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@zehavasdad — I only read your first post but I could not agree more. People get so caught up in chumras and stuff that they lose sight of what the whole point is. And unnecessarily stifle themselves and their children. For those who can isolate themselves and still be happy – great. But it doesn’t work for everyone. We can’t all live in a bubble.
I think the term “off the derech” should be banned. There are countless different “derech”s one can take and still be a beloved servant of Hashem. Just because a kid or an adult decides to be less religious than his/her family, it doesn’t mean you need to start mourning, freaking out and getting brachot from gedolim. So your kid doesn’t wanna wear a black hat or learn 7 hours a day? Chill. Your daughter doesn’t dress like a Bais yaakov girl anymore? Get off her case. If a Jew is keeping Shabbat, kosher, and keeps the bare minimum of tzniut, THEY ARE STILL RELIGIOUS. The important thing is to be growth-oriented and to love God. And putting others down because they’re less religious than you does not make God happy. Embarrassing someone in public is one of the worst sins there is. And parents — please try to understand that your children are not you. They’re their own people, with the right to make their own lifestyle choices. As long as they’re emotionally healthy, adjusted and basically happy, you have no right to interfere with their personal decisions.