Ex-CTLawyer

I was in family court this morning to file a motion for a client. A self represented couple was there filing motions for custody of a 12 year old girl. The mother was dressed in see through cotton top that did not reach her pants waistline. The pants had cut slits at the thighs and behind. The father was in an old, but clean black suit with a white shirt and red tie.
The bailiff came to the mother before the judge entered and offered her a shawl to wrap around her top, the mother refused.
The judge entered. The couple was the 3rd motion to be heard. When the names were called the judge (female 60s) asked the wife if she thought her dress was appropriate for court, the wife replied ‘it’s summer’
The judge asked the wife if she’d let her 12 year old appear dressed the same way. The husband said the wife brought the daughter for supervised visitation and daughter was in the hall. Judge had daughter brought into the courtroom, Daughter was wearing a halter top, short shorts and flip flops.
Judge lectured wife that this might be appropriate for the beach, but not court or city streets.
Arguments continued for about 20 minutes. Judge awarded custody to the father, saying mother did not comprehend what is acceptable for a 12 year old to wear in public and questioned the mother’s judgment in general.

It’s not problematic, it’s just that none of these things were done for ‘babyproofing’

A child does not equal a baby…(going into the kitchen to get a serving piece, etc.)
I locked chemicals in my home when I was a single based on my parents’ methods. They started doing it when the youngest was already Bar Mitzvah and no grandchildren.

The fact that a baby might be safer because of these methods does not make it babyproofing.
For example, we never had gates on the stairs

A problem avoided OOT. Communities generally have one school and all are welcome. The greater Jewish community (non-frum) supports these schools though allocations from the local Jewish Federation.

By using the volunteer match portal…it’s a dot org
you can get to: Jewish Community Services offers the opportunity to serve your community through “Jewish Big Brother Big Sister Program”.

We never ‘babyproofed’ our home.
Setting and teaching boundaries early and watching the children closely avoids most problems.
That said there are certain safety items that are now building code. We just pulled an electrical permit for a little remodeling work. We were forced to bring the existing work to 2017 code requirements. Think meant that all electrical outlets had to be childproof. They are made so that a child can’t just stick something such as a paperclip into the socket and get shocked/electrocuted or start a fire.
Our kitchen has locking doors, and we keep them locked so no child or non-immediate family adult enters on their own,
We keep cleaning supplies and other chemicals (wasp/hornet spray for example) in locked cupboards.
Having 4 dogs we don’t keep breakable items out on tables

@bored
Where’s here?
I live in Connecticut and the Jewish cemeteries are not controlled by unions.
We have a family cemeteries on my Paternal side in both Queens and Suffolk counties that have union workers.
Decades ago when the cemetery workers were on strike in NYC, my cousins and I dug a grave in Mt Hebron Cemetery (Flushing) so a relative could be buried without being held in a morgue until the strike was over.

@lowerourtuition11210

OOT we don’t get hung up over the politics of hecksherim. If the shul Rav was eating, the Mesader Kedushin (my BIL) was eating Joseph was eating. Kashrus HaMakom is an important concept. I believe that if Joseph did not trust the kashrus at the CTL compound he’d have stayed in NY.

@Joseph
Yes, I spotted you during the dinner when I was walking my daughter form table to table to greet the guests.
You were enjoying a rack of beef ribs that I had smoked in our own smokehouse along with roasted in the husk Silver Queen corn on the cob grown in our own vegetable garden. I saw the remains of ratatouille also made with our own vegetables on your plate. I don’t think you had yet tried the Biltong, but Geordie613 said it reminded him of the good old days in South Africa.
You apologized for not shaking hands, but they were sticky from the bbq sauce on the ribs. You did rave about my MIL’s cole slaw recipe.
I overheard your remark about how nice it was to attend a chasunah that served beef and not chicken. I guess you had not yet been to the serving station where the chicken shish-kebabs over coucous were being served. Sorry you had to rush back to NY. This morning’s breakfast included both lox and whitefish that were also smoked in our smokehouse.
We have a grandson’s Bar Mitzvah planned here during sukkos….we look forward to seeing you again. Maybe you’ll arrange a van and bring a few of our CR friends. After all, if you eat by me, I expect the rest except KJChusid will as well.

Mazel Tov…………….
We’ll be with you in spirit, sorry we can’t attend as we’ll be dealing with Shevah Brochos this week.
We’ll drink to your son and new DIL and your joy as well

@DovidBT
My poetry has been written to/for my wife and daughters. I’d not feel comfortable posting them publicly

Personally, I prefer Yards, feet and inches to meters.

BUT I learned decades ago to write in Iambic Pentameter

@lowerourtuition

I tend to interchange purchase and drinking age as the same. Many states have specific drinking age exceptions for parents proving certain alcohol to their own children in their own homes.

@lowermytuition11210

You did not argue or bash ‘gift slinging’ you simply stated what you did not receive and did not give.

People must understand that NO gift can be a must. There are traditions, period. I have constantly advocated on the CR that people should live within their means and not go into debt.

I have worked hard for what we have amassed. We have also been fortunate to inherit things, not money. I never would have gone out and bought Mrs. CTL a 5 carat diamond ring. However she wears a stone of that size that my grandfather received in settlement of a debt in the 1930s. Some day, I expect it will adorn a grandson’s or great grandson’s wife’s finger.

We’re making our last daughter’s chasunah Sunday. No wedding palace and $200 per plate meal. It will be in our gardens by her choice. The cooking and baking has been done in our kitchens.

We are not and have never been in competition with our friends and neighbors. I remember many decades ago an old camp friend of Mrs. CTL making a snide remark because our eldest baby didn’t have a Perego carriage, but a no name carriage. About 6 years later, they called asking for the name of a good bankruptcy attorney.

Read the NYTIMES article I mentioned. 62 families of assorted Chassidus

@Joseph
I don’t think this SIL learned to be happy and enjoy finer things until her mother stopped interfering in SIL’s life. Her mother denigrated all the material things she could not afford and did not have.

My OMA told all her grandsons that if they wanted to know if they would be happy with a prospective bride over the years of marriage the boys should take a good look at the girl’s mother and maternal grandmother to see what they’d be living with over the years. We do become our parents in many ways

@ubiquitin
I gave an example of a wait for a specialist by my MIL…she’s in her late 80s, on Medicare…that single payer system
The Gerontologists only serve senior citizens, so they all are single payer (Medicare) patients. Again in a 50 mile in-state radius, the earliest appointment available was 4 months out.

This is a non-emergency room type visit. The delay is devastating. Without the evaluation, the secondary insurers will not authorize coverage by in-home health aides, durable medical equipment (walker, wheel chair, commode, etc). She can’t gain admittance to certain care facilities or day programs. Event the Town Senior Citizen transportation won’t serve her without the evaluation. Unfortunately, we watch her slide downhill every day. We have offered to pay for a number of these services/programs, but without the gerontologists evaluation there is no entry. (In terms of durable medical equipment, she is currently using items that belonged to my late mother A”H. They sat in our garage, because Goodwill won’t accept used DME.

@yekke2,
I’ll probably be bashed for this or called elitist or wealthy or out of touch with most members of the CR, BUT

I have found when people bash the gift ‘slinging’ it is because they do not have the means to do so.
When eldest brother got engaged, my future sister in law was vociferous about not liking sterling silver, a sentiment echoed over and over again by her mother. They were from simpler beginnings than us, as the parents were survivors with little formal education. When the kallah made the announcement, my mother told her: ‘in that case CTL and his future bride will get paternal grandparents’ sterling which is engraved with the family initial.’ SIL has seethed every yuntif at our home when she sees this on the dining table. For her 10th anniversary, My wife and AI bought her a set of sterling, trying to make peace. SIL also told my brother that she couldn’t have a diamond bigger than her married sister or mother. So she received a half carat stone while other brothers’ wives and Mrs. CTL got much larger stones (from the family yerusha). SIL never wears her ring, says rings bother her. Her daughters all got 2-3 carat stones when they were engaged, SIL had learned to enjoy better things during marriage.

@Joseph
Every family has different traditions
My wife took our daughters to have their sheitels made and paid for them, not the chassan
My eldest brother’s wife made a gift of the lechter for each of our children who has married
Each of our sons gave their kallah a diamond ring, granted the diamonds were family pieces that came out of our vault, but the boys paid for the setting and any additional side stones.
The boys purchased the kallah’s wedding rings. In fact, the mesader kedushin specifically asked the boys if they had paid for the wedding ring with their own money.

My sons already each had a shas long before they were engaged
Opa (my mother’s father A”H) bought each of my sons a talis when they became Bar Mitzvah. Because they followed my paternal Litvak tradition, they were packed away for use after marriage.
The kallah or her parents purchased Kittels for the boys.
Our daughters presented the chassan with a gold watch after receiving an engagement ring. These were watches that were family heirlooms.
It is our family’s tradition for the mother of the Chassan to present the kallah with a gold bangle bracelet for the engagement, and a long string of Pearls for the wedding.

B”H we are blessed with a treasure trove of inherited jewelry, crystal and sterling and it has been our pleasure to give each of the five couples a nice share of the yerusha.
This coming Sunday, our youngest I”H will wed.
Her chassan has purchased the engagement ring. He was presented with the gold watch that belonged to my wife’s late father. My daughter went with him and bought him a kittel, but he paid for his own Tallis. He had a Shas before they met. His parents gave my daughter diamond earrings as an engagement gift. They are moving into my MIL’s house, as it sits empty since she moved in with us this winter. I don’t know if they’ll end up there permanently, that will be their decision.

Going back to my great grandparents at the turn of the 20th Century in Brooklyn, it has been the custom of our family for the Kallah’s father to buy a set of furniture for the first apartment and to set the new SIL up in business. In my case, the Chassan and daughter will come work for the CTL firm. I hope that in 5-10 years when I retire the firm will be run capably by our children and spouses and eventually by our grandchildren.

Pence has impeachable actions as well

People have different minhagim.
In my family we wear white kippot only for the Yomin Noraim. The exception is for the chassan on his wedding day (with its fast, similar to a Yom Kippur Katan).
Over the years, at weddings and B’nai Mitzvah I (and my father before me have amassed a large collection of kippot that are stamped inside with the name of the celebrant(s) and the date of the simcha.
On Pesach, when guests arrive to our seder, they may often find a kippah from their, or their father’s Bar Mitzvah/wedding attached to their place-card. It brings a smile to their faces as they don this special Kippah for the evening.

@Joseph
Would you also allow consenting adults to have open heart surgery performed by a non-doctor?
Professionals have specific education, must pass licensing tests as well as character and fitness review before getting their license to practice law.

Tort Reform is far better handled at state level than through Congressional action. The vast majority of Tort actions take place in state courts. Those brought to Federal court because the Plaintiffs and defendants live in different states are still tried by a Federal judge apply state law where the alleged wrong was committed.

Some state have tort limits. Massachusetts severely limits the amount a charitable institution may be sued for, which is why virtually every hospital in Massachusetts is a non-profit charitable institution.

No Coke, Pepsi

@770Chabad
There is no such thing as ‘real Yiddish’
It is a language that picked up words as the people left Germany (ashkenaz) and moved east through Poland, The Baltic Sates and Russia. It picked up more word as the post 1871 waves of immigrants reached America.
Your Chasidische Yiddish is no more real than my Litvak Misnagid Yiddish.

As my Oma (my maternal grandmother) on the German side used to say. “Yiddish is a gutter language, spoken by the peasants from the east” I don’t agree with the word peasant, as plenty of upper income and intellectuals spoke Yiddish in Vilna and elsewhere, But it really is a corrupted dialect of middle German, just as Ladino (used by the S’fardim) is a dialect of 1400s Spanish.

Unlike French, which has an official language institute which must approve new words, Yiddish is ever changing and evolving.

I can remember my Litvak Great Grandfather cringing when listening to someone who substituted ‘P’ for ‘B’…I remember him asking one man: Tell me are you Jewish or a Galitzianer?

My Yiddish was learned in morning public high school which I attended before Yeshiva from 1-9 PM. It was one of 12 foreign languages offered at the time. The teacher, also taught Hebrew, and World History. He was born in Yerushalayim in the the 1930s, Chasid, came to America when the Yishuv ended, married a Modern Orthodox woman and taught public school for 30 years to afford to send his kids to yeshiva. He didn’t thibk that the Yiddish spoken by the Chabad Rabbis at the local Day School was the ‘real Yiddish’ it was Americanized Yiddish, his was Israeli Yiddish..3 generation removed from Poland,

@Jakob
No, the young couple with a car lease won’t have a $600 maintenance bill sneak up on them. Especially, since you have separately budgeted for oil changes which is the only regular maintenance item when you have a new car lease. The couple will not need a set of tires during the lease….
The things that pop up that need fixing with the exception of light bulbs and wiper blades will be under the manufacturer’s warranty. Some cars, even have bumper to bumper warranties.
My son leased a 2017 Hyundai Elantra for our eldest grandson: 36 months @$80 month plus taxes (sales and property in CT) total $115/month. 12,000 miles per year. Dealer through in all scheduled oil changes. All parts including bulbs and wipers are covered for the first year. The new vehicle warranty will outlast the lease.