first point. By supporting a kollel man learn Torah you ARE helping to heal the sick, feed the poor, etc. The Torah is the source of all brachos and the more that is learned the more bracha comes to the world. As we say in davening “Talmidei Chachamim marbim Shalo-m ba’olam…al tikra banayich ela bonayich”.

This has nothing to do with meisras nefesh, although that is not to say that a kollel man doesn’t have that as well. If you would like to know what kollel men give up I invite you to come to E”Y. See them with wrinkled suits because they can’t afford the cleaners. Come see their cramped apartments. See what their meals consists of every single day. Hear them asking to be paid back the one or two shekels that are borrowed because they can barely afford to give even that up. Feel the cold apartments of those that can’t afford heat and instead need to bundle up their families.

What are your work hours? How many days a week? Do you work from 9am until 7 pm on a daily basis 5 days a week. Do you put in additional hours on Friday, erev Shabbos or maybe on Shabbos itself, to get a few extra dollars? Do you have a ‘night job as well’ from 8-10 to get some extra groceries? I have a friend who is out at 5am and doesn’t get back until 10:30pm every day of the week. What exactly do you mean ‘no mesirus nefesh’?

Rav Shach says that kollel men get their parnassah outside the derech hateva (Rav Shach Speaks). When kollelim come to you collecting money, you are not doing them a favor. They have the bitachon, they will get what they need somehow or another. Hashem already designated a certain amount of money for each kollel. If you don’t give it someone else will. They are doing you a favor by giving you a zchus to be a part of the mitzvah that is kneged kulam.

cv:

Why are you asking this question to me? Ask it on the gemara in Sanhedrin 94b where Chizkiya didn’t allow anyone to leave the beis medrish on pain of death.

why Derech HaMelech??? did i do something wrong?

You’re random facts were really really random.

Sorry Mods but there was a lot of posts before Shabbos.

g_a_w:

No one is entitled to be supported, and no one has the excuse to be an Ani by choice and therefore require support.

Absolutely. The exception being that klal Yisroel has a responsibility to support those that are learning Torah since it is something that benefits the klal.

Prove to me the Tolna Rebbe is a gadol, please.

Sure, just tell me what the required criteria in your eyes are to become one.

SJS:

There is a famous mashul from the Chofetz Chaim comparing hishtadlus to trying to push a train. It accomplishes nothing in and of itself it is only an illusion that a person needs to maintain based on his level of bitachon. Hence we find stories of lets say Rav Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld who the night before Yom Tov closed his gemarah walked down the block picked up money off the ground and went home. On his level of bitachon the hishtadlus he needed for parnassah was minimal.

Similarly there is a story with the Shelah. He one time gave a drashah saying that with the proper bitachon a person could just go home and learn all day and the money would come to him. His brother in law who was a simple person was at the drashah and promptly left his work to say tehillim all day. His wife (the Shelah’s sister) went to the Shelah to complain. He told her that if he has bitachon, the money would come. Long story short, his wagon came back to him full of money.

Hishtadlus IS dropping money into your lap, no matter what your job is. The hishtadlus is just the medium through which Hashem is more likely to drop the money through.

The reason why you give the child starving in front of you is because his needs are immediate. But if the child is not directly in front to of you then I would say give the kollel man because his learning can help this child get food and if not this child then another child.

Itchesrulik:

This conversation has been going on long enoughthat I’m not sure what context you are referring to anymore.

anonforthis:

You are right. It could be their Torah. Because I don’t know, I think the best thing is to give money to any public Torah institution–such as a kollel.

The rest of the shevatim already accepted on themselves to be the Machzikei Torah of Shevet Levi. ie in the form of Trumos and Maaseros. Yissachar and Zevulun just took it a step further. You took what I said out of context- the position of the person I was answering said that it was wrong to support charities that discourage men from supporting their families, ie. kollelim. I compared this to Shevet Yissachar who did not support their families themselves but relied on Zevulun to do it.

SJS:

Doing hishtadlus for your parnassah or as you call it ‘living within derech hateva’ has nothing to do with Torah’s protection. The derech hateva IS that Torah protects us. If you are not familiar with the origin of the term “Neturei Karta”, it is a reference to the Yerushalmi that says that the Lomdei Torah are the Neturei Karta and not the guards of the city.

Bitachon and hishtadlus have an inverse relationship. I implore you to read the book Worldmask by Rabbi Akiva Tatz. Also a small red sefer called “Mitzvos Habitachon”. If you don’t believe that a person should have bitachon with his parnassah where are we meant to have bitachon?

The truth is that me and my friends often talk about how we see yad hashem in our parnassah. Hashem does provide, the only question: do YOU want the zchus of being a shliach for it? It seems the answer is no. To that the only things I can say is that I also suggest that you learn Nefesh Hachaim sha’ar dalet and a sefer called Bonei Olam.

I am assuming that your second post comes from your lack of understanding of the importance of Torah and those that learn it to the Jewish people. It was extremely chutzpadig. I am not sure if your community lauds talking this way about Rabbonim, but in mine we just don’t do that. I am not a Tolna chossid as I said earlier, so the ‘point’ you were trying to make by ridiculing a rov and a talmid chochom is lost.

After hearing your stance here, I have to ask again: what exactly does bitachon mean to you?

g_a_w:

I’m starting to notice a pattern here. It is either ‘Old School Chassidishism” and not tenable anymore.

Or it is “New School E”Y Chareidi” and not the way it was originally done.

You have a way of pigeonholing these things.

I am not sure where you think I went wrong. There is something called emunas chachamim. I am not a Tolna Chassid, I just go to him for my eitzas. So while I don’t feel like I need to give him my money per se, I hope that if he told me to give it to him I would have the ko’ach hanefesh to be able to.

I’m sorry I thought I answered your point on magiyah li. Can you repost that part because I can’t find which one you are referring to.

Wolf:

The main thrust of my statement was that I had asked the Tolna Rebbe what to do and he gave me an answer. My own personal thoughts on the matter are irrelevant- it would be just as great if a checked popped in the mail the night before my daughter turns 18. Harbeh shluchim ika l’makom.

I’m not sure if I agree with you that “Eizehu chacham- haro’eh es hanolad” is a call to prepare for things to come. I think da’as is the ability to act according to the chochmah that you have. Regardless, I think I was mekayem this mishnah by asking the Tolna Rebbe in the first place:

i saw the nolad (my daughter will need to get married and I will need money)

and then I was mekayem aseh lcha rav (I asked the Tolna Rebbe what I should do).

Then I was mekayem “eizehu chacham halomen mikol adam” He taught me that this far away from a chasunah I should not begin any hishtadlus and should rely on bitachon alone.