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I should also note that the Agudah used to organize popular singles events where our bubbies and zaidees actually did get a chance to shmooze with the other gender.
Clairvoyent: “complete falsity”? I’m not talking about ‘stam shmoozing’. I’m talking about being able to approach a girl/guy and introduce oneself if one is single and interested in dating that person.
How do you explain the following pesukim?
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Are the gatekeepers of modern day reform shidduchim are creating the crises we are witnessing in our age?
I would choose the introvert. Although introverts may appear quiet or shy at first they are very sensitive, creative and intimate 🙂 In response to your last question there is no single middah tovah that would make someone beautiful in my eyes.. it’s all a package and a unified network of complex human personality that makes an overall impression. Indeed, Chazal and later Aristotle argue that virtues are unified, that its difficult to have one without the others..
why are you set on going to an online college? have you thought about going to an offline university?
StuffedCabbage: What you’re saying is very vague. What do you mean I can’t say it can work now a days? Does it seem to you like the system we have is working? Perhaps for the select few shidduchim that have been made, but what about the thousands of aging others who feel trapped by a system beyond their control? Saying that the system that the avos and imahos used and chazal implored us to emulate is “not for our generation” is like saying that shabbos is not for our generation, or kosher is not for our generation, or meseches kiddushin is not for our generation. If you’re going to be a reformer, fine, but at least be upfront about your laxity towards reform, and don’t treat the prevailing system of shidduchim like torah misinai.
It is a shame that it is considered taboo for girls and guys to talk directly to each other without an appointed intermediary these days in the frum community. This is a reform cultural invention that did not exist hundreds of years ago. The gemara writes about how girls used to out on certain days of the year dressed in white and mingle with guys to meet on their own. Look at how our avos and imahos met. The new reliance on shidduchim and rabbis to officiate the process is reform. It is oft-forgotten that the legislated dictum ‘”Lo tasur min hadavar asher yagidu lecha yamin u’smol” warns both against taking away laws and adding laws. Sometimes I feel like the shidduch system tries to impose new demands on young men and women without any source in Halacha. Perhaps this has (or had) good reason behind it, but it’s saddening when people act like its part of Halacha to get set up by a shadchan and go out for x amount of dates and make superficial demands. I feel bad for girls and guys of this generation because this is the system and they are in many ways forced to work within it, or told that they must as doing otherwise would be deemed scandalous or sacrilegious, while the system creates a crisis for them. I daven that the youth of next generations will be able to meet in the natural manner that Chazal intended, and the ascetic barriers and superficialities that have emerged in recent years will be recognized as what they truly are. Hadesh yamenu k’kedem!
I consider myself an intellectual learner, in school to pursue a career in one of those fields. It’s not that there are few of us, but that (at least from what I’ve experienced) we don’t get set up for some reason. The yeshivish crowd thinks you’re too modern because you are pursuing a college degree from a respectable secular university, and the more modern crowd thinks you’re too yeshivish because torah and mitzvos are a serious priority. I’m going to avoid a long tirade about how I think these attitudes are really hurting and splintering our community (100 years ago it was common – even strongly encouraged – for observant Jews to be osek in torah and an intellectual field, but now it seems it’s either one or the other). A lot of the problems have to do with the shidduch system and the way people are inappropriately stereotyped, which is in many ways reform in comparison to how our avos, imahos and ancestors met.