Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
This is a common problem. I’m not in Brooklyn and don’t share the same dentists. 9 years ago my dentist did a temporary repair to a front corner tooth. He told me that within 6 months I’d need, a post, pin and crown fro $6000. The temporary repair is still holding up. I can’t say the same for the dentist; his funeral was last week (aged 60).
In 1980 I needed a root canal, post and crown on a tooth all the way back in my mouth. I told the dentist (another city, another man) to put in a stainless steel crown as no one could see it when I opened my mouth. No need for porcelain or gold.
The next day brushing my teeth I see a gold reflection in the mirror. I had not yet rec’d the bill (the good old days when you didn’t pay before leaving the office.
The bill came at the end of the month and I was billed for a gold crown. I called the dentist to complain that I was specific that I wanted a stainless steel crown, not gold, and was not paying for it. He could replace it or eat the cost difference. He told me to tear up the bill and find a new dentist.
I filed a complaint with the CT licensing authorities. They got the records from the dental lab. I was billed for a gold crown that was actually gold colored base metal. The Dentist lost his license to practice in CT.
I no longer worry about my dentist, it’s my sister’s 2nd son. I don’t pay for dentistry, he doesn’t pay for legal work. 100% family discount.
Lightbrite
Your first question asks about inheriting a engagement or wedding ring from a family memebr who git divorced or had an unhappy marriage.
The inheritor has little say in inheriting. Ownership passes under the terms of the will or the laws of the state it there is no will.
Your question is really whether one should reuse an engagement or wedding ring in these circumstances?
Our family passes down diamonds for use in engagement rings, but never reuses the settings. Each kallah deserves a new setting made for her. We’ve never recycled wedding rings. There is a box in the vault with an accumulation of ancestral wedding rings, their value is strictly sentimental.
I don’t personally believe that any ‘bad luck’ or karma attaches itself to a stone that is reused. If you go to a jeweler to buy a engagement ring, unless the stone is cut to order or has a tracable serial number engraved you have no idea if it was previously owned by a consumer and reset for sale.
Sparkly…..Instead of retail pharmacies try the hospital pharmacies. Also, since retail pharmacy in many states such as CT have pharmacists doing things such as vaccinations, consider some short courses that will expand your know how, get certifications and licenses and make you a more desirable hire.
My almost 20 yo daughter is doing a BSRN then law school. She had a semester off between graduating HS in Late Jan and starting college in August. She did a CNA 10 week course and passed the state licensing test. She is way ahead of her BSRN classmates now that they have begin clinical work. She also works one shift per week at the University hospital for $23 hr while the work study kids get $8. She is home every Shabbos and takes an afternoon shiur for women
Sparkly…
are you the one studying to be a pharmacist?
If so, I’d get a job as a pharmacy tech on a chain pharmacy and get hands on experience. It’s not about the money, in the medical and allied professions hands on practical experience is invaluable and will give you a real edge up in getting your full time job after your education is complete
Health
Webster’s is a layman’s dictionary and is not a standard for trial. I would not be bringing an action on behalf of anyone who you may have libeled. It is not my area of practice.
A better definition and explanation when the word ‘criminal’ should be used is taken from an edition of Black’s Law Dictionary sitting on my bookshelves:
criminal
1) n. a popular term for anyone who has committed a crime, whether convicted of the offense or not. More properly it should apply only to those actually convicted of a crime. Repeat offenders are sometimes called habitual criminals.
Learning law doesn’t make you a lawyer, only passing the Bar Exam AND being admitted to practice makes you a lawyer.
You now accuse me of threatening you, That is a boldface LIE on your part. You owe me an apology and a public retraction. I never threatened any action against you.
BTW>>When one answers a civil suit with a counter-suit one had better be prepared to prove damages. You, who hides behind an internet handle would have no damages for which to seek compensation.
Your use of DemonCrat sounds like either an uneducated fool or an 11 year old. Sounds like you’ve listened to too much right wing hate radio.
I’ll not reply to you again, you are not worth my time. You like Trump have been caught lying.
Sparkly……….
No, I would not recommend it. NCSY is an organization that functions best for members who belong through their teenage years, not join in college. A newbie in college would feel totally out of place. It is not the purpose of the organization to serve that demographic.
In my day the MO organization serving college students was Yavneh (I don’t believe it exists anymore). Very,very few NCSY girls get married within a year of ending being a teen (and certainly most not to Yeshiva bochrim). You say you are more on the MO side, but you appear to be to the right of most MO.
I’m sorry you have not found the right group to volunteer in Kiruv efforts. I think you should look for a non-membership based organization who does not develop its own leadership so you will not be automatically excluded.
Try volunteering at events hosted by NJOP (National Jewish Outreach Program) they are a dot org, not dot com and you can google their website for contact info
Health….
I’m an attorney…labeling someone a criminal who has not been convicted of a crime and publishing it on line as you did is libel.
Yes I’ve heard of Vince Foster and service personnel killed in Libya. I also remember hundreds of marines killed in Beirut under Reagan. If you enlist in the military you go knowingly and willingly putting your life at risk.
As for a Secretary of State using a private email server: two words Colin Powell. Other words: President George Bush. This is a non-issue constantly brought up by talking heads and empty suits on the Trump campaign.
I am not convincing you to vote for Clinton, nor would I try, There is no way I’ll be voting for Trump. That said Trump will not win the electoral votes here in CT or in NY. (My prediction). I am not voting for Secretary Clinton because she is a Democrat, I’m voting for her because she is a better choice (IMO) for the USA than Trump.
I wish we had better choices this year, but as long as elections are financed the way they are, we never will have great choices. As my late father A”L always said: “anyone willing to spend 100 million dollars to chase a $400,000 job has to be getting some personal return for friends and family.” Gone are the days of patrician families such as the Roosevelts who were independently wealthy and dedicated their adult lives to public service, not personal enrichment and power grabbing.
Sparkly………..
NCSY used to be for HS students only…it was refocused as an organization to serve teens. So, if you are over 12 and less than 20 you should be able to participate.
In the olden days HS seniors and college freshman were often used as volunteers helping with Junior NCSY groups (grades 7 and 8). I don’t know the current model.
Sparkly………
What I am really saying is that NCSY in NYC, and parts pf northern NJ is quite different from the rest of the country and has ffb members and staff. Outside NYC area there is a big difference between ffb and Hareidi. FFB OOT is often the LOR’s kids who went to the only day school available, not the Bais Yaakov model. OOT there is less politics and the entire shomer shabbas world mixes well.
I make no bones about being a liberal Dem who is involved in politics and was in attendance at the convention.
I personally know Both of the Clintons since there days at Yale Law School. Mrs. Clinton is a brilliant person with a trues grasp of national and world affairs and in the Senate showed she can work across the aisle to accomplish her agenda.
Trump is an opportunist, a failed businessman and husband. His multiple bankruptcies and pattern of not paying contractors in full for labor is despicable. He has no grasp of foreign policy, hires terrible advisors and if they don’t have the nerve to agree with him all the time he utters his famous ‘you fired’ and they are gone missing quite a bit of salary raised.
Trump has turned the campaign into a personal cash cow, enriching his companies and family. It would be an embarrassment to have Melania as First Lady. Bill Clinton may have had his sexual indiscretions years ago, but there are no disgusting nude photos of him circulating in the media.
Remember one thing, if President Obama had stood on the convention podium with 5 children born of three mothers white America would have torn him to shreds. Because Trump is supposedly wealthy (no tax returns released) his infidelity, multiple marriages to questionable women is excused. Grandpa Trump was a saloon keeper and pimp, running prostitutes in the Klondike. Daddy Trump was a housing magnate who discriminated against blacks. Donald is a serial adulterer, liar and failed businessman. You could send the whole clan back to their hometown in Germany and there’d be no loss to America. Just because one Trumpette had a conversion and married Jewish doesn’t sanitize the family.
Sparkly…………
Back in the early 1970s I was on the preferred staff list for New England Region, as well as the approved kitchen staff list maintained at National NCSY HQ which was then at 84 5th Avenue. Having working in summer camp kitchens during high school and college I had both the ability to direct kitchen volunteers while serving hundreds of meals hot and on time, as well as respected kosher knowledge and and trust by the shul rabbis whose kitchens we used. I often was hired by these host rabbis to come back to their communities and cater synagogue events.
Once Mrs. CTL and I had our second child we dropped out of advising at events unless they were in our home community. It was too hard for locals to arrange housing for ‘married with children staff’ at shul hosted events, and too costly for NCSY to house families at Hotel based events. Once our children became NCSY members we stopped completely (while continuing in adult boards and fundraising) as it is embarrassing for an adolescent to have his/her oarents as staff at an event.
Sparkly,
I think that you are referring to the type of ‘occasional’ advisor who staffs a Shabbaton or other event. These are not paid chapter advisors, but young college aged people recruited by the regional director and through networking of other advisors.
It is the chapter advisors, usually at least grad school age or married members of the local community who are hired by the host synagogue, paid a salary and responsible for programming regular meetings and events throughout the academic year.
50 years ago when I started the local advisor was a teacher in the public high school who taught history and Hebrew language. He was MO and required all students in his Hebrew classes to join NCSY for the tarbut component of the class.
While in college and law school I was an advisor at many a Shabbaton and regional convention, and when early on in our marriage Mrs. CTL and I were advisors at Nation Convention for a few years.
From a practical standpoint, if you are being shutout from being an advisor at these events it is usually for the following reasons:
1. You are not an NCSY alumna..familiar to the regional director
2. There is not a contingent of advisors being raised from your school dorm (Stern or Touro)
3. The cost of housing and/or transporting you may be against you. You don’t live in the neighborhood of the event, or you don’t have a car and there are only so many spots in available vehicles
I was involved in New England Region…it was much more economical to seek event advisors from colleges in the Boston area for Massachusetts, RI or Maine events than bear the cost of bringing young adults from NYC. I always had my own car, don’t ask how many times I met the MetroNorth train in New Haven loaded up with advisors from NY and drove another 3-6 hours to events.
sorry for all the typos in the above post. I was a at friend’s home this evening and had an allergic reaction to something and my eyesight is a bit fuzzy
Sparkly
Please read my very long post on the other NCSY thread. I have been involved with NCSY for 50 years, as a member, advisor, adult board member, parent, grandparent. As a shul president I have hired many advisors over the years, and as a regional adult board member I have hired and raised the salary for regional directors.
NCSY has changed drastically over the decades.
I was a member 50 years ago, and it served as a social networking mechanism for OOT orthodox Jews. The word Hareidi was generally unknown outside the NY Yeshiva world. NCSY’s goal was to develop observant adults who could lead OOT orthodox synagogues in the future. The vast majority of members were public school kids with some day school kids (usually the children of the LOR). This a a place Eurotraditional parents could send their children to meet eligible Jewish mates and the food at weekend events and conventions would be kosher. It was not so frum. Local chapters in OU shuls held mixed dances, etc. The goal was tp get NCSYers to continue Jewish education by steering them to YU or Stern, later to Touro.
Each 10 years since, NCSY has moved farther to the right and has far more members not form public schools. This is not because NCSY doesn’t appeal or reach out to them, but because the subsequent generations to the post WWII baby boom of orthodox or Eurotraditional OOT Jews left the public schools at cities became more Nd more minority and public education went down hill.
In the 1970s there was a wave of advisors from Shor Yoshuv and Rebitzen Friefelds (sp?) in Far Rockaway, the 1980s brought the Chofetz Chaim crowd. Then there were the sexual scandals that forced out certain leadership. Ever since the Founding Director Rabbi Pinchas Stolper moved on the organization has drifted right.
That said chapter advosors who are paid are hired and paid by individual synagogues and OOT they are not amenable to advisors trying to make kids more frum than their parents and wanting to move their shuls to the right.
NCSY is an arm of the UOJCA. It is NOT an umbrella organization for frum young people. Originally it brought together new chapteres in UO synagogues, YUSCY (Yeshiva University Synagogue Youth) and from Chicagoland- TSY (Traditional Synagogue Youth) many of whose congregations had an orthodox siddur but no mechitza.
<y oldest grandchildren are now 3rd generation members, but they live OOT and are on the more observant side of membership. I have been a member of the adult board and the National Honor Society more more than 40 years. It has an important place in making sure that orthodox communities can survive OOT, but it is not a place for yeshiva yungerleit and Bais Yaakov girls to spend time.
Yes, they are a Kiruv organization but their is the need to understand the politics of association. If you consider yourself a Black Hatter and not Kipah Serugah, NCSY is not the place for you.
Sparkly………
I’m in agreement with you. The USA is not a theocracy and wives are not chattel belonging to husbands.
In 1970 my sister was married immediately after graduating college and just before starting to teach. My brother and I each gave her $1,000 and told her this is your money, it is not your husband’s property. Soon you’ll be earning a living, but when the children come and only he is working you still need to have some independent money. We never want you in the situation of having to ask your husband for money to buy him a birthday gift. If this ever runs out and you have not been able tgo replenish it come back and tell us.
About 10 years later when she had both a sickly husband and a deaf child, she told us she needed some extra personal funds. We were more than happy to help.
When our eldest daughter was married erev Pesach our sons also gave her a private cash stash. It was larger than my sister got, as it is 45 years later.
No woman should have to be so controlled by a man that she lives in fear of embarrassment that the husband would tell a merchant that my wife was not authorized to buy from you and demand the money back.
Lilmod……………….
There are Yeshivas that don’t allow the bochurim to drive to/from the Yeshiva or keep a car near the dorm, but I haven’t run into many that don’t permit bochurim to get a license and drive at their parents homes during Bain Hazmanim….the license is also important for those who work at the summer camps associated with the Yeshiva and its movement.
If your son drives a car or travels to and from Yeshiva or school on his own he should have a phone for safety.
This doesn’t mean he should have a smart phone or the ability to text or play games. I carry an old fashioned flip phone and have texting blocked on my account. It is invaluable if one has to call for road service when there is car trouble.
Shopping……. …..
The coffee room is a diversion and amusement for me. I like to read differing opinions, minhagim, etc. from a wide spectrum of ‘observant’ Jews.
I take none of it very seriously, but the regulars in this group are a support system as well as online friends. When Mrs. CTL was on life support in a coma this spring and early summer it was reassuring to know that Jews of all stripes who I have never met were praying for her well being and offering me moral support. No one cared if I daven Ashkenaz, Nusah HaAri, wore a kipah srugah or a sthreimel. I was just another Jew who needed emotional support and it was forthcoming despite my being a Liberal Democrat.
Yehudayona……………
A judge in civil court will never have to pronounce a death sentence. Although we don’t have the death penalty in CT and most northern states it does exist in some jurisdictions. that’s why I differentiate between civil and criminal court appointments/elections.
Joseph….
The fact that a computer schedules the judges doesn’t negate the fact that judges can and do reject cases. It happens all the time.
I do occasionally appear in Federal Court in New York as it is the same District as CT and I am admitted. Last year I got a note from an old classmate who sits on the Federal Bench that he saw my name as counsel in a trial assigned to him, he had his clerk send it back for reassignment. No big deal.
Monday afternoon I had to be at JFK International arrivals to meet a client coming in on Swiss International via Zurich. The flight was late. I watched many frum passengers coming out from flights arriving from EY, Europe and Australia. There were many families and girls returning home identifiable by their dress, all types of Yidden of every Chasidic, litvish or MO stripe.
BUT I also saw at least 100 bochorim returning refreshed from visits home during bein hazmanim eager to return to Yeshiva and start the new zman. I was close enough to hear conversations in which they expressed the joy in having seen family and home, participating in family simchas or simply resting and eating momma’s food, sleeping in their own bed and not following the regimen of yeshivah and enduring dorm life. The bein hazmanim break is as important to the bochorim as their parents and siblings, if not more so…and don’t forget the rebbeim need a break as well.
Joseph……..
Only a theoretical answer can be given to a hypothetical question.
Until an actual occurrence occurs we’ll never know the action of a particular judge.
As for NY being a busy place with many lawsuits by Jews, NY is a big place and as such has many more judges than smaller places. That said, a judge can only handle so many cases per week and NY has more judges. The administrative judge (and his clerk) assigns cases. The indvidual clerk and judge review assignments and it is common to refuse, trade off or otherwise duck cases. This is far different from recusing oneself from a case. In that case the litigants and or their attorneys appear before the judge and the judge explains that because of some bias, connection, prior knowledge, personal connection, etc. he/she cannot hear the case fairly and withdraws.
I don’t live in NYC and I certainly am not running for a position as a civil court judge, but if I were and wanted to ease the possibility of adjudicating these cases that ‘should’ have been brought to a beis din, I’d ask the administrative judge to assign me to a court sitting in less Jewish populated area such as Richmond or the Bronx.
BUT, this is all an exercise in Hypothetical and Theory, neither of us are the candidate and it is for him to decide what to do should he be elected and sworn in.
Lastly, “Jews are limited by virtue of the fact that the default in Jewish law is that using non-Jewish courts is prohibited barring extenuating circumstances recognized by halacha.” is something the litigant(s) has/have chosen to ignore if suit was brought in civil court. The State cannot make people adhere to any system of non-civil law (Halacha, Canon, Sharia) if as residents or citizens they choose to make use of the civil courts they cannot be denied.
Joseph….
In your hypothetical the Frum judge should simply have his clerk remove the case from his calendar for reassignment to another judge. He need not publicly (or privately comment as to why). The chief administrative judge would not likely ask why for these very rare instances.
Do I think the Frum judge would do so, probably…see next paragraph.
In the 1980s I remember an Irish Catholic judge who served in Superior Court (trial level court) in Connecticut. Judge F was very observant in his faith and did not believe in divorce as an option for Catholics. Every few years he would get stuck with a 3 month term in Family court. He’d attend the scheduling meetings and put his name down for custody and alimony cases and divorces that didn’t show the parties to be Catholic (done by examining the marriage licenses in the case files, ceremony not conducted by or signed by a priest). He’d pass on divorces between known Catholics letting Jewish or Protestant judges take the assignments.
I have known Morty (Mordechai Avigdor) since I was a teenager. I knew his parents OBM and his brothers. Both Morty and his Brother David practice(d) law. David has also been a shul rav in CT for more than 35 years. His father the Late Rabbi Dr. Issac C. Avigdor was a scholar publishing both sforim and books in English for lay Jewry.
Boys in the Avigdor family were educated both in the Yeshiva world and with professional degrees to function in society at large. For many years Mordechai Avigdor represented Aguda in actions filed with the US government. Now he seeks a seat on the civil court bench. There is nothing wrong with a Jew applying civil law to solve contract cases (which is what civil court is about). This is not a judge who is charged with sending people to jail or enforcing dina malchusa, merely deciding if a party is aggrieved and entitled to be made whole under the law.
I have no vote in this election and live in a state where we don’t elect judges (with the exception of part time probate judges). If I lived in the district I would gladly vote for Avigdor for Civil Court Judge
I have said for years that if I want something and can’t afford it, the chances are the giver (in the family) can’t afford it either.
One of the best gifts Mrs. CTL ever gave me was a certificate for 5 nights of my choosing for uninterrupted time with her….
No kids, relatives, no calls, doorbells, just us.
I enjoyed every one of them.
The cost was her time to arrange that the kids be elsewhere and we not be disturbed. Worth much more to me than anything that could be purchased for money.
Popa………..
University of PA, Wharton School of Finance, Penn Law….back then they had a special 6 year program BS, MBA, JD
UCONN is a good Law School but not IVY League, growing up in New Haven I had no desire to go to Yale and the only other Law School in Connecticut was University of Bridgeport which was not a great school. Some 30 years ago its faculty voted to leave UB and join Quinnipiac and it is a much better school.
Small states don’t have much choice in professional schools. Until this year we had only 2 medical school: Yale and UCONN, now Quinnipiac has opened one to compete. In fact there are only 8 schools in CT where one can get a BSRN, 3 are Catholic Universities, the Quinnipiac and 4 state Universities who only take 40 students each per year. That’s why youngest daughter is doing her BSRN in NY.
I was in Law School in Philadelphia, Mrs. CTL to be was doing a grad degree at Teachers College, Columbia U. Our mothers had been childhood friends and suggested we go out.
So, I took the train up from Phila., we had dinner at Lou G. Siegel’s in the garment district (charged the meal to Zaideh’s house account) and then went to a basketball game at Madison Sq. Garden. The Knicks lost, but I won. Married the next year after both graduations…almost 45 years ago.
I haven’t been to a Knick’s game since
Yehudayona….
Tallis size is dependent on the person. I was less than 1″ taller at marriage than at my Bar Mitzvah, and I weighed less. I was a very heavy adolescent, but only a heavy adult.
Joseph…………
Please do not put words in my mouth.
Nowhere do I post that diamonds are required for an engagement. The fact that it is our family tradition is certainly not binding on others.
As for the deception, it is not between the giver and recipient that concerns me, it is the assumed false representation to the world that presents a problem.
I could no more see my wife or daughters wear a CZ than fake designer handbags or clothing, it’s not what we do.
These are all personal feelings, they are not to say that use and wearing of CZ or other faux diamond rings is acceptable to others. I have written buy what you can afford. You should also buy what you feel comfortable owning and wearing.
DY………….
I guess the norm has changed in the past 50 years.
Brother and I are both married more than 45 years and didn’t get them, as we already owned them.
BTW…in our family we don’t add silver ataros either.
DaasYochid….
if your daughter marries a Yekkah you can save on the Tallis and accessories. He would have gotten them at Bar Mitzvah. Opa took care of them for my brother an I at that time.
Moshiach agent…
Precious gemstones are generally separated into two categories:
Diamonds and colored stones (Rubies, Sapphires and Emeralds).
Colored Diamonds have imperfection or chemicals causing the color.
Other stones are often called gemstones, but are really semi-precious stones and often colored, and occasionally clear.
All of this applies to natural stones, not man made
Joseph…….
No, you can give a CZ or other simulated diamond. I don’t gave fake things, and as an attorney our ethics do not look kindly on public deception.
Mrs. CTL proudly wears the engagement stone my paternal grandfather gave my grandmother in 1917. Eldest daughter in law’s stone was given by maternal grandfather to grandmother in 1919. Next daughter in law has the stone my father gave my mother in 1941. Our next three children are girls the rings will or did come from the chasson.
Our 15 grandson will get the stone my maternal grandfather bought for my grandmother on their 50th wedding anniversary. There are other assorted stones from our ancestors in the vault for future needs. All will be real, none will be fake and quote ‘good enough to fool others’ we don’t do things that way.
This is an individual decision, and as I [posted earlier, only buy what you can afford. B”H my forefathers made sure that there were two things we’d not have to buy in the foreseeable future: Diamonds for engagements and burial plots. My Great Grandfather bought 1000 plots in the family cemetery in 1919 for $1000…that was a good investment.
Joesph…we may be both Americans and Brits here, but the English language got this word from French.
Cheval>>>>horse
Chevalier>>>>>>Knight
Chevalerie>>>>>Chivalrie
From 1066 England was ruled by the Norman French (William the Conqueror)
The language of court and the upper classes was French, the peasantry spoke Anglo-Saxon tongues.
Modern British English developed as a language with parallel word from French and Anglo-Saxon English.
Chicken–English, Poultry–from French Poulet
As often stated the Americans and Brits are separated by a common language. Our first floor is at the entry, theirs is up a full flight.
BarryLS1
I dealt with both investment grade diamonds and engagement rings in my reply.
Diamonds are not a great investment because the pricing is controlled by a cartel led by DeBeers who has the ability to control quantity and quality of stones available on the market.
One of my favorite scenes in the movie Casablanca is of a wealthy refugee couple in Rick’s Cafe Americain attempting to sell a diamond to finance their trip to freedom. The buyer offers a very low price, the sellers seemed shocked and they are told that ‘diamonds are a drug on the market, everybody tries to sell diamonds’ in these times.
RebYidd23…………..
Reality check time:
This is America (or maybe you are in EY). o tell a young lady that she is not worth the price of a diamond at her engagement and instead she’ll receive another gemstone you consider a better buy>>>>
You will be seen as not caring enough for her, she will feel that the other girls will snicker about her ring…she’ll stand out as different with that colored stone, and her family will lower their opinion of you. Better to give a smaller diamond you can afford than a colored stone.
As for a better gemstone…that is a very subjective word. Diamonds are traditionally known as the hardest gemstone on the MOHs and Vickers scales.
You claim the price is overinflated,it is all about supply and demand determining the market price. Chances are you will not be buying the benchmark D Flawless investment grade diamond that currently retails at about $29,000 US. It has risen dramatically in the last few years since the 2007/8 international banking collapse, the rise of Muslim Terror attacks, political instability in many areas and the restrictions on ‘blood’ diamonds. It is far easier to shift a small envelope of diamonds across a border than kilo bars of gold.
This is also a time of conspicuous consumption in the world. With banks paying next to no interest on money deposits, people are willing to spend large amounts on diamonds. There is also the phenomenon of the newly wealthy Russian and Chinese billionaires who have driven up demand for the finest quality stones.
We have seen changes in the diamond market over time. I can remember one of my trust clients having to insure a particular diamond for $70,000 in the early 1980s. When it came time to distribute the assets of the trust about 10 years ago the market value was only about $35,000.
I am not in the diamond or jewelry business nor are any of my relatives. However, I am both a husband and father of three daughters and I know that neither Mrs. CTL or my girls would have wanted a colored stone for an engagement ring.
Remember, one should buy what one can afford, whether a diamond, house, car or cost of a wedding.
HappyGirlyGirl………..
Mrs. CTL and I have two sons followed by three daughters. The sons are long married and our eldest grandson is only 15…way too young to think of marriage.
BUT, I like your go getter attitude!
Joseph…….
In our family it is tradition that when the girl receives her diamond engagement ring, the chosson receives a gold watch.
It is not our responsibility to buy shas, seforim, car or house. Our daughter (not us) bought him a talis. Other 2 girls are not married yet.
We have 3 married children B”H and all were able to buy their own homes. This is not to say that Mrs. CTL may not have dipped into her knippel and I might have paid a few of the costs.
As for the Tuxedo…yes I did take my future SIL to my tailor and order him a few suits, evening wear and a dozen shirts custom made.
As of their wedding this past April, SIL works in my law firm and he must embody the business image I have built over the years.
Joseph……….
My parents Z”L were married in NYC in 1944. They had an orthodox wedding but never got a marriage license. They filed joint income tax as husband and wife and owned joint property for the 65 years of their marriage.
After my father died, mom went to Social Security to get the widow’s benefit. She had been collecting CT teacher’s retirement on her own account since 1984 (public school teachers in CT are not covered by Social Security). At Social Security they demanded mom produce a certified copy of her marriage license in order to get the widow’s benefit.
After explaining for an hour that she and dad had a religious ceremony in NY and no marriage license, she was told that of she brought in her ketuba and if it was in both English and Hebrew it would satisfy the requirements. B”H my parents had both the hand calligraphy ketuba hanging on the dining room wall for 65 years and a small printed English Hebrew Ketubah that the hotel insisted the mesader kedushin fill out. That made it possible for mom to collect many thousands of dollars per year until she passed away.
I tell my family law clients to come in before marriage to set up trusts and/or prenuptial agreements to make sure to get, have filled out and recorded a marriage license form the state. It may be vital to your financial well being in years to come.
If the young lady lives in her parents home, don’t send flowers before Shabbos unless you are planning to visit the home at some point that Shabbos.
If you are not invited for a meal, but to stop by for tea and visit, or pick the young lady up for a Shabbos walk then sending the flowers to the house is appropriate, just make sure the card wishes the entire family a Gut Shabbos, not a card just addressed to the young lady.
If she lives on her own or with female roommates, don’t send flowers. It will be taken as a sign you are committed and an engagement is imminent.
Dov….
What you say about college professors might be true in the humanities, but the OP is taking science courses…A+P and Organic Chem…the bias you describe would not enter the class…it is all so cut and dry (says the father of a nursing student dealing with these courses).
I also disagree with your blanket statements about the professors and their liberal views.
I have a B.Sc. MBA, JD, LLM and have had many a right wing conservative professor spewing hate and a desire to reverse decisions of the Supreme Court dating back to Brown v. Board of Education.
I am a social liberal and these professors were to the right of Atila the Hun
Yehudayona……….
My mother Z”L died last year at 93 years of age. Whenever she was offered coffee by a waiter or host she’d reply: “I’m not old enough to drink coffee.” She never tasted it. My brother tasted it in April for the first time on his 70th birthday. My 67 year old sister has never tasted coffee.
I am typing this as I have my 8th cup of the day
How much time is too much time? When you were in high school you went to classes between 30 and 40 hours per week.
A full load in college is 15 hours of class time. For every hour of class time you need 3 hours study/prep/homework for a total of 60 hours per week.
I assume you had at least 10-15 hours per week of homework/study/prep in High School….so they are similar in time requirements.
As for travel time, that is a personal choice you have made, not the fault of the college. My youngest lives in a college dorm on campus. She can reach classes in 5 minutes.
I did a graduate degree about 10 years ago that required a 6 hour roundtrip drive twice a week for 18 months, but I wasn’t going to leave my family to live near the school.
60s
Male
Married
Old enough to predate the Chareidi or MO labels. OOT we were known as European Traditional. That meant, orthodox shul with Mechitza or balcony, kids went to day school then college and professional school with a year or two of post high school full time learning. Kosher homes (before the Glatt craze of the 70s using local butchers and bakeries). Married women covered their hair with wig or a hat outside the home. Shomer Shabbos.
Today, I think we would be known as MO (although I don’t consider myself modern) because we are content to live in small town mixed communities and do business in the mixed world.
In 140+ years this system has worked for our family in America
Avi K…
my answer is not meant to be an enigma. The problem is the choice of words used by the OP.
There is a difference between ‘successfully marry’ and having a successful marriage.
The mere completion of a legal marriage ceremony means that the participants have successfully married. They have accomplished the stated goal going from two single individuals to one married couple.
If, OTOH the OP meant is their only one person with whom each individual can have a successful long term marriage that is a different question.
dovrosenbaum…………..
If a family lives OOT and the 20 something child is attending medical, dental or law school the chances are that that child will not be living at home. Our children attended professional schools in major US cities with frum communities and amenities. They had apartments and had to cook and clean for themselves. It happens that sons 1&2 overlapped in one apartment. Daughters 1&2 occupied a condo in Brooklyn that we purchased for their grad school days.
The only commutable first rank law or medical schools that could have allowed living at home were at Yale. Having gone to a different IVY League U and Law school it was not what I wanted for them. The boys went to Harvard, the girls went to Penn. Daughter 3 is still in undergraduate school and in a dorm in NY.
Both MRS CTL and I went to college and prof schools and lived on our own. I guess our parents had more liberal attitudes than yours. Our family also doesn’t let children marry until education is complete and a professional license in place. Child 4 graduated Law School in December, took the Bar Exam (and passed B”H) and was married just before Pesach. This system works for us.
A man could successfully marry any available (and legal to marry) woman. The question is can the man maintain a successful marriage to any woman besides his bashert?
As a family law attorney, I see many men who successfully married but could not maintain the marriage for life.
I’ll skip question #1 because I don’t think one should combine the terms. They tell relative age and marital status, in fact the word ‘widowed’ is missing from marital status.
As for the female term for ‘guy’ it is ‘gal’
It’s been more than 45 years since I dated, but it was not important if I knew whether the girl could cook and/or bake before we dated.
My mother A”L taught all her children how to cook, bake and do laundry the summer of the child’s 8th year. Mother was an educator, off from work in the summer. She felt that both boys and girls needed to be self sufficient in the home.
Mrs. CTL knew how to cook and bake when we married, but we split duties according to our schedules. This year when she spent more than a month in the hospital I did not have to rely on family and friends for sustenance.
At her shvigger’s urging Mrs. CTL taught all 5 of our children to cook, bake and do laundry at similar ages. Since the older 3 maintained their own apartments as singles in graduate school these skills came in handy.