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I must agree with Yoelite… It might also give you a bad name. That being said, If you have concerns about your differences there is nothing wrong with highlighting those differences. If that pushes him to say no, that’s his call.
Use a crossbow… it’ll get them every time!! 😀
I can’t really help you, but it might be useful to anyone who is able to help if you posted about your strengths, education, work experience, etc. though, I’m not entirely convinced this is the proper forum for this… Best of luck.
OOPS! Sorry PBA… they give me one job, and I mess it up… :/
Ehhemmm…Ms/Mr. Superstar,
We are all wondering what happened. We can only offer more specific advice if you tell us people of internet – “cloud people,” if you will – precisely what transpired and what has you so distraught. Of course, it’s not our immature curiosity that makes us wonder, but rather our burning desire to help another Yid in need… right guys? 😉
Good luck!
An Ethiopian Jew or even a black Jewish convert is no less worthy than a vanilla Jew, but that’s not to say that chazal don’t attribute certain characteristics to various races. Chazal very much believe in “stereotypes” – ie: Yishamel being violent, Yisrael being kshei oref, bnei Canaan being better suited for subservience, etc…
I thought I read once that the mabul only happened after people started giving eachother shtaros for toeva marriages.
G’Shaabboooos
Here’s an idea: Why don’t the people who are so conscious of participating anonymously in a mixed forum… wait for it… NOT PARTICIPATE IN A MIXED FORUM!? Genius… I know.
Good point 007.. wow.. I feel like Mother from James Bond when I say that.
Kids dont drink coffee
Heimish food is OVER-rated imho. How about living in a country that doesn’t need bomb shelters?
Thank you kindly good sir. 🙂
How about, “Not a cat person.”
“Most people who care about whether their prospective spouse is fat, don’t want even a little fat.”
Unless you have taken a poll that indicates otherwise, this is simply not true.
Oh wait nevermind… popa bar abba spells his name with 2 ‘p’s not 3. You must be the father of some other Poppa.
Abba av poppa…. your name… it’s borderline sacrilege in the CR!!!
I’ve been on picnic dates where we brought food. If you are going to a lounge and you show up with tupperware filled with Shabbos leftovers ….well, that’s a different story.
For some reason the weirdos who don’t like ice cream always end up marrying other weirdos who don’t like ice cream…
🙂 Good point… I guess you can’t outdo the classics… having a serious mutual conversation about it, just popping the question at a fancy dinner with friends and family, capturing an eishes yefas toar, etc…
For some people, weight influences attraction, and for other people, not so much. It has nothing to do with right or wrong, superficiality or lack thereof. Chazal discuss the importance of physical attraction before and during a marriage. Even assuming the person’s weight isn’t extreme enough to be a health issue, there is no “right answer” regarding someone’s weight influencing one’s level of attraction. However, one has absolutely no right to be obnoxious or tactless about it.
Poppa, I liked your smallpox idea better!
Whoa whoa whoa… hold everything… 147 has a son!? I thought you were a Yeshiva guy in CC…..Mazal tov!
WHO DARES UTTER MY NAME?!!
Easy, just pretend to tie your shoe right before you propose! Or go down on both knees so it’s done with a shinui.
…oh, the irony!
It takes longer to respond than to just click approve. I figure if I delete, then no other mod will answer either, but if I approve, some other mod will answer when they see. Sometimes I just leave it in the qeue, but that gets annoying after a while.
-95
Mods – why approve a post that is a direct question to the mods without answering it? In a similar vain, what’s the point of approving a subtitle request post without approving the subtitle requested? Is the “allow” option easier than the “deny” function? …just curious…
I am not exactly clear on what factors qualify something as tashmishei kedusha, so I am not speaking with any authority, but I can personally hear a qualitative difference between tzitzis, which is an actual chefetz of a mitzvah (ie: the Torah says “make tzitzis”) and a hair covering which facilitates a mitzvah (covering an ervah), but is not in and of itself a chefetz of mitzvah. To illustrate the difference, consider that there are various other ways of covering your ervah, (ex: you can shave your head or you can stay indoors and out of sight of men who are not your husband). On the other hand, the only way to be yotzei tzitzis is by wearing tzitzis. Again, I’m not an authority on the matter. Perhaps someone else can bring sources, proofs, or counter-proofs?
KH- That’s not what T613 said. She was simply pointing out even chessed can be taken to an extreme. Poshut pshat is that it would be the wrong thing to do to marry someone for chessed unless: 1) you are 110% sure that you will never be bothered by your spouse’s chisaron that makes them a chessed case, and 2) you will never ever make them feel for even a second that you consider your marriage to them a chessed. Unless you are secretly a member of the underground Lammed Vav Society, you are probably not holding by that level of self control.
147, the problem with that logic is that a tallis kattan is not meyuchad for davening, whereas a tallis gadol is, and that’s why you can’t wear a gadol in the bathroom, but you may wear your kattan. The poshut pshat is that it needs to be a tashmishei kedusha that is also meyuchad for davening. A hat used for davening may be meyuchad, but it’s not inherently considered tashmishei kedusha. The kasha is from a kittel, but I’m not even 100% sure you can’t wear that in the bathroom – the OP claims that’s the case, and since I don’t wear one I’m not in a position to argue. Maybe a kittel is considered tashmishei kedusha because it’s used for burials? I don’t know…
Like i said, I got a psak that it is allowed lechatchilah. It is vaddai muttar if the alternative is to uncover your hair.
My rebbe told me it’s allowed, but I forgot why.
I understand that it’s for your sister. I meant the same proverbial ‘you’ that you mentioned, “lets say ur bashert gets married.” I didn’t assume you meant my bashert got married, but any person’s. Anyway, my point was that it’s not your cheshbon to try to figure out who your bashert is; you should just do your hishtadlus and daven, and trust that Hashem will make it be your bashert. Marrying your bashert doesn’t mean that you will never argue or fight over things, and it’s not a guarantee of living happily ever after.
Don’t worry about finding your bashert. Just try to find someone who is compatible with you.
Panni55 I’m not sure what caused you to revive a post from 5 months ago just to tell me that. You admitted on the first page that you do it for health reasons- that’s totally fine. What bothers me are vegans who won’t drink milk or eat eggs because the ‘poor animals are being taken advantage of.’ The Torah tells us in no unsure terms that all of nature was created to serve mankind and for us to take advantage of the briah. We are not allowed to abuse animals or harm them without deriving benefit, but vegans who won’t drink milk because they feel bad for the poor cows are very far from seeing the world through the eyes of the Torah and Chazal. Please don’t confuse veganism and vegetarianism. At least the way that it has been explained to me – vegetarianism is a practice; veganism is an ideology. You may define it differently, but let’s not argue symantics.
I don’t know which gadol this story is said over about, but ask yourself this: Unless the “bubbe maaise” came to light after the wife passed, do you think the gadol in question would reveal the fact that he married his wife as a chessed? Wouldn’t that be a complete disrespect to her if he admitted it publicly?
PBA is right, there are surely other options. And I wouldn’t call my shadchan big (though he has lost count of how many shidduchim he’s made), but he is close with several huge full-time shadchanim and people of influence that he networks with regularly. Wishing you best of luck reggirl!!!
Reggirl, I spoke to my shadchan for you, and he said he is currently not taking on any more new people because of certain things that are keeping him extremely busy in his personal life right now. Sorry.
PBA +100
Patri, I just looked up the Gemara. It says one should not be over a “mitzvah kallah” at a time of shmad. The Gemara then says a mitzvah kallah is even changing the color of the shoelace. If you look up the Tur Shulchan Aruch that is referenced you can find the Beis Yosef that quotes the Rif that says that it refers to the goyim at the time who used to wear red shoelaces, while Jews had black shoelaces. The Beis Yosef also quotes a Maharik that explains the Rif chose the color red specifically to teach us that this is only applicable when there is a “tzad Yahadus badavar” because Jews wouldn’t wear red “mitzad tzniyus” – a practice that still commonly exists today. It would thereby imply that the Rif wouldn’t have defined a “stam minhag be’alma” that has no “tzad Yahadus badavar” to be a “mitzvah kallah,” otherwise he wouldn’t have limited the case to the color red. It’s not the color of the shoelace specifically that’s significant, it’s having to wear the color red. That would imply that there is no inyan of even a mitzvah kallah by minhagim of dress that are not inherently a transgression over tzniyus or another aspect of Yahadus. I’m not a posek, but it seems to me that the type of Yarmulka someone has or the way they wear their hair is not even a mitzvah kallah where the minhag has no basis in objective Yahadus, and is rather just “the way most frum people do things.” I would even argue that since there is no one single minhag amongst klall Yisrael as to how to wear your hair, that it wouldn’t even qualify as a “stam minhag be’alma.” According to the Beis Yosef, there may indeed be an inyan of mitzvah kalla by tight pants because it’s a matter of tzniyus.
Gornit, I still believe the OP is a troll. If you click on his name you will notice this is his first post. What are the odds it would be about a topic that is so basic and guaranteed to be divisive? It’s basically a dinner bell calling for all of those who feel a need to look down on others that they perceive as being less holy to come and spew their crooked views.
I was calling you arrogant because you feel you have the authority and the credentials to diagnose someone you have never met as suffering from a mental health problem simply because they don’t ascribe to your (very extreme) line of reasoning. If that’s not arrogant, I’m not sure what is. I’m not going to sit here and bicker with you, if you want to label members of klall Yisrael as being mentally unhealthy because they don’t care about those in the klall who are overly judgmental, I guess that’s your right. It’s a free country, after all… have at it. I apologize if I sounded overly harsh, but if there’s one thing that gets to me it’s people who think they have a right to dan other Jews who aren’t even doing anything wrong – whether they judge them publicly or in their hearts. It stems from a severe lack of humility, and it’s extremely obnoxious and counterproductive. It’s the ugly side of frumkeit that repels people away from identifying with frum communities and Chareidim.
I suppose you could, but that statement has absolutely no relevance to this conversation.
Patri, I said I didn’t have a chance to look up the Gemara, I was just going off of what WIY said. The comment about Shimshon was tongue in cheek… sorry that wasn’t clear.
Thank you WIY, I assumed the gemara was being taken out of context and that’s why I asked for a source. I haven’t had the chance to look it up myself, but if what you are saying is true, then that’s actually an implication that during a non-shaas-hashmad one MAY in fact deviate from the customary dress of the Jewish tzibur; at least to the point of wearing different colored shoelaces. Like zahavasdad pointed out though, today there is no strictly Jewish dress, except perhaps if you are living in a Chassidish community. Most Jews buy their clothes in stores that sell to non-Jews as well. Regardless, the Gemara never identifies hairstyle to be considered dress anyway. Keep in mind, Shimshon hagibor my have had a chup…
I was in a large Yeshiva where everyone wore velvet, and I wore knitted because I wasn’t about to go buy a new kipa just because everyone else was doing it. I wasn’t rebelling, making a statement, or calling out for help. I just did my own thing and didn’t really care to be a bit different. I really don’t see the big deal… I did well there and nobody even seemed to notice my kipa. People who need to make drama and look down on others will make drama and look down on others, whether it be for kipa material, a chumra that others don’t keep, or any other reason they can find. To propose I suffer from mental health problems for not caring what you think… well let’s just say it’s not hard to find a sibah to flash your arrogance.
Source, please?
Reggirl – I hear… that might work. I can give you his email address for you to reach him at. I guess you could try that. I’m going out soon though so I won’t be able to post until later tonight. As for ZivugZone, I personally haven’t had too much luck with it, but as you say, it may be different for different people. Good luck!
WIY – I think what loca is trying to say is that you are completely missing the point of the argument. Nobody is denying the well known midrashim you referenced. Nobody here would say one should dress or grow their hair however they want. The point of contention is over the rediculous degree of specificity to which some Jewish communities have defined what is considered “Jewish enough,” and the overly judgmental and harsh manner in which those members of Klall Yisrael who do not exactly fit that mold are excluded from said communities; as if these members of Klall Yisrael were transgressing over serious violations.
LtW, I don’t mind, but I think the mods do not do that… can we summon an official to decide the ruling? What’s the CR policy? I’m pretty sure it’s in the rulebook somewhere…
I don’t know… It’s probably not smart for you to post your email address on a public forum- that’s like asking to get attacked by spammers and hackers. Also, what are you going to tell him? That you got his information from someone on the YWN Coffee Room? I would vouch for you, but that would be worthless because, as much as I trust you are who you say you are, I don’t have any proof as to the validity of your identity to present him with. The whole thing might get extremely awkward… I dunno… what do you think?
And have you tried free websites like ZivugZone?
Reggirl, I do have a shadchan in mind, but I don’t think he’d appreciate me posting his private contact information on the internets 🙂 Best of luck to you though!