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Feif Un has informed me that he will not be returning. Popa, I told him your question, and he said to go troll your boss so you can get fired.
Feif Un,
I know you said you were leaving. But you don’t know what’s going on here! Popa revived his advice thread just to make himself relevant again! Your advice thread was the original, better one, so I’m reviving it as well. Please come back!
Now I’m going to walk over to your desk and tell you that I posted this.
iced: Now you’re just getting ridiculous, making things up. I won’t be responding to you anymore.
akuperma: You’re stretching with conspiracy theories now. Seriously, read some real info about the trial and you’ll see that there was evidence. As for the publicity, you are aware of how a jury is treated, right?
akuperma: There is not always physical evidence such as bruises. Even if there were, bruises can fade in a few days – who says she went to her doctor during that time?
You say nobody noticed? Untrue! The parents testified that they complained to the school and were told that if they continued to complain, their daughter would be expelled. Weberman took her on a drive to Monsey alone, at night, which Satmar hold is strictly forbidden! The parents again complained, and again were threatened.
iced: Why is everything bad anti-semitism? The prosecutor was likely chosen because he is a good prosecutor, not because of his religion. He works for the DA’s office. That’s all. He was found guilty because the jury believed the evidence against him – of which there was plenty.
Don’t forget that Weberman also admitted on the stand that he is a thief, and used tzedakah money from a charity he runs to pay his own personal bills – he took $11,000 in one month! He used it to pay his children’s tuition, and also to buy clothing in what can be described as a store that sells women’s clothing which should only be seen by her husband (and not just plain undergarments). He obviously isn’t very concerned with honesty.
akuperma: Oh please! It’s rude to the defendant? Who cares about a piece of dirt like him, who molests children?
There was no evidence? The girl testified that he molested her. She had gone to a social worker because she was having problems. She didn’t snitch right away. It took the social worker many hours of therapy to get it out of her. She also underwent a full psychiatric evaluation which determined that she had gone through a severe emotional trauma relating to abuse.
You want halachic evidence, with 2 witnesses who saw the actual act? You won’t find it. Bus this isn’t a beis din, this is an American court. They have the right, according to the Torah, to set their own rules and laws, and we are required to follow them.
You say it’s anti-semitism? Why, because he was found guilty? That’s the old battle-cry of many Jews whenever they’re caught doing something wrong. The guy did something wrong, and he was caught. End of story. How are you so sure he was set up? What do you know about the case?
There were other victims who came forward, but were scared to testify. The victim and her family were offered a bribe of half a million dollars to leave the country and drop the case. Chassidim were arrested for taking pictures of her in court (which is illegal) and posting them online. Never mind that the Satmar Rebbe the internet is 100% assur. They posted the pictures to harass her! Why all the harassment? They were obviously trying to hide something.
HaKatan: You list all the things you claim Israel did wrong. The fact that they haven’t had peace isn’t an issue. We’re still in galus, and there won’t be peace. More Jews died in WW2 than in Israel – would you say we shouldn’t have been in Europe either?
The fact is that Israel watches out for all Jews, all over the world. Just recently, when some Satmar drug smugglers were in prison in Japan, who stepped in to help them? Israel! Israel helped the people who hate them, the Satmar chassidim! Did any Satmar people say, “Hey, Israel might not be that bad!”? Of course not! But Israel didn’t care. They saw Jews who needed help, and they did whatever they could.
Who rescued the Satmar Rebbe from the Nazis? A Zionist! But of course, the chassidim decided to cover that up, and don’t tell their kids that.
You should learn a few things from Israel and the Zionists.
Health,
If a beis din decides that a conversion is good, it’s good, end of story. Perhaps she wasn’t married yet when she converted, and hadn’t thought about covering her hair?
There are many places where it’s brought down that once a geirus is completed, we don’t invalidate it, even if we see the person sinning the next day.
Now here’s a question for you. A person is converting. They keep kosher, Shabbos, taharas hamishpacha, everything. The guy will learn 14 hours per day. He also happens to be a Zionist, who supports the Israeli government. Would you say the geirus is good?
Medium Size Shadchan: Lots of people also invested in Facebook when it went public. They did regret it.
In hindsight you can make judgments easily. Looking forward, you never know how things will turn out.
I think you should invest your life savings, and take out a 2nd mortgage on your home to invest as much as possible in this. You can make millions!
Oh, what’s that? You can lose it also? Nobody can predict the stock market? Wow, thanks for telling me!
The shul where I daven for the amud on the Yomim Noraim says almost all the piyutim. They usually follow the Artscroll machzor – if it says most congregations omit the piyut, they skip it. Otherwise they say everything.
Oh, and there is a mechitzah.
rebdoniel: I suggest that you ask the Rav of the shul you’re interviewing for. Whatever the minhagim of the shul are, that’s what you should do. What your Rav says doesn’t matter in another shul – you have to go by what that Rav says if you’re going to daven for the amud there.
besalel: Do you know what eidim zommimim are? There’s a difference between eidim zommimim and eidei sheker.
I had this discussion with a friend of mine a while back. The husband is required to support his wife. If she wants to forgo that support, she’s allowed to.
It would make a difference if she changes her mind. If we’d write that she’ll support him, it’s too bad – she accepted that she’d be providing the support.
If we continue to write that he provides the support, and she allows him to learn in kollel, she can change her mind. If he refuses to go work and support her, she can go to Beis Din and demand that her husband fulfill his terms in the kesubah. If he still refuses, she can demand a divorce.
The best way to lower tuition is to make it a community-based thing, and not just have the burden on the parents of the students.
Communities like Elizabeth, NJ do this to some extent. In Elizabeth, everything is under the JEC umbrella, headed by R’ Teitz shlita. The schools, shuls, etc. are all under one organization. Membership costs for shuls are higher than many other areas, but I believe some of that money is used for the schools.
In Bergen County, they’ve begun trying to do something like this, with NNJ Kids. Their goal is to make tuition a communal burden.
I heard that someone saw a picture of Sarah Schenirer that was taken in the wintertime, in Poland. She was wearing boots. These holy women are trying to be like Sarah Schenirer. Who are we to criticize such lofty ideals?
I did not eat turkey, but that is just because I don’t like the taste. The rest of my family had turkey, along with our guests.
I explained to my kids that while we thank Hashem for everything every day by davening, making brachos, etc., the USA designated this day to thank G-d for the freedoms we have. My grandparents truly appreciate what so many of us take for granted – the right to practice our religion without being persecuted for it. Therefore, out of hakaras hatov to Hashem for giving us the USA, we celebrate Thanksgiving. (On July 4th we celebrate out of hakaras hatov to the USA itself.)
MorahRach, you need to remember where the money comes from! The money doesn’t come from parents, it comes from Hashem. You will have whatever money you’re meant to have. If you’re meant to have what you have now, they could give you a million dollars tomorrow and it wouldn’t matter. All it would mean would be that more expenses would come up – which could chas v’shalom include some pretty bad things. Imagine if they gave you the money, and next week another storm came and destroyed your house. You’d say, “Wow, it’s good we got that million dollars!” What you don’t realize is that if they hadn’t given it to you, your home would be fine.
Hashem gives us what we need, and that’s all. Remember that, and trust in Him. I’ve lost count of how many times Hashem has helped my family when we thought we were completely broke. He always helps us.
Who’s been here the longest and has been active in the last few months?
Is there a list of users that can be sorted by the date they joined?
The Rav in my shul spoke about the conflict. He said that this is just a continuation of the ages-old conflict. The Parshah was significant. Eisav and Yishmael were closely connected – Eisav was Yishmael’s son-in-law.
So how does Yaakov defeat Eisav? Eisav uses his raw power. Yaakov wins by using the power of his mouth, and using it to draw closer to Hashem. The Rav told us that over Shabbos, we should make sure to use our mouths to get closer to Hashem, whether during davening, saying extra Divrei Torah at the meals, or simply singing extra zemiros. These all bring us closer to Hashem, and will help us triumph over Yishmael and Eisav.
Personally, I said an extra d’var Torah at each meal, and sang far more songs than usual. May this help us to triumph over those who wish to destroy us!
vochindik: PuhLease wrote in another thread that she used to share the account with her husband. She is now divorced. An is it so hard to believe that a woman with a good education won’t be successful when she’s married to an abusive husband, but that once divorced, she’d become successful? Hashem can change someone’s financial situation in a second. Why is it so hard to believe that it changed for PuhLease over 3 years?
Pascal’s Wager is inherently flawed for a few reasons.
1. Belief in God is not based on a wager. You can live as a religious person and go through the motions, but doing it because of the wager is not true belief in God. If belief is required, not just the practices, it wouldn’t work.
2. The Wager works if the only thing required was belief in a God. However, there are many different religions, and many are mutually exclusive. If you really don’t know what is true and what isn’t, how could you pick a religion? If you pick Judaism, the Christians believe you’re doomed forever because you don’t accept Jesus. If you pick Christianity, the Jews believe you’re in trouble because you do accept Jesus. Multiple religions throws off the while premise of the wager. It only works when there is one belief that works across the board.
ready now: How many OTD people have you seen come back just because someone told them “Yiddishkeit is THE BEST!”?
farrocks: In some cases, yes, it might be. Remove religious beliefs for a minute, because not everyone believes the same as we do.
Imagine someone who is suffering from a debilitating disease which is always fatal. It has a long, drawn out, extremely painful period of time before the victim dies. It is extremely hard on the patient, as well as his family.
In some such cases, a victim might prefer to die, rather than living in such excruciating pain. If they don’t believe in the same things we do, would you fault them for it?
ready now: You can claim that, but it’s simply not true. PuhLease is an adult, and knows the facts. I don’t know why she left, but I’m sure she thought it through beforehand.
I never said there’s anything wrong with begging, I just don’t think it will accomplish anything. It’s definitely not an intellectual response to OTD.
You said before “Yiddishkeit is THE BEST”, when in the opinion PuhLease, that’s obviously not true. You need to show WHY it’s the best instead of just repeating that line.
Some posters said MO shouldn’t support UJA, because although it gives them funding, it also supports Footsteps.
Perhaps MO learned from Agudas Yisroel and the Moetzes? After all, at the convention a few years ago, Mayor Bloomberg was honored for the funding he got the yeshivos – while he was campaigning to legalize same-sex marriage in NY!
shlishi: It’s about brand recognition. When you’re in a store and you don’t know which brand to buy, your brain remembers the names you’ve heard before, and you lean towards buying those brands.
Let’s say you tried a brand of ketchup. Let’s call it ABC Ketchup. You used it, and found that it tasted horrible. You decide not to buy it again, because you find it disgusting. If you hear a radio ad saying “ABC Ketchup is the best!”, will that make you want to try it again? Probably not. Now, if you heard an ad saying, “Heinz Ketchup is the best!”, you might try it, because you’re looking for a new brand to try.
In PuhLease’s case, she (he?) already tried Judaism, and for some reason found it lacking. Telling her “It’s the best!” is not going to change her opinion.
In my ketchup example, how would ABC Ketchup get the customer back? Maybe by giving a small free sample to the customer, saying, “Your bottle must have been bad. Here, try this sample, and you’ll see that our Ketchup really is delicious!”
We need to show OTD people that Judaism is delicious. Not just through words, but through actions, so they can actually “taste” it for themselves, to see that their first impression was wrong.
Unfortunately, much of the content here in the CR will only deliver the message that their initial thoughts were correct.
ready now: Obviously, PuhLease does NOT think that “Yiddishkeit is THE BEST.”
I’m just wondering, did you honestly think, “You know, here’s this person who, as an adult, made an informed decision not to be frum. I’m just going to write “Yiddishkeit is THE BEST.” and that will make them want to be frum again”?
In other news, a new gemach is opening in Brooklyn – a license plate gemach, so people can get gas every day!
snowbunny: Who says that R’ Moshe’s heter doesn’t apply anymore?
Additionally, even if it doesn’t, R’ Belsky issued a psak which is different than R’ Moshe’s psak, which allows it.
As for trusting hechsherim, that’s a choice you need to make for yourself.
Just remember not to be stupid about it! If there are trees coming down in your area, do not try to go to shul. It is pikuach nefesh!
Last year, when Irene was coming in (it came on a motzei Shabbos if I remember right), the Rav of my shul said that if many trees were coming down, the shul would not have a minyan, as he wanted people to stay indoors where it would be safer.
I really can’t understand why this topic is still around. There is still nothing constructive going on here, only pointless bickering that serves no purpose other than to offend people.
Mods, can you please not only close this thread, but delete it entirely? It serves no purpose other than to highlight the unfortunate chasm that still exists between observant Jews.
Rabbi Pruzansky laid out some things that will help our children grow up frum. I’m going to lay out something that I believe will bring us closer to the geulah, where it will be evident to all that the Torah way is the only proper way. Instead of looking at the negative in people and their way of life, let’s focus on the positive, and not write derogatory remarks about anyone. The Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of sinas chinam. Let’s work on our ahavas Yisrael – even going above and beyond the basic requirements – and in this way, bring Mashiach.
I happen to know Feif Un outside the Coffee Room. We’re good friends. I spoke to him about this thread, and he gave me the ok to write about our conversation.
He really is gone from the CR. He had been considering it for a while and decided the time had come.
He’s mentioned before that he had a rough time spiritually growing up. He had some very rough times in yeshiva – he had bad rabbeim, bad experiences with the so-called “elter bachurim”, and other things. These things drove him away from his right-wing upbringing. For a while he wasn’t frum at all. He didn’t keep Shabbos. He didn’t keep kosher. He was dating a girl who was in a sorority in college.
Despite the rough times, he decided, on his own, to become frum again. Because of the rough times he had, he went with the Modern Orthodox route. This also caused him problems, with family and friends who didn’t approve of his choices. But he still fought back, and became frum again. In time, his family and friends saw how sincere he was as a Modern Orthodox Jew, and came to respect him for it.
He told me that seeing comments here such as these:
“Modern Orthodoxy is apikorsus”
“If it’s M, it ain’t O. If it’s U, it ain’t Y. If it ain’t D, it’s OTD.”
“Modern Orthodox were never on the derech if someone knows better then not to go against Hashem and he does it anyway then he is off the Derech Hashem.
A modern orthodox person is worse then some1 who is completly off (if they were never on to begin with) bc it seems that modern orthodox ppl know the right things to do and the proper ways to serve Hashem but they choose to live a Modern Orthodox lifestlye as oppose to a regular Orthodox lifestyle they choose to be off the derech knowingly…Hashem should have mercy on the modern orthodox people that know they’re doing wrong and continue living there foolish ways living in denial of true service to Hashem…God willing they will realize that they are fooling no one except themselves and start to serve Hashem properly…”
just remind him of why he left the path of Judaism years ago. He said that every time he hears people talking like that, for a second, he feels regret that he came back to frum Judaism.
I don’t understand how the so-called moderators can allow statements like those to be published. I know that I once spoke to Rabbi Yaakov Bender after he gave a speech on the internet, and asked him about the “frum” sites – such as YWN. He told me the Rabbonim on the Moetzes are against them, and tried to get YWN shut down, but the owner of the site ignored them. Now I understand why they were so against it.
The site needs a major overhaul in terms of the content allowed here. The Mods need to do a better job.
If you’re in Brooklyn, some good options are Bagel Hole (2 stores, one on Coney Island Ave. between J & K, and one on Ave J and E. 15 St.), and Brooklyn Bagels on Nostrand Ave. between Kings Highway and Ave P.
In Teaneck, Sammy’s makes the best bagels. Poppy’s makes ok bagels, not as good as Sammy’s, but they have better breakfast specials (and have hash browns, which is one of my favorites!)
I agree with what was posted already – many MO schools accept students who aren’t really frum. They’re not “going off”, they’re just keeping to the path they were already on.
There are people who go off from all backgrounds. I recently heard from someone about a girl who graduated from a Beis Yaakov who got engaged – to another girl. Apparently this class had about half the girl “go off”. Some found their way back, others didn’t.
In the yeshivas I went to (all respected yeshivish places), I know a number of boys who “went off”. I honestly don’t know if they’ve found their way back or not.
This issue is not limited to one group. It happens everywhere.
I had a conversation with my Rav last week about different groups. He hates the whole idea. He says, “Just try to be the best Jew that you can be. Do what Hashem wants according to what you’ve been taught. If that’s considered MO, chareidi, chassidish, or something else, it doesn’t matter. Just keep the mitzvos, and you’re fine. Don’t put anyone into groups. We’re all Jews.”
eman: That person is a jerk.
When my wife was pregnant with our twins, we knew we were having a boy and a girl. The only thing I asked the doctor was if there was a way to control which one came out first. I had a chance to do a once in a lifetime mitzvah of pidyon haben, and I didn’t want to miss out!
It turned out that he was born first – but via a C-Section, so there was no pidyon. Oh well. Two of my brothers had girls first, and the one who had a boy first is married to a bas Levi. No pidyon as of yet from my family, although there are a few more unmarried siblings still to go.
I don’t know much about Ner Yisrael, but I can recommend a great yeshiva in the NY area: Yeshiva Darchei Torah, in Far Rockaway. Rabbi Bender is one of the greatest (if not THE greatest) mechanchim in the world. They also have a fantastic general studies department, with many AP classes offered.
I remembered seeing a story online when R’ Elya passed away, and I managed to find it:
Feif Un: Thanks for providing the info. Just to add on some more:
The SOA deals mainly with life/health fields. They’ll do life insurance, pensions, health insurance, and the like.
The CAS deals with Casualty fields. They’ll do stuff like homeowners, auto, small business, and other property/casualty stuff.
I went the same path as you – graduated from Touro College with a degree in Math. One year just in yeshiva first, then 3 more in Touro with part-time yeshiva.
1. At the entry level, you can’t really work part time. Telecommuting depends on the company, but 99.9% of employers wouldn’t allow it at first. As for the hours, it depends on what kind of work you’re doing. If you’re consulting, it’s all about billable hours, and the hours will be long. If you work for an insurance or pension firm, it should be the standard 9 to 5.
2. As a man, I can’t answer this one.
3. Finishing the exams can take as long as you make it take. If you pass each one on the first attempt (highly unlikely!), you can be done in a few years. I know people who finished at 25-26 years old, and I know people who finished at 40. Be aware that you will need to spend hundreds of hours studying at home, which will interfere with family life.
Getting an ASA or ACAS (depending on what track you take) is ok for now, but might not be later on. The SOA and CAS are discussing getting rid of the Associate level.
4. Starting can be in the mid-50k range. Passing exams gets you raises (standard is usually about 2k per exam). With 5 years of experience and a number of exams passed, it’s not unusual to be making in the 70k area.
5. Entry level jobs are not easy to find. There are many candidates, and not many openings. It used to be that a degree and one exam passed would get you multiple job offers. Not anymore. You need 2 or 3 exams now.
There is a frum Jewish woman named Pauline Reimer who is probably the best actuarial recruiter out there. She has helped thousands of actuaries find jobs. You can find her info via Google. When you’re ready to look for a job, I highly recommend contacting her.
Yes, what about us?
I remember that one year I was in Chaim Day Camp (in Brooklyn), and the alma mater went like this:
8 weeks in the summer
the good times that I always had
sports and activities
they went by so fast
Oh Chaim Day Camp
the one thing I really will miss
is the spirit of achdus
and ruchniyus
Some guys decided to make a spoof, and it went like this:
8 weeks what a bummer
the good times that we never had
sports and activities
thank G-d they went by so fat
Oh Chaim Day Camp
the one thing that we really missed
was the spirit
of Ruach-niyus
(for those who don’t know, Ruach Day Camp was the “other” day camp in Brooklyn at the time. This was before Temimah, Ohr Shraga, and other were around.)
I was never zoche to see him. However, my father in law was very close to him. When my wife and I were going through fertility treatments, my father in law asked him for a bracha for us. Instead of the usual “bracha v’hatzlacha” he gave, he pulled my father in law over and started asking him details about our case. He then advised him on what treatments we should do.
Last night, my brother in law sent us pictures of R’ Elyashiv from his wedding. I don’t know if he was the mesader kiddushin. The pictures are from the kabalas panim, and you can see R’ Elyashiv reading over the kesuba, then discussing something in it with my father in law.
There are a number of issues with it.
1. The law is not applied equally to everyone. Why should I have to pay hundreds of dollars per month for my healthcare while others get it for free? If you’re going to require everyone to have coverage and give it out for those who can’t afford it, then give it out to everyone for free.
2. You shouldn’t be able to fine those who don’t have coverage. If the government can force someone to purchase insurance, then why can’t they force other things? Why can’t they say, ok, if you vote Republican, we’re going to fine you? Free market means you can buy what you want, and refuse what you want. The government shouldn’t be able to force people to buy things.
3. Regarding pre-existing conditions, it makes a lot of sense to exclude them. There are actually laws in place that require they be covered as long as you’ve had coverage. So let’s say Person A has a job, and gets insurance through Oxford. He develops a health issue while there. Oxford covers the treatment. But then he switches jobs – and his new employer offers Aetna, not Oxford. Since he had coverage already, the law requires the new insurance provider to cover the pre-existing condition.
But now let’s look at what happens if you always require companies to cover pre-existing conditions. Person B is a nice, healthy person. Let’s say getting health insurance would cost him roughly $600 per month. He doesn’t want to pay it, as he’s a healthy guy. One day, he’s playing basketball, and he lands the wrong way, and breaks his leg. He calls up a health insurance provider and signs up – for $600 per month. He goes to the hospital, gets his leg treated. The insurance pays the hospital $5,000. After he’s been treated, he cancels the plan. Let’s say he paid 2 months of premium – $1,200. Now the insurance company had a loss of $3,800 on his case. If he had coverage the whole time, he would have paid many more months without any claims which would make up for the loss. But if they allow people to do this, the premiums would rise astronomically to make up for these cases.
As for people without any insurance, I’m sorry, but healthcare is not a basic right that people get. It is a privilege.
I have gone through infertility, and you can’t imagine the pain that comes along with it. I am tremendously grateful to Bonei Olam for all the help they gave both me and my wife. Besides for the money, they are always there if you just need to talk to someone. I don’t even know how many hours I spent on the phone with someone from Bonei Olam. At one point, the doctor told us to look into adoption, because he decided he couldn’t help us anymore – he’d tried everything he could, and things just weren’t working as they should.
So what did Bonei Olam tell us? “There are three partners in making a baby – two parents, and Hashem. Not a doctor. The doctor is merely a shaliach of Hashem. Obviously, this is not the right shaliach. We’ll just look for the right one!” And so it was. They helped us look for the right doctor for us.
There is a Chinese Auction tonight in Brooklyn for Bonei Olam. You can order tickets through their website (just don’t put in for the same prizes that I did!) I encourage everyone to support this amazing organization.
One last thing. Yes, there are other tzedakos out there. You can argue that some are more worthy of support. How would you feel if you, your child, your sibling, or other close relative needed help with infertility? Statistics show that one in seven couples need help having children. Many families have that many children. Just because they don’t tell you doesn’t mean they don’t need the help. Support Bonei Olam, because the family they help might be yours.
I know what it’s like to go through this. My wife and I found out early on that we couldn’t have children naturally. Thankfully, Hashem sent us his messengers from Bonei Olam, who helped us tremendously. After about 4 years of running to doctors, we finally had twins!
Going through fertility treatments is very tough. Most people can’t understand what it’s like. My wife and I are happy now that we have 2 children. Would we want more? I don’t know. I choose to look on the bright side. We have a son and a daughter, so we fulfilled pru ur’vu according to all shitos. We won’t have to worry about the financial issues that sometimes come up when you have 6 or 7 kids. We don’t have to worry about getting burned out from raising kids all the time.
If, one day, we decide to try again, we’ll go back to a doctor. For now, we thank Hashem for sending us what we have. I’ve always been told that Hashem only sends us what we can handle. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to handle the stress of more kids? Hashem knows what’s best for me, so I leave it in his hands.