Ex-CTLawyer

Joseph…

I’m endorsing making a wedding appropriate for your means at the time of the wedding.

My eldest has been married more than 25 years. You can’t expect that I’d spend the same amount of money on a weeding this year.

Also, we come from a tradition that says the kallah’s family pays for the chasunah. Therefore, how fancy/expensive my sons’ weddings were was determined by the machatunim.

MsPrincess………

From personal experience, I can tell you that our shul rabbi’s contract included tuition to Miclalah for his three daughters. I am one of the baal batim who shouldered the cost of tuition and airfare. Often, the salary of a shul rav is only a small part (taxable) of the total compensation package. Housing, education, travel, clothing are often supplied.

Technical20

Yes, I am male.

I met with shadchanim more than 40 years ago when I was single.

I also met with them within the past dozen years as the parent of both boys and girls and rejected their services.

In the case of my daughters, they absolutely were making a sales pitch…it may have to do with my perceived income/status.

Abba_S

In Connecticut these small cemeteries owned by defunct congregations and organizations are usually taken over by the Jewish Federations.

Massachusetts has the Jewish Cemetery Association, which has assumed ownership and care for both abandoned cemeteries and those of functioning congregations. My BIL is Rav of small congregation in Massachusetts with a cemetery going back 100+ years. They turned it over to JCAM along with funds to endow the upkeep. Professional management and full time groundskeepers can really cut costs.

edited by mod to remove link

Joseph………….

I’m glad you have a crystal ball.

While likely that the R nominee will be one of those already declared, it is not definite.

Hillary is leading but not guaranteed the nomination.

Politics makes strange bedfellows.

The first National Democratic Convention I attended was back in 1968 and I’ve been to 4 since. I am a delegate to the CT State convention next year. Don’t know if I’ll be a delegate to national. Only time and deals…as well as party members’ votes will determine the nominees.

All of the above is a consideration, also the choice of VP candidate. I could in no way vote for John McCain when he chose Sarah Palin as a running mate…it was an insult to my intelligence.

Ask me again after the nominating conventions.

It won’t be any of the declared Republicans

I’ve already answered this and explained the ethical restraints my professional license puts on my communications and their privacy privilege.

That stated:

You may choose to let your spouse read your outgoing email, BUT you may not have richus of the sender to let your spouse read your received email.

The sender has an expectation of privacy in addressing the email to you, as opposed to mailing a letter addressed to the XXXX family.

Abba_S-It is very different in NY from out of town!

My maternal grandparents are in King David-Elmont, My paternal line is in MT. Hebron-Queens. In those cemeteries, many synagogues own sections for their members.

Here in Connecticut, virtually every synagogue owns its own cemetery. The local Jewish Funeral Director owns 2 cemeteries that I know of. One of my childhood friends owns a cemetery in New Haven that was started by his grandfather in 1920.

Local Jewish Federations in CT and Massachusetts have had to take over derelict cemeteries—owned by defunct shuls or landsleit with no surviving members, money or interest.

The rules, customs and laws vary by state and area.

Joseph,

I maintain a membership in the shul in whose cemetery my parents are buried, and where I expect my siblings will eventually be buried. If I let the membership lapse, my plot(s) will be forfeited to the shul.

We pay dues to the shul in whose cemetery my wife’s father is buried and where her mother will eventually lie. This is because my wife has expressed a desire to be there.

Personally, I’d rather be with my grandparents and great grandparents in the family plot in Queens, but as most of the family is in CT, it would be more convenient for the living if we were eventually interred here.

All my grandparents are buried in NY. My parents moved to CT in 1952. They made annual visits to the NY cemeteries. My parents are buried in New Haven, I visit their graves at least once each month. Being a country person, I also am likely to put garden tools in the car and trim/care for the graves when I visit. I can’t imagine my cousins schlepping on the #7 train to MT Hebron with tools to clean up our grandparents graves…and the quality of perpetual care is poor.

Joseph—the Chevra Kedisha may manage to bury a mais without a prepaid plot quickly, but it is usually in a next in line plot, and not necessarily in a particular organization, shul or family plot.

Here, if you don’t have a prepaid plot and need the Chevra Kedisha to handle it, the mais usually ends up in the Hebrew Free Burial Society cemetery, or a small cemetery owned by the funeral director. Otherwise the family had better be prepared to fork over thousands for a plot in a particular cemetery before the grave is opened.

Cemeteries and Shuls are also businesses and have rules and fiscal responsibilities to their members. The chances of collecting qucickly or at all for a plot that has been used before payment is received is not very good…and no judge will order a disinterment for non-payment, even if halacha allowed such a thing.

@Mashiach Agent

This Family Law/Estate Planning/Trust Attorney will tell you that in the US a decedent’s wishes for burial expressed in a will are meaningless under the law.

The decedent has no control over his her body when dead. The executor/trix makes decisions.

FURTHERMORE, it may take quite some time to get a court order to open a safe deposit box and access a will, or a court order to enforce provisions before going through the probate process. If Chas V’shalom someone is niftar on Shabbos, and a Sunday burial in order the family can’t wait for banks and courts to open on Monday.

My great Grandfather bought plots for all his expected descendants (100+) in the family foundation cemetery back in 1919. I still pay annual dues and am a trustee, but doubt I’ll ever be interred there. However, my eldest son and family make NY their home and might eventually join the family (in another 100+ years).

Outside NYC, synagogues typically own their own cemeteries and plots are often included as part of one’s membership costs. In fact, many synagogues are able to retain dues paying members (who never attend that shul) because members want to be buried with their families. Not uncommon to belong to two or three shuls for this reason.

DaasYochid…………..

I didn’t hang up because he is the relative of my daughter in law. Not worth causing my son a problem.

I have told the story before of how a High School rebbi called me to set me up with a girl who would be in my town for one day only–for a bris. When I finished laughing, I told my wife that my rebbi wanted to fix me up with her sister.

He didn’t know that I had married and had a son. It was more than 10 years since I’d seen him, he only knew that I was the only male he was acquainted with from my town and that this young lady was going to be there for a simcha–so he took a shot.

About 6 months later, I fixed my sister in law up with a former Yeshiva roommate of mine (now a CPA). They are B”H married more than 35 years with children and grandchildren.

Bramo…

I think you meant to write the quality of the ingredients.

Quantity doesn’t matter is the quality is no good. Large portions of bad food is not the answer.

The Donald is a Quack

I’d like to make some observations and give some perspective on costs of public education and day school/yeshiva tuition.

I live in CT. Some of you know that I am involved in local government. Our town’s education budget (which is middle of the road) is such that the annual per pupil cost is $14,000.

Area (within one hour drive, but inside CT) day school/yeshiva tuition averages $20,000 per student per year.

Students living more than one mile away (in the same town/city as the public school or Jewish school) get transportation provided by the municipality. The towns also pick up the cost of school nurse and many secular textbooks at the Jewish schools.

Public schools pay their staff substantially higher wages.

Why should it cost 25% less to educate a public school student? Yeshivos/Day Schools don’t enjoy economies of scale. They don’t have 1,000-3,000 students in a typical school building. Classes don’t usually have 25-29 students as in public schools. A Yeshiva might need to order 25 copies of a high school math textbook, our high school would need 600. The quantity price is much lower. The same applies to most purchases. The Yeshiva’s grounds will not be maintained (grass cut, snow plowed) by the town’s dept. of public works, etc.

Also, when a Yeshiva buys or builds a school they need to raise all the money to cover the cost. Our state reimburses municipalities about 50% of the cost of new school construction.

Outside NY, Yeshivas/Day schools must be accredited to issue recognizable diplomas and no one would send their children to a school that did not issue such a diploma. This requires that the teachers of secular subjects be certified and qualified, AND that the required class hours of instruction actually take place. My state even mandates how many hours of Physical Education each child receives by grade range.

Having been on the board of three different day schools/yeshivos, I can state that the tuition does not cover the per student cost. It is necessary to constantly fund-raise to cover overhead and improvements.

The good thing was that my MIL’s Knaidel that was so tough that I needed to cut it with a K-Nife was a K-Leine Knaidel.

I washed it down with a Koffee from a K-Cup made in my Keurig.

@Zahavasdad

I read your comment about tailors and must weigh in.

Machine operators who make garments in factories are not tailors. They perform certain specialized operations using specific machines. One sews on buttons, one makes button holes, one hems bottoms with a blind stitch machine while another sews long seams with an interlock/merrow machine.

I grew up in the garment trade and ran a sewing floor summers while in College and law school.

Tailors on the other hand, can make a complete garment. They can take your measurements, make a pattern, cut and drape and finish the garment. This is far more skill than a seamstress or machine operator. Tailors command premium wages.

I do not wear off the rack clothing. My suits, dress shirts and slacks are custom made for me (it’s important that I look good for business purposes). My tailor charges accordingly and lives a lifestyle of the upper middle class.

A tailor today is not like the schneider in the alte heim. It is a highly skilled profession learned by years of apprenticeship.

I don’t think the ‘us’ really means frum Jews. I think it is you big city dwellers who don’t come into direct contact with many dogs while growing up (due to the hardships of raising a dog in an apartment).

Those of us who grew up ‘out of town’ were used to most single family dwellers having dogs. In the 1950s and 60s dogs were routinely allowed to run loose…no leash laws enforced and in my immediate neighborhood I don’t remember a single home without at least one dog, including the Rav of our shul.

We have 4 dogs and a cat. They don’t eat commercial animal food, so kashrut is not a problem. They run in a fenced in yard, so walking them on Shabbos is not an issue either.

It is always amusing when our kids brought home friends from Yeshiva or seminary to see the ‘big city dwellers reaction to the dogs. First fear, then leariness, then patting and playing with the dogs. Finally not wanting to leave because they became enamored with the dogs.

One other observation: many parents in low income homes cast negativity about dogs to their children. It is hard enough to feed the family without all the added expense of a pet.

I’ve put on my bulletproof vest……………

Is tipping the rebbi or morah only an in-town thing…where competition/school choice keeps tuition and payroll lower than out of town.

Here in the sticks, tuition for K-12 tends to runs about 15K per year and there is usually one institution per community. Staff tends to command a better/higher wage than in NYC as an inducement to live out of town. Living costs are also substantially lower.

I never tipped my childrens’ rebbeim or morot, and I never heard other parents discussing doing so either. A token gift (not money) was usually given at Chanukkah, Pesach and end of school year.

Back in the 1960s when all teachers (public and private) received near starvation wages, my father and other area merchants tended to provide clothing and household merchandise to yeshiva/day school faculty (and their family) at cost or free. We were in the parochial school uniform business (among other clothing lines) and those staff members never received a bill for their children’s school uniforms.

Avi.. Joe Lieberman started as a State Senator her in CT representing my home district in New Haven, the State AG. Then US Senator.

I worked in his original primary campaign more than 45 years ago. (Along with both Bill and Hillary).

Nechomah..I’m aware of the calendar. Which is why this year I’m volunteering on the 24th, not 25th. There is no restriction from working on the first night of Chanukah if not Shabbos.

flatbusher…………

My comment showed that there are many levels of government and your supposition is not universal.

If I lived in B’nei Brak or a similar community, wouldn’t want my local politicians to be Frum?

@lesschumras

I have read all about the issues in the NY state legislature. My position on a small town legislative council does not present those opportunities for major graft. Our yearly budget is less than a day’s budget in NY. No member gets paid, we even provide/bring our own coffee, water bottles, pens, pads, etc. to meetings.

This is a town without sidewalks and no municipal garbage pickup, where neighbors help neighbors, without being asked.

@Joseph…it would be wrong in most instances, and I’ve never requested special treatment. That said the town does maintain a list of first responders and those streets are usually plowed early.

@Zahavasdad……..

Mayors don’t sign off on plows going out to plow. The department head of the Public Works Department or Highways Department authorizes crews. The money is budgeted annually. If money runs out, the streets still get plowed and that department comes before the Board of Finance for a supplemental appropriation. We don’t have a Jewish Chief Exec in our Town, but a press conference for a police issue (shooting, etc.) would be handled by the Police Chief and maybe a member of the Board of Police Commissioners (volunteer position).

No one needs the mayor for these things in big cities, they show up because they like the TV/Press attention and sound bites.

Our Town has a two day festival in the late spring. I don’t attend Shabbos, I volunteer on Sunday.

December 24th, I work a volunteer night shift handling calls in our 911 center so some non-Jewish town employee can spend the evening with his/her family.

The lower and more local the level of politics, the less of a problem it is for a frum Jew to be involved.