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Low carb, but add potato starch? Then it’s not low carb. Starches, sugars and carbohydrates are the issue that make ha’motzi a serious health problem. There’s no mezonos food that’s healthy. And actually, they’re seriously unhealthy. The parve foods that were invented so we can eat them with our fleishech meals, ouch, a punch right to the fatty liver. No. Study after study after study that’s not paid for by the sugar industry or the soy industry or by any segment of the food industry show the health benefits of no sugars, no wheat, no grains, no alcohol, all to lower the release of insulin in the blood. It’s elevated insulin levels which killing us. “These are my laws that you should live by them.” And, “You shall eat, you shall be satisfied, and you shall bless the Lord your God.” Ok, sugars & carbs do NOT tell the brain to tell us that we’re satieated. That’s biological fact.
I just started saying Kaddish for the first time. After listening to it for years I didn’t know I was going to trip and stumble over so many words, and stammer with the words that I didn’t trip and stumble over. It’s a tense experience. But I struggle through it, anyway, some days better than others.
If my Kaddish recitation is straggling behind, it’s up to those who will care to hear and respond or not to say their responses. I did the same for others when there would be two or three differently-paced Kaddishes being said. Either someone will respond or they won’t, but that’s on them, not me. It’s hard enough for me, bearing the brunt of a major loss and then struggling to say a common prayer out loud, mumbling and mispronouncing and correcting my words.
As for kavanah and knowing what I’m saying, that’s what the rest of the day is for, to study the words that we daven so that we can say those words in their original language that those prayers were written in.
I disagree with finding a different minyan. If you have a minyan, stay with it, that is your place. “Some cars run more smoothly than others, but they are all cars.”
Better to feel awkward in this world, that it be a kaporah, than have something meted out in the next.
If I may, with regard to being promised Olam Haba for this or that, the person who ends his life by choice hasn’t fulfilled his end of the bargain. His life was destined to be X amount of years and instead of “going along with the plan” a suicide changes that plan, supposedly (since we don’t know, yet. with certainty if this is how the cosmos works).
A person who took life into his own hands abrogates this decision from the Master of the Universe whose province it is to shorten or to extend or to keep things as decreed from birth. After the suicide takes place, all of existence must now be reoriented by the Master of the Universe to accommodate this unplanned circumstance. The person committing suicide has “made a mess of things”, not just for himself, but for everything and everyone, here and Above.
And in taking his own life, as I stated in the beginning, he did NOT fulfill his part of the bargain that would have promised him his share in Olam Haba.
All what I say assumes that a person is making a sane decision, though even this cannot be certain and is only known to the Heavenly Father, because it is He and only He who will judge and who can judge, as only He knows the heart and the mind of the person. And only He can evaluate every small detail to see if there are mitigating circumstances or if the suicide was a true and real affront against the Sovereignty of the Habeshta.
“The secrets of God are for Goad alone.” I think that would apply to ending one’s life “early” and also for us to think we can truly judge the person who does do the most unfortunate thing.
I hope that my writing isn’t too muddled on these ideas.