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“Goodnight everyone I’m going to sleep!” HIE you said something…
Guys, I’m so sorry! I was watching something and couldnt schmooze. Maybe tomorrow night! See ya then!
wow! 80 that was a VERY smart idea!
HIE, you said “This isn’t for comments just say me” on the fourth post of this thread. Now look what your doing!
What happened, Purim just ended and NOBODY has any jokes, costumes, stories? As Hashem Is Everywhere said in “another” thread, “CR is dead!”!!! (don’t remind me of last night!)
Just letting you know that the keynote video on Apple’s website is ah shtickle long and is not 100% tzniusdik
did you have any shtarke costumes?
The following jokes were taken from BoysLife.org, the web site for the boys’ magazine affiliated with the Boy Scouts of America. Jokes were submitted by boys from around the US.
🙂
A man comes into a hardware store and says to the salesman, “I would like a trap, and please hurry. I have to catch a bus.”
The salesman says, “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t make them that big.”
🙂
One day Max went to see Carl. Carl had a big swollen nose.
“Whoa, what happened, Carl?” Max asked.
“I sniffed a brose,” Carl replied.
“What’s a brose?” asked Max.
“A flower.”
“What?” Max said. “There’s no ‘b’ in rose!”
Carl replied, “There was in this one!”
Submitted by Charlie H., Homer Glen, Ill
🙂
Bob: What do you get when you cross a pair of trousers with a dictionary?
Tom: I don’t know. What?
Bob: Smarty pants!
Submitted by Adam P., Wichita, Kan.
🙂
Drew: What do you get when you mix a CD and a pillow?
Chad: Beats me.
Drew: Software.
Submitted by Clark D., Evans, Ga.
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Jim: I just got a watch for my sister.
Joe: I wish I could make a trade like that!
Submitted by Bryan D., Taylorsville, Utah
🙂
Pedro: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Pee Wee: What?
Pedro: Swimming trunks!
Submitted by Jake P., Omaha, Neb.
🙂
Ben: Where does sour cream come from?
Ian: Beats me.
Ben: Discontented cows!
Submitted by Keith K., Portsmouth, Va.
🙂
Cleopatra: What do you call a Roman boa constrictor?
Mark Antony: “Julius Squeezer!”
Submitted by Brandon R., Glen Alpine, N.C.
🙂
A vacuum cleaner salesman told a farmers wife, “Ma’am, if this doesn’t pick up every speck of dirt in your house, I’ll eat what’s left.”
The lady handed him a spoon and said, “O.K. We don’t have electricity.”
🙂
Jackson: What happens when you cross a duck and a rooster?
Dylan: I don’t know.
Jackson: You get woken up at the “quack” of dawn!
🙂
A puny guy applies for a job as a lumberjack.
“Sorry,” says the head lumberjack, eyeing the man up and down. “You’re just too small.”
“Give me a chance to show you what I can do,” the guy pleads. “You won’t regret it.”
“O.K.,” says the boss. “See that giant oak over there? Let’s see you chop it down.”
Half an hour later, the mighty oak is felled, amazing the boss.
“Where’d you learn to cut trees like that?” he asks.
“The Sahara Forest.”
“Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?”
Dr. Jones goes to the mentalo institution for his monthly rounds. He sees Joe and asks him, “Joe, how much is three times three?”
Joe responds “59.”
He goes over to Tom and asks, “Tom, how much is three times three?”
Tom responds, “Wednesday.”
He finally goes over to John and asks, “John, how much is three times three?”
“NINE” replies John.
“That’s right …now how did you come to that answer?”
“It was easy…I just subtracted 59 from Wednesday!”
“Doctor, doctor, I’ve swallowed the film from my camera.”
“We’ll just have to wait and see what develops.”
🙂
“Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a clock.”
“OK, just relax. There’s no need to get yourself wound up.”
🙂
“Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.”
“Sit down and tell me all about it.”
“I can’t, I’m not allowed on the furniture.”
🙂
“Doctor, doctor, I’ve lost my memory.”
“When did this happen?”
“When did what happen?”
🙂
“Doctor, doctor! There’s an invisible man in the waiting room.”
“Well, tell I can’t see him right now.”
🙂
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I wake up one day and see Mickey Mouse in front of my eyes and wake up the next day and see Donald Duck in front of my eyes.
Doc: I see, and how long have you had these Disney spells?
🙂
Patient: Doc, will I be able to read with these glasses?
Doc: You sure will.
Patient: That’s great! I never could read before.
🙂
Doctor: “It’s no good. I can’t find anything wrong with you. It must just be the effects of drinking.”
Patient: “I’ll come back when you’re sober then!”
🙂
Larry: I keep seeing little black spots before my eyes.
Harry: Have you seen a Doctor yet?
Larry: No, just little black spots.
🙂
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It’s a big building with a lot of doctors, but that’s not important now!
🙂
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.
🙂
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
🙂
Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?
Doctor: No, throw them away like everybody else.
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility …..
Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’
A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’
Q: ‘Officer — who provided this description?’
A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’
Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’
A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’
Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’
A: ‘Yes sir, we do!’
Q: ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’
A: ‘Yes sir, I do.’
Q: ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’
A: ‘Yes sir.’
Q: ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’
A: ‘You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.’
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
smartcookie, your right! I’m sorry to you too (although I didn’t post my e-mail, your still right, I shouldn’t of asked) Have a great night CR see ya tomorrow!
to asdfghjkl, I hope I didn’t offend you. I was very hyper. I am sorry. Please be mochel me.
smartcookie, did i say something wrong?
boredjewishguy: you sound bored! dont bother with Chili now. you can have cholent on Shabbos!
smartcookie, you are REALLY funny! I couldnt stop laughing to that one!!!
asdfghjkl is ruining all the fun 🙁
no, on the screen! and my post didnt get posted!
hey, smartcookie, who gave you permission to bud into my conversation with Hashem? your not a smartcookie, your a smartalick (no idea how to spell that one!)
Hashem Is Everywhere, your too slow! I am pressing Refresh a million times! I cant wait soo long!
are we the only ones here? d a, Hashem Is Everywhere, and of course HASHEM!!!
i just got this message from the CR:
“Slow down; you move too fast.”
anybody have any idea why???
you see, the CR is dead, I just waited 42 seconds and no body said anything! 42 whole seconds!!!
are you (Hashem Is Truly Everywhere!) kidding? i am on a high right now! my brain is spinning like crazy! I gotto go to bed or I’ll just type crazy things all night! Oh, and by the way, I like your screenname! I cant even type right, now!
and bytheway, i like my screennmae all lowercase, d a, not D a!
you, Hashem Is Truly Everywhere!, “That sounds BORING” (quotes again!)
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your right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe we can talk about why “d a” is using so many “”, !, () tonight? (? that too!)
maybe we can get numbers from the CR staff? (I’ll be pretty near the bottom!)
YW Moderator-80: “It’s the old mashul about a little person standing on the shoulders of giants” I love Fried’s song about that mashul, “On Giants Shoulders” (maybe this should go onto the “Most Heartfelt Jewish Song In Your View” thread, but anyways…)
Amen!
sounds like an interesting idea!
“If people would be learning Torah and doing maasim tovim instead of blogging maybe the geulAh would be here”
Hashem Is Everywhere, start doing!!!
I saw a father and mother dressed up as The Man with the Yellow Hat, and the father was holding their child dressed up as a monkey! It was very cute!
Did you see any really funny costumes this Purim? Tell us and liven up this Coffee Room!!!
I see the CR is getting “Taged” but I don’t see it being used on the Main CR page. Maybe, we can have a place to go to popular tags on the Main CR page?
A man is sitting in a bar and announces, “Who wants to hear a Polish joke?” A large crowd forms around him. Suddenly, the bar tender pushes himself through the crowd, and says to the man, “I am 6’2″ and Polish. The owner of this bar is 6’1″ and is Polish. And the bouncer is 6’5″ and also Polish. Are you sure you want to say that joke?” The man says no and sits down.
One of his friends turns to him and says, “Why didn’t you say the joke? We would all defend you!” The guy said back, “I didn’t want to have to say the joke three times!!!”
How do you get a Pollack to laugh on Purim? Tell him a joke on Ta’anis Esther!!!
Yout right. We got to keep davening, REALLY daven for moshiach.
When Reb Chaim Pinchos Scheinberg was in America a few years ago, I went to see him. We davened Mincha together and Reb Chaim was the Chazzan. The emotion that the Rav had during ???????????????? ??????? ??????????? ????????, was amazing. We all put all our emotions into the other brochos. The Rav is begging and pleading for Yerushalayim!
And chesed, keep on doing chessed, thats sure gonna speed up the geulah!
Yesterday, I was so drunk, I couldn’t talk in a straight line…
When preparing your Purim costumes, don’t leave a big black garbage bag filled with costumes in middle of the dining room floor. A couple of years ago, we left our bag of costumes in middle of the dining room, and without realizing it was costumes, my father took out the garbage! Lots of good, expensive costumes were lost! And the search for new costumes a couple days before Purim began!